"What the fuck just happened?" I walked back into the house at a complete loss. How I had Terra in my arms one minute and gone the next was beyond me. Liquor. I needed liquor.

After pouring me a glass of Wild Turkey, I took the bottle and my glass and dropped down on the couch as anger burned through me. Why the fuck had I brought up Paul? Why did I make her virginity seem like such a big damn deal?

I set the bottle down and reached for the phone. I needed to talk to her. We couldn't end things like that. We were meant to be together. My heart and head were finally in agreement on something in my shitty life. They always had been. It was her. Always her.

Leaning back, I tossed the phone on the couch beside me and closed my eyes. I'd fucked up. I could figure out a way to make it up to her somehow, but it wasn't going to be easy.

She was still a fucking virgin. Realization rolled over me and I groaned as my body hardened again. Holy shit. She's waited for me.

"Calm down, Captain Cockdar." I breathed in deeply and held it. Whether it was for me or not, she hadn't slept with another man. Not in the traditional sense. Mine. Her virginity was mine. She was mine.

I’ll win her over again just like I had in high school. Being a good guy with a naughty side, only this time my actions wouldn't take us to the edge and leave us dangling over. If I got her naked again, I was sinking into her tight little pussy and busting her cherry. There was nothing I wouldn't do to leave my mark on her.

The only thing I regretted was not saving myself for her. She deserved it.

Or did she? I laughed out loud as I reclined on the couch by myself. Memories of my first time caused me to laugh again. It had been pathetic. I'd been pathetic. Squirting two seconds after I got into the poor girl. Probably the worst lay she ever had.

Maybe it was a good thing Terra didn't have to experience that. I shivered at the thought.

* * *

"Why are you bringing this up yet again?" My mom had her hands on her hips with her back to me as I walked into her kitchen from the garage. The drive over hadn't been too bad, but anytime on the bike was good times.

"Because baby. I think that Peanut is old enough to learn about death." My dad had the 'I know I'm right' expression on his face. He manufactured and wore it well. My parents rarely fought, and they weren't then, but it was cute to see them disagreeing.

"Hey, guys." I walked by them and picked up a piece of sausage from a plate my mom had by the stove. "What's the deal with Peanut and death?"

"I think your mom should have let us bring Lyndsay with us to the funeral for Martin. She's not been around death yet, and she's six years old. She needs to understand it." He huffed and picked up his paper. "Or not. Never mind. Forget I said anything." He turned and walked out of the kitchen.

"I would if you would stop bringing it up!" she called after him.

"Mom. It's all good. Lyndsay will learn things as she needs to. After losing Jannie, I don't think she should be put through anything else." I walked over and pulled my mom into a warm hug. "I know she didn't go to the events, but she's a smart little girl. She knew something was up."

"Speaking of." She moved back and ran her hands up my side. "You need to do something fun with her. She misses you."

"I miss her too." I leaned forward and kissed my mom on the forehead before moving back. "Thanks for watching her last night."

"Absolutely. Great job on the game. Your dad yelled at the TV all damn night."

I laughed and walked down the hallway to Lyndsay’s room at my parents’ house. I knocked and poked my head in. "Hi. I'm Jelly. Someone told me there was peanut butter I could be friends with."

She rolled over and giggled as she lay curled up in her sheets. "Daddy. I'm a peanut. Not peanut butter. Get it right."

"Well, I know how to turn peanuts into peanut butter." I walked in and shrugged, feigning innocence. "It's what I do."

"Wait." She sat up and lifted her little hand in the air as blond curls spilled over her shoulder. "How are you going to do this, exactly?"

"Like this?" I jogged to the bed and pounced her, making loud bear noises as I tickled and nibbled at whatever I could get a hold of.

She screamed as loud as she could and thrashed around. "Daddy! Daddy! Okay. You made peanut butter. Stop!"

"Daniel Blandon McAdams. What are you doing to that baby?" My dad appeared in the door behind us.

I whispered in Lyndsay's face. "Sh. Pretend like you're asleep. Snore a little." I dropped down on the bed and the two of us started snoring.

"Yeah. Right. I thought someone needed help. I guess not." My dad turned and Lyndsay shot up, smacking me in the face with her sudden movements.

"No! PawPaw. I need help. This big Jelly guy came to turn my peanuts into peanut butter."

"And I'll do it again." I growled and rolled over to grab her and tickle her some more.

My dad pulled her from me and wrapped his arms around her. "You dad is quite the sugar stealer."

"Oh no. Here we go." I pulled a pillow and covered my face.

"Really? He steals other people's sugar?" Lyndsay's voice grew dim. Dad must have been taking her back to the kitchen.

"Have you asked him about Miss Terra?" My dad chuckled as I groaned.

"Thanks a lot, dad," I called after him and rolled onto my back. I fixed up a few pillows under my head and let out a long sigh.

"That sounds like a man with a lot on his heart." My mom leaned against the door frame with a smile on her face. "Anything I can help with?"

"Can you make Terra Harmon love me again?" I lifted my hands in a heart and chuckled. "I feel like a fourteen-year-old boy around her again."

"Eww... gross. Fourteen was such a bad age for you. Remember you kept getting those abnormally huge zits on your face and your bottom?" She walked in and dropped down on the bed next to me as I gave her a very teenage boy look.

"Mom. Really right now? I'm suffering from heartache and you want to remind me that I was hideous at fourteen?" I was teasing her, but she loved it.

"You still are hideous sometimes." She reached over and brushed her fingers through my hair. "Every time I see you on TV at one of those parties, you're drunk or you have some floozy on your lap. It's not at all who you are, Daniel."

I rolled over and swatted at her playfully. "Go away, Mom. Next, you're going to tell me that I'm getting fat."

"Well-" She broke into laughter as I jerked up and turned to face her. "I'm kidding. You're so perfect it's not even funny." She reached out and touched the side of my face. "I just wish you would settle down. You're thirty and life is more than baseball and making money."

I cupped my hand over hers. "I know it is. I never wanted anything but a family. You know that."

"Then what's holding you back, son?"

I didn't have to think about it. "Terra."

"Really? A relationship that ended seven years ago still plagues you?"

I pulled her hand down from my face and nodded. "Yeah. Absolutely. It's like knowing you were supposed to be with this one person, and yet, you fucked it-"

"Daniel!" She gave me a stern look.

"No F-bombs with your mom, please." My dad appeared in the doorway with a grin on his aging face.

"I'm sorry. I meant to say that messed it up." I gave her a sheepish look. "I messed things up with Terra a long time ago. I did it again last night. I'm not sure how to win this woman back, or if I even should."

"I say no." My father gave his same opinion that we were all used to hearing.

"I say yes." My mom turned around and stuck her tongue out at him. "She's a good girl, honey."

"Nope. I saw the way she was looking at Dan when we were at the funeral. I don't believe that for a minute."

"She's a virgin, dad." I got up and gave him a look. "She's not the whore you think she is, though that might make things a little easier."

"Daniel! Watch your mouth. Jeez."

"Sorry." I moved out into the hallway. I loved them to death, but the truth of the matter was that it didn't matter what my mom or dad thought about her. I loved her and wanted her in my life.

I just had to work hard not to be a possessive caveman around her.

Good luck with that shit.