Chapter 22
Kason
I couldn’t believe how Marcus had freaked the fuck out on us the other night. I totally understood that our moms were pissing him off, but to freak out on Hanna and me like that without any fucking proof was just a bit too far. I knew he had some suspicions—and rightfully so—but really, was Hanna and I hooking up the worst thing in the world? Yes, there was an age gap. Yes, she was his sister. But seriously, she wanted to be a single mom and I had talked her off the fucking ledge!
Or so I had thought.
I couldn’t get my mind off Hanna. The way she had looked at dinner was exactly the way she’d always looked about the subject of having kids, but now she probably felt like she had some sort of adult support now. It was fucked up the way they were pushing this baby shit on her and she was eating it up. If you wanted to have kids early, go for it! But god, our mothers had had our fathers to help! She just wanted to pop out a kid without having to deal with the father. What the hell kind of fucked-up shit was that? She had been practically glowing at the table the other night, and coupled with that bullshit comment she’s made about her birth control failing after our greenhouse encounter, it made me wonder whether she’d actually abandoned the idea.
But man, she was blowing my mind. Until all that bullshit happened, she had looked so hot at dinner that night. Those tight little clothes had teased where my hands had needed to be, and how her delicate fingers had grazed the inside of my thighs under the table…it had driven me fucking wild. Marcus’s storm off had been a mood killer for sure, but damn, I loved being with his sister. And when she’d mentioned a crush? I had thought I was going to blow through the roof! I’d thought she was going to expose every single thing she and I were doing just to feel like an adult! But part of me actually liked the fact that she had a crush. Having a crush meant you wanted to be with someone for some other reason besides what they could provide for you. Yeah, we had awesome sex, but I’d been rolling around the idea of having feelings for Hanna ever since she’d made that comment.
I wonder if she still felt that way.
I went home that night and thought about how it would be if Hanna and I could openly date. Sure, the age gap was going to be a thing for people, but I hoped to God she knew it wasn’t a thing for me. It was just a comment I made to get Marcus off my back after she gave me an out in her argument…and I still had to thank her for that. She had single-handedly cleared us of all suspicion that night while talking her brother down off his crazy-talk ledge, and I needed to figure out how to pay her back and make that up to her.
A part of me knew exactly how to do that.
My phone rang and I saw it was Hanna. I picked it up with the broadest smile on my face, and the thought hit me to ask her to lunch.
But she beat me to the punch.
“Hey, Kason.”
“Hey there, beautiful.” I smiled.
“Up for some lunch?”
“Of course. Name the time and place and I’ll drive.”
“Good. I figured we could talk about the other night,” she said.
“I think that’s a good idea. When would you like to have lunch?”
“Now?” she asked.
“I’ll see you at the car.”
I met her outside, we hopped in, and I drove off down the street. I took her hand, but it seemed a bit limp in mine. I felt that this might not be as stimulating a conversation as I’d thought. I had figured I could take her somewhere nice, have a glass of wine, talk about a few things, and then head to a back road and break in the back seat of my car.
But with the way she was staring out the window and keeping quiet the entire drive, I knew the conversation wasn’t going in the direction I had thought it would.
“You all right, Hanna?” I asked.
“Mhhm. Just enjoying the passing scenery.”
“You sure you don’t want to start talking now?” I prodded.
“Oh, yeah. It can wait.”
We got to the restaurant, and she didn’t really start talking until after we got our drinks. The first phrase out of her mouth was not a good one.
“I don’t think this is a good idea anymore.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“After the way Marcus freaked out the other night, I think we should probably stop what we’re doing.”
There was this far-off look in her eyes, and I knew that wasn’t the only reason. I tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled both of them into her lap. When she leaned back and sighed, I just decided to say it.
“That’s not all this is. You know we’ve got your internship papers we can pull out at any moment. I actually have a couple more things I need you to sign anyway.”
I pulled her employee paperwork from my inside jacket pocket along with a few other things I’d had to retrieve from her school—releases both of us needed to sign along with the official agreement for the pay she would receive.
“No, that’s not it. But I don’t want to talk about the other things. I just…wanted to end this with you in person.”
“Hanna, even if we aren’t screwing around, you still mean a lot to me. We aren’t leaving until you talk to me about this.”
“Kason, please. I want to thank you for the internship, but I don’t think I can take it,” she said with a biting edge in her voice.
She moved to stand up, but I stood too and grabbed her arm. I pulled her close to me and brought her in for a fiery kiss, and for a split second, I felt her falter. My tongue swiped along her lips and she let me enter. I knew she felt and tasted exactly what I did. She felt emotion and passion. She felt beautiful and wanted. I knew she tasted how sweetly our scents melted together with one another’s. You didn’t find that shit with any person. You just didn’t.
But then she abruptly pulled away.
“See? That’s the issue with you and Marcus. You think you can just control me and tell me what you think is good for me, but you don’t fucking listen. Neither of you did when I told you why Marcus’s comment about mothers bothered me so much. Marcus just barreled over me, and you—you went right along with him! And after the out I gave you so you wouldn’t be in hot water with your best friend!”
I released her arm and she stepped away from me, and that was when I realized what was actually bothering her. I thought back to the beautiful words she had said when she’d talked about motherhood, but what I couldn’t tell her was how they had made me feel. I couldn’t tell her that, in that very instance, she had actually convinced me to get her pregnant. I couldn't tell her that her beautiful words about motherhood had been unlike anything I’d ever heard and that any woman who could talk about having a child that way really did deserve to be a mother. I couldn’t tell her all of this and then turn around and tell her that I still wasn’t willing to give her a fucking child even if the outlook she had on motherhood was perfect.
I knew little Hanna Rendon would be an amazing mom someday.
Just not right this fucking second.
“I’m sorry,” I said earnestly. “I should’ve stood up for you the way you stood up for me in that conversation, and I didn’t.”
“You’re damn right you didn’t,” she said harshly.
“Please, take the internship. I wouldn’t create a personal secretarial position on my floor unless I felt I really trusted the person. You’ll be rubbing elbows with a lot of important people on a daily basis, and if your medical journey falls through, knowing these people could really help you. Think of it as Plan B.”
“We’d be together all the time,” she said.
“And it’ll still give us a cover if we want to keep…well…you know.”
She sat down, and something inside me deflated in relief. I sat down in front of her and our food was set down. We ate in silence for a while before I finally broke it.
“If Marcus continues to suspect anything, or even finds us coming back from lunches like this, we’ll just show him the papers. That’s all we have to do. The internship is real, and it’s there whether this continues or not. But if this does continue, then that’s our cover for our lunches and dinners,” I said.
“Okay,” she said lightly.
All at once, this beautiful, flourishing woman I had coaxed out of her shell had buried herself as deep back into it as she could go, and it was all because I hadn’t stood up for her. I felt like a piece of shit for not railroading Marcus for what he did because the truth was, they’d probably done that to her throughout her entire life. They’d probably cast what she wanted to the side in favor of what they thought was good for her and didn’t give her opinions a second thought.
I wasn’t going to make that same mistake again.
I slid over some papers from her school to make the internship-class link official, and I told her I’d get her copies of everything. She said to get her the originals so she could send them off to the school, and I told her I’d worry about it so she wouldn’t have to. For the first time at lunch that day, I saw her smile.
“There she is,” I said gently.
“So you’re actually going to give me this paid internship?” she asked.
“Yes. But I’m going to keep the pay scale negotiating piece of paper for another day. You know, in case your brother happens.” I winked. “For now, signing these papers are the excuse for our lunch today.”
“Sounds good to me.” She agreed with a nod.
“I’m glad it’s going to be you,” I said earnestly.
“We’ll be seeing a lot of each other,” she said. “Will that be too…distracting for you? You know, if we continue…”
“I think it’s gonna be perfect.” I smirked. “Especially if we continue…”
I winked at her and watched her blush. When she held her hand out to me, I was ecstatic. I felt the warmth revive her skin and life suddenly flooded back into her eyes. All at once, she was the young, vibrant woman I’d been spending my time with when back home again. We finished our lunch and got some drinks to go. Just like we thought would happen eventually, Marcus was outside when we pulled up to her house. There was an inquisitive look on his face until he saw who was in the front seat with me, and then all at once anger poured into his features.
I loved Marcus and all, but he needed to lighten the fuck up.
“You think he’s checking up on us? I didn’t think he was supposed to be home today,” Hanna said quietly.
“I honestly think he might be. He’s really getting paranoid.”
“Well, for good reason.” She giggled.
“If we get caught, Hanna, are you going to be all right?” I asked.
I turned to face her just as Marcus pulled up behind us. I locked eyes with her while I dug the papers out of my jacket. A small smile formed on her face, and she put her hand on top of mine. For a split second, I thought this transaction was going to go in a very different direction.
“I already told you how I felt the other night, Kason,” she said. “I’m a big girl. I can handle a little crush.”
Marcus pounded on her window, and Hanna had no issues rolling it down. The questions running behind his eyes were stuck in his throat, his face filled with fiery hot anger. All I did was pass him the papers Hanna had signed earlier.
“Internship stuff, dude. You’re not the only person in your family I’m helping.”
He unfolded the papers and seemed satisfied with what was on them. We both watched as he took in a deep breath to relax himself. The red color that had risen to his face and neck slowly dissipated along with his intense emotions. He looked at Hanna hard before turning his attention to me.
“What you’re doing for her is awesome. Thanks, man.”
“Not a problem, Marcus. Just…friggin’ calm down, all right? You’re getting really paranoid, and it’s not a good look.”
He nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”