Chapter 23

Lanie

 

I opened my mouth, searching for air, but finding none. I’d been reduced to a frantically gulping fish. All I could do was stare at Andrew as the world around us turned apocalyptic.

Andrew stared back, his face pale and his features tight.

“How have you never met before?” my mother asked from next to me, her voice sounding miles away.

I kept my eyes on Andrew, too aware of the pounding in my ears. Did we say something? As in the truth?

I gulped, squeezing the sides of my chair. What would my parents say once they found out the man I was seeing was none other than my dad’s long-time friend?

Andrew cleared his throat, his eyes quickly jumping to my mother. “I honestly don’t know. It’s crazy.” Again, his gaze slid over to me, the tension in his shoulders unmistakable. “You don’t go by Elizabeth.”

He made it sound like an accusation.

“No,” my numb tongue responded. “Helena is my middle name, so, you know, Lanie.”

Andrew’s chest rose sharply with an inhale. “Right. It’s very nice.”

So we’re not going to say anything? I internally screamed. Are we just going to act like we don’t know each other?

Was that for the best? Or was Andrew staying mum because revealing our relationship would be too shameful?

“Andrew was kind enough to cohost tonight,” Dad said. His hand was on Andrew’s shoulder again, in the same spot that I’d come to love resting my own fingers. “Are you ready for the speech, Andrew? It’s in five minutes.” Dad laughed like he’d made some kind of joke.

Andrew’s throat worked up and down. “I should be fine.”

“Dad?” a familiar voice asked.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up as Raven approached, arms folded across her chest. That’s right. I’d completely forgotten Andrew was bringing Raven in my place to his event tonight, the event, it turned out, that was also my father’s.

My head spun, and I took a hasty drink of water.

Raven’s eyes went wide at the sight of me. “Miss Jacobs?”

My parents and Andrew all looked my way.

“You know each other?” Mom asked.

Over Raven’s shoulder, I quickly caught Andrew’s gaze. He still looked like a statue, his face flat, the only sign of life the desperation in his eyes.

Tell me about it, I wanted to say.

“She’s my school counselor,” Raven said, frowning, probably offended no one had thought to share this information yet.

“Right,” I smiled. “I know Raven from school.”

I looked Andrew’s way again, silently trying to ask him what we should do. My mom knew I was seeing an older guy, but until this moment, neither one of us knew that older guy was, in fact, my dad’s friend. And Dad himself? As Mom liked to put it, if he found I was so much as hanging out with a man in his forties, he would “freak out.”

But if Andrew was willing to bite the bullet and spill the news, then so was I. I’d been terrified of telling my father I was seeing an older guy, and this new revelation that Dad hung out with said older guy brought the stakes up a whole new level. There was no telling how my parents would react now.

But with Andrew standing by my side, it couldn’t be that bad. No matter what my parents said, at least I’d have him for comfort.

I lifted my chin, hoping my gaze somehow emoted all of this.

Without warning, Andrew turned away, putting his back to me. My heart dropped into my stomach and through the very floorboards, continuing until it left the planet.

“We should get up there,” he told Dad. “Raven, honey, take a seat.”

Without so much as a glance my way, Andrew left, Dad right behind him. Heat I’d never known filled my face, and I looked down at my wine glass. Had Andrew just snubbed me?

“Is it okay if I sit here?” Raven asked. “It’s a bunch of old people at my table.”

“Of course, honey,” Mom cheerfully responded, no doubt thrilled not to be considered an old person.

A chair scraped, and Raven took the seat right next to me. “This place is so big.”

I kept my eyes downcast, unable to lift them.

“Old too,” Mom answered. “It was built around the turn of the century.”

“Excuse me,” I blabbered, jumping up from my seat. “I need to use the powder room, the, uh, the restroom.”

“Powder room?” Raven laughed.

I didn’t answer. My butt was gone, my feet weaving a path across the floor and to the hallway running along the back of the ballroom.

I pushed the swinging door open and collapsed onto the sofa pressed alongside the wall. Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the cushions and tried to gather my thoughts. It was no use. They ran all over the place, little gremlins set free to enact destruction.

At the sound of the door opening, I looked over.

“Huh,” Raven said, hand on hip as she surveyed the little room connecting the door to the bathroom area. “I guess this does have a powder room. Fancy.”

I straightened up, afraid my freak-out showed on my face. “I like your dress.”

She glanced down at the pink, knee-length dress. “Thanks. It’s okay. Dad wanted me to wear it. Are you—?”

“I’m fine,” I responded, before realizing I probably answered too quickly.

“You don’t look it.” She plopped down on the couch next to me. “God, this place is so boring. Dad was all like, ‘There’s going to be puffed shrimp,’ like that’s all it takes to get me to go somewhere.”

My laugh hurt. I came into the bathroom to escape thoughts of Andrew.

Raven’s eyes narrowed. “He’s acting weird too,” she suspiciously said.

“He’s probably nervous.” I stood up and went to the mirror on the wall, getting away from her under the ruse of touching up my makeup, but then realized I’d left my purse at the table.

“Your dad knows him? Why are they hosting together?”

I stayed at the mirror, looking down at the counter. “Um, I guess they’ve known each other for years or something.”

“Huh. That’s weird.”

“Yeah.” Using the last bit of my energy to smile, I turned back to Raven. “You’re going to miss the speech. Don’t you want to get back out there?”

She didn’t budge. “Do your parents know about you and my dad?”

“Um.”

“Is that why you’re both acting all freaked out?”

Sighing, I threw in the towel. Trying to keep anything from Raven would be pointless. I already knew she’d dig and dig until she uncovered the truth. “My parents don’t know your dad and I know each other. They wouldn’t take it well.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Why?”

“Because.” I hesitated. Should I really be having this conversation with a seventeen-year-old?

“You’re too young for him,” she finished for me.

My shoulders fell. “Is that what you think?”

“No,” she quickly responded. “Jeez. But is that what your parents think?”

I twisted my golden bracelet around and around. I’d been so excited getting dressed for Andrew, thinking this night would only be one of fun and passion. “Yes. They would. They believe I should only be spending my time with people my age.”

“Well, that’s stupid.” Raven tossed her hair and crossed her legs, getting comfortable. Muffled applause crept under the bathroom door. It looked like we were missing the speech after all.

“I know,” I agreed. “But that’s their opinion.”

“So what?” she laughed. Catching sight of my face, her smile fell. “Oh my god. Do you seriously care what they think?”

I couldn’t help but bristle at that. Raven was smart and strong, but I had eleven years on her. I was her counselor. She was a teen struggling with her own issues. The advice-giving should have been a one-way street.

“It’s complicated,” I answered, harsher than I meant to.

She made a face. “Really, Lanie? Is it?”

The use of my first name irked me, probably because there might not have been a reason for us to get that close anymore. After the way Andrew ignored me, things weren’t looking good. There was a chance I might never see him or Raven outside of school again.

“My parents are very particular people,” I defended.

“Who cares? It’s your life. Your relationship.” Her eyebrows angrily pushed together. “And what about my dad? He’s a part of this too.”

“We haven’t had a chance to talk about it.”

“You should be honest. Isn’t that the advice that a counselor is always giving?”

Damn, she knew how to hit home. For an instant, I was given an insight into how bad her fights with Andrew must have been for him.

“Honesty is good in theory, Raven,” I slowly said. “But there’s a time and a—”

She was gone before I finished, letting the door bang shut behind her.

I closed my eyes, my fingers digging into my palms. As much as I wanted to direct my anger at Raven, I knew this wasn’t about her. I was frustrated over the whole situation. Confused. Hurt by Andrew’s reaction.

Truthfully, I could have misread that last part. Maybe he was feeling as worried as I was and needed some time to talk it over with me before making the next move.

Remembering that he asked me to come over later that night, I threw my shoulders back and headed into the ballroom. Things might have been crazy right then, but Andrew and I would figure it all out. Together.

Most of the guests still milled around, the dinner not fully underway yet. I searched the room for Andrew as I made my way back to the table, not exactly sure what I would say if our paths did cross.

Halfway across the room, I nearly walked right into him.

“Oh!” I shrieked.

His full lips parted. “Hi,” he breathed.

I swallowed hard. “Hi.”

Andrew blinked fast. “Listen ...”

“Dad.” Like she had a talent for doing, Raven appeared out of nowhere. This time she sidled right up to Andrew’s elbow. “I’m not feeling good. I threw up in the bathroom.”

My jaw dropped. I stared at Raven, unable to believe the lie—one which was undoubtedly not only meant to get her home early but meant to hurt me as well. She completely ignored me, acting like I wasn’t there and putting all her attention on her father.

Andrew took the bait, though. “You did?”

“Yeah.” She pressed her hand to her stomach and made a pathetic face.

Andrew’s gaze jumped between her and me. “Sorry,” he told me. “It looks like we have to go.”

“You finished your hosting duties?” I croaked.

“Yeah,” he slowly answered. Our gazes lingered on each other, and there was so much going on in his eyes, I wanted to cry.

“Dad,” Raven moaned. “I think I’m going to throw up again.”

“Okay.” He touched her shoulder. “Let’s go.” Another apologetic look got tossed my way, making me feel like a dog begging for the scraps that were Andrew’s attention.

“I’m sorry,” he told me again as he walked off.

I jerked my head in agreement, and they were gone, leaving me surrounded by strangers.

With heavy limbs, I took my seat next to Mom.

“Where did you go?” she pleasantly asked.

“I was talking to people.”

Her diamond bracelet caught the light as she took a drink of champagne. “That’s nice.”

The appearance of some woman who kissed Mom on the cheek and started a conversation right away saved me from having to explain any further. Reunited with my clutch, I pulled my phone out and discreetly typed a text under the table.

That was crazy. I’m sorry. I’m going to try to get out of here within the hour. Is that a good time for me to come over?

I sent the text to Andrew, relieved that we’d be alone soon. All I needed was his touch, the feel of his firm chest, and I’d be all right. We’d figure this out together.

The woman left, and Mom turned back to me. “Did you see your father’s speech? He was so regal up there.”

“He always is,” I pleasantly answered, dodging the question.

“And Raven seems like a nice girl. That’s so funny that she goes to your school. It’s such a small world.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Just keep nodding and smiling, I reminded myself.

“You know, Lanie, it’s wonderful you came tonight. And what’s more, you put your father before a date. I’m very proud of you. Of course, if the relationship with this man was truly going somewhere, that would be a different matter.”I tuned out as she prattled on. I’d heard this speech before. There wasn’t going to be anything new in it.

When she became engaged in a conversation with the waiter, I snuck another peek at my phone. The sight of a text from Andrew made my heart jump. Pulse pounding away, I quickly unlocked the phone.

Raven is still not feeling well, so tonight is not good. I’m sorry. Let’s talk tomorrow.

Nausea rose in my chest—real nausea, not the fake kind like Raven had.

“She’s lying!” I wanted to write back. “She hates me for not saying anything!”

Fingers shaking, I put the phone away. Andrew was not the only one to blame here. We were both silent on the matter.

But, just as I’d tried to explain to Raven, didn’t we have a right to be that?

Feeling more awful than I had all night, I stayed planted in my seat, lost in my private, sad world while all the joy I couldn’t feel continued on around me.