Chapter 20
Gemma
The past three weeks had been heart-wrenching, and the only thing to distract me from my misery was the gala which was finally a day away.
Lila and I had spent an entire Saturday combing through stores to find the perfect formals, and though I didn’t want him to, Whitt bought my dress. It had been hard to think up a good reason to tell Lila I didn’t want him to buy it without being suspicious, and the boss excuse didn't hold.
“He’s your boss,” she had said. “He’s giving you a bonus. No biggie.” It was Lila’s logical thinking, but inside I was screaming.
The dress hung on the back of my closet door, and I hadn’t stopped looking at it and wondering what would happen at the gala. Would Whitt want to talk to me? Or would he focus on Lila and their first daddy/daughter night in over a year?
Then there was Dax, just thinking about him and the possibility that he might try something with me had my stomach in knots. We’d only had a few lunch dates, and I’d managed to make an excuse for everything but the gala, which I’d only accepted because I’d wanted to make Whitt jealous after the whole Ashley ordeal.
My drive into work was brutal, and even though it was Friday, it may as well have been a Monday for the energy I had. My stomach had been queasy the day before, and now it was distended and tight, especially in my lower abdomen. To make matters worse, my nipples felt like someone had taken sandpaper to them and even my bra was torture, so I had decided to leave it at home.
I didn’t know what was wrong, but I was considering a good cleanse if it didn’t line out.
When I got to my office, the scent from the commercial air freshener stung my nose in a way it never had, and I dropped everything on my desk, covered my mouth, and ran to Whitt’s bathroom where he found me dry heaving upon his arrival.
“Are you okay, Gemma?” He pushed the door all the way open and leaned against it.
“Get out! I’m just a little queasy is all. My dinner last night, I guess.” I waved my hand, but he wasn’t budging. I didn’t want him to see me that way; sprawled on the floor hugging the toilet.
“Can I get you anything?” The last thing I wanted was his half-hearted attempt to baby me.
“No, I’m fine.” I stood up and stumbled as the room spun.
“Whoa, I got you.” Whitt’s arms were welcome around me, and the warmth of his embrace made me want to cry. “Come in here and sit down.”
“I’ll just go to my desk. I hope I’m not coming down with something. Katie down the hall had a terrible stomach flu.” He walked me to my desk and passed me the water bottle from beside my bag.
“The gala is tomorrow; perhaps you should go home and get some rest, so you’ll be able to make it. I’d hate to think that pretty dress would go to waste or that handsome date.” His tone was dulled with disdain.
“Are you jealous?” I met his eyes with a challenging stare.
“It wouldn’t matter if I was.”
“That’s not true. Things don’t have to be this way.” My brows rose as my expression softened.
He raked his hand through his hair and looked away. “Do you want to drive or should I arrange for a ride?” That was his way of ignoring the subject.
“I’ll manage.” I wrapped my arms around myself.
“Gemma. I don’t want things to be like they have been the past few weeks. I’d like us to be friends.” Friends, not lovers, not in a relationship.
A lump formed in my throat. “I wish I was your date.” He turned his head and looked away as I stood and stepped closer. “Will you save a dance for me?”
“Of course, Gemma.” I kissed his cheek as he let out a long breath and then I gathered my things and headed home.
I started feeling better the later it got, and I was glad that whatever it was had passed. Lila called to check on me at lunch, and I talked to her instead of eating because I still didn’t have an appetite.
“Daddy said I should check on you and that you left work sick. You’re not going to miss the gala, are you?
“No, I’m feeling much better. Still not good enough to chance eating, but maybe in a couple of hours. I thought it was the stomach flu going around the office, but I feel pretty normal now. It just hit me this morning, and then I walked into the office, and the smell pushed me over the edge.”
“If I knew you were seeing someone on a serious level, I’d swear you were pregnant.”
“Why would you think that? What do you know about pregnancy?” I wondered if Lila had another scare and held my breath as she explained.
“Remember Jodi Holloway? She said she couldn’t stand the smell of certain things when she was pregnant.” She paused a minute. “You’re not sleeping with Dax, are you?” Her tone was full of shock and awe, and I found it a bit hypocritical. My face flushed as I thought about being pregnant and I recalled missing a pill shortly before Whitt, and I had been together the first time. I hadn’t thought much of it because I’d gotten on track again, but suddenly panic shot through me like a thunderbolt, and I placed my hand on my tummy.
I had to respond, but my brain was so scrambled all I could do was lash out. “No! But if I were, he’s not much older than Daniel.” My tone was much harder than usual, and I felt bad for snapping at Lila.
Her tone changed to one more defensive. “I know, it’s just you said you didn’t like him in that way, so I didn’t think he’d be the one to punch your v-card.”
“Right. Sorry. I don’t mean to be moody.” I had not told her anything about my sexual experiences for obvious reasons, and she should have known that if I had lost my virginity with Dax, that I would have told her all about it immediately.
“It’s okay. You’re tired. You probably had a twenty-four-hour virus or something. Have you been eating saltines and drinking plenty of water?”
“Yes, Nurse Lila.” I giggled trying to lighten the mood, but inside I was dying. This couldn’t be.
“I know. Old habits and all; and don’t let my dad hear you call me that. He’ll be pushing me to go back to nursing school.” She’d given up that dream and traded it for another one, but her dad had been so disappointed ever since that the subject was off-limits.
“Well, I better get back to bed and rest up, so I’m as fresh as rain tomorrow.” I was going to hang up and go immediately to the pharmacy and buy a test.
“Okay, feel better, and I’ll see you tomorrow. You can come over and get ready at my house, and Dax can meet you there if you want.” I hadn’t thought about it, but I’d see Whitt if I did. I hoped I wouldn’t have something to tell him.
“Sounds great.” I wasn’t sure it would work out with Dax hosting, but we’d see. My only focus as I said my goodbyes and hung up the phone was getting my ass to the pharmacy.
I threw on some sweat pants, with my tummy being so tight that my jeans were uncomfortable, and finished off the ensemble with a loose-fitting shirt and flip flops. I wasn’t about fashion, but I was in a mad rush to find out if none of my clothes would fit in a few months.
I thought about how stupid I’d been to let him take risks, but with his age, I figured he’d known what he was doing. I should have spoken up, but honestly, I’d wanted him to finish in me. Maybe subconsciously I had wanted this to happen? No, there was no way I’d even thought about a baby before.
I was too young to be a mother, and at Whitt’s age, I’m sure the last thing he’d ever wanted was another baby. Lila had been an only child, and perhaps there was a reason for that.
I went into the pharmacy across town hoping I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew and found the tests. I had no idea there would be so many types, and so I chose three different ones and took them up to the register.
The short woman behind the counter gave me a knowing grin and scanned each one and put them in a bag and as I paid the ticket, she leaned in close. “Have you been trying long?”
I didn’t know what she was talking about at first and then I realized. What could I say? That I’d been screwing my boss who happened to be my best friend’s dad, and now I was probably carrying his baby. Hell no, it hadn’t been planned. “Yeah, a few months now. Wish me luck.” I passed off my card with a fake smile plastered across my face, and she placed her hand on mine after she took the money.
“Babies are a blessing. I wish you the best.” She had a sweet smile, but she gave me the creeps. As I walked out, I passed a woman who was big and so far along in her pregnancy that she looked like she was about to explode, and she wasn’t smiling. Not even at the little girl who held her hand.
I got home and went into the bathroom and read the instructions and all three seemed to need the same ingredient. Urine.
I hadn’t drunk much with not feeling well and had only taken a few sips of water with my crackers earlier that morning, so having to pee wasn’t part of my immediate plans. Needing to, however, was.
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a huge glass of water and gulped it down. Then I took another one and sipped it while I waited for things to kick in. I sat on the couch in my living room and turned on the TV and found that every daytime show on at that hour had something to do with babies; either feeding them, changing them, or even giving birth to them. I caught the ass end of a C-section on one channel and turned off the TV. I lay back on the couch and closed my eyes not wanting to think about anything, especially how the baby would come out if it was inside me.
I thought maybe a nap would do the trick and I could wake up and take the tests with no problem. But I couldn’t sleep. Instead, I kept thinking about Whitt and how disappointed he’d be. Would he think I’d done it on purpose? That I was somehow trying to trap him? I crossed my arms over my stomach and rolled over onto my side.
I couldn’t even imagine what a child of ours might be like, and the idea seemed so unimaginable that I was sure if I was pregnant then I’d be in denial for the entire nine-month stretch.
I sat up and went back to the kitchen to pour another glass when the urge hit me, so I raced down to the bathroom and to my relief, filled the cup.
I did what I needed to the tests and left them alone while I paced the room and got up the courage to look at them. This was the moment of truth.
I stepped forward and read the indicators, all of which were reading positive. There was no doubt. I was going to have Whitt’s baby.
I sank to the floor and wept and stayed there for a good hour just thinking about how to tell him, if I should tell him, and what Lila would think.
Our secret would be exposed in a matter of time unless I came up with a story and lied to Whitt. I couldn’t do that though; I couldn’t let him think I’d been with another or push him out of a chance with his child if he wanted it. What if he wanted me to get rid of it to protect Lila?
I picked myself up off the floor and washed my face. Then, I looked in the mirror and placed my hand on my lower abdomen. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, and in my mind, a perfect image of my child illustrated, and he had Whitt’s handsome face and my bright blue eyes. But then what if it was a girl? I imagined her too, clearly and without a doubt, which was strange because an hour earlier I couldn’t even fathom the thought of a baby.
It showed me how the power of knowledge could change things and I decided there was no way I could keep this from Whitt. I’d have to tell him at the gala.