Chapter 21
Hanna
I got up soon after Kason did and followed him outside. I was worried about my brother because I knew this type of conversation got him riled up. I just didn’t really understand why. I was worried that the little time I was going to have with Kason tonight was now ruined by the table talk conversation, and I really wanted to make sure my brother was going to calm down. Sometimes, whenever he got heated, he tended to say things he didn’t mean, and I needed to make sure my secret with Kason stayed a secret. We both walked up to Marcus, who was pacing on the front lawn. I was the first to break the tension.
“You all right, Marc?” I asked.
“I just had to get out of there,” he murmured.
“Why?” Kason asked.
“Because I can’t fucking stand it when my mom spews that…that bullshit about having kids so young!”
“Why not?” I asked. “It’s not a terrible thing.”
I felt Kason’s eyes flutter over to me, and part of myself locked up. Sure, I’d agreed to have protected sex with Kason, but that didn’t mean I had abandoned my hope of having children altogether. I agreed with him that it sounded idiotic, but that didn’t mean my drive for a family had simply vanished.
“Because I know how impressionable you are, Hanna,” Marcus said, turning to me. “I know you’re listening to her and thinking it’s such a glamorous lifestyle, but it’s not.”
“How do you know?” I asked. “You don’t have kids.”
“Hanna, you don’t know the first thing about men, much less having children,” Marcus said.
“I could do great things with a child, Marc. I’d be an incredible mother,” I said.
“Probably not.”
“Again not something you would know. And, if I ever did have a child, it’s not like I’d be hurting for money. I want to be an anesthesiologist, for crying out loud.”
“And how the hell would you do all that extra education with a kid, Hanna?” Marcus yelled. “And why the hell are we even talking about this? What, are you pregnant or something?”
Kason’s eyes burned deep into the side of my face, and for the first time since all this shit kicked up, I wanted him gone. I didn’t want judgment from him like my brother was shooting my way, and I didn’t want him to begin thinking I was going back on what I’d promised him. If anything, my word was my bond. No matter what people thought of me.
But, I also wanted to defend myself. Stand up for dreams and make people understand that just because I was twenty didn’t mean I was a mindless idiot with no life aspirations.
Why was it so bad to aspire to be a mother?
“I just don’t want that for you, Hanna,” Marcus said.
“Well, it’s not your fucking decision to make, Marcus,” I spat.
I saw fire rise in his eyes before he turned his fury onto Kason.
“If you ever touch her, I swear to god, I will kill you.”
“I think you’re forgetting that you’re technically talking to your boss,” Kason said with authority.
“I’m not talking to my boss. I’m talking to the hotshot billionaire who was eyeing my sister all through dinner. You think I don’t catch the looks you’ve been giving her or the way her eyes stay on you a little longer than I’d like?”
“Why the hell do you think you can control everything?!” I shrieked. I’d lost my mind and I’d had enough. I was tired of people thinking they could rule my life, no matter what their intentions were for it. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, dude,” Kason said. “I made you a promise in that speakeasy that I wouldn’t touch your sister.”
“Wait, what?”
I whipped my head around to face Kason, who shot me a death glare, and Marcus caught the entire thing.
“What the fuck are you not telling me?” he growled.
“What I’m not telling you is that I have a crush on your best friend,” I said plainly. Kason’s jaw dropped open and Marcus’s hung to the ground. “Neither you nor Dad control the decisions I make. And neither does Mom. I’m an intelligent young woman who has is growing out from underneath the shade this entire family casts. It’s not your decision what I choose to do with my life, nor is it your place to instruct me on what you feel my potential is. I like Kason. I think he’s incredibly handsome and intelligent, and that’s why I keep my lingering eyes on him. Because I like him, and it’s nice to think that a man like him might like me as well.”
Marcus was speechless, and I realized I still needed to cover for Kason. I was family and Marcus would forgive me, but he didn’t have to forgive Kason.
“But I know Kason would never go for someone like me. To him, I’m still little Hanna Rendon, your geeky younger sister.”
Tears rose to my eyes and I chastised myself for being so weak. Here I was, trying to prove myself to be a strong woman, and I was crying over some dude in front of my brother.
“Kason would never want anything to do with me. Not really,” I said. “So just calm the fuck down and let me have my schoolgirl crush a little while longer.”
I watched Marcus calm down, and I could tell Kason was trying harder to focus on Marcus than I was. There was a way he wanted to react to this entire situation, but he was holding it back. I didn’t know what he wanted to do or say, but I hoped I’d gotten him out of hot water with his best friend.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting, but I just... Hanna, you’re so much better than the life mom put together for herself. Sure, it’s a good one, but you’re so smart and headstrong and bound for so much more than just motherhood.”
“See?” I said. “That’s the problem. It’s not just motherhood. When you have a child, you take the future generation in your hands and slowly mold it to be better than you. When you’re raising a daughter, you’re not just raising a girl. You’re raising someone else’s life partner. Someone else’s mother. Someone else’s role model. When you’re raising a son, you’re not just raising another boy. You’re raising another gentleman. Someone else’s life partner. Someone else’s father. You’re not just training some human being and simply getting by while drinking wine on a couch. You’re molding the future generation and changing the landscape of this entire planet for all eternity. When you give birth, you’re single-handedly altering the course of seven billion lives just by bringing another altering life force into it.”
Kason’s and Marcus’s eyes were both hooked on mine, and for the first time in my life, I felt I was being heard by the two men who mattered most to me.
“Well anyway,” Marcus said, brushing me off, “Kason’s too old for you.”
“Exactly.” Kason nodded. “No offense, Hanna.”
“Yeah,” I murmured as my body deflated in defeat. “No problem.”
The two of them slap-hugged it out and started their way back inside, but all I did was stare at them. I’d poured my soul out to them, told them my reason for wanting to be a mother, bared my emotions and split my heart open so they could get a glimpse at exactly who I was, how I was programmed, and how I thought.
And as the two of them walked off like they couldn’t care less, the only thing I could think about how much I really hadn’t been heard at all.