Chapter 27
Cole
Violet was crying in my arms, gripping me hard, like if she were to let go, she might just fall to pieces like a broken vase. Her makeup was smeared from her tears. I helped her walk over to my couch, and we sat down together. I wanted her to quit crying so she could tell me what was going on and what happened after I left. But she continued to cry, and I figured it was best to just let her.
She must have walked from her parents’ house to mine. There were no signs of any car dropping her off. She looked exhausted.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong.” I held her close to me, feeling her body shake against me. Her body heat was rising, and I knew it was from how upset she was.
I was growing a little concerned about our baby. How much stress could a mother endure without hurting the child? How much stress was too much for the baby? These questions rushed through my mind while I waited for her to answer me. Or for her to at least calm down. But her body continued to shake.
I didn’t ask any more questions. I just let her be. I let her have her moment and figured she needed it. I knew it wasn’t good to force someone to not have any emotions. Which was something that I figured her mother did to her often. The woman was very cold-hearted, and I knew they were never close.
I regretted telling her parents because of the stress it now put on her, but I figured she would have been just as stressed if I wouldn’t have told them. If they wouldn’t have known who the father was or that we were in love. That would have also put a lot of stress on our relationship. Maybe so much so that we would have never lasted.
She took a deep breath. I grabbed her a tissue off the table in front of us, and she used that to wipe away the wetness on her face from her tears. She was starting to calm down, and I was hoping we could talk now. I repeated my question for her.
“What’s wrong, Violet?” I asked. “Tell me. I’m a great listener.” I wiped some of the hair away from her gorgeous face.
She took another deep breath, her body trembled, and she looked at me. Her eyes were red and puffy from her hysterics. “Why did you do it?”
I cocked my head to the side. It was a small and simple question, yet I didn’t know what she meant by it. “Do what?”
“Tell him. Tell them. My parents. Why did you tell my parents?” The sentence was barely out of her mouth when she began to cry all over again, and guilt rushed through my body. I had done this to her. I had caused her to be this upset.
I tried to explain it to her as nicely as possible. “Because I didn’t want any more secrets. He needed to know. They deserved to know the truth. I think our lies and half-truths have already done enough damage. We didn’t need anymore. Especially with a baby on the way.”
I grabbed her face in both my hands. I needed her to understand that I wasn’t trying to hurt her. I needed her to know that I was doing this for both of us. That in the long run, things would work out and be okay. We just needed to get through this rough patch, and we would be okay.
She didn’t respond. She just cried harder. Her body shook from the sheer power of her sobs. It seemed like the harder I tried, the more she cried. Another wave of guilt swept over me as I desperately tried to think of something, anything, to say to make her feel better. To make her realize how much I really did love her.
“Violet, I love you. I want to build something between us. I don’t want there to be anymore destruction because of lies. Don’t you get that?”
She looked at me, and something flashed in her eyes. In an instant, the tears were gone, but her eyes were now piercing through me. She was looking at me as if I were the last person on the planet she wanted to see, and I felt a piece of my heart break again. Things had just been going so good between us, and now I could feel that I was on the verge of losing her once again.
“But I didn’t lie to them!” She yelled at the top of her lungs. “I told them that someone at work is the father of my baby. That’s true. Someone at work is the father of my baby.” She was so angry, so hurt. “I wanted to be the one to tell them. I wanted to sit down with them and calmly talk to them. Without you there and before the baby got here. I was going to tell them, but you didn’t let me.” She sounded like she was getting more and more furious with me.
But she just wasn’t realizing what I was trying to tell her. We couldn’t have these lies in our relationship. Not even the white lies. They were sometimes the worst out of all the lies.
“Don’t you remember the little lie that you told me?” I asked her. I needed her to remember that there had already been some pretty big lies, so a white lie wasn’t going to be any less damaging.
“You already forgave me for that!” she yelled.
She wasn’t understanding. Maybe the age gap was really starting to show. She was still so young and naïve. She thought that lies were the better option. But I knew that was wrong. I knew that any sort of lie could be very damaging. I was growing frustrated with her not listening to me, and I didn’t think before I spoke.
“You’ve got a pattern of behavior. Are you going to continue to lie our entire relationship? What kind of a role model will you be for a child if you continue to lie like this all the time?” But as soon as these words left my mouth, I knew I had fucked up.
I didn’t have time to process it before her hand came in contact with my face, but I figured I had pushed it a little too far. I had crossed the line with what I had said, and therefore, I deserved the slap. The sound echoed through my living room. I put my hand up to my cheek. It was a good one, and I was sure there was going to be a red handprint there.
I watched her as she slipped onto the floor in a crying heap. I got down beside her and placed my arms around her. I picked her up with the full intention of taking her upstairs and tucking her in. I wasn’t going to try anything. She obviously needed some rest. I started walking toward the stairs and then she told me to stop. So I did.
“I want to go home,” she said between sobs. I put her down, and we walked out of the house and over to my town car.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
She nodded her head.
“Please just stay here, and we can talk in the morning,” I said. “You’re just tired and need some sleep.”
“Don’t you dare tell me what I need,” she said. “If you don’t want to take me, I can walk.” She started to walk down my driveway.
I grabbed her gently by the arm. “Okay, I can take you home,” I said.
I called my driver who had been in the house. I told him not to worry about driving us. I was going to do it myself.
I helped put Violet into the car. “Do you want to go to your parents’ place or yours?” I asked her.
“My parents,” she said.
I nodded my head at her and then drove on toward her parents’ house. It wasn’t that far away, but the car was filled with a deep silence. One that was killing me. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to figure everything out, and I wanted her to know how sorry I was, but I just couldn’t figure out what to say to her.
She had her head pressed into the window and was looking outside at the world. She was still crying. They were small, almost silent sobs, but I could just make them out. The way the street lights shone on her slightly shaking body also helped give it away.
I hated that she was crying so much. I wanted nothing more than to take her pain away. The pain that I caused her. I wasn’t going to blame this on the hormones like some men might. I was ready to take full responsibility. She wanted to tell her parents herself, and I took that from her. I shouldn’t have, and now everything was completely and totally fucked up, and I was probably about to lose the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I reached my hand out and placed it on her lap. But I quickly took it back when she turned her body more toward the door and away from me. She didn’t want me to touch her, and I got that. I didn’t like it, but I had to respect it.
When I pulled up outside of her parents’ house, she got out and went inside. Neither of us said anything at all, and I instantly regretted not just grabbing her and making her stay in my car. Making her stay here with me until we figured things out. I was madly in love with this girl. And things were all fucked up again.
Was it possible that our relationship was doomed? Could it have been doomed from the start? I was her dad’s best friend. I was old enough to be her father, and here I was, knocking her up and falling in love with her. Maybe our relationship was never going to be stable. Things might not work out for us and that honestly scared the shit out of me.
I drove back to my house. My big, empty mansion in the Hampton’s. The place I just had to own. The giant house on the beach that would tower over everyone else’s. The one I just had to have. The one that now made me feel even more lonely.
I pulled into the driveway and went inside. I walked up the stairs and went right into my bedroom where I laid in my big, empty king-sized bed. I laid there for hours thinking about how bad I had just fucked up and how much I had hurt the one person that actually meant something to me. How could I ever make this right? Things between us had been so up and down.
I thought about calling her and told myself that maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe some time apart might do us some good. Then I thought about last week when we were both hurt and apart. But we figured it out. We made things work out. But here we were, fighting again. My head was so confused, and my heart hurt more than it had the last time. A sinking realization dawned on me that that might have been the last time we talked to each other. The last time we saw each other.
It took another twenty minutes of my brain over thinking about everything before my eyes finally became heavy, and I was rescued by sleep.