Chapter 32

Christopher

I woke up with Jessi in my arms again and I smiled. Gazing into her beautiful face was the highlight of my time with her. I felt her leg tense around my hips, thrown over me during a dream she had last night. I tightened my grasp around her and pulled her close to me, then planted a soft kiss onto her forehead.

It stirred her from her slumber and the sight of her sleepy smile tugged at my heart.

“Care for some coffee?” I asked.

“Gimme a sec and I’ll get up,” Jessi said.

“Nope. You stay here. I’m sure I can work your coffee maker.”

I slid from her grasp and searched for my boxers. I pulled them on before reaching for my pants, then walked out into the kitchen. I made us a pot of coffee and started searching her cabinets, looking for a couple of mugs for us to use.

“The cabinet next to the fridge,” Jessi said. “I’ll get the creamer.”

We danced around one another, a soft rhythm we had become accustomed to. We made our coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, my eyes scanning the pieces of skin still showing from underneath her robe. Her neck was red from my little bites and her chest was flushed with a deep crimson color. Her eyes were dancing along my bare chest, taking in the chiseled muscles I kept tight for my career.

I loved the fact that she enjoyed my body.

“Chris?”

“Mhm?”

“Could we talk?” Jessi asked.

My eyes connected with hers and I felt my heart speed up a bit.

“Sure,” I said. “What’s up?”

“There’s something I need to get off my chest. But I want you to listen. Just—listen.”

“Okay,” I said.

But I already knew what was coming.

I already knew the bomb she was about to drop.

“When I got pregnant, it was devastating to me. I just knew it would ruin the career I was gunning for, but I also knew I could never tell my family who Caleb’s father was. I knew if they found out, it would cause so much turmoil and heartache. People would be angry and disappointed, and I was carrying enough of that around already.”

I took a sip of my coffee, my hand gripping the mug tighter with every word she spoke.

“I kept telling people I didn’t know who the father was, and every time I said that my father got angrier. We had so many fights about it. So many fights my mother had to referee. My brother kept begging me to tell him who it was and my mother tried to smooth everything over. She offered for me to stay with them so they could help me raise Caleb, but my father and I had a massive fight.”

“Over what?” I asked.

“He called me a whore. Said I was never really serious about my career if it was so easy for me to go out and get pregnant. I knew he didn’t mean any of it. He was angry because I wouldn’t tell him who the father was. But it was a bad fight. It’s what prompted me to move out and get this place, and ever since Caleb was born things have been tense.”

“Things don’t seem tense when I’m around your family,” I said.

“They’re getting better, but they’re not the best. Justin comes around a few times a month to see Caleb. But the reason why I was so reluctant to give Caleb to my mother last night was because of all this tension in the family. They know I know who the father is and they’re angry that I won’t tell. So, I finally broke down and told Justin.”

“The day he confronted you on your porch,” I said.

“And his reaction is the exact reason why I never told anyone,” she said.

“What are you saying, Jessi?”

“Chris—you—”

I watched tears well in her eyes as she cast her gaze into her coffee.

“You’re Caleb’s father, Chris.”

It was whispered. Quiet. Like a desperate prayer or a secret she still wasn’t ready to give up. And even though I knew it was coming and knew in the pit of my gut that I was Caleb’s father, it still hit me like a brick. It still stopped my heart and robbed me of my breath. Uttering it out loud— having verbal confirmation of my theory—made it real.

I was a fucking father.

“I had my suspicions,” I said. “Especially after Roxy’s comment.”

“I’m so sorry, Chris,” Jessi said. “I never meant to—”

“You had your time to talk, and now it’s my turn.”

Her watery gaze whipped up to me and I threw up my wall. I couldn’t let those puppy dog eyes get to me. I couldn’t allow myself to feel sorry for her. She had dug this hole for herself. No matter her reasoning, I had missed out on the majority of my son’s first year of life. I had been back in town for over a month, and she hadn’t come out and told me until this very moment. She had kept this secret from her family. Her friends. Her brother, for fuck’s sake.

“I’ve been in town for other a month,” I said.

“I know, Chris, I—”

“Let me speak,” I said. “And in all that time, it never occurred to you to tell me I had a son?”

“I thought you were going to leave after the runway show. I figured you’d disappear like you did and then things would go back to the way they were. I didn’t think you were here to stay.”

“That was still three weeks ago, Jessi.”

“This isn’t all my fault, Chris. Even if I had wanted to tell you, I had no way of getting in touch with you. And if we hadn’t had that runway show together, would you have actually thought to have called me? Justin, sure. You guys are ass buddies. But did you even once consider the fact that you had no intention of calling me once you got back into town?” she asked.

“I would’ve contacted you,” I said.

“Eventually.”

“You intentionally hid this from me. I’m a father, and it didn’t occur to you to tell me until just now.”

“You don’t get to pin all of this on me. You’re just as responsible for all of this as I am,” she said.

I was having a hard time wrapping my head around things. It felt like the walls were closing in and Jessi’s voice was getting angrier. This was not how I saw this morning going and I knew Caleb couldn’t come home to all of this tension between us.

Between his mother and his fucking father.

“I need some time to think,” I said.

“You were gone for a year and a half and now you want time to think?” Jessi asked.

“You don’t get to keep throwing that in my face!” I said. “You have no idea why the hell I left town. All of the bullshit I went through and how it almost cost me my career. You know nothing!”

“Then tell me!” she said.

“Like you told me about Caleb!?”

Tears were streaming down her face and part of me wanted to wrap her up in my arms. Hold her close and soothe her fears away. But part of me was angry. Angry at the circumstance and angry at my family. Angry for being chased away by my fucking mother and angry at missing my son’s first year of life. Angry that Jessi hadn’t tried harder—or at all—to track me down, and angry that she was trying to blame her family’s circumstance on me.

“I have to go,” I said.

Jessi was talking in the background, but I couldn’t hear her words. I dug my keys out of my pocket and left her apartment, shirtless and gunning for my car. I slammed into my car and skidded out of the parking lot, my hands gripping the steering wheel as tightly as I could.

I had to call Justin.

I had to figure out why the fuck my best friend didn’t tell me when he found out.

“Hello?”

“What the fuck?” I asked.

“Chris?”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me when you found out?” I asked.

“Chris, where are you?” Justin asked.

“Answer my fucking question!”

“Because she’s my sister, dude. And she begged me not to tell you because she wanted to do it on her own time. I take it she told you?”

“Yeah she fucking told me. Why the hell was this kept from me?”

“In her defense, you sort of bailed for a year and a half,” he said.

“So you’re taking her side?”

“Yes, because she’s my sister and the mother of my nephew,” he said.

“So who the fuck’s taking my side? Huh? The side of the man who didn’t know he was a father until just now?”

“I’m on your side, too. But you can’t be upset with me over this. That’s my sister, and the shit storm she weathered to keep this a secret from my parents was unprecedented. My father called her a whore, man.”

“So she told me.”

“And you’re still angry with her?” he asked.

“I’ve missed out on most of my son’s first year of life!”

“And whose fault is that?”

I knew Justin was right. And I knew Jessi was partially right as well. But I wasn’t ready to hear that. What I wanted was for someone to be angry along with me. What I wanted was someone in my corner. Like Jessi had people in hers. I hung up the phone and tossed it to the floorboard of my car, then raced back to my beach house. I stormed in and found a shirt, ripping it over my head.

I needed a damn shirt if I was going to get into work.

My phone kept ringing on the floorboard of my car and I knew who it was. Jessi was gonna blow me the fuck up all day. Justin probably called her and told her what we had talked about. Probably told her I was screaming like a crazy fucking person or some shit. But I wasn’t ready to talk to her. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone.

The only thing I was ready to do was be angry.

Even if I didn’t have a reason to be.