I couldn't get a red eye out the night before. So instead, I paced the floor at my house, vomiting every couple of hours when I let my emotions get the best of me. Lance checked in several times during the night, but we did no good talking to each other. It only seemed to make matters worse, like we couldn't find comfort in each other.

My flight wasn't leaving until ten, which gave me far too much time left on my hands. I waited until the sun came up to call Niki. She needed to know what was going on, and with any hope, she would get to come to Seattle to help me through my dad's funeral and such.

"Hey. Shit. What time is it." She yawned loudly in the phone.

Just the sound of her left me crippled. I dropped down on the couch and let out a little sob, unable to help myself.

"Terra?" Panic filled her voice.

"Daddy got in a car accident last night and didn't make it." I pressed my hand to my face.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I should be closer. I could come over and hold you."

"It's okay. I just wish I could quit crying." I wiped at my eyes, angrily. "I'm still in shock."

"You will be for a while, sweetheart. When are you flying back to Washington?"

"At ten this morning." I forced myself up and took a deep breath. "Is there any way that-"

"Yes. Whatever it is. I'll be there for you. I'm here for you now."

Her kindness left me fending off another wave of tears. "Thank you. I just wanted to see if you could come to the funeral. I'm going to need you. Lance is going to have to lean on Danny or one of his other friends. Every time we talk, we just end up balling on the phone together."

"Oh, Terra. I'm sorry, honey. I'll be there. I'll get a flight in today and will stand beside you the whole time. My Aunt Catherine lives here in New York. I'll see if she can keep Benji for a few days."

"Okay." I took a shaky breath. "I'll tell you everything when I see you in Seattle. I don't want to go through all of it again right now."

"I understand. Text or call me anytime you need to, and be safe. Let me know when you get home for sure."

"Okay. See you there." I tossed the phone behind me onto the couch and walked to the living room, just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

Home. Seattle would always be home. It's where I was raised. Where I went to school and fell in love for the first time. It's where every good memory I had left of my mother lived.

"How did this happen?" I sat down and pressed my face to my hands as weariness rolled over me in thick waves. How in the world could I ever make it without my father? As far as I was concerned, I couldn't.

A knock at the door surprised me. I stood and walked to the door, grabbing a robe on my way. I was a little surprised to see Paul standing on the other side. It was way too damn early for him to be up.

"Hey." He reached out and touched my arm. "I heard about your dad."

"What? How?" I moved back and opened the door wider. "Come on in."

"I guess Barry found out late last night." He walked in and made his way to the kitchen. "Maybe there's some channel for owners?"

"Who knows." I followed him, a little bit glad that he was there. It was nice to be around someone, even Paul. "I'm leaving for Seattle at ten this morning."

"I figured you'd already be gone, but I wanted to stop by just in case." He turned to face me and pulled me close, wrapping his strong arms around me. "You left so fast last night. I wish you would have let me go with you, Terra."

I pulled back. Life was too short to pretend that I was happy with what we had. It was the worst fucking time in the world to tell him, but he needed to know. "I appreciate you coming over, Paul, but this thing between us is over."

He slipped his hands into his pockets. "I think you're just reacting out of pain, which I get. You go to Seattle and we'll take a break. If you decide that you don't want us when you get back, then I'll respect that. Just don't make that decision now."

I nodded, not willing to respond. I'd already made the decision, but I didn't have the energy to explain that to him.

"Thanks for coming over." I walked to the coffee pot. "It's really sweet of you."

He moved in behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders before leaning down and kissing the side of my neck. "I want to be here for you, Terra. You know I care about you."

"Obviously, or you wouldn't hang out without getting laid." I laughed bitterly.

"Hey. Don't do that right now. You're hurting. Let me make you some breakfast and then take you to the airport."

I reached up to cup my face as another wave of tears burned my eyes. "I'm sorry. Just ignore me."

He forced me to turn and held me tightly. "Never. It's going to be okay. Time heals all wounds."

I bit my tongue and kept my snappy comebacks to myself. Time might heal his wounds, but there was no way in hell they would ever wipe away the need to see my dad smile, to hear him laugh, to get 'a look' from him.

No one would understand that but Lance and of course Danny.

Though it was stupid, the thought of sinking into his embrace was the only thing that kept me standing upright.

It was sick, but it was what it was.

* * *

Seattle, Washington

"Sis." Lance walked toward me as I jogged down the hall to the baggage claim. There was an urgency inside of me to see my brother. I crashed into him and tucked my face into the crook of his neck as I cried. "It's okay. I'm here. We're going to get through this together."

I nodded, but held on tightly to him and cried as my response. I wasn't normally so dramatic, but everything felt muted, wrong without my father in the world. It took a few minutes to pull myself together, but I finally did.

"It's not fair." I moved out of Lance's arms and walked to the baggage claim.

"I know it's not." He wiped at his face and reached for my bag, lugging it off the belt. "Is Niki coming home too?"

"Yeah. It's not until tomorrow though." I slipped my arm into my brother's and walked with him to the door. "Have you seen anyone yet or made any arrangements?"

"No. I got in at three this morning." He released my arm and held the door for me. "I plan on going to see Danny and maybe Alan today."

"How is Joe?" I wrapped my arms around me, unnerved by the fact that it was wet and cold in Seattle. It was late spring for shit's sake.

"No clue. I'm going to see him later today too. You want to come?"

"No. I don't want to see anyone just yet." I took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm not sure I could hold myself together around anyone but you and maybe Niki."

"And that's perfectly fine." He moved up to a small red Honda and popped the trunk. "You want to drive or want me to?"

"You can." I got in the car and leaned back, closing my eyes. Weariness sat on me like a well-worn coat. It was nice to be home for the first time in years, but I hated the reason for being there. I waited until Lance was in the car to speak up again. "Have you talked with Danny?"

"No. I told him to call me, but he didn't. If I know him well enough, he's pretty fucked up over this too."

"Of course he is. Daddy meant the world to him too." I turned and looked out the window at the dismal weather. "I'm thinking we'll do the funeral on Friday. That will give us time to get everyone in town. That sound okay to you?"

"Yes. That gives us two days." Lance reached over and took my hand. "We're going to figure this out."

"Figure what out?" I turned my attention to him as anger burned down to the depths of my soul. "Figure out that everyone we love is gone besides each other?" My voice cracked again.

"Terra. Don't do that. Dad wouldn't want you to-"

"You don't know what Dad would have wanted, Lance. We left him, remember? We both split and left him alone with one thing to focus on and love. That fucking baseball team."

"Sis."

"No. Please. Just leave me be for now. Please." I pulled my hand from his and turned back to the window. There were no words that could heal my heart, not yet at least.

I just prayed no one else would try and help me get over it.

I wasn't anywhere near ready, and I couldn't see a time when I would be.

Life was fleeting. Short. Fucked up and ugly.

At least mine was.