"Fuck this day." Mayhem walked in and dropped down in front of my desk after a long ass Monday at the fire station.

"Oh yeah?" I glanced up from a pile of papers I had to deal with. "Is the second crew still out at the Beckham place?"

"Yes. They almost have it taken care of, but they need to hurry the fuck back."

"Why is that?" I leaned back and lifted my hands, cupping them behind my head. "You dating one of the guys in the group?"

"Up yours, Cap." He shook his head and gave me a stern look. "We're a man short on my crew because Davis' wife is having another damn kid. I swear that idiot doesn't know how to keep his cock in his pants. He needs to get a few more channels on his TV."

I snorted. "Because watching TV would help him keep his hands off his wife? Have you seen Silvia?"

"Yeah. She's fine as shit, but come on. Five kids, Jeremy. That's insane."

"I like the idea of a big family." I glanced over at the picture I had of Laila and Austin when the little guy was just two. "It's not in the cards for me anymore, but it's something I would have wanted."

"No talking about Laila." Mayhem stood and lifted his arms toward the ceiling. "So how are things going?"

"What things are you referring to?" I leaned back farther in my chair and lifted my legs to drop my feet on the desk.

"Your dating life. Tell me about the latest shit your mother got you involved in. Nothing makes my day better than hearing your stories."

"That so?" I lifted my eyebrow and stifled a laugh. "You like the fact that my mother is trying to find me a wife like the old days?"

"I fucking love it." He ran his hands over his head and laughed loudly. "My mom gave up on me a long time ago."

"You're a slut-puppy. We all gave up on you a long time ago." I glanced down to see who was calling my cell. Rhys. My best friend from high school, and one of Laila's favorite people on the planet. "I gotta take this. If you have a call to go out, just grab me. I'll take up Davis' spot. I'm a better firefighter than all of you pussy's put together."

"Pussy's put together? Like a pussy-wall?" His eyes grew wide, and a playful look moved across his face. "Can you image?"

"It's better than a dick-wall. Get outta here." I picked up the phone and pressed it to my ear. "Rhys. How are you, man?"

"Jeremy Bennett." Rhys laughed, and the sound of it warmed me. It was almost like I could image Laila being just behind me. "How is life treating you, brother?"

"It's good." I lied.

"Bull shit." He chuckled.

I stood and walked toward the lone window in my office. "It's life man. Nothing has been right for the last few years, but you know that."

"Yeah. I miss our girl every day, brother."

"Me too." I ran my hand down my face and tried like hell not to crack. I'd spent too many nights on the floor in the bedroom or the bathroom crying my guts out over what I'd lost. At times it almost seemed like never loving her would have been easier, but I didn't have the option. She'd swept into mine and Rhys's life like a whirlwind. The love triangle lasted all of a week and then she was my girlfriend and Rhys's bestie. It worked until it didn't.

"On a better note, what're your plans for the holidays? I'm finally headed up your way."

"Are you?" I pulled myself from the pit of despair I was headed toward full speed ahead. "What's bringing you up here, man? You tired of the flatlands in Illinois?"

"Naw. I love this place. My job gives me all I need."

"Oh, it fucks you from time to time too?" I laughed as he snorted.

"No. I have some honey's here on base for that shit. You know how women feel about a man in uniform."

"I see you're still a complete scoundrel."

"I do try." He cleared his throat. "I'm headed up there because Bailey moved up that way about six months ago."

"Your baby sister?" I walked back to my chair and sat down as a smile spread across my lips. That poor girl had been nothing but legs and pigtails. She was one of the guys as often as Rhys would let her be. I hadn't seen her in ten years or more, and she was sixteen. Cute, but nothing I'd give a second glance to.

"That's the one. She's not a baby anymore."

"I bet not." I dropped down in my chair. "Where is she? I've probably bumped into her if it's over here by the fire station."

"She's not too far from you guys. I just mapped it today. You wouldn't recognize her, Jer. She's not a little girl anymore. Stupid ass."

I smiled. "I'm sure not. Remember she had a huge crush on me when we were kids."

"Don't go there. She's six years younger than you, Cougar."

"Naw... I'm not going there. I'm glad to hear you're coming up this way. Tell me where she is so I can stop by and let her know I'm the Fire Chief over here. If she needs anyone, I'm happy to help her man. You're like family to me."

"Same. I think she would like that." He gave a pregnant pause, and I jumped in to reassure him.

"I'm not going to try anything, Rhys. I'm still lost to Laila. I'm not sure I'll ever be with anyone else, man. Seriously. And if we're being honest, Bailey probably isn't my type. I like sweet girls."

He laughed. "Fucking liar. She's exactly your type, but I do trust you. She's running Blackhouse Grille about a mile from you."

"I love that place." I glanced up as the sirens went ape-shit. "Gotta run. I'll check in with her soon. Maybe she needs a trusted friend if nothing else."

"I like the sound of that. I'll be in touch brother. Be safe."

"Same to you." I dropped the call and ran out into the hallway to get dressed and get my ass on the firetruck. Mayhem was in charge, and though I could have easily taken the reigns from him, I played second and moved where he told me to be, just allowing myself to be one of the guys for the call.

"What are we looking at?" I asked Mayhem.

"It's a building fire. It's out of control, but all of the residents are safely out of there. It's a younger crowd, so they hauled ass out of the building when they smelled smoke. We just need to get the damn thing under control before it moves to the building next to it, which isn't such a young crowd."

"We need to get someone busy getting everyone out of the building on either side of it." I pulled out my phone and made a few quick calls as energy raced through me. I'd taken the captain spot a few years back because Laila wanted me off the front line. I understood the concern and respected her wishes. I was the youngest captain in the northeast, but it was a spot I earned with ten years of hard work and lots of fucking 'yes Sirs.'

We pulled up to the blaze and the crew hustled off the truck, going into action. The heat from the fire was blistering. I'd almost forgotten how incredibly hot the inferno could get. Sweat dripped down my back and over my chest as I moved into place and worked beside my men.

It was hard as fuck not taking back over from Mayhem, but I managed to keep my lips sealed for most of the evening.

"We're losing pressure," Nam yelled from in front of me.

"Fuck." I moved out of place and forced the guys to shuffle up to keep fighting with the tools we had. Pulling off my helmet, I jogged back to the street where the hose was locked into a fire hydrant. Kneeling, I tightened it and cursed the guys. Someone hadn't done their job correctly with the hose, which cost time and put all of us in danger.

The thought of Austin losing another parent had me moving twice as fast as I wanted too. My little boy didn't need another tragedy in his life. He'd barely survived the first one.

"Got it?" Mayhem yelled over the roar of the fire.

"Yes. Let's finish this and regroup." I moved back into place and helped the guys to put the fire out.

We gathered our equipment and ignored the media and crowds as we moved back to the truck. I stepped up and took a turn looking at each of the guys.

"Hey. You've all been trained to do your job and do it well and fast." I turned to Mayhem. "The hose was too loose on the goddamn hydrant. We're going to spend all day tomorrow retraining on that." I glanced back at the guys. "You mess up in a small way, and you could fuck us all. Got it? There are no second chances when you're at the front lines of a fire."

"Yes, Sir." They all took turns responding to me.

"I'm sorry, Captain. We'll retrain again tomorrow." Mayhem patted me on the back as we walked back to the truck. I was proud of him for not throwing the rookie that hooked the hose up wrong under the bus. It was the signs of a good leader and a good man.

A man I was proud to have on my team.

We rode back with the guys singing their guts out to a Taylor Swift song. I was first off the truck. Weariness pulled at me. I needed to find a way to get more sleep. I was in great shape physically thanks to hours in the gym and working out with the crew, but emotionally and mentally, I was struggling. Laila's birthday was just around the corner, and I could feel it closing in like icy fingers on my soul.

I took a quick shower, texted Nina that I was headed to the house and drove home in silence. My conversation with Rhys filled my thoughts. It was going to be good to see Bailey after all the years that had passed. I was curious what she looked like and how she'd turned out.

A smile touched my lips as I parked my truck beside my bike, Nina's Mercedes and the Mustang I just had to have. My midlife crises came early.

The lights were on the small two-bedroom house I had, and I could see my sister and Austin running around the living room together.

I opened the door and closed it loudly. "Who's making all that noise in here?"

"Daddy!" Austin's little voice warmed me to the depths of my soul. He had my energy and Laila's features. I loved him beyond belief, but him looking like his momma made me want to love him more, deeper, stronger.

"Hey, buddy!" I bent down and picked him up.

He snuggled against me and let out a long sigh. "You smell like BBQ."

"Yeah? That's kinda gross." I kissed his head and walked into the living room.

Nina glanced up from the floor and smiled. "I hope I have ten kids with as much energy as Austin."

"Why is that?" I sat down on the couch and watched her. How a strong, beautiful woman like her hadn't settled down was beyond me. Yet another mystery in my weird, fucked up life.

"Because, little brother, payback is hell." She stood, walked over and kissed the top of my head before leaning down and tickling Austin.

"No, Aunt Nina! No!" He wiggled in my arms, and I turned as best as I could, pretending to shelter him from Nina's attack.

"Get outta here with that." I let Austin go and stood up. "You staying the night?"

"Hell no. You're a useless human being when you have someone around." She picked up her purse and walked to the door.

"Go to your room for a few minutes and clean up Champ." I patted Austin on the head and followed my sister to the back door. "I'm going to see Aunt Nina out."

"Clean up? Ugh." Austin's little voice caused me to chuckle.

"Life is so hard when you're five, right?" I opened the door for my sister.

"I think it's hard at every stage, but that's just me." She walked out and bounded down the stairs before turning back to face me. "How was the date?"

"Horrible. Don't ask."

She gave me a look. "You need to tell Mom to back off."

"No, you need to tell her. She doesn't listen to me."

"Accept the billions of dollars she has in the bank with your name on it, and she'll probably leave you alone." She dove into the same speech she always did. "Daddy left that money to you, Jer."

"I know. I don't want to do this tonight. I love you very much. The date sucked, literally."

"Eww... Too much info." She turned and walked toward the car. "I love you too."

I closed the door and walked into Austin's room. He was in his bed, reading a book, or trying to.

"Need some help?" I pulled off my boots and walked toward his little bed before crawling in next to him.

"Nope. I'll read it to you."

"Please do." I let out a long yawn and pulled him against me. His little voice droned on as he tried to read whatever book he had in his hands. I only heard a few minutes of it before darkness swept in and took me to the only place my sweet girl still lived.

My dreams.