Chapter 7

Ashley

The morning was beautiful. I loved the warm air untainted by overpopulation. Jasper was loving every minute at the farm.

“Let’s go over here, Mom,” Jasper said, pointing to a spot on the edge of the cornfield. “Grandpa says he turns the dirt there a lot so there should be some good rocks there.”

I smiled. “Go for it. I’m going to take some pictures. I can see you from here.”

He took off running, clutching his little box of rocks in both hands. I grabbed my Nikon and started snapping pictures of him running toward the cornfield. It was beautiful. The photos may not be worth anything to buyers, but they would be precious to me. I couldn’t wait to have one printed, framed, and hung up on my dad’s wall. The farm through the eyes of a child would be perfectly captured. I just knew it.

I spent some time photographing Jasper’s special rocks when he asked, and when he wasn’t demanding my attention, I pointed my lens at the landscape. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe I had walked away from all of this. It was absolutely stunning. I couldn’t wait until sunset. The sun setting behind the corn would make a spectacular picture.

Despite being on a somewhat forced vacation, I still needed to sell some pictures. Landscapes were always a big hit. A little money to help cover the bills while I was here would certainly help out.

I heard a truck rumbling up the drive and turned to see who it was. It wasn’t like my dad got a lot of visitors out here. The home-care nurse had left a little bit ago, and she wasn’t due back until tomorrow. My siblings were at work. For some reason, I knew it was not going to be a pleasant visit. I stood in front of Jasper, blocking him from view with my body.

“Oh shit,” I murmured.

“Mom! You said a bad word!” Jasper said in an accusing tone.

Damn straight I did. It was Brock. I’d heard people say their lives flashed before their eyes in moments of crisis. I now knew exactly what that meant. My life as I knew it evaporated the moment I saw Brock climb out of that big truck of his.

Jasper stood up and came to stand beside me.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.

Brock stalked across the yard, his stride long and purposeful. He was obviously on a mission.

“What are you doing here?” I went on the offensive, hoping to stop him from coming close.

It didn’t stop him. His eyes were focused on Jasper. I could see him inspecting every feature. He had to recognize the hair that was just like his own, the dark blue eyes that resembled his. Jasper was tall for his age but a little stocky. I imagined Brock was the same when he was a young boy.

“Mom,” Jasper whined. “Who is that?”

Brock was standing in front of us, looking at Jasper and then at me. I could practically see him figuring it all out. I had no idea how he would react when he knew for sure.

“Jasper, go inside and check on Grandpa, please,” I instructed, not wanting my son to hear something I wasn’t prepared to explain just yet.

Jasper looked at me and then back at Brock. “Okay,” he said.

Once Jasper was out of earshot, Brock looked at me. “Yours?”

His breath was coming fast and his normally tanned skin had paled a few shades.

I nodded.

“How old?” His voice was strained, as if he had been screaming for the last twenty-four hours.

This was the final nail in my coffin. I knew that, but I had promised myself I would be honest. No more hiding. No more running away from my past.

I cleared my throat and looked down at my feet. “Five.”

He was quiet for a few minutes.

“Five?” He choked on the word. “Five?” he repeated.

I nodded my head in affirmation, unable to meet his eyes. This was my day of reckoning, and it was turning out to be as bad as I had feared. This was why I had stayed away, and clearly, I had been a coward for good reason.

I watched him draw the right conclusion. My heart ached as he put two and two together. He looked at me with disappointment, hurt, and then pure anger.

“Is—”

I stopped him. “Yes.”

I knew what he was going to say. It was the question I’d been dreading for five long years, the one I’d known I would have to answer one day. I had hoped it could be over the phone or through email. I hadn’t wanted to see his face when he found out he had a son.

He took a step back. It was as if I had kicked him. Pain crossed his face, and I knew what I had done. I had robbed him of those precious years. I hadn’t trusted him enough to give him the chance to be a father.

“Why, Ashley? Why would you keep him from me?”

I shrugged. I didn’t have an answer worth giving.

“Did you know? That day, when you ran out on me, did you know you were pregnant?” he asked, his voice laced with grief.

“Yes.”

Once again, I had managed to shock him.

“You knew you were pregnant with my child and you ran away without telling me? I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

“It was complicated,” I said, knowing it was a weak answer but not knowing how else to explain my actions back then.

“Did your family know?”

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t tell anyone until after Jasper was born. They never asked the question, but I think they knew who the father was.”

He was staring out at the cornfield, his shoulders heaving up and down with ragged breaths.

He jerked around. “Did you think it was another man’s baby? Is that why you left? You were afraid I would find out?”

“No! There was never a doubt who the father was. You were the only possible option.”

He raised one of those bushy brows, questioning me. “Why should I believe you?”

“You don’t have to believe me. None of that matters,” I shot back. “Think about what you want.”

He stepped forward, towering over me. “I want to meet him. You owe me that. I deserve to know my son.”

“I do owe you that, and yes, you do need to meet him, but he is five. He doesn’t understand any of this and doesn’t need to be burdened with our problems. If you want to meet him, you need to do it the right way. You can’t go into the meeting pissed off at me,” I said. “I am his mother and he is very protective of me. You need to get your head right before you can meet him.”

“Fuck you!” he shouted in my face. “Fuck you. How fucking dare you!” he seethed. “You had my fucking kid and didn’t tell me! Who the fuck does that?”

And like that his grief and pain transformed into anger. It was part of the grief process, I figured. Pretty soon we would get to acceptance. I hoped we got there quickly, because I could only let him talk to me like that a short time before I fired back. I understood his rage and had expected it in some ways. Hearing the f-bombs and his complete inability to choose his words carefully told me I had crushed him. Brock was always in control, and he rarely lost it, but right now he was hovering on the edge.

“Brock, I—”

“I have lawyers, Ashley, and I will get them involved. I will go after visitation, maybe even custody. You can’t keep my son from me!”

I nodded. “I understand your anger, Brock. I really do. I’m sorry you’re so mad, but don’t threaten me. You can try to sue me for custody, but I will win. Trust me. I’m not a pushover anymore. Jasper is my son and no one will take him from me.”

I said the words in a soft tone, a tone I found to be effective at getting a point across. I knew, deep down, that if Brock attempted to take my son, I would fight like a raging tigress. I wasn’t worried in the least, however. I knew I would win. Jasper was my child. I was willing to share him, but I would never, not in a million years, give him up.

“I doubt that. I will tell the judge what you did.” He looked directly in my eyes. “Ash, you kept my son from me.” His voice broke on the words. “I don’t understand why you would do that. I never hurt you or gave you any reason to fear me. Why would you run away with my child?”

My heart broke all over again at seeing the pain I had caused him. It had never been my intention to hurt him. I had run away for my own selfish reasons. I wanted to explain it all to him, but I didn’t know how. He would only end up hating me more. I had wanted to tell him. I had picked up the phone a hundred times to call him, but I hadn’t. I’d even considered texting him, but that didn’t feel right.

The initial deception had turned into one giant snowball. The longer I waited, the more excuses I had not to tell him, and one thing led to another. Before long, I’d been too embarrassed and ashamed of what I had done. I had always told myself, “This is the month, or the year, that I will call him,” but it just didn’t happen. Before I knew it, five years had passed, and here we were today.

“Brock, I know you’re mad, but trust me, you can’t threaten to take my son away from me and think I’ll let it go. He’s my son. There is nothing and no one in this world that will keep me from him. If you hear nothing else I say, hear that. You would be wise not to test me,” I warned him.

His eyes narrowed. “This isn’t over, and you aren’t going to get away with it. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers. If that boy is truly my son, he will know I’m his father, and I will be a part of his life,” he said, wagging his finger in my face.

I showed no fear whatsoever. Nothing. I wouldn’t let him see my shame, my guilt, or even the tiniest flicker of fear. Brock was a formidable man. He spun around and stomped back to his truck. I stood there and watched him climb into his truck, unable to move from the spot I was standing. I had put on a brave face, but inside I was a mess. I knew Brock was about to make my life hell. I was confident I would retain custody of Jasper, but I knew I would have to share him with his father.

Would Jasper know what I had done and resent me for it? I hoped not. I had only done what I’d thought was right at the time. Hindsight was twenty-twenty. I watched as Brock’s truck whipped around, stirring up dust as he drove too fast down the driveway. I had just opened a hellacious can of worms, as if we needed anymore cans of worms opened around here right now.

This was why I had stayed gone so long. Being back home was supposed to be a happy time for people. Not me. I was dealing with an extremely ill father, my family’s home was being stolen right out from under us, and my son’s father had just vowed to take my child. Awesome.

Could life get any better?

I turned to look at the house and saw my dad and Jasper standing on the front porch. I knew they couldn’t have heard the conversation, but I had a feeling my dad knew what it was about. Jasper’s paternity had been a giant elephant in the room. It wasn’t discussed, but everyone knew. I had made it clear that Brock was to never know. I was surprised that my family, especially Anna, had managed to keep my secret for so long.