"So tell me about yourself." The busty blonde across the table from me leaned closer and smiled. Her ruby red lips would look damn good wrapped around my cock, but that was about as far as I figured things would go with us. Sex. Nothing more.

"I've already told you about myself, Sadie. Your turn." I forced a smile and tried like hell to hide my desire to get up and walk out.

The white table clothes and decorative chandeliers were too much. Couple that with a bunch of over-aged men shoving their potbelly's in suits and pretending to wait tables, and I was over it. I hated inauthentic people and places. And this place?

I glanced around and forced myself not to roll my eyes. It was a waste of my time, which was painful. Life seemed to be fucking flying by at break-neck speed.

Why my mother thought to set me up on a date at the most expensive restaurant in all of New Hampshire was beyond me. And to pair me up with a gold digger was almost funny. I didn't have the money my family had. I didn't want it.

"I'm nothing special." Sadie glanced down at the table. The subtle smirk on the side of her mouth gave away her false humility.

"No?" I leaned back and picked up the glass of wine in front of me. Why the fuck had I agreed to share a bottle of wine with her? Right. Get her drunk, naked in the back of my car on a dirt road and give her part of what she was after.

First my dick, and then my money, but the joke was on her. I didn't have a fat-ass bank account. I had a life I could be proud of. One where I worked hard and saved lives every day. The pretty girl whose foot was sliding up my leg didn't have a clue.

"Not really." She glanced up, and her blue eyes filled with a foreign emotion. Maybe she didn't want to be there either. What a novel thought.

"You like places like this?" I glanced around and noticed her pulling at her tits as I turned my attention from her. She was trying to seduce me. How cute. I'd have to give in a little just to make sure she didn't walk away completely empty-handed.

"I do." She reached down and picked up her phone as it buzzed. "I need to take this. I'll be right back."

"Sure." I pulled my phone out to play a game while I waited for her, but not before checking out her ass in her tight cream-colored skirt. She seemed the kind of woman who had been around the block a few million times. Where I wasn't interested in a virgin, I wasn't really turned on by the idea of sharing my bed with a whore either.

My phone buzzed as if on cue. My mother.

"Fuck." I hit the button to take the call and pulled the phone to my ear. "Hi, Mom."

"Jeremy. Why haven't you texted me? Are you still on the date with Sadie?"

"Yeah." I snorted. "Why would I call you? I'm a thirty-two-year-old man. I don't need to check in with you every ten minutes."

"Don't get snappy with me." Her tone turned to ice. "How is she? I think she's the one with the great idea on how to help solve the hunger issue here in New Hampshire. Her dad is our Governor."

"Not a chance, Mom. Check your notes. This girl looks like she swings around poles after hours." I pursed my lips at the sound of my mother losing her shit. Where I loved her like crazy, I hated how integrated she'd become in my life. My dating life in particular. I didn't need to find someone else. I was good. Laila was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The very thought of standing over her grave stilled my heart. I missed her like a mother fucker, and I hadn't wanted to replace her.

"Jeremy. Are you still there?" My mom's tone softened a little.

"Yes. I'm on the date. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. She's not exactly my type-"

"Yes. She. Is." My mother huffed. "All of these women are great ladies and would be so good for Austin."

"Gotta go. I'll talk to you later." I dropped the call and put the phone back in my pocket. My five-year-old little boy didn't need a make-shift mom. He needed his mom back, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Hey. You okay?" Sadie sat down across from me with worry on her pretty face.

"Yeah. I'm just ready to get out of here." I tossed my napkin over the plate of half-eaten food in front of me. "I'm not feeling so good anymore. Let me give you a ride back home."

"Really?" Her bottom lip pushed out, and she was rather cute when she pouted. "I usually text my sister to get me out of most blind-date situations, but I was really excited about this one. I was hoping..." She stood and moved up beside me as we walked toward the door.

"For a night in my bed?" I glanced over at her and took her hand in mine as I walked up to the door. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'm in a weird place."

"Is it me?" She asked as we walked out into the chilly night's air. It hadn't started snowing just yet, but it was going to soon. I could almost smell it in the air.

"No. Hell no." I turned to face her and reached out to touch her cheek. "You're beautiful and smart. Why would it be you."

Not all lies. A stretch of the truth on the smarts, but she was fucking hot.

"Then take me home with you." She moved back as the valet pulled the car up.

I reached around and opened the door for her without replying. The valet gave me an eyebrow wag as I walked around to the other side. Man code for 'good luck with that hot piece of ass.'

"She's my sister, mother fucker." I gave him a stern look over the top of the car and rather enjoyed watching him stumble over his words as he paled. I got in the car without another word and buckled up.

"Jeremy. Please. Just for the night. I promise you won't regret it."

"Maybe on our next date." I pulled out and headed toward her place. Passing up a good long fuck was something I was going to regret later that night, but not the next morning. I didn't need another crazy bitch in my life. I had my sister and my mother. The thought of Nina made me smile. My older sister was all up in my shit too but in a good way. She was like a best friend that told it like it was. There was no placating her or trying to pull one over on her. She'd pin me to the floor mentally or physically. She was my hero. And maybe in some crazy way - I was hers.

"Well, how about a teaser of what could happen?" Sadie unbuckled and leaned over the console. She pressed her lips to the side of my neck and ran her hand between my thighs, waking my cock up. I groaned at the contact. I hadn't been with too many women since Laila's death, and all of them I had fucked had been quick and dirty. I couldn't even remember what the fuck it felt like to make love to someone.

My chest ached at the idea of it. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to let my guard down and let someone in. And even if I could, would the woman accept the fact that I'd always be in love with my first wife? My high school sweetheart. My girl. My everything.

"God, you're big." Sadie brushed her nose up my neck and sucked on my ear.

Heat burned through my stomach as the blood rushed from my body to my dick. It swelled up nice and thick for her.

"Suck me off." I reached down and unzipped my jeans. "And no spitting. I don't allow that shit."

She smiled. "Absolutely."

I leaned the seat back a little and gripped the steering wheel as she worked my pants further open. A loud moan left me as she reached my cock. Her hands were cold, and my body was on fire. Pulling off on the side of the road, I stopped the car about the time she swirled her tongue around the thick head of my dick.

Her turn to moan.

Slipping my fingers into her hair, I gripped tightly and held her in place as I lifted my hips. Wet warmth surrounded me, and my balls tightened. I was going to unleash quite an orgasm on the poor girl seeing that I hadn't come for weeks.

My thighs shook as she took all eight inches, her skill beyond anything I'd seen in a long ass time. I reached over and gripped her skirt where it rested against the back of her thighs with my free hand. It took a few tugs to get the tight-ass thing up, but when I finally did, I wasted no time squeezing her pert ass and sliding my fingers under her panties to play with her holes.

"Fuck. Slow down, Sadie. I'm gonna come far too fast." I pulled at her hair, forcing her back up for a second as I pressed two fingers into her wetness and slipped my thumb into her ass. "You're good at that, girl."

"I love it." She reached down and stroked my sloppy wet dick while rolling her hips and fucking herself. The girl wasn't innocent in the slightest, and my first thoughts of her being with more men than I had on my team at the firehouse left me a little less interested in continuing our fuckfest.

"Good. Don't stop." I pulled her back down and pumped my hips a little, fucking her tight mouth until every cell in my body screamed for release. Her pussy and ass tugged at my fingers as she contracted in her own orgasm. Wetness filled the palm of my hand, and that's all I needed.

I moaned and released, filling her with my seed. It took everything inside of me not to call out Laila's name. Every woman was her and would forever be. It was the main reason I was fucked. I couldn't let go. No matter how hard I tried.

"You taste like heaven." She moved back, and I pulled my hand from her panties.

"Good. Glad you enjoyed it. You feel like heaven." I blurted out the first thing that came to me, though it wasn't true. Heaven was reserved for my wife's arms, her soft body, her big heart.

"So..."

I worked my cock back into my slacks and pulled back onto the road. Just a few more turns and she would be out of the car and out of my life. It was reckless to let anything happen between us, but I was needy. My record with women had me wanting to lock myself behind closed doors and become celibate.

As if.

"So what?" I pulled up to her place and stopped the car.

She glanced over at me with a bit of disenchantment on her pretty face. "So, we're not going back to your place?"

"No. I'm not interested in anything long term. I enjoyed dinner, and the blowjob on the side of the road was incredible, but I can't pretend or lead you on, Sadie. That's not fair." I unlocked the door. "Thanks again for a great evening."

"What? No. That's not acceptable. Your mother said you were looking for a wife."

"She lied." Anger swelled deep inside of me. "Get out. Please."

"Fine, but you're going to feel like shit in the morning when you think about the fact that you used me."

"Used you?" I gave her an incredulous look as she got out of the car and leaned back down to give me more shit. "I'm pretty sure you used me just as much."

"Whatever." She flipped me off and walked away from the car. "I hate you. I hate all men."

"But you like to suck dick. Odd." I drove away, having mumbled the last bit under my breath.

The loud smack to the back window had me chuckling. Another lost shoe on my account. It was the same with all of them.

Use their bodies to do whatever they could to draw me in.

But it was about more than that... it was so much deeper than a fuck. And no one had been willing to go there with me yet.

Not that I wanted anyone too anyway.

Laila was the only girl for me. Period.