Chapter 12: Katie
I had given up on seeing Grant again after our heated exchange at the flower bed and I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him after he’d insinuated that I told on him to Halle. As if I’d have that discussion with my best friend. Not only would she be devastated to learn about his habits, but it wasn’t exactly the type of conversation I wanted to have with my best friend about her father.
I’d picked up my coffee mug and walked it back to the kitchen when I heard a gentle knock on my backdoor.
I opened it and leaned against the jamb. “I wasn’t expecting you’d show.”
“Sorry I came around back, I can go around front if it makes it more official for you?” His tone wasn’t mocking or sarcastic, and I searched his eyes to make sure before stepping aside and letting him in.
“You’re welcome at either door.” I pulled the door to and breezed past him toward the office and he followed.
“That’s generous of you considering my tone yesterday. I’m sorry I suggested you’d told my daughter. I should know you’re more mature than that.”
“You might want to save the generous remark for after you get my bill.” We shared a laugh and I gestured for him to have a seat on the sofa.
He lowered himself and then pulled the pillow out from behind him. “I wish you had come to the gathering. There were several men your age there and I think you would have had a good time. The offer still stands and I’m hosting again this week.”
“I appreciate that, but what makes you so sure that I should be interested in men my age. I can assure you that I younger men aren’t my preference.” Been there, done that. No I preferred my men much older; closer to his age than my own.
His brows lifted and he stretched an arm across the back of the couch. “I’m sorry, though I feel it’s an honest mistake.”
I shrugged and flashed a warm smile. “You’re absolutely right and it is quite a fair mistake, but I think it’s time to steer the conversation in its intended direction seeing that it’s your session.”
“Ah, back to the diagnosis.” He shook his head and chuckled.
“If you want to call it that, it could be fitting. I do think you have something that has been recognized as a disease.”
“I can assure you I have no diseases.” His brows furrowed and he shifted in his seat.
“That’s good to know, but I’m not talking about those types of diseases.” He dropped his hand from the back of the couch and brought it around front as if to hold himself together and I wondered if I’d made him angry as I continued. “Have you ever considered that you’re a sex addict?”
The laughter belted from his depths and punched my ears. “That’s ridiculous. The fact that I enjoy sex doesn’t mean that I’m addicted. I’ve set boundaries and I follow them.”
“Having boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t have an issue with sex, in fact it can mean that you’re bargaining as a way to justify having so much of it.”
“I don’t have to have to justify wanting to fuck. I enjoy it, I’m good at it, and—
I held my hand up. “There’s no need to defend your actions to me. I’m not judging you.”
He leaned forward, red-faced with anger. “I’m not defending myself. I’m telling you how it is.” I stared at him blank-faced until he looked away. A soft curse fell from his lips as he took a few deep breaths.
“I’m not here to judge, but I do think it’s important for you to admit that’s what’s going on with you.” I kept my voice monotone.
“I’m not like some alcoholic or druggie. I can stop having sex, it isn’t the same.”
“How do you know? What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?”
“I went two years when my wife was dying and shortly after her death.” He raked his hand through his hair and then glared out the window.
“I don’t think you were an addict then. I think this is more recent. So tell me, recently how long have you gone without sex?”
“I didn’t hook up after my party last week.” He threw both hands up like his statement had just proven his case and I was surprised to say the least.
My brow furrowed with confusion. “You didn’t?” I thought that was the whole point of him hosting his group.
“No. I didn’t. Care to know why?” His eyes were like daggers now, and I thought a moment before responding.
“Yes. Why didn’t you?” I felt the lump hit my throat as I waited for his response.
“Because I wanted you to show up and you didn’t. And then at the party you were all I could think about.”
“Do you think that your preoccupation with me is because you consider me taboo?”
“I don’t think you’re taboo. Society does. My daughter would. My peers would.”
“I don’t believe that you care too much about what they all think. If you did you wouldn’t be participating in the parties and random hookups.”
He shrugged. “That’s discreet.”
I leaned in closer. “Anyone could out you at any time. But it is the most convenient outlet for your addiction, which is why you won’t give it up and why I don’t think too much about your limits and boundaries.”
“So what do you make of me not fucking anyone else because I wanted you? I’ve not been exclusive since my wife’s death.”
“Did you go without or did you simply find other ways of getting your release?”
His jaw set tight and then he looked away before meeting my eyes like it was the most ridiculous question ever. “You’re asking me if I masturbated.” I nodded and he seemed offended. “So what if I did?”
“It would prove that you didn’t go without a release. You found a way to get what you craved, what you’re truly addicted to and that’s the release.”
He placed his hand to his chest and I noticed the bulk of his muscle beneath his button-down. “I’m not some chronic masturbator who can’t control his urges.”
“I’m not saying you are. Not at all. I’m only pointing out that you seek release foremost.”
“So what if it’s an addiction, there are worse things to be addicted to in life. I’m not some tweaking meth head.” His lip curled in disgust.
“So you’re admitting that you have a problem?”
“Why not, I’ve admitted much worse.” He gave me a grin.
I crossed my legs and smoothed down my skirt. “Does it embarrass you to admit you wanted me?”
He leaned in close, his eyes shining like white hot flames. “No, and there is no past tense there, Katherine. I want you. If only you knew what went through my mind as I worked my cock thinking about you.” A pulsing ache burned deep in my core and I wanted him too.
“Do you think that you shock me, Mr. Roberts?”
He chuckled. “I don’t think it bothers you one tiny bit other than making you burn with desires I want to quench.”
“You’re sure of yourself.” I tried to calm my panting, but my chest rose and fell to betray me.
“You want to know what I thought of while I stroked my hard cock, I thought of you watching me for that ten minutes while I buried myself deep inside the woman on my veranda. I thought about what you did after that.” My face burned with blush and he smiled in satisfaction that he’d gotten to me. “Does that make you uncomfortable, Katherine?”
“Not at all.” I lifted my chin defiantly and clenched my core tight. It ached with need, crying out for the attention I needed from him. I wondered what was left of his shredded boundaries.
He stood and crossed the room only to stop at the door where he turned and stared me dead in the eyes. “Liar.” The words fell from his lips, not like an accusation, but like a challenge.