Chapter 29

Jessi

I left straight from my latest photo shoot and headed to the hospital. My father wasn’t expected to be released for another few days and I wanted to give my mom a break. She had packed a bag and had been staying by my father’s side, but she wasn’t taking care of herself in the process. She wasn’t showering or eating well. She was constantly hounding Dad and causing him more stress than relief. I made my way for the hospital and parked my car, then took a moment to breathe.

My father was going to be okay.

I had to keep telling myself that.

Walking into the room, I found my father sleeping. Mom was hunched over on his bed, her cheek pressed against his hand. My heart ached for the two of them. For the pain my father was in and the fear my mother was experiencing. He was stabilized, but also on oxygen. It was helping to reduce his stress levels until he could heal from his bypass surgery.

I knew my visit would have to be short so he could stay rested and I understood. I just hoped my mother would take the time to get herself a little shower in the process.

“That my princess?”

My mother’s head shot up from the bed as I smiled from the doorway.

“Hey, Daddy. How are you feeling today?”

“Like I could go for a Big Mac. They aren’t hardly feeding me anything in here,” he said.

“Marcus, that isn’t funny,” my mother said.

“Mom. Why don’t you go clean yourself up? I’ll sit here with Dad until you’re done,” I said.

“Yes, sweetheart. Go brush those teeth. It’s ruining my appetite,” my father said, with a grin.

“If you weren’t recuperating from surgery, you’d be in for it,” my mother said.

“Love you too, sweetheart. Go clean yourself up. Jessi can look after me.”

I reached out for my father’s hand as my mother made her way into the bathroom. I brought my father’s hand to my lips for a kiss and he smiled weakly at me. I tried to hold back my tears as I looked into his eyes. The eyes of the man I’d almost lost a couple days ago.

“You can’t scare me like that, Daddy. Okay?” I asked.

“Ah, it was just a small attack,” he said.

“A double-bypass surgery isn’t anything small. And you know you can’t eat Big Macs anymore.”

“I know, I know. My eating habits have to change. But can’t I eat a steak or something? You can cook that on a nonstick pan without all the butter and oil.”

“They making you eat salads?” I asked.

“Worse. Healthy shakes. I still don’t know how you drink those in the mornings.”

“You’ll get used to them. As your body adjusts to your new diet, you can add some cool things. Like fruits and nuts. Maybe some chia seeds.”

“A snickers bar.”

“Daddy,” I said with a giggle.

“Come here, princess.”

I leaned up to hug my father as a tear leaked down my cheek. I drew in a shaky breath and he held me even closer. I couldn’t imagine my life without my father in it. Despite the fighting we had done when I told my family I was pregnant, he was everything to me. The family provider and the one we always went to for guidance. My fierce protector and my greatest champion when it came to my career. Always willing to help someone out and never afraid to teach someone a lesson they needed to learn.

He was a good man.

A man that couldn’t be replaced.

“I know I can’t stay long,” I said. “But I wanted to come by and see you after my shoot this morning.”

“How’d it go?” he asked, as he released me.

“It went well. You’re looking at the new spokeswoman for Curvy Leggings.”

“That’s fantastic, honey. I take it their product is good?” he asked.

“Very good. I’ve already got four pairs in my stash and I’m ready to add more as their new prints come out.”

“My beautiful princess. I’m so proud of you,” my father said.

When my mother came out of the bathroom, I kissed my father goodbye. Gathering my things, I walked out of the room, my eyes cast to the floor. I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders. My life was careening in so many directions. I had never felt this emotionally unstable before.

Well, except when Chris left.

Lost in my thoughts, I ran right into someone, and it almost took me to the floor. It shocked me out of my trance and I started scrambling to pick up my things. I felt someone’s hands come down onto my arms and I whipped my head up to see who it was.

It was Justin.

And he didn’t look upset.

“Could we go grab some dinner and talk?” he asked.

“Um—sure. Yeah. Aren’t you here to see Dad, though?” I asked.

“I can see him after dinner. I really wanna talk to you.”

I followed my brother to the hospital cafeteria. I picked out a few things and grabbed a very big drink. I was going to need a lot of caffeine to get through this conversation and I didn’t want to blow it.

As much as my brother had pissed me off, I missed him.

“Jessi, I wanna apologize. You know, for how I’ve been acting lately.”

I nodded my head as I brought the straw of my drink to my lips.

“If you wanna be with Chris, then I can’t stop you from doing that. After our last encounter, I saw how much he cared for you. How quickly he was willing to step up and make sure you were safe.”

“He’s always been that way,” I said. “He’s very kind, despite his outward demeanor.”

“I saw the two of you pulling up together and I was angry. But not because you two were together. You waited almost two years to tell me the two of you had been together but never mentioned that you two were striking things up again. It was yet another secret I had found out about you that involved my best friend and I lost my head.”

“What I do with Chris is none of your business,” I said.

“And I completely respect that. I also know I’ll need to support you guys, especially once Mom and Dad find out you two are together. But Jessi, you have to tell him he’s a dad. You’ve gotta tell him about Caleb.”

“I know. And I am willing to do that. I will soon, I promise,” I said.

“No. Not soon. Now.”

“You and Megan think it’s so simple, but it’s not,” I said. “You don’t just sit someone down and announce it out of thin air. This is a big deal. Justin, I never expected to see him again.”

“And I get that. I do. But even Roxy saw the similarities between Caleb and Chris. It’s only a matter of time before everyone else catches on. Including him. And that’s if he hasn’t already.”

“Wait, you think Chris knows? Justin, if you fucking told him—”

“I haven’t told him anything. But it’s time for you to grow a pair of cojones and woman up to this situation. I don’t know why you haven’t told him up until this point, and I don’t care. But if you want support in this situation, then you have to tell him and stop playing the victim.”

“He left me, Justin. Not the other way around.”

“Jessi, he left all of us. You weren’t the only one struck by his absence. That man’s my best fucking friend. We grew up down the damn road from each other. But you don’t see me lording it over his head.”

“He didn’t get you pregnant,” I said.

“It was your choice to sleep with him unprotected. You have to own up to that. But Chris is a good guy and he deserves to know he’s a father. Put the victim act away and talk to him, Jessi.”

“I have no idea what Chris and I are doing right now. I don’t know if we’re in a relationship or fooling around. I have no idea if he’s going to stay or leave out of the blue next week. I don’t know because I don’t trust him.”

“I don’t think that’s it. I don’t know what’s it, but it’s not that,” he said. “Jessi, him being a father would give him a reason to stay.”

“I don’t want him to stay for Caleb,” I said.

“Then what do you want?”

“I want him to stay for me.”

A silence fell over the conversation as I slumped back into my chair. Tears I didn’t know were brewing in my eyes slowly slid down my cheeks. I crossed my arms over my chest and felt an ache in the pit of my gut.

Then, I drew in a deep breath.

“I cried myself to sleep for weeks, Justin. Chris left, changed his number, and that was that. I thought I’d done something wrong. I thought he’d left because of me. And for weeks, I wanted him to come back for me like he promised.”

“What?” Justin asked.

“He promised me the world. That he would find his way in his career and take me with him. He promised me a future, then he left and never came back.”

I felt my brother’s stare on me as I closed my eyes.

“And when I found out I was pregnant, I dreamed for months that he would come back for me. I’d be barefoot and pregnant on the porch and he’d drive up and swagger out of the car and wrap me in his arms. Tell me it was gonna be okay. That he was back and successful and that he wasn’t going anywhere. And every night, I comforted myself with that dream. That one day we would be a family. That he would tell me he loved me like I knew deep down he did. But he never showed back up, Justin. I was left to battle you and Mom and Dad by myself. Alone. Then I gave birth to his twin and every time I looked at Caleb for the first two months of his life, I cried. That man robbed me of the beauty of my pregnancy and the happiness of my son’s first two months of life. So forgive me if I’m still not fucking over it.”

I was so confused. I was the one who was supposed to be leading Chris on, and instead I was sitting in the same position I was in a year and half ago. Wondering where Chris and I stood and wondering if things would be okay. Wondering if he felt the same way I did and wondering if he had any idea how much he was hurting me. Everything was in an uproar and nothing felt rooted to the ground. It was like I was floating through space, unable to breathe and aching with the lack of oxygen.

I felt someone’s arm slip around me and I jumped before I found my brother’s eyes.

“Then start with that,” Justin said. “When you talk with Chris, and it needs to be soon, start with that. Start with the truth, then work your way around things from there. It’s all you can do. But there’s a good chance he’s got no idea how you feel right now. He’s a guy, after all. We only know and understand so much.”

“He’s going to hate me,” I said.

“Maybe so. But he won’t hate that little boy. He’ll kill himself trying to make sure Caleb’s okay. And you need to give him that chance.”

I sighed as I leaned into my brother, allowing the tears to fall on his shirt. I knew he was right. I knew they were all right. I had to sit down and talk with Chris. Maybe if I was honest with him, then he would be honest with me about why he left. Maybe it was time for me to set aside this childish plan of hurting him and own up to all of this like an adult.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll talk to him soon.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise, Justin. I’ll talk to Chris soon. About everything.”

“Good,” he said. “Because the both of you deserve closure. It’s what the two of you will need if you guys really wanna work on things.”

I leaned heavier into my brother’s embrace. It had been a long time since he had comforted me like this. I missed this closeness with him. I missed the closeness with my family. Things had become so tense ever since having Caleb and I wanted us all to get back on track.

But that meant talking with Chris.

I couldn’t get anything back on track until I talked with the father of my child.