The conversation with my brother still weighed heavy on me a few days later as I got ready for a dinner date with Paul. It was my last-ditch effort before breaking things off with him. I hated to be alone, but there was no way I was dating someone who was sleeping around on me, and I was pretty damn sure he was.

"I shouldn't have been such a bitch about Lyndsay." I leaned toward the mirror and finished lining my eyes with a thick black pen. "I can't imagine raising a baby." Niki was on face time with me, and I had the thing propped up so she could see me too. "You know what I mean?"

"Uh, yeah. I do." She lifted her eyebrow and tilted her head. "I have a baby. Remember?"

"Eight years old isn't a baby." I picked up the phone and walked to the bedroom. "You think I should just cancel with Paul?"

"No. I think you should go to dinner, have a great meal and a bottle of wine. After that, go back to his place and put on a strip tease for him. Make sure to put your back to him when you take your panties off and bend over." Her tone gained excitement. "Men love seeing your pussy lips between your legs. Especially if you're wet."

I glanced down at the phone and gave her a look. "Really right now? Gross."

"Not to them. It's a win-win. I promise."

"You're such a slut." I walked into my bedroom and moved to the bed. "Black dress or white."

"Red please, and yes, I am. Sleeping with who I want, when I want keeps me from wanting to jump off a bridge."

"Why not look for someone to build a life with?"

"Ugh. You sound like Danny. Have you been hanging around him lately?" She sounded slighted disgusted. It was cute, as was my best friend and my ex-boyfriend's relationship. We had all been too close not to have really been affected by the fallout of everything that happened.

"I'm not sure the Danny you remember is the one that's playing for my father's team." I turned the phone to show her the dresses. "Black or white."

"I guess black if you don't have red."

I turned the phone back to me and sat down on the edge of the bed in my panties and bra. "I'm not trying to sleep with Paul, Niki."

"Why not? You've done just about everything else. You said he was amazing at all of it." She glanced up away from the phone. "Hey, buddy. Dinner is on the stove. How was school?"

I laid the phone down on the bed so Benji wouldn't accidentally see me half-naked. No reason to scar my godson. The conversation between mother and son was loving and comical, as always. Some part of me wanted a relationship like Niki had with Benji. I wanted lots of relationships and always had, but as per usual, I'd gone about it the wrong way. I wanted Danny to rescue me, to save me, and I wanted Paul to be Danny. Every fucked up spot on the map between the two of them had been joke after joke.

"Hey. You still there?" Niki asked.

"Yeah. I'm here." I zipped my dress and had to tuck my hips forward to get the damn thing over my ass. I growled and leaned over as my long hair made a curtain around my face. "Why do I have to have such a small waist and a big ass?"

"Cause God loves you." She smiled. "I'd give anything for your ass."

"You hitting on me?" I winked and wagged my eyebrows.

"I wish. Life would be a lot easier if I could talk myself into loving a girl." She laughed. "You'd be first on my list."

"Okay. Thank you very much." I moved back and went in search of my shoes. "You think I should apologize to Lance for my comments on Danny and Lyndsay?" I yelled back toward the bedroom as I walked into the adjoining closet.

"No! That's dumb. It's not like you said it to Danny, Ter."

"Yeah, but saying it to Lance is about the same." I grabbed a pair of sexy black heels and walked back into the room as someone knocked on the front door. "Shit. I gotta go. He's here early."

"Just let him down easy and if he needs someone to console him, put him on a plane to New York and I'll take one for the team." She let out an exasperated huff, playing the part perfect.

"Right. Like you need another dick in your life."

"Actually-"

We laughed and I picked up the phone. "I love you. I'll talk to you later this week. Wish me luck in letting him go."

"Lucks, bucks, and tons of fucks. Be safe and I love you too."

I rolled my eyes at her silly chant and hung up the phone. Paul would take the news well. He was tired of playing my games too.

* * *

"What? Why would you want to walk away from us, Terra? I'm the one not getting hardly any of my needs filled. You're getting everything you want out of this." His jaw tightened as his eyes narrowed.

We were in the middle of a fancy five-star restaurant in San Francisco. Probably not the best place in the world to drop the break-up bomb.

"Because. It's not fair to you, Paul."

"No. It's not, but I'm willing to live with it. I know what you're holding out for, and where I don't agree with it, I still understand. I'm not an idiot."

"I never said you were." I pursed my lips before the truth rolled out of them. Why in the fuck did I ever decide to date a baseball pitcher? They were all the same. Cocky, stubborn asshats.

"I'm not giving up on us. Period." He picked up his glass and lifted it to his lips, drinking deeply.

The muscles in his neck flexed, sending a shiver down my spine. I loved the idea of a strong, aggressive alpha male, but it never worked out. They didn't agree with my idea of virginity. So, fuck them. All of them.

"Look. Let's just be work friends and if the situation arises where we go get a drink and end up back at your place then-"

"Wait. You're telling me that you're okay with a one-night stand as long as I don't fuck you properly?" He snorted.

Heat burned my chest and neck. "Shhh... for shit's sake. Keep it down." I glanced around, grateful that no one was around us.

"I'll keep it down when you explain yourself." He reached across the table and captured my hand. "We're good together, Terra. You know we are. We'll figure this thing out and keep moving forward. I have no doubt that you're the one I want in my life."

Lies. He loved that I was GM of the team, giving him more pull, more power, or so he thought. Some part of me couldn't help but wonder if he was trying so fucking hard to keep me because of my father's recent decision. To be married to a club owner would give him power and wealth.

"You're sleeping around on me."

"You have no proof of that." He released my hand and leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. "I have beers with the guys. Are you wanting me not to do that anymore?"

I shrugged. "I don't care what you do. I'm not doing this anymore. I feel like a fool around you, and that's not at all how I want to live my life."

"You're being overly sensitive, which isn't you at all. Why? Because of your dad's announcement? Did he even include you in that conversation? Does he expect us to pick up our lives here in Oakland and come to Seattle?" He didn't sound at all put out by the idea.

Bingo. He wanted the club in Seattle, and I was the quickest way to it.

"I don't know. I'll talk to him soon. I need to run to the bathroom." I picked up my purse and walked to the ladies’ room, ignoring the whispers from various men as I moved through the restaurant. Everyone knew my father, and most knew me. It wasn't the life I wanted necessarily, but after years of running from my past, I had no clue what I wanted the future to look like.

But I knew one thing for damn sure. Paul wasn't going to be in it.

I walked into the bathroom and pulled out my phone, texting my brother. Fifteen minutes. Text me that there is an emergency. I need out of a dinner.

I didn't get a response back, but Lance would help me out. After staring at myself for a few seconds in the mirror, I walked back out to find Paul talking with a couple of women who had walked up to the table.

My phone buzzed and I pulled it out. Lance.

"Terra. This is Sandy, Misty, and Diane. They're huge fans."

I glanced down at my phone. "Hey. I need to go. My brother's texting with an emergency." I walked around the table, ignoring the women. I leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Call me later and we'll figure things out."

"Wait. I drove us here, baby." He stood, his face becoming a mask of angst.

"It's good. I'll grab a cab. Seriously." I smiled at the girls. "Take the seats around the table. Have fun."

I turned and walked out of the restaurant, feeling like the coward I was. My phone buzzed again. Lance was overdoing it.

After hailing a cab, I got in and pressed the button to call my brother. He picked up on the third ring, but I jumped in to give him hell.

"Dude. I said fifteen minutes. Not five." I snorted but got nothing back. "Lance? You there."

"Terra," he whispered, his voice broken with thick emotion I'd not heard since mom died.

"Lance?" Fear coated every nerve ending I had and my pulse spiked so quickly that I felt dizzy. "What's wrong?"

"It's dad," he croaked out.

"What about dad?" Panic choked me out. My father was everything to both me and Lance. He’d been our stronghold when mom died and rearranged his life to be there every step of the way in every part of our days. I couldn't remember a time that I didn't have him to reach out to, to laugh with, to just be myself around. "What happened?"

"He was on his way to a party for the team tonight, and he was hit by a drunk driver."

"And?" I gripped the seat next to me and panted softly. My lungs tightened to the point of not being able to force air into them.

"And they rushed him to the hospital, but he didn't make it, Terra." My brother's voice broke as he sobbed on the other end of the line.

Numbness filled my chest. "Who was with him, Lance?"

"Joe was." He choked on the words.

Joe and my father went way back to the beginning, the head pitcher for his team a friend and family member.

"And is Joe okay?" I wasn't sure how my lips were moving anymore. I felt almost like I was sinking into an icy lake and the water was rushing up to steal my life.

"Physically yes. Mentally. No way."

"What do I need to do?" I crashed back against the seat as a cry left me.

"Pack your things and get home. I'm headed there on a red eye tonight. Be careful and know that I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered into the phone and dropped the call. Pressing my hands to my face, I let out a long scream and cried until I couldn't make sense of anything.

Thank God for the cab dropping me off at home.