Chapter 17

Ashley

I had a lot of reading to do, which was going to require copious amounts of coffee. Coffee and liquor. I added a dollop of Irish cream to my coffee to calm my nerves while giving me a little boost of energy. It was a complete contradiction, but I needed both to get through this next hour or so. I wasn’t much of a day drinker, but I figured it was close enough to dinner that I wasn’t breaking any rules. I had made the rule anyway, so I could certainly override it when I wanted.

I opened the file filled with various loan documents and other information about my dad’s farm. Janna had managed to sweet talk the bank manager into giving us the paperwork on my dad’s mortgage. She’d offered to go through it all with me and apply her business sense, but I told her it wasn’t necessary. I was a little ashamed of the situation. Plus, I didn’t want to burden her. I didn’t want to make my problems her problems.

Janna had her own life to get back to. She was heading back early tomorrow morning and had opted to stay in town at a small bed and breakfast. She said she didn’t want to intrude. I didn’t blame her for wanting to escape. I was feeling a little stir crazy as well. The house had been chaotic and this was supposed to have been a getaway for her. She deserved a little time to rest and relax before she headed back to the city and into the fray of our business.

I took a sip of my coffee and then dragged in a long breath, preparing myself for what I was about to discover. I started with the summary page, but I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I reread it several times, making sure I wasn’t reading it wrong. It had to be wrong. There was no possible way the numbers could be right. Someone had to have added an extra zero or two. First, I couldn’t believe the land was worth that much, and second, I couldn’t believe my dad owed that much.

“Holy shit,” I muttered as I read through each of the pages and the terms of the equity loan. Someone had truly screwed my dad over. That pissed me off, but I was even angrier with my dad for not paying attention. How could he have signed the loan without reading it more carefully? He was going to lose everything!

I considered calling Janna to come back and help me sort through everything but this was my problem, not hers. I couldn’t suck her into my family’s drama any more than I had.

“That looks serious,” Dad said, coming into the kitchen to sit down.

I resisted the urge to say something snide. “It is serious,” I muttered.

He picked up a few pages, but he didn’t actually read anything. He flipped through them and dropped them back down on the table.

“Dad,” I said in a serious tone, “look at this.” I spread my arms wide to encompass the table filled with papers.

He shrugged. “I see it.”

“Dad! This is bad! You owe a quarter of a million dollars!”

He nodded, looked a little embarrassed, but said nothing.

I put my face in my hands. I didn’t know what to say. This was unreal. He couldn’t possibly think it was just going to go away. It was then I realized that he truly didn’t care.

“Dad,” I started again.

“Ashley, listen. Let me explain. I know it’s bad. Trust me, I know. I don’t need you to lecture me. Remember, I’m your father. Afford me the respect I’m due.”

“I’m sorry, Dad. I am. I didn’t mean to come off as disrespectful. I guess I’m trying to understand what’s happening here,” I said in a softer tone.

He sighed. “Ashley, I don’t have health insurance. I thought I did, but it turns out I didn’t. I tried to buy a policy, but it was a joke. I had to pay out of pocket for my medical bills. Chemotherapy, surgery, and doctors aren’t cheap. I didn’t have a lot of options.”

I choked back a sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you dealt with it all alone. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want to burden you. You have your own life. I knew you didn’t want to come back here.”

“I would have come back to help.”

He shrugged. “There were plenty of times you could have come back. You didn’t. You avoided this place like the plague.”

He was right. I had, and I couldn’t blame him for not calling me for help. I hadn’t exactly been the best daughter. I didn’t call often and I never visited. I had all but abandoned him, assuming my sisters and brother would take care of him. I still couldn’t believe none of them had any idea of what he had been dealing with. It infuriated me to know they lived five minutes away and didn’t know he was struggling.

“What about Hank? Why didn’t you ask him for help or at least let him know what you were facing?”

“I don’t want to be a burden on my children. I’m supposed to help you, not the other way around.”

“I think the whole family dynamic thing works both ways. We’re supposed to help each other,” I said softly.

“Ashley, I’m a proud man. I hate asking for help. I probably would have been okay if that first round of chemo had worked, but hell, this damn cancer just put a wrench in all my plans.”

I fought back tears, but it was futile. They silently flowed down my cheeks. I felt an enormous amount of guilt and pain for my own cowardice that had left my dad here all alone. He and I had a special relationship. In many ways, we were closer than him and any of my other siblings, even if I was the farthest away. I should have known something was wrong.

I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. I had no idea. I was incredibly selfish. I should have checked in. I should have come home for Christmas. I didn’t mean to abandon you, Dad. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t take this all on your shoulders. It isn’t your burden. I made the choices knowing the risks. Don’t take this on. I don’t need my daughter bailing me out of trouble. This is my mess,” he said with firmness.

A thought crossed my mind. “Dad, you know I wasn’t running from you, right? It was the idea of being trapped. If I could have you, the farm, and the city all in one bundle, I would love it.”

He chuckled. “I don’t think it works that way. You have to make some compromises. I know why you ran. I was young once. You get that wild streak from me,” he said with a grin. “I knew you had to figure things out for yourself. When you do, you will find what makes you happy. Whether that’s here or in New York is for you to decide, but don’t you dare let me influence your decision. You make it based on what you want, not what you think is best for me.”

I wiped my cheeks. “Thank you for being so understanding. I’m here now. I’m going to figure this out. Don’t you worry about anything except getting better. You beat the cancer; I’ll handle the financial side of things. There are programs that will help with the medical bills. I’ll get in touch with some folks and see what kind of help we can get.”

“You do whatever you think is best, but don’t do it for me. I’ll be okay, Ash. Really, I will. I don’t need this big ol’ farm and the big house. I never intended to live out my days here alone. Your mom and I had always assumed one of you kids would take over and we would travel or retire to some condo. Kind of ironic that’s what will be built here when the farm is gone,” he said with a small smile.

“No. I am not going to let that happen. I will fight that tooth and nail,” I said vehemently.

He smiled. “I’m going to go out and play with Jasper. I sure do like having him around. He is a joy to have, and just seeing him makes me feel a little better every day.”

“Good. Go relax. I got this,” I told him with a confidence I didn’t feel.

He leaned down and gave me a hug around my shoulders. “Thank you, Ashley. I appreciate you trying, but please don’t get too caught up in this. You have to take care of yourself and your son. This is my problem.”

“I know, Dad.”

He walked out of the kitchen and through the screen door. Once he was gone, I went to my room and grabbed my laptop. I needed to figure out what kind of help I could offer. I refilled my coffee and went a little heavier on the Irish cream this round. It was about to get real.

I pulled up my bank information and checked my savings account first. Then I checked my business accounts. I was still not going to make it. I checked the clock and knew it was a little late, but I needed to call my money manager. I had invested money a few years back and left it in his care. He always sent me updates, but I never paid attention. I figured if I did know, I would get comfortable. I didn’t want to know how much money I had. When it came time to send Jasper to college or for me to retire, I would be pleasantly surprised—I hoped.

My dad knew I was good with money management. My siblings had always spent money as fast as they got it. I had been the hoarder. Whenever one of them needed a loan when we were kids, they all came to me. It had been a running joke in the family.

When I got out on my own, I had been extremely frugal. I think I lived off the bare minimum for years. Having a baby without any financial help was not easy, but I was proud to have managed to do it without going into horrible debt. I bought with cash only for most things. I had two credit cards but rarely used them. When I did, I paid them off. My credit was stellar. If needed, I knew I could probably get a loan to cover the cost to keep the farm.

My biggest problem was deciding what to do. How much money did I want to invest in a farm I wasn’t going to live on? My hopes of buying a home for Jasper and myself in New York would be dashed if I did this. I could make more money and invest more aggressively. Jasper and I could live in my loft a few more years.

I heaved a heavy sigh after getting off the phone with my money man. He was going to have to do some checking and promised to get back to me tomorrow or Monday.

I could wait. In the meantime, I needed to spend time with my dad and maybe try to get some shots that I could sell. Every dollar was going to count at this point.