Chapter 20
Violet
The tears refused to stop, no matter how hard I told myself to stop crying or to be the bigger woman here. I was twenty-two years old. I was old enough to know when it was time to stop crying, but I couldn’t get over that cold and angry look on Cole’s face. I couldn’t get over that look of sheer desperation and panic, similar to an animal that was trapped in a cage with a pending death.
That hurt the worst.
I ignored my mother’s worried phone calls for the next day. I didn’t care if she showed up unannounced at this point. The nausea never stopped, along with the tears. Nor did my fingers as they texted Cole for the hundredth time this afternoon.
I’m sorry, Cole. This was the last thing that I wanted to deal with too. This baby doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Please get that.
I was overwhelmed again by a bout of nausea. Throwing my phone down on the couch, I ran into the bathroom to throw up the small breakfast I had managed to keep down for at least an hour. There was no way that I could walk into Crayton, Inc feeling this way, and not drawing any more attention to myself. It was going to be hard enough trying to face Cole after what happened in his penthouse suite.
I returned to the living room to curl up on the couch to call Cheryl again for the second time.
“Are you sure that you don’t need someone to take you to the doctor, honey?” Cheryl asked worriedly. “I’m worried about you staying hydrated with all this throwing up you’re telling me about. Are you sure you don’t want me to come by? I am on my way out. It’s honestly not a problem.”
“I just want to get some sleep,” I said, rubbing my stomach with hot tears pouring down my face. “I’ll be okay. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to stay home for an extra day. I texted Mr. Crayton, but—”
“He wasn’t even in the office today,” Cheryl said. “I’m not sure what happened, but he called in to reschedule his meetings for the week. He hasn’t been in the best of moods.”
My heart clenched. Because of me. I’m having his baby, and he’s freaking the hell out. I bit my lip to keep that from coming out, though. That was the last thing that I needed to come out.
“Right. Well, I just wanted to let you know that I’m staying in today. I don’t know about tomorrow, either.”
I didn’t know, period, if I was ever going to be able to go back to Crayton, Inc to face Cole and everyone else. There was no way in hell that I was going to give this baby up or end the pregnancy. I wanted nothing more than Cole’s arms around me right now, telling me that it was going to be okay.
A baby was the last thing I had expected to happen, but a small part of me had wanted it. I wanted the whole enchilada when it came to Cole—a picture perfect family that loved one another. There was no doubt in my head that Cole loved me, but he was fighting it. He refused to look past the guilt of lying to my parents. He was too concerned about what others would think of him or what the tabloids would say about us.
I didn’t care about any of that. I was carrying Cole Crayton’s baby, and that was all that mattered to me. Nothing else.
“I’ll let him know if he comes in tomorrow,” Cheryl said kindly. “Take care of yourself, honey. Get some rest, and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me on my cell. I keep it on me at all times.”
“Thank you, Cheryl. I’ll let you know if I need anything, but I’m sure that I’ll be okay.”
I left my phone to charge before taking a hot shower, followed by a dreamless nap that stretched well into the evening hours. When I awoke, the evening sunlight was coming through my living room windows, and I had another missed call from my mom. Nothing from Cole.
Tears filled my eyes again as I sank down on the couch with a watery sigh. Why did things have to be so complicated? I wasn’t a naïve young teenager in a relationship with an older man. I was an adult in a consenting relationship with a man that I loved, but everything now felt forbidden and empty after what Cole said.
I tried to call Cole’s phone again, but it went straight to voicemail. Again.
That’s how it was going to be. He didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby anymore. He wanted our relationship to stay casual, commitment free, but I never wanted that. I wanted Cole to myself. Falling in love with another man didn’t even seem remotely possible to me. Not now with Cole’s baby growing in my stomach with each passing day. Everything had changed with that positive pregnancy test.
And I had no idea what I was going to do if Cole refused to talk to me.
My phone buzzed again. I glanced down at the caller ID with a grimace when I saw that it was my mother calling. I had to answer it. I had to tell someone what happened, but it wasn’t going to be my mother. It could not be my mother. I had no doubts about her reaction to everything if I told her. ‘We raised you to be smarter, Violet. How could you be so fucking stupid when it came to this sort of thing?’
Love and lust blinded me. That would be my answer to everything.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, blankly. “I’m sorry I haven’t picked up your calls.”
“Or returned them,” Gloria pointed out. “What’s going on with you, baby girl? I can hear that you’ve been crying.”
I rolled my eyes at the understatement. “I just haven’t felt well. I’ve been sick to my stomach for the past few days, so I’ve been in my apartment sleeping as much as I possibly can.”
Freaking out, too. I was doing plenty of that while trying to get a hold of Cole in between trips to the bathroom to puke up anything that I consumed.
“Oh, honey. You should’ve told me you weren’t feeling good. I could’ve come to the city to take you to the doctor.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom. I’m going to the doctor in a couple of days if I don’t feel better anyway.”
“Are you sure?” Gloria asked, concern thick in her voice. “We have a party this weekend. I don’t want you looking like death warmed over in front of everyone.”
There it was again. My mother was obsessed with reputation and images. If anyone in the Hamptons found out the truth of what was going on between Cole and me, there would be an uproar of scandal and gossip with my mom spearheading all of it. She was not the one to keep secrets.
“I’m not going, Mom,” I said moodily. “I don’t want to go if I feel like shit now. That’s only a few days away, and I don’t want to leave the city for one party that doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.”
“Ryan will be here at this party, Vi. Remember that you promised to give this a try?”
“I never promised you anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The buzz of the intercom surprised me. I rose from the couch on wobbly legs to look out the living room window, but I couldn’t find anyone standing out on the street as they normally did to catch someone’s attention. The intercom buzzed again.
“I have to go,” I said. “Someone’s buzzing the intercom. I’ll call you next week.”
“Wait—”
I tossed the phone down on the couch. My mood was already bad enough with dealing with my mother’s shallow concern, so I pushed the intercom button with more force than necessary.
“Look, asshole, you don’t need to push the button repeatedly to get anyone’s attention around here.”
“It’s me, Violet. It’s Cole.”
My heart skipped a beat at the sound of Cole’s voice, but anger quickly built up inside of me. I pushed the button back to reply. “I’ve been trying to call you for the past two days, Cole. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to talk,” he buzzed back. “Will you let me in so we can talk in privacy?”
Something was off about his voice. I couldn’t place it. For a moment, I hesitated in letting him come up. I had no idea what Cole was thinking, but from the grave tone of his voice, it wasn’t going to end well for me. I clung to hope still. He showed up. That was a start compared to the past two days of complete silence.
“Fine,” I said. “The door is unlocked. You can let yourself in.”
I pushed the button again before taking a seat on the couch. My stomach churned nervously as a minute stretched by before Cole opened the door to the apartment. He looked like hell too from the shadow of the beard on his jaw along with his messy hair. Dark bags circled his eyes as he closed the door behind himself. Neither one of us said a word as he took a seat next to me on the couch with a gap of space between us. That gap felt like the Grand Canyon. Cold waves radiated off of Cole as he stared down at the shag rug beneath my coffee table.
I didn’t know what to say, so I waited anxiously for Cole to say something first.
“Have you told anyone about the baby yet?” he asked, quietly.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I, um, made an appointment though, for next week. I read that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
Cole nodded sharply. “That’d be a good idea to go. You still aren’t willing to give this baby up, are you?”
“I don’t think so,” I said, twisting my hands together to get rid of the chill in my fingers. “I don’t know, Cole. I just never thought that this would happen, or that I would ever have to think about what I would want to do in a situation like this.”
“You lied to me about the pill, Violet. That’s part of being responsible when it comes having a sexual relationship with someone.”
Hurt filled his voice. I reached out to touch him on the shoulder, but Cole drew back as though I slapped him. The gesture stung deep. I let my hand fall uselessly between us.
“I know. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. It’s just like I said. I didn’t think it would happen. I know that doesn’t make sense—”
“It doesn’t make sense to me at all,” Cole blurted out and turned to look at me with angry and exhausted eyes. “You’re a smart girl, Violet. What were you thinking? That having unprotected sex wouldn’t ever get you into trouble?”
Tears finally slipped from my eyes as I stared at him desperately. “Of course not! I just wanted you so much that I wasn’t thinking straight about birth control. I don’t know what I was thinking besides that I loved you. That was all I cared about at that time. That’s all I care about now.”
“This is going to destroy us,” Cole said. “You get that, right? Your parents are going to flip the fuck out once they find out the truth about this baby, or what has been going on behind their backs.”
“I don’t care about that,” I cried, shaking my head. “You don’t get it. I just want my own life away from them. I want a life with you! This could be a good thing if we really think about it.”
“Do you honestly want a baby at twenty-two years old, Violet?”
I grimaced at the question. “No. I didn’t want.”
“That’s my point. Having a baby is a huge responsibility.” Cole shook his head as he looked at me with a blank expression. “I’m sorry for how I reacted the other night, Violet, but you have to understand what this is going to do to both of us.”
“What would that be?” I asked angrily. “I’m tired of being told that I’m too young to understand what it means to carry on a relationship with you. I’m not that young.”
“You are young compared to me,” he corrected grimly. “I’ve been through a lot with women. You are just beginning that adventure, and I don’t want to be responsible for ruining the rest of your life.”
“You aren’t going to ruin my life, though. Why can’t you see that?”
“Because I see that I’m going to. You don’t even know if you want to keep this baby yet. I can see it in your eyes. You don’t know what you want to do, and that’s perfectly fine at this time in your life.”
Nerves grated from the lack of sleep and puking my guts out for the past few days, I caught Cole’s eyes to stare him down. I poured every ounce of my feelings into that stare, but he didn’t back down. His guard was up, higher than normal, and that’s when a voice told me to brace myself for what he was about to say. I could feel it through the pounding of my heart when Cole finally looked away with a resigned sigh.
“I don’t think this should go anywhere further,” he said quietly. “It’s already gone too far, Violet. We need to stop seeing each other before anything else happens.”
My whole world came crashing into me. It was like I had been stabbed a thousand times and would now never be able to get up.