Chapter 13

Jessi

Rocking in the chair with Caleb in my arms, my phone vibrated against my chest. I shifted my sleeping son in my arms as I pulled the phone from my bra. It was Megan, probably calling to see if I was free for lunch.

I was all smiles when I answered the call.

“Whatever it is, we’re free,” I said.

“Fuck, I love you. You and Caleb wanna get some lunch out?” Megan asked.

“Didn’t I already answer that question?”

“Don’t be a dick, Jessi. Where do you wanna eat?”

“Caleb and I could use some fresh air. What about that diner on the corner near my apartment?” I asked.

“I love that place. We never go there enough. Why is that?”

“Because I usually want to get away from my place. But now that my schedule has settled down a bit, it’s not that bad.”

“All right. Good. See you there in fifteen?”

“We’ll be there,” I said.

I went and laid Caleb in his crib so I could change into something cute. If I was going to be caught out in public, I wanted to make sure I was wearing something worthy of my status. I pulled out the jumpsuit I’d worn in the fashion show and thought it would be the perfect piece to wear. I put on my push-up strapless bra and a lacy pair of underwear so no panty lines could be seen, then I slipped into a pair of matching heels.

Fishing out Caleb’s baby carrier, I clipped it around my body, and situated him against my chest.

The walk to the diner was nice. A couple of people took out their phones and started taking pictures. I wasn’t sure how the designer would enjoy me wearing his stuff with a child strapped to my body, but it didn’t matter to me. If I could get people to believe his attire was functional even for mothers, then it was a target demographic that could bring him a great deal of money.

And that was what I was all about. Advertising while bolstering my own career.

“Jessi! Over here!”

Megan was flagging me down from the back as I took my sunglasses off.

“You look fantastic. A mom should never look that great,” she said.

“Well, I’m sweating bullets underneath this thing, so hopefully I’m not too shiny in the pictures all those people took,” I said.

“Ah, the problems of being popular.”

“Just gotta make sure Caleb stays out of the limelight.”

“And the sunlight. His skin is pale like Christopher’s,” she said.

“Could you say that any louder?” I asked.

“You still haven’t told him? After working with him for the past week?”

“What do I owe him? He broke my heart, Megan.”

“That doesn’t mean you can keep his child from him,” she said. “Does he even know you have a son?”

“He does, actually. My mother thought it would be fun to bring Caleb to the fashion show a couple of days ago. Chris was there and asked me whose child it was, so I told him it was mine.”

“Holy shit. So he knows you’re a mother.”

“He does.”

“And you didn’t tell him the child was his.”

“Not in front of my whole family,” I said.

“Okay. Point taken. But I get the feeling you don’t have any plans to tell him anyway,” she said.

“Even if I did, how am I going to do that now? He knows I have a son and it doesn't seem to faze him or anything. But how do I start that conversation?”

“How about, ‘Hi, Chris. This is Caleb. He is your son.’ That would be a start,” she said.

“Thanks. Very classy.”

“This isn’t a classy conversation, Jessi. The man is a father and like it or not, he deserves to know that.”

“Why? Because he didn’t want to pull out and we weren’t wearing a condom a year and a half ago? Getting me pregnant doesn’t mean he’ll be a good father, Megan.”

“And you getting pregnant didn’t mean you were going to be a good mom. But you made the choice. You were given the option and you decided to take it on. And you’ve become a fabulous mother.”

“What if he doesn’t make that decision, hm? What if I tell him, and he doesn’t want to stay? Or worse, he gets angry and takes me to court for custody. Are you telling me you want me to embroil my son in an ugly custody battle with a guy who dropped off the planet three weeks after promising me the world?”

“See, you’re coming at this from a very emotional perspective.”

“Because it is emotional, Megan.”

I drew in a deep breath as the waitress approached. Caleb was still fast asleep against me and people were starting to stare. The last thing I needed was someone leaking some shit on their social media page. We ordered our food and the waitress left, then I panned my gaze over to Megan’s stoic face.

“You have to tell him,” she said.

“I might. But that’s all I can give you,” I said. “I know I’m coming from a place of emotion, but that’s because I was in love with him, Megan.”

“You never told me that before.”

“I didn’t tell anyone. Not even him. I knew it was nothing but a friend with benefits kind of thing to him.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Fuck, Jessi. I’m your best friend and I feel like I’m learning about you for the first time.”

“You are my best friend. I tell you everything. But Chris—he was a whole other world to me at the time. I was caught up in so many things, trying to hide it from my brother and sneak around behind his back. Keeping myself available in case he called and masking his number in my phone. It was crazy.”

“I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you,” she said.

“I gave that man my virginity,” I said, with a whisper. “I gave him everything I had, hoping he’d tell me one day he didn’t want to sneak around anymore. I trusted him when he told me he wanted to be with me. To give me the moon and the stars and everything in between.”

“He said that to you?” she asked.

“He said, ‘Someday I’ll be able to give you what you want, and I hope you’ll be here to take it.’ Then he—he left, Megan. He just—disappeared.”

I swallowed hard as the waitress set our drinks down in front of us.

“And because our relationship had to be a secret from my family, so did my grief.”

“Now you’re telling me that I have to look that same man in the eye and tell him he’s Caleb’s father, then hope to hell he doesn’t try to take my son from me. After all I believed about him and after all I gave to him?”

“I’m so sorry, Jessi,” she said. “I had no idea.”

“No one did. And I kept it that way for a reason. Reliving it when I closed my eyes was enough, and reliving it as my stomach grew with life was too much. But I survived. I survived and I thrived, and it was because of my strength. Not because of anything he ever did. That man changed his number, Megan. His own family didn’t even know where he had gone. And I’m supposed to trust that he won’t try to take my son from me?”

“He wouldn’t do that to you,” she said.

“Just like he wouldn't leave me?” I asked. “All I can tell you is that I might tell him. But that’s all I’ve got. If I tell him and he tries to take my son from me, I’m not sure I would survive. Not sure at all.”

“I would never let that man lay a finger on my godson,” she said.

“Then trust that I know what I’m doing.”

“Just know there’s another side to this coin.”

“What?” I asked.

“You’re scared he’ll take your son and run from you like he ran from you before. But there’s just as much of a chance that he could stay. That he could want to be a father and help you in raising Caleb. Don’t lose sight of that side, either. Good or bad, every little boy wants his father.”

Lunch was pretty quiet after that. The conversation was topical, but it wasn’t like it was uncomfortable. I knew where Megan was coming from and she knew where I was coming from now, and I felt she understood my side a little better. I didn’t really know what I was doing with Chris anymore. Sometimes, I wanted to hurt him. I woke up thinking about ways I could inflict the most pain. Then other times I woke up and I could swear his arms were wrapped around me. And for that brief moment, before I turned over and saw that my bed was empty, I would be happy.

Happy with the man I was intentionally trying to hurt.

I was confused. I paid for lunch despite Megan’s protests, but really it was to get me out of there quicker. I was confused about what to do, and confused about how I was feeling towards Chris. I held Caleb close to my body as I made my way back towards my apartment, thankful for the sunglasses on my face. People were taking more photographs, and with the glasses, my tears would be concealed from them.

My tears of sadness and anger and confusion.

I ran into someone’s shoulder and quickly apologized. I needed to keep my attention on where I was going. But a pressure on my wrist stopped me in my tracks and I lifted my eyes to see who was grabbing me.

“Oh. Hey, Justin. What’s up?” I asked.

“Thought that was you, sis. You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Caleb and I went to get some lunch with Megan,” I said.

“Ah, so someone beat me to it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was gonna see if you two wanted to grab lunch with me.”

“Sorry. Yeah, Megan called like—an hour ago.”

“That’s fine. How’s she doing?” he asked.

I watched as Justin peaked into the baby carrier strapped to my body. He reached his finger out and rubbed Caleb’s cheek. Caleb stretched and yawned, then reached out his little hand and grabbed his uncle’s finger.

Justin’s eyes lit up at the motion before he bent down and pressed a kiss to Caleb’s head.

“Could I come by later and spend some time with the little guy?” he asked.

“You know you’re always welcome, no matter what time,” I said.

“Good. I’m gonna grab a quick bite to eat then I’ve got some stuff to do. But I’ll see you two later?”

“Sounds good to me. We’ll be waiting. Though I can’t guarantee I’ll have a bra on.”

“Don’t worry. Contrary to your fans, I know you don’t look like that all the time.”

“Dick.”

“Jerk,” he said with a grin.

“Love you,” I said.

“Love you, too.”

I walked Caleb back to the apartment, his body still asleep against mine. I pulled him from the carrier and laid him down in his crib before slipping into my room. I pulled the outfit together with a little bit of jewelry and a fluff of my hair, then I took a few pictures in the full-length mirror I had behind my door. The deal was for me to post a good picture of these outfits on my social media, not get other people to post for me. I took pictures in a few different positions, then after editing them up a bit, posted them and made sure to tag the designer.

Two outfits down, two to go.

My phone rang as Caleb started grunting in his crib. Of course my manager would be calling the second my son woke up. I went into Caleb’s room and started rubbing his stomach, trying to calm him down as Pierre rattled away in my ear.

“I hear the little man in the background, so I’ll make it quick. There’s a last-minute shoot tomorrow morning and I was able to snag it for you.”

“What’s the shoot for?” I asked.

“A couple of companies are having a hard time marketing their leggings to the curvier girls of the world. They’ve got some new products rolling out and they want a face for their curvy line. Not only did I score you double the price since it was a last-minute gig, I paved the way for you to be the face of their line.”

“Are their clothes decent?” I asked. “I don’t want to represent a company that’s scamming their customers.”

“I checked it out myself and they seem legit. I haven’t put my hands on their products, but that’s why I left it open-ended. You’ve got the shoot, and if you like the product there’s room for negotiations on advertisements with your face on it and commercials with your name on them.”

“Holy sh—crap. Commercials?” I asked.

“This could be big, Jessi. I’ll send you the details. You have to be there by five in the morning, sharp.”

“I’ll arrange it with my nanny. You’re a miracle-worker, Pierre. I don’t pay you enough.”

“We’ll talk about that when you start raking in the dough,” he said. “Expect a text message—now.”

My phone lit up in my hand as I snickered and shook my head.

“Get some beauty rest. See you in the morning!”