"Clamp," I barked out and extended my hand. The patient below me was doing well, but time was of the essence. It always was.

"Clamp." Doctor Bayes extended the clamp to me and nodded. "Doing great, Ansley. Almost there." He was an older gentleman and had been on my side since the day my residence ended. Even after passing him up for promotion to head of Neurology.

Soft jazz music played from the speakers above my head, and I let myself go to the calm place I always went to in the middle of surgery. It steadied my hand and allowed me to focus. There was no room for memories or guilt there. Only me and my instruments.

I wrapped up the surgery and glanced up to find Henry watching me with a smile on his face. It was barely noticeable thanks to his goggles and face mask, but I knew the look well. It was that of a proud father. Something I didn't have anywhere else in my life. I was grateful for it.

"Another one bites the dust." I smiled and turned, extending my hands to the nurse waiting behind me.

"I hate that phrase," he mumbled, and we all chuckled. He would close up the patient with sutures and staples, freeing me to relax for the rest of the afternoon.

"Great job. I've never seen such a swelling." The nurse smiled up at me and nodded. "You're very good at what you do, Ansley."

"Doctor Crawford," I reminded her. "And thank you. I've been doing it a while now."

"Yes, ma'am." She offered a warm smile, and I was slightly grateful that I hadn't offended her. I'd worked damn hard for my title, and I expected people to use it. She was new and doing a great job. It was good to know she wasn't sensitive in the slightest, but then again, she was a little older than me. Life had a way of toughening you up and making things less about you day by day.

I walked to the sink and scrubbed my hands as a shadow fell across the room. I glanced over my shoulder to find Nolan standing on the other side, his hands in his pockets. His dark brown eyes were filled with question, and by the hint of sadness on his face, I figured whatever he wanted, it wasn't good.

Hell, it hadn't been good in just over a year. Our divorce had been messy and beyond painful, but it was done, and the dust was starting to settle. At least for me, it was.

I patted my hands dry and walked out into the hallway where he waited. "Dr. Reigns."

"Ansley. I need a minute." He started to reach for me when I stopped in front of him but dropped his hands. There were so many things left unspoken between us.

"With me or without me?" I smiled, trying to lighten the mood just a little.

"With you." He nodded behind me. "To my office, please."

"Of course." I followed behind him, pulling out my phone and checking for messages. My brother, Aiden had been texting off and on about a new surgeon that was transferring from his team to mine. I was less than thrilled with the transfer, but it wasn't my call, and no one was listening to my concerns.

Jacob "Parks" Parker. The playboy of St. Marks. He brought more women to life than he saved on the operating table in a week from what I knew. Doctor Feelgood. I crinkled my nose in disgust and dropped my phone back into my pocket. How anyone would put up with a cocky, young slut of a doctor in their OR was beyond me. Especially someone as staunch as my older brother, Aiden.

He was head of Neurology at St. Marks in New York and was respected by everyone in our community, and for a good reason. He was brilliant, steady and a strong leader in the community. I only wanted to follow in his footsteps, and I was headed that way fast.

Nolan walked into his office and held the door open for me. I walked in and let out a soft yelp as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me flush against him.

The thick press of his cheek against mine coupled with the dark need in his beautiful eyes left my heart aching.

"We don't have to do this." He ran his thumb over my cheek as he cupped the side of my face. "If you want children, we'll adopt, Ansley."

"Nolan. Don't." I pulled his hand from my face and ignored the pounding of my heart. He was everything I wanted in my life, and yet... he wasn't enough. I wanted children of my own, and he'd fooled me for nine years into thinking he did too. Deceptive bastard. "You know why we're not together anymore."

"And it's silly." He tugged the blinds down on his door and reached for me again. "You made love to me last week. Do you really want to let this go? Nine years of being so good together."

"We've been apart for a year, and-"

"And it's been horrible. Sleeping together when we're both too lonely to stand another night alone?" He leaned down and wrapped a strong arm around me, pinning me to the place I used to love most. "Please stop this madness."

"What's gotten into you? You know that we're done." I pressed my hands to his chest but didn't pull back.

Everything I loved about him came roaring to life inside of me. I wanted to forgive him for slipping me birth control and manipulating our sex with my cycle, for getting a vasectomy without talking with me about it first, but I couldn't. He was a wonderful man in a million ways and a monster in one, but that one way broke my spirit. At thirty-five I was childless and divorced. The two things I wanted in life more than anything else had been snatched out of my grasp and the fallout resulted in a cold, hard, angry version of myself.

"Your name change finally came through." He brushed his nose by mine and closed his eyes. "It just brought reality crashing in." He took a shallow breath, and my heart broke for the millionth time. "I'll get a reversal, and we'll try if that's what you want. I don't want to do this without you. You know that."

I reached up and touched the side of his face, pulling him down into a warm, loving kiss. I wanted to melt against him, but I knew I could never trust him again. Not ever. Nothing could undo what he'd done.

"I'll transfer hospitals if you want me to, Nolan." I moved back, gathering my strength for the moment. "I can go away. It will help. Having me here, right under your nose is not going to allow either of us to heal."

"I don't want to heal." Anger filled his face. "It was a selfish mistake. I deserve forgiveness. Everyone gets a second chance. Why don't I?"

It was the same conversation we'd had a million times over the last year of our separation.

"And how many times am I supposed to forgive you?" My own fury rushed to aid me in the familiar fight. "Am I just supposed to sweep under the rug all the times you fucked up my chances of getting pregnant? You lied to me over and over, Nolan. You didn't mess up once. You deceived me over and over for nine goddamn years." My voice was shrill, and I was close to tears - again. "You would never put up with that. Not even one time."

"I don't want children. I never have."

"I'm aware." I ground my teeth together as every muscle in my body locked into place. So much for resting for the rest of the afternoon. "That would have been great information to have before we got married."

"Don't start this again." He reached out and gripped my shoulders. "I love you with a passion you're not going to find anywhere else. Why is that not enough?"

"Because I want a family, Nolan. I lost my parents years ago. I want to relive that in my own life. That bond that I had with my mother. With my father." Tears blurred my gaze as the memory of losing the people I loved most raced through my mind. My brother's screams filled my head like they always did. My strong, intelligent, brave older brother - crumpled on the floor, screaming so loud I thought my ears would bleed. "I can't do this. I won't."

"Ansley." He moved to the door as I jerked out of his hold and turned to leave. "You're thirty-five years old. You're not going to find someone for another few years and then kids?" His tone was cold. Clinical. Mean. "Having a child at thirty-eight or older isn't safe. Not for you or the baby. What if he has a deformity and has to live with that for the rest of his life? All because of your selfishness?"

"I hate you," I whispered and slapped him hard across the face. "Don't you dare shit on my dreams or call me selfish. I've given up everything for you and look where it's left me."

"Ans."

"It's Doctor Crawford to you, Doctor Reigns. I'm leaving for the day. If the hospital needs me, page me." I walked out and reached up to wipe my tears before anyone could see my heart was breaking all over again. Fucking Nolan Reigns and his manipulative ass. He'd taken my youth and given me a great life and a boost in my career for sure but left me without the one thing I wanted most.

Family.