Chapter 33
Hanna
After not hearing from Marcus for a couple days, I just decided to go there myself. This was getting out of hand and we needed to talk, but I knew if I called before I came over, he would just act like a child and leave before I could get there. I understood he was angry, and he had every right to be, but there needed to be some form of acceptance…even if he couldn’t forgive me.
But I hoped he would anyway.
I parked my car at his apartment complex and went to go knock on his door. Even though he was everywhere sometimes, he had a steady apartment on the other side of the city. I knew that was where he would be. I banged my fist on the door and demanded he open it. After a bit of hesitation, the door finally flew open.
“What do you want?” he spat.
“Marcus, we need to talk.”
“Not really. I think everything that’s been done has been done.”
“But no one has said anything. You need to grow up and I need my big brother.”
He looked at me hard before he finally relented. He stepped to the side and let me in. I knew I had made progress. So long as he didn’t throw me out by my arm after we talked, I would consider this as a step in the right direction. The truth of the matter was that I loved my brother and I thought he would be a wonderful uncle to the child I was growing. For the love of everything, I was carrying his best friend’s child. I was sure he would want to be a part of this child’s life while he or she was growing up.
We sat on his couch. I tried to stay strong, but when he finally looked over at me, I lost my emotions again. Tears formed in my eyes and Marcus shook his head, but when they started flowing down my cheeks, my mouth ran away from me.
“Marcus, please. I’m so sorry this happened, and I can’t imagine how you feel right now—”
“No, you can’t,” he spat.
“But I’m pregnant. With Kason’s child. And you have to let that sink in and you have to digest it because in a few weeks, I’m going to be more petrified than ever and I’m going to need you. Dad isn’t talking to me and Mom won’t shut her face about baby clothes and I just want my brother around.”
“So you’re keeping it? With all the potential you have in life and after all the time you’ve spent in school? You’re just going to…throw it all away and be like Mom?” he asked.
“Yes, Marcus. I’m keeping the baby. And as far as my schooling goes, in a few days I’m going to call the university and see about classes I can do online that will enable me to still graduate in June. Kason’s still giving me the internship—”
“Of course he is,” Marcus murmured.
“—and he’s paying me for it. We’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Wait. What?” Marcus exclaimed.
“Do I have your attention now?” I asked.
Marcus’s eyes were wild but his jaw was shut, which meant I had his attention. Tears slipped down my neck, and I tried to reach out for his hand. I was surprised when he allowed me to take it. Marcus didn’t need to know any of the details about how I had originally wanted Kason to father a child with me and all that. All he needed to know was that I was keeping this child, finishing my education online, and taking a plane tomorrow with Kason to go start my paid internship.
And I needed him to listen and be on my side.
“Dad won’t even talk to me, Marcus,” I said. “Please, just talk to me.”
“I just can’t believe you two did this.” He shook his head. “Kason fucking made me a promise that he’d stay away from you.”
“Marcus, I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m not your geeky sister who’s being picked on by high school bullies. I don’t need saving and I don’t need protection.”
“Seriously, Hanna?”
“I meant that I don’t need you shielding me from the world. Kason and I made the decisions we did together despite the attitude you fed us. And you have to accept that.”
“How the hell could you let this happen? Don’t you know what condoms are?” he exclaimed.
“It’s not anyone’s fault. I missed taking my pills a few days because I was wrapped up in the parties and the reunions and the whirlwind romance of it all. I was headstrong about having a child whether or not the father stuck around, and during all of this I realized the beautiful human being Kason had grown to be. I’ve gotten to know him, Marcus. Really know him. Then, just as I was getting my head out of the clouds, I realized the mistake I’d made. Before I knew it, I went to go take my pill and I was four days behind.”
“Jesus, Hanna!”
“Marcus, just listen for once,” I said. “I took all four of them the moment I realized what had happened, but I did that because I knew how you would react. I did that because Kason and I had an agreement. An agreement for me to stay on my pill and keep using protection so we wouldn’t wind up in this situation. And I failed him. And it killed me when I realized I had. I was hoping it would sort of work like the Plan B pill, but all it did was make me sick.”
I sighed, and Marcus pulled his hand from mine. It was true. All of it. Kason had gone from a man I wanted to get pregnant with to a man I’d grown to respect. He really was a gentleman. He took me to dinner and found a way for me to open up, and by my willingness to open up he was able to convince me to simply keep enjoying him. He showed me it was possible to cultivate the type of trust and love two people needed in order to be dedicated enough to raise a child, and I believed him.
I believed him when he told me he was sticking around, and I believed him when he told me he would do whatever it took to protect me and this child.
Before I could reach out and grab for him again—to pull my brother back to me and try to convince him to understand-- he scooted closer to me and put his arm around my back.
“They made you sick?” he asked in a low voice.
“Yes,” I said. “Very.”
“Why didn’t you come talk to me?” he asked.
“Because you were too busy sniffing us out and yelling at us every time Mom brought up me having kids.”
“I just…can’t get over the fact that you slept with my best friend. I mean, there’s like, what, a decade’s difference in age?”
“Twelve years,” I said.
“Great,” he murmured.
“Marcus, to be honest? I’ve always had a thing for Kason. He’s always been very attractive and he was always around and I didn’t stand a chance. Every time he came back with a little bit more muscle, it just revived—”
“All right,” Marcus said as he held up his hand. “That’s enough of that.”
“I care about Kason, Marcus. He’s a good man,” I said.
“So, you’re really keeping this baby?” he asked.
“I’m not a little girl anymore, Marc. And you need to stop treating me like one.”
“Then you need to start acting like an adult. You need to talk to Kason and figure out what the hell he’s going to—”
“I already have.” I grinned. “We’ve already talked and come up with a plan. I believe it’s you who’s dodging all his calls.”
I knew from the look on his face that I had backed him into a corner. Yes, he’d been blindsided, but I was now pregnant when I no longer had any intentions to be. This hadn’t been planned even if it had once been planned before, and I needed someone to try and understand the situation before Kason and I left for San Francisco.
“And you’re sure you just want to…toss everything away? Your med school plans? Your future career? Anesthesiology? All of it?”
“I’m not sure why you have it in your head that a mother can’t go to med school, but I have thought about this, yes.”
“It’s going to be hard, Hanna,” he said.
“But not impossible, and you talk like it is.” I put my hand on his arm, and he pulled me in for a hug. It felt so good to have my brother hug me after everything that had happened. I broke down sobbing on his shoulder. He rubbed my back and tried to calm me down, and once I had collected myself, I sat back and he took my hand.
“I can do this. I’m going to finish my degree online, and the great thing about online courses is that I can get all the work turned in before I have the baby. I’ll graduate and work as Kason’s secretary while taking care of the baby until I’m comfortable enough with a nanny coming in, and then I can go to med school. Yes, it’ll be hard, but with Kason’s support and your support, I’ll be all right.”
“You’re just gonna bring a newborn into the office?” Marcus asked.
“It’s Kason. Do you think he’s going to have it any other way?” I asked.
“Probably not. He’s incredibly protective of his family,” Marcus said.
“I know I’m not hopping into med school like everyone thought I would—like you thought I would. But, Kason’s still giving me the paid internship, and he is going to be there to support us. I’ll sit him down and talk with him in two or three years about me returning to med school, and my graduating with Distinction will make me eligible for plenty of scholarships. It’ll be just like you and Dad always dreamed, it’ll just be offset by a few years.”
“Isn’t that what you dreamed about, too?” Marcus asked.
“I enjoy anesthesiology. And, if things don’t work out with Kason and I, it will give me the money I need to provide for my child.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Marcus said.
“I think you and Dad simply thought I was settling. It’s hard, being a woman who wants something traditional in a society that expects a woman to no longer want that. If I want a traditional house life, people think I’m settling. If I want to be in the workforce for a while, I’m suddenly looking down on stay-at-home mothers and being a selfish woman. Everyone’s been so focused on the persona my life will give off that I don’t think anyone stopped to think to ask me what I wanted.”
“And Kason did?” he asked.
“Not only that, but he’s the one that found a way to talk some sense into me. This wasn’t planned—not by a longshot—but I’m still happy. And Kason, he might be overwhelmed, but he’s on board,” I said.
“You’ve really thought a lot about this, haven’t you?” Marcus asked.
“I haven’t had much of anything else to do. Not many people are talking to me,” I said.
“You know you’d have Mom’s support, too” Marcus murmured.
“When it comes to shopping for baby items, yes. But I’ll also have all her unsolicited advice on how to raise this kid.”
“Hey, you’re the one who got pregnant.” Marcus smirked.
“I know,” I whispered.
“So…you said you and Kason have talked? And he’s sticking around?”
“Yep.. I’m leaving with him tomorrow so I can start early. He’s got a room ready for me in his home so I can have my own space to study and work. I’ll also be there so he can keep an eye on me. He says he wants to stick around and support me and be a good father to our child, like his father was to him. And I believe him, Marcus. I really do.”
“Hold on a second,” Marcus said. He got off the couch and shoved his hand into his pocket. He dialed a number as he walked out of the room. I sighed in relief and felt my eyes flutter closed just as Marcus’s voice wafted in from the room down the hall. I was so relieved to have my brother on my side, even if he still wasn’t fully on board with the fact that Kason and I had slept together. I needed my big brother to tell me this was going to be all right and that he was going to be an incredible uncle and would be there when I went into labor.
But then, just before my mind stopped racing and I fell asleep on his couch, I heard Marcus exclaim “you better step up!” from his bedroom.
And I knew he had finally called Kason.