Wuss. I was a total fucking wuss. It’s been a week since the last time I’d seen Lan. If I wasn’t hunting down Miller, I was back out in the field doing surveillance on a new case the sarge at the station gave me. He’d also asked me how Lan was enjoying his time off. He’d been surprised when I said I didn’t know anything about it. Like all of them at the station, they thought we spent all our time together. It wasn’t like I lived with the guy.

Nope, instead, I was being a dickhead.

He’d kissed me. So what?

The longer I left time between the moment, the more I felt like a goddamn motherfucker.

“Huh, wonder if this was how Knife felt,” I mumbled to myself after taking another pull of the bottle.

“You talkin’ about me to yourself? About how amazin’ I am? Sorry, brother, I’m one hundred percent taken,” Knife, the grinning fool, said as he took a seat next to me at the bar.

Ignoring him, I asked, “Who’s on tonight?”

He sighed. “Nurse is with Lan tonight. My guy, Dallas, and Handle are out hunting.”

I’d taken the night off hunting because Dodge warned me if I didn’t have a goddamn chill night and got the “I’m gonna kill you” look off my face, he’d take it off for me. Apparently, I’d been an even bigger arse since what happened.

“You gonna spill?”

“Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” With a tight grip on the neck of the bottle, I swung it up and downed the rest of the beer.

“So you muttering something about wondering if this was how Knife felt has nothing to do with your murderous looks and mood?”

Fucking cunt heard.

“Nope.”

“You’re a dickhead,” he clipped.

I snorted. “Been told that many times before.”

“Can I guess what happened?”

“Sure, why not?” I doubted he’d get it.

He leaned closer, and whispered, “Lan kissed you when he was high, and you freaked out over it.”

I froze with the new beer Fang had slid my way halfway to my mouth. Out the corner of my eyes, I looked to see him grinning.

He chuckled. “Got it in one, didn’t I?”

Slowly, I placed the bottle back down, clasped it between my two hands and stared at it.

His laughter stopped. “Why’s it so bad? You hate him for it?” I glared at him. “What? You worried it’s gonna fuck things up between you two now you know he thinks you’re hot?” I narrowed my eyes even more. Knife rolled his. “Come on, I might be newly gay, but even I could tell by the way he looks at you sometimes. He’s attracted to you, and now you know it. Is that the problem? You don’t want to know it? Gonna make it awkward between you two?”

None of it was right. He didn’t fuckin’ know how screwed up in the head I was because all I could fucking think about was Lan and his lips against mine.

Fucking motherfucker.

That isn’t me. I shouldn’t be doing that. It isn’t me, dammit.

I snarled out, “Just shut the fuck up. You don’t know shit.”

He laughed heartily then. Yeah, my words were stupid since he’d know more than anyone. Knife slapped the counter. “Fang, hit me up.” Fang gave him a chin lift. Knife turned his attention back to me and shook his head. “Yeah, you know I know more about the situation than anyone. I just want to know why it’s got you in knots.”

“I don’t want shit to change.” I didn’t. I wanted to go back to what we were before his lips touched mine. He could continue his thing with Easton, and I’d stick to one-night stands with women. Women were it for me, and that’s all I’d ever want.

He nodded. “I can understand that. Look, I’m sure Lan is kicking himself for kissing you in the first place. Besides, I don’t think it’d matter too much in the end. Not since he’s got his Easton back in his life.”

My jaw clenched.

“Hmm,” Knife muttered.

“I goddamn hate it when people do that. Just fuckin’ say what you’re thinkin’, arsehole.”

“Nothin’.” He smirked. “Nothin’ at all.” He took a sip of his beer. “But I will say, don’t let things change if you don’t want it to. Act normal, like it never happened.”

“Is it that simple?”

“Sure.”

“And how long did it take for you to realise that with Beast?”

He whistled. “Low blow, man. I thought we were friends. Yes, I freaked way the fuck out, but that was also because I liked what Beast showed me. It was a shock to my system when I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about it and wanted to try a taste of it again.”

Was that why…? Nope, fuck that thought right in the face.

“So just act like it didn’t happen.”

“Yep.” He nodded.

I could do that. Shit, I had to do it. I worked with the guy and wanted the awkward stage passed before he got back on the job.

“Right.” I stood, grabbed my wallet, and slapped some bills to the counter.

“Where are you goin’?” Knife asked.

“Gonna go act like it never happened and see how Lan’s doin’.”

He punched me in the arm. “Good luck, brother.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I think.

My fucked-up gut turned and twisted as I got closer to Lan’s front door. It was late. Maybe he’d be asleep and I wouldn’t have to see him. I’d give Nurse a message I was there, and then at least Lan’d know I’d tried.

Goddamn, I felt pathetic.

All because he’d kissed me.

Sighing, I sucked in a deep breath and knocked on the front door. I heard heavy footsteps grow close and was sure my bloody heart beat just as loud, and then faster, only to then stop when the door swung open. Once spotting Nurse, it chimed back into its normal rhythm.

“Hey, man.” Nurse grinned and stepped back.

I hesitated for a moment and then walked through. Glancing around, I couldn’t see Lan anywhere. “Thought I’d pop in, see how things were,” I said.

“All good and quiet here. Lan’s in his room on the phone.”

“Not a problem. I do gotta head off again, but I was in the area.” In the damn area? Lan lived out in the fucking sticks. How was that in the area?

“Sure,” Nurse drew out.

I cleared my throat. I acted like a wanker. “Might just pop my head in his door, wave, and then head off.”

“Not a problem. Got my girl comin’ soon. We’re gonna watch Hotels from Hell. That Ramsey guy is a riot.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “He is.” Whoever he was. “Be back in a tick.”

He shot me a chin lift and went back to the couch. I strode down the hall. Nearing the end, I heard Lan say, “Yeah.”

His door was closed most of the way. Of damn course I thought it’d be all right to push it open a little, ready to just stick my head in, but I paused.

I didn’t just pause. I locked solid. Shit, even my pulse stalled.

“Fuck, yes,” Lan groaned low.

My eyes grew at the sight in front of me and my face heated. Laying back on his bed, boxers down low on his hip, Lan had his cock in hand while staring at something on his phone.

He jerked his cock up and down in a steady pace.

“Show me,” a husky male voice said over the phone. Easton.

Lan tilted the phone down, so the screen would only show his hand tugging his cock.

Why wasn’t I moving?

Why in the fuck wasn’t I moving?

I’d never wanted to watch that type of thing before.

Why in Christ wasn’t I backing away?

“Close,” Lan groaned.

“Me too,” I heard Easton say.

Holy fuck. They were jerking off for each other.

My gut tightened.

My goddamn dick twitched behind my jeans.

Why?

Someone needed to fucking explain to me why the fuck I felt a sudden pulse of desire.

“Now,” Lan clipped and then, just as a moan sounded from the other end of the phone, I got a clear view of his cum shooting out and landing. “Parker.” My name was cried out in shock.

My body jolted, I glanced up and clashed with Lan’s gaze.

“What do you mean Parker?” Easton asked on the other end. “I knew we were starting things too early. I shouldn’t—”

“East, don’t. Please, just wait.” Lan grabbed a tee from the bed and wiped at his stomach. He swung his legs over to the side, and that was when I started moving. I backed up again and again. “Don’t,” Lan growled out.

Turning, I bolted down the hall into the living room, I called, “See ya.” On the way to the door, Nurse called something, but I didn’t hear a damn thing. My ears rang in my head, my heart raced to tear its way out of my chest and my gut turned. I felt like I was going to throw up.

This was way worse than the damn fucking kiss.

I slammed the front door on my hasty retreat and jogged to my car.

“Parker,” was yelled. I glanced up at the house to see Lan on the porch. “If you fuckin’ leave right now, I’ll goddamn…. Screw it, I’ll do something really shitty.”

I unclenched my jaw to snarl, “You think I goddamn care?”

He didn’t say anything, but then we heard a car coming down the road. Nurse walked out the front door, headed my way just as the car pulled into Lan’s driveway. Starr waved from the driver’s side.

Nurse skipped past me, and called, “Later, brothers.”

Stunned, I watched him open the passenger door and when I called out for him to wait—since he was supposed to be Lan’s backup that bloody night—he slammed the car door shut and Starr started backing out of the driveway.

I glanced at Easton’s house. Dodge had said something about one of the brothers minding his house while Easton was out of town on family business as payback for helping Lan out.

Before I could even make my way over there, Lan called out, “Gamer’s not there. Gone out with one of his women. Won’t be back until late.”

No one occupied it, which meant I could hide out there and watch Lan’s place from afar. It also meant I didn’t have to deal with a fucking awkward conversation.

“Get in the damn house, Parker. Don’t be a chicken shit.”

I swung my narrowed gaze to his just as pissed one. We stood glaring at each other for a few moments more.

Christ. I had to man the hell up sooner or later.

Wished it’d be later, but I was stuck there now.

Cursing, I slammed my door closed and stomped towards the house.