Chapter Five
They had to go back, and she was leaving. There was nothing more they could do about it. The ride home was very different from the one heading out. Their relationship had shifted and changed so much now that neither of them knew exactly how to behave.
The closer they got to home, the more distant he became, and she knew he wasn’t ready to accept her as anything new yet. She made her way inside, locking herself up in her room needing some time to think about everything that had happened over the last few days. She needed to decide what she needed to do. Thinking about being without him now was like a piece of her missing, but she knew this opportunity in L.A. was one that wouldn’t come up again later. She had a shoot next week that would cover her bills for the next year.
She came down after dinner, knowing he would be in his office and yet he was there waiting for her. He stood in the doorway, watching her as she came down, knowing she would come down eventually.
“You were waiting for me?” She whispered, her eyes roaming over him.
“I knew you would come down eventually, I just had to wait.” He folded his arms across his chest, watching her. He took her in, she could tell by the way his eyes roamed over her.
“I don’t know what to do Aaron, with everything that’s happened. I don’t know what to do or think about any of it.” She felt tears well up, but she held them in check.
“I am in the very same place Kate. I am lost.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t stop thinking about you, or wanting you. Everything I do is about you and yet I am torn because I know you deserve more, and better. I’m a much older man Kate, I am not like the guys you are used to.”
“I am leaving in the morning, how am I supposed to do that?” She blinked at him rapidly. How do I go off and live a new life and never think about this?”
“I don’t know Kate, there is no right or wrong answer. I just don’t know anything.”
“I’m going to bed.” She whispered it. Giving him a glance as she went.
It couldn’t have been more than an hour before she made her way to his bedroom. She was no fool, and neither was he. He didn’t say a word, instead he simple pulled the covers back for her as she stripped down and climbed in beside him.
There was a tenderness to how he touched her that hadn’t been there before then. He moaned into her mouth as he kissed her. Loving every inch of her as he went. She met him with ever kiss, touch or thrust that he gave. She prided herself on being what he needed, even if she didn’t know what it was she was doing.
His hands touched every inch of her leaving nothing un touched, or unloved. She was smiling when she finally woke up, the sun beating down on the empty bed, where he had once been. She felt the spot, wishing he were still there with her, and leaning over she grabbed one of his pillows, burying her face in it and breathing in his scent. She wanted to remember that smell as she went on with her life.
She showered and dressed, putting the last few things she would need into a travel case and making her way downstairs to the front door. She knew he would be waiting, and as their eyes met she blushed profusely.
“I guess it’s time.” She gave him a half smile.
“Don’t go Kate. I don’t want you to go any more than you want to go. We can figure it out somehow, just not publicly that’s all.”
She knew he was sincere, but what she needed was to be herself, and take some time to figure things out. She knew after the shoot next week, she would have a lot of down time and she would use it to think long and hard about the next phase of her life.
“I can’t … not like this Aaron… not like this.”
She felt his arms pulled her close his lips finding hers. She kissed him deep and he smiled at her response to him, though his face fell when she picked up her bag once more.
“I want us to be who we are. I don’t care about what you or anyone else things. I like what I like and I want you. I just don’t want to hide from it, or from anyone else for that matter. I have a lot on my mind and a lot to think about. Goodbye Aaron.” She said it with such finality that she was quickly gone, and she didn’t turn around to look back, fearful he would see the tears that were streaming down her face.
The trip to the airport was quick, but the wait to board the place was another matter altogether. She had more than enough time to pace the lobby, fighting with herself not to get in a cab and go back, throwing herself into his arms. Finally, she boarded and as the plane flew she looked down at the city below, wondering if he were thinking about her as well. She needed to focus, get her head straight about life.
She was still lost in her own thoughts when she landed safely in L.A. Everything from this moment forward was about her and her future. Perhaps Aaron was right, she needed time to focus on something different. She found her hotel, and she marveled at how well done everything was. Her photographer was there within hours setting up for the shoot, and she found herself fraped in some of the most expensive clothing she was sure she ever will touch.
They had two more full days for shooting, and though Aaron tried to call her a number of times, she hit the ignore button. She knew he would reel her back in, and do his best to tell her to fly back home to him. But she couldn’t be what he wanted, no matter how hard she may try.
Chapter Six
It had been three weeks. Three long and lonely miserable weeks. She missed him, there was no way she could ever deny that, no matter what she told herself. She had taken on three more jobs, and was set up financially for quite some time. Her days were spent at the pool, and roaming the hotel for things to do. That was her life, the life of a maid model, up until now.
She wanted to cry, or scream or anything else for that matter. She held up the stick to check it once more, hoping it would say something different but it was no sue, she was very definitely pregnant. She knew Aaron would feel strongly about it one way or another, but she was her own person, and she made her own rules about what she wanted. She would keep this baby and love it with everything she had, just as she did the father of the child.
Sighing she knew her hat with him tonight would be hard. Some part of her wanted to be excited, but she would have to see how he feels first. As she picked up her phone she dialed him, waiting for the husky timbre of his voice on the other end.
“Kate, I have been waiting for you.” She could hear that he was perturbed.
“I’m sorry if I kept you too long.” She frowned.
“You are just fine Kate; it’s just been a long day. Someone brought in 5 kids to the shipping station, and they were everywhere. The parents were negligent, and the whole thing was a mess. I am telling you it was exactly why I am so glad I don’t have kids.”
She felt his words like weight in her stomach. “I see, well you have had quite a day then.”
They talked about the house, changes that needed to be done, and he told her he missed her, and wished she were there. She sent him love as well, hanging up without saying a word about the issue at hand. He had clearly said he was so happy he had no kids. She put a protective hand over her stomach, she would have to take it all on alone, it was as simple as that. She did her best to stick to her plan, trying to separate herself from Aaron more and more. She knew he had to be seeing that woman again, there was no way he was sitting at home pining away for her, though she wanted him too.
The days went by quickly and she did her best to stay focused and busy, booking more jobs as show went, knowing that soon she wouldn’t be able to work anymore. Her belly would be a clear indicator that she was far less suited to model than other things.
She started shopping more, picking out little things at first and then bigger ones, until she was sure she had too much of everything. She pulled her money out of savings, finding a small two-bedroom house where they could stay for a long time. She saw her phone ringing once more, seeing Aarons face and she decided to answer it this time.
“Hello Aaron.” She said it with a smile.
“Dammnit Kate, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you.” She could hear that he was worried, but she knew distance was for the best.
“I am sorry Aaron, things have just been crazy here, I feel like all I do is work work work.” She laughed lightly into the phone.
“Kate listen to me, please don’t disappear on me. I worry about you. Hell, I think about you all the time. At least check in with me one or twice a week.”
“Ok I will.” She could give him that much, he deserved that much.
As the months went by, she slowly put together her new life. She took on new classes, getting ready for the baby, she set up her house and she got bigger and bigger. L.A. was no place to be raising a child, but she really had no place else to go. She certainly couldn’t go back home, to him. She felt the loneliness settle on her like a blanket and she did her best to go out and make some new friends.
Her talks with Aaron were so random, she started looking forward to their chats about the weather, or the newest things popping up in town. He gave her strength when she was afraid she was losing all sense of direction where the bay was concerned. He told her she was beautiful, and smart and he loved all the pictures she sent him. She never asked about the blonde woman, and he never asked her if she was dating either.
By the time she was 6 months pregnant she was far too overwhelmed with everything and she took time away from school to focus on the baby. She would chat with Aaron for hours, doing her best to keep from breaking down and telling him everything. They talked about everything under the sun, and she fell in love with him even more with every conversation. With those conversations she would feel the pain of losing him all over again and she made the decision to stop talking to him altogether.
It was by far the hardest thing she had ever had to do up to that point. Everything she did, made her want to call and tell him about it. But she would pick up the phone cradle it for a moment and then put it back down. She sent him and email, telling him she needed some alone time. She simply chalked it up to getting too emotionally attached to him. She also told him she wished him well, hopeful that he would meet someone who could be what he needed.
Once the letter was complete she wiped away her tears, and said a sweet goodbye to him in her head and heart. She rubbed her protruding belly, knowing that soon enough she wouldn’t be lonely anymore. She was both terrified and excited, though she knew she could take on any challenge she was given at this point. She blocked him from contacting her, knowing it was the only way she could function. She didn’t want to see anything from him, knowing that her love for him was deep and she would likely give him whatever he asked for.
Her last checkup was a long one and she watched the baby on the screen look back at her and she felt her heart explode. Everything was good, the baby was fine and she could rest easy knowing that when the baby came, she would be find and happy. After her appointment she made her way home, carrying what little groceries she could manage in with her to her house. She had just put everything down on the table when she heard a knock at the door.
She opened the door, and she found herself face to face with him.