Chapter 10
Violet
It was a strange feeling. I couldn’t quite place it when I came back from Crayton, Inc. with the smell of Cole’s cologne still clinging to me. Tears were burning my eyes, but I didn’t feel upset. Shell-shocked. That was the appropriate way to describe it.
And it felt strangely empty, now that I had gotten what I’d wanted for so long. I didn’t know whether to laugh with the victory or to cry that Cole had turned so cold so quickly. I had asked him for at least one night.
That was exactly what he’d given me. One night of amazing pleasure, after the initial sting and pain had gone away. It was worth it. That was my reasoning, and I planned to stick with it even though it complicated everything. I didn’t know what to expect come Monday morning, now that we had crossed that threshold of no return.
A buzz filled my tiny living room. I stared at the intercom near my apartment door, waiting for whoever it was to talk. It buzzed again.
Sighing in annoyance, I got up to my feet with a grimace. The soreness between my legs and backside was evidence of how much I had enjoyed it at the time. I pushed the answer button with the pad of my thumb.
“Who is it?” I asked, grumpily.
“It’s me. It’s Cole. I was wondering if I could come up to talk to you about a few things.”
I debated on sending him away, but this was what I wanted. I wanted him here. He was the only person who could help me sort this tumult of emotions in me.
“Sure,” I said. “It’s 4A.”
I pushed the open button for a few seconds, long enough for him to open the door and get in. Smoothing my tangled hair back, I wiped at my tear-stained cheeks in annoyance. I looked like a fucking mess. I knew that I did because I could feel the swelling in my eyes. As soon as I heard the knock on the door, I opened it with a relieved sigh to see Cole dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
He held out a bouquet of roses. “These are for you. I thought you might like them.”
My heart swelled at the sweet thought. I opened the door fully to accept the flowers and to let him come inside.
“Thank you,” I said, smelling one of the roses with a smile. “These are beautiful. I’m going to put them in the water right now. Make yourself at home.”
Cole shut the apartment door behind himself as he looked around with a guarded expression. I filled a vase full of water before placing the roses in the center of my little dining room table for them to get full sunlight. Nerves crashed over me again when I sat down next to Cole on the couch. Everything felt so different now. I couldn’t put my thumb on what had changed, but I could feel the gentle shift between us. It was subtle but noticeable.
He sat there with his hands clasped loosely between his knees. An hour ago, I had caught sight of those chiseled muscles and tanned skin. His face had been contorted in sheer pleasure too. It was a strange new intimacy.
“I wanted to make sure that you were okay,” Cole said and turned to look at me closely. “Are you okay?”
I kept my face as carefully guarded as possible because I didn’t know what to say exactly.
“I think I am okay,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
Cole looked at me with a long, hard stare. “Because I know that you were a virgin. You didn’t tell me it was your first time.”
I turned my head away at the disapproval in his eyes. This was the last thing I needed to deal with: being lectured.
“Does it matter if I was?”
“Yes, it does. You have to be honest with your partners about everything. If I had known that you were--”
“You wouldn’t have let yourself be with me,” I finished for him. “I know that you would’ve pulled away even if I told that I was fine with it. I don’t have regrets over what happened.”
“None at all?”
I turned to look back at him with a smile that felt shaky and wavering on my lips. “None at all. I don’t regret having sex with you. It felt great, Cole. It was everything that I hoped it would be.”
“You’re only twenty-two years old, Violet. You have no idea what sex is about, or what to expect. I have a hard time imagining that you pictured it the way it happened.”
He had a point there. I had been so lost in the desire steadily building in me to even fully comprehend that we were in his office. It wasn’t romantic, wasn’t the way I had pictured it taking place, but I refused to let that take away the pleasure I had felt.
“No, you’re right,” I said. “I didn’t imagine it going down like it did, but I’m not going to let that change my mind about how I feel.”
Cole dropped his gaze to focus on the shaggy cream-colored rug that I loved to bury my bare toes in.
“I should’ve treated you the way you deserve to be treated,” he whispered, and the guilt in his voice was unmistakable. “You have to understand that, Violet. You didn’t deserve to have your first time with someone like me on an office couch.”
I reached around to cup his face in my hands, gently drawing him back to look at me. Our eyes met. The heartache in his gaze nearly broke my own heart. He felt horrible over what happened, and while I felt confused over everything, I didn’t want him to feel ashamed. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Cole, and here he was—sitting on my couch with sagging shoulders.
“I’ve wanted you since I was fifteen,” I said firmly. “I thought for the longest it was a school girl crush. I told myself that it was, but then at my graduation party, I heard you talking to a woman on the phone. You were telling her what to do before you got back to your house.”
Cole’s eyes were fixated on me as he listened intently. “I realized right there and then that I could be the woman you wanted. I wanted to be the woman you wanted at the end of the day. I could still be if you let me in.”
The last part came out in a whisper. Cole’s jaw worked furiously, but it was hard to read anything on his face. I started to tremble as I stared at him desperately. Did he not get it? I was baring my entire soul to him. Why wasn’t he saying a word?
“You’re trembling,” Cole said quietly. “Have you taken a shower yet?”
I blinked at the observation. I glanced down my legs that were trembling with nerves, and let go of Cole’s face to stare at my hands.
“No,” I said, confused by the question. “I just got home. Why?”
Cole stood up from the couch, offering me a hand. “Come with me. You need to take a hot shower and relax.”
I didn’t argue against his logic. A hot shower with tons of soap did sound good, but to my surprise, Cole undressed alongside me. I took the time to appreciate his taut ass cheeks. They were nice to look at as Cole leaned in to turn the shower on. He let the steam build up before ushering me in with a gentle nudge, and then squeezed in behind me into the small space.
“This is tiny,” he exclaimed, every inch of him pressed up against me. “How do you shower in here without any issues?”
I burst out laughing before tears started to flow again. Seeing them in my eyes, Cole wrapped his arms around me tightly. I rested my head against his wet and hot shoulder while the water sprayed over us. It felt good to be held tightly.
“I wish we were back at my place,” he sighed, cheek resting against my head. “A bath would be much better for you.”
“How so?” I let my eyes close in pleasure when I felt Cole’s hands massage the tension in my lower back.
“Because it’d be easier to soothe you. Let me get you all washed up so you can get some sleep.”
I didn’t protest the attention. It felt good to have Cole’s dexterous fingers lathering bubbles in my hair, or smoothing a bar of soap along my back. He did all this wordlessly, and not once did I feel him harden with arousal. This was entirely different from the previous times we had touched.
This was comfort. Much needed comfort that Cole had picked up on. I could feel sleep barreling down on me hard and fast under the gentleness of his fingers.
Cole reached around me once every single bubble was washed away to twist the shower off. The tension in my muscles was gone. That ache between my legs was practically gone now when Cole helped me out of the shower to wrap us both up in a towel. He led me in the direction of my bedroom where the light was spilling in through my bedroom window from the street lamp outside.
Wordlessly, Cole pulled the covers and sheets back after fluffing up a pillow. I climbed in without an argument, my legs heavy with exhaustion. Cole sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. He smoothed a hand over my damp hair before leaning in to press a kiss on my temple.
“I’m sorry for how I treated you afterward,” he whispered. “I should’ve walked out with you and made you feel safe with me.”
A hot tear escaped my eyes. Before I could swipe at it in annoyance, Cole brushed it away with the pad of his thumb. I was tired of the tears when I didn’t even know why I felt like crying.
“It’s fine,” I whispered back and curled up on my side with the hope that I’d feel Cole climb in next to me. He didn’t. Instead, I felt him straighten the covers around me before pressing another kiss to my cheek.
“Take the rest of the week off,” he said. “You need the rest, so don’t even bother arguing with me.”
“Where should I go then?” I asked.
“Go home to the Hamptons,” Cole said and pressed one last kiss to my cheek before getting off the bed. "I have to meet with a client. Get some rest, and then we will talk after you get back. You can call me if you need me.”
I do need you. I need you now. Those words echoed in my head, but I kept them to myself while I listened to Cole get dressed before I heard the apartment door open and then close. I rolled over onto my back to stare up at the shadows dancing on the ceiling. I didn’t know what to make of Cole’s intentions anymore. He’d come to make sure that I was okay, to take care of me, and now he was gone to take care of business.
Still, those red roses on the dining room table told me that I could be optimistic. I didn’t sense a reproach in him tonight. He hadn’t launched into a lecture about how it shouldn’t have happened, or that it wouldn’t happen again. He’d come over because he felt the entire situation wasn’t good enough for me.
A week away did sound good, even though I would have to deal with my mother’s pestering. It would give me some time to sort out my emotions a bit.
Cautiously optimistic. That was how I felt as I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.