As I watched them all, I couldn’t help but notice I was missing out. Nope, fuck that shit. I wasn’t missing out. I didn’t need anyone else. I didn’t want a relationship. I liked to screw every now and then. That was it.

Easton grinned at the brothers as they came up to meet him from where he stood with Lan at the barbeque. He seemed at ease, but I was sure he would be panicked about meeting them. Hell, he probably was underneath it all. The brothers were good people though; they’d put him at ease. Lan knew it, which was no doubt why he’d organised such a huge gathering. Then again, it could have been the women taking over that did it all.

They would have thought it’d be easier to throw Easton in the deep end and see how he’d float with the pressure. From what I could tell, it looked like he was surviving.

“Handsome, I’m gonna go get another drink. You want one?”

“Sure,” I slurred and nodded to Bonny. She unglued herself from me and swayed her hips over to the Esky. Why in the fuck did I decide to bring her? Oh, that was right. I thought she could be a good buffer between me, Lan, and Easton. I wanted to come, but I didn’t want to have to talk to them much.

Why?

Because they were all I could goddamn think about. Even as I’d fucked Bonny hard before arriving, I’d been thinking it was Easton while Lan watched. As she’d sucked me off before we got into the fucking, I’d pictured it was Lan, and nearly blew my load from being overexcited about it.

What was wrong with me?

Why in the fuck did I have those images in my head?

Why did they excite me?

Christ, I was half tanked yet still managed to get a semi-hard cock over them.

How had they changed me?

Not that I was ready to admit the change. I still held out for something else. Something… normal. Thinking I wanted two guys wasn’t normal. Thinking of guys instead of women in a way that was more than just a screw, wasn’t normal. Not for me.

I wanted normal, yet I couldn’t picture myself with a wife. Hell, and being with a woman long enough to want her as a wife was not on my radar.

But I could imagine something with them. My fucked-up head had imagined waking, sleeping, and walking around the same house together, as if we were all together in the same relationship.

Cursing, I scrubbed a hand over my face and glanced away from Lan and Easton to see Bonny flirting with a brother. Did it bother me? Not in the slightest. Instead, regret punctured my gut for even bringing her there. She was a club bunny. She’d never be anything else, and I’d pushed her on the women. The good women of the club. Fuck, only pricks did that.

I glanced over at Nary, which brought me to thinking of Josie. When she used to share my apartment with me, I hadn’t been around much, having spent a lot of my time undercover on cases. The times I had been there, though, I’d thought of trying something with Josie. That was until I realised she deserved more. Even her, a good woman, one of the best and I couldn’t consider having anything more beyond screwing. Damn glad to know and see she got her happily ever after with her guys.

My eyes drifted, but they always went back to the one spot.

Lan and Easton.

Lan had his hand on Easton’s shoulder saying something with a smile. Whatever it was caused Easton to throw his head back and laugh.

Fuck. Even now I want to go over there and be a part of it. I want to stand with them, smile and laugh with them. Touch them like they do each other. With a gentle brush of fingers or a knock of the hip.

Why did I want that?

Suddenly, Liam was in front of me. “Quit glaring at them.”

I snorted. “What the hell you talkin’ about?”

“Only been here a short time, but in that time, all you’ve done is watch them and glare. What is your damn problem now? I thought things were sorted? I thought you’d come back and got yourself together. What’s going on in your head, Parker?”

“Here you go, handsome.” Bonny appeared at our side, holding out a beer to me.

Liam took the beer, glared down at her, and said. “Leave us for a moment.”

“But—”

“Now,” he demanded roughly.

“Fine,” she snapped. “I’m going, Parker. You haven’t spoken to me since we’ve been here anyway.” She waited. Was I supposed to say something? She sucked in a sharp breath. Leaning in, she said, “You know, I totally faked my orgasm before.”

“Bitch, like I give a fuck. I got off. That’s all that mattered, and I’d heard you’d just come from Elvis’s room anyway.”

“You—”

Liam stepped in front of her. “Leave now.”

She huffed, spun, and stomped off. Unfortunately, she’d gained the attention of people on her way, and they looked back over to me. I clenched my jaw when I saw Lan and Easton on their way over.

I wasn’t ready for them.

With a wave, I announced, “Just remembered I have to be somewhere. Gotta go.”

I was already near the side gate when I heard Liam say, “I’ll make sure he gets home.”

Once out front I realised I didn’t have a ride. Since I’d been drinking at the compound earlier, Bonny had driven us over.

“You’re stuck with me,” Liam said, coming to stand at my side.

“You gonna lecture me all the way back?”

“Probably.” He nodded.

“Hey,” was called. We looked back, and a guy jogged towards us. “Need company?” he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

Liam smiled fondly at him. “Parker, overprotective Damien. Damien, the detective Parker.”

“Ah, that Parker.” His hand came out and we shook. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

He faced Liam and winked. “Maybe next time you leave with a guy that looks like he wants to kill some people… no offense,” he said to me, then back to Liam, “warn me it’s all kosher and I won’t freak the hell out.”

Liam chuckled. “Got it.” He grabbed the back of Damien’s neck, tugged him close, and kissed him. It wasn’t just a quick peck either, but for the life of me, I couldn’t look away. Nor could I resist wondering what it would be like to do that to Lan or Easton.

Fucking hell.

Liam moved slightly back. “I like seeing you worry for me.”

Damien grinned. “Don’t be long.”

“I won’t.” He stepped back and gestured with his hand to a sleek Mercedes. “I just have to knock some sense into Parker.”

Rolling my eyes, I shot him the middle finger and went to the car since I didn’t want to ask anyone else for a lift. No chance was I heading back inside.

Liam whispered something else to Damien and then came over to the car, hitting the unlock button. I got in and relaxed back in the seat, closing my eyes, and hoped he would just leave me and my pounding head alone.

“Seat belt,” Liam ordered.

Groaning, I opened my eyes to grab the belt and click it in. Once again, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

Liam started the car and pulled out of the drive.

“Need to know where you live.”

I told him and then shut up.

Liam sighed. “What’s going on, Parker?”

“Why should I talk to you about it? Why should I talk about it at all?”

Liam laughed. “Like bottling it up is helping you. You’ve shared some with me before. I thought a recap with me on the matter again would be good for you.”

Opening my eyes, I stared out the window and said nothing.

“Parker?”

I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes tightly. “It’s not normal,” I whispered into the car. “I’m fuckin’ thirty-six years old, I should want to settle down with some woman, but I don’t. I can’t see myself married. I don’t want to get married.” I liked fucking them, but that was about it. I never went to a woman wanting a conversation about anything. I had Lan for that.

“What do you want?”

My baby brother would probably be ashamed of what I thought I wanted. The bitch who birthed me would definitely hate it.

“Something normal,” I clipped.

“What’s normal to you?”

“A man and a woman.”

“So you’re saying I’m not normal because I love two people at the same time? Two people who make me want to live, who cause me to laugh, smile, and enjoy each day?” I rolled my head his way to see him shake his head. “These days normal isn’t set in stone. Women love women. Men love men. Who’s the judge that says a person can’t love two or more people at the same time? Who has the right to dictate how a person should love or decide what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s normal? No one but themselves. To me, it’s normal to love Liberty and Damien. They think it’s normal also. Damien’s sister thinks it’s normal to love her two men, as I’m sure Josie does as well.”

He didn’t understand. I didn’t care people chose that life. “It doesn’t bother me how you live or love. Not for any of you, never for any of you, but for me.”

He looked over at me, then back to the road. “Because in your scenario it’s two guys?”

Just say it, dickhead.

“Yes.” Groaning, I leaned forward and dropped my head into my hands. “I don’t understand how two guys can interest me when I fuckin’ never wanted that in the first place. It’s fucked up.”

“For Damien, he told me once when we first kissed, it was like a switch flicked on inside of him. I’m sure it would be the same for you. What would you think if I kissed you right now?”

I straightened and turned his way. “I wouldn’t be for it.”

“Why?”

“Shit, I don’t know. You’re not it for me. You don’t….”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t get me excited.”

“But Lan and Easton do?”

I thinned my lips.

“Parker?”

“Yes, they do. They goddamn do.” I growled under my breath in frustration. “I can’t stop thinkin’ about them. It’s fuckin’ insane.”

Liam laughed. “It’s not insane. You’re discovering something new, but doing it with two men. There’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with you.”

“What in the fuck am I supposed to do with this? How do I sort my head out?”

Liam shrugged. “You could find someone to move on with and forget them. However, I have a feeling your mind won’t let that happen until….”

“Until what?” I demanded roughly.

“Until you test things with them.”

“What?” I barked.

“I don’t think I have to go into detail with what I mean.” He grinned.

He didn’t, but I wasn’t sure if I could do that.

Although, if it meant I’d sort my head out and stop these thoughts… feelings, then it could be an idea. Maybe. Fucked if I knew.