I shoved the postcard back into the book and grabbed my purse from under Antonio’s desk. I relocked the door as I left and hurried back to the elevator. On the ride down, I held my breath and said a prayer of thanks that I’d been able to get that much.
I didn’t speak to Rattle or Snake once I reached them. I just climbed into the back of the car and clasped my hands in my lap so they wouldn’t notice them shaking.
The ride back to the property was too long with the angry men sitting across from me, glaring holes in my skin. When I saw the ten-foot-high wall that surrounded the home and the massive gate and guardhouse, I was relieved for the first time.
We’d never stayed at the house too often when I was first with Antonio. We were always on the move. It was our home base, but there were other houses, other penthouses, and other cabins on the tops of mountains. I’d never liked the place, though, because it felt like a prison.
I understood it; at least I did since finding out who Antonio was, who Carver was. A man sought out by the police and other criminals alike. He was a man with many enemies and he believed in keeping himself safe. How he’d managed to keep the home and his downtown office safe and hidden while the police and FBI looked for him, I’d never know.
As soon as the car stopped, I flew out and ran upstairs to my room. I looked around to make sure no one was hiding out before sitting at my desk and scribbling out a note. In that note, I tried to send Cash in the right direction, away from me, and towards Helena. I shoved it into a small envelope and then closed it before writing out his address and putting a stamp on it.
Getting the letter out wasn’t hard. Rita took the outgoing mail when she left for her break every day. She knew better than to look at anything, so all I had to do was slip it into the pile of bills and other things that Antonio already had ready for her. If there wasn’t a pile, I waited.
Thankfully, that day there was a pile. I waited until Rita left the kitchen to slip my letter in and then I positioned myself on the window seat in the alcove at the top of the stairs to watch for her leaving. True to time, Rita walked out of the front door at exactly three o’clock. Under her arm was the stack of mail.
I hoped it would be enough. Surely, it had to be. I didn’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t.
I retreated to my room and curled up in my bed, mentally worn out. My head throbbed from stress and from headbutting Cash the day before. I wanted to hide under my blankets and forget everything but Helena. It would’ve been nice.
Unfortunately, barely five minutes passed before Rattle knocked on my door and stepped into my room. He held out his phone and frowned at me. “Mr. Carver would like to talk to you.”
I took the phone from him and tried to sound neutral as I answered. “Yes?”
“Clara, hi. I’m sorry, baby, but I’ve got to make a trip. I’ll be out of town for a few days but I’ll be back in time for the party on Thursday night.”
Equal parts relief and fear shook me. “Where are you going this time?”
“New York. It’s nothing too serious. Nothing to worry about, anyway. Tell me you love me before I go.”
As long as he wasn’t going to Florida, I felt marginally better. He could be lying to me, but he wasn’t usually a liar. Just a devil. “Have a good trip, Antonio.”
“Say it, Clara.” His voice turned stern.
I remained silent, unable to make myself utter the words for his liking. I didn’t love him. He’d killed that.
“Say it or I make a call right now, Clara.”
I turned away from Rattle and hissed. “I thought you were sorry for threatening her. Why would you do it again so fast?”
“Because I want to hear that you love me.”
“Does it still mean anything when you know I don’t feel it? When you force me to say it by threat against my daughter?”
“Say it, Clara. Say it right now.”
I clenched my jaw so tight that it hurt, but still managed to spit the words out. “I love you.”
Antonio made a happy noise and laughed. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? I love you, too. I’ll see you in a few days. Be a good girl, would you?”
I tossed the phone back to Rattle and pointed at my door. “Get out.”
He brought the phone to his ear and snarled at me before leaving. “Yes, sir. Got it. Oh, sir. I have something I need to talk to you about before you go. We’ve been having a little problem.”
My stomach sank as Rattle closed the door behind him. His voice was instantly cut off and I had to fight the urge to run over and press my ear against the door to hear what he was telling Antonio. I felt like I was witnessing the principal telling my parents what a horrible student I’d been. Only Antonio wasn’t a parent whose wrath I’d ever want to face.
With no other choices, I sank back into my bed and tried to figure out what I was going to do if Cash didn’t find Helena soon.
*
“Mr. Carver will be here soon. He’s asked that the guests be seated in the library until he arrives. He also requested that you stay on the second floor until he’s ready for you.”
I looked up at Rita and smiled. It wasn’t her fault that I hated my life. “Okay, sure.”
She left without another word and I turned back to my reflection in the mirror. Another stranger, this one prettier. A makeup artist had come and done magic on hiding the bruises and black eyes. She’d made my eyes smoky and my lips cosmetic companies’ version of blood red.
I couldn’t stop the thought that real blood didn’t come out that color. Thanks to Antonio, I knew it was darker.
I had on a long, deep green gown that pushed my breasts up and hugged my curves. Heels as high as I could handle adorned my feet. My hair was curled and pulled up in an elaborate twist. I looked like a rich asshole’s trophy wife. I guessed I wasn’t too far off.
The few days without Antonio had been nice, but it was never long enough. I wanted to be free of him, but what I wanted didn’t matter in the scheme of things. Helena did. If I had to stay trapped as his plaything, I’d do it until I died. Knowing that and firmly feeling that way still didn’t make the idea any less depressing.
The woman in the mirror deflated and sank back in her chair. Even with all the glitter and baubles adorning her, she looked so sad that it was almost ugly.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breath evenly. I was nervous. I hadn’t heard from Antonio, which wasn’t unusual, but whenever Rattle or Snake were around, they were full of happy looks. Too happy. I knew that I was going to be in trouble. They’d probably told Antonio about what I’d threatened and how I’d gone back up to his office.
The feeling of his fingers around my throat from the bathroom before was so real I could feel my breath turn laborious. He was going to punish me. I didn’t know how to make sure it was contained to me.
I dropped my elbows onto the top of my vanity and held my face in my hands. Everything was a balancing act and the rules were always changing. I didn’t know how to keep everything up in the air without it all crashing down. It felt like things were about to crash, in a big way.
My door opened and shut at the other side of my room. Expecting Antonio, I kept my head in my hands and wondered if playing like I had a headache would keep him from wanting to prove something with me.
“I’m not feeling very well. Could I maybe have a few more minutes before coming down?”
The scent of male sweat brushed past me and I lifted my head with my eyebrows furrowed. I’d never smelled sweat on Antonio.
Cash stood directly behind me, dressed in all black, his eyes cutting into me through the mirror. Seeing him turned the scent into a memory of a different summer night, one filled with longing and nerves big enough to sink a ship.
I didn’t even have a chance to gasp or truly be shocked when he pulled me to my feet and spun me around before backing me into the vanity. His body pressed into mine as he lowered his face to mine. Anger radiated off of him in waves and his eyes burned with hatred.
“Where’s my daughter? Is she here? I’m taking her with me, Clara.”
My mouth floundered, snapping open and closed as I tried to figure out the best way to get him out of my room, as soon as possible. “I don’t”
“Who’s Johnathan Cortez?” Cash caught the back of my hair in his hand and pulled my head backwards so I was facing up at him. “Talk. I’m tempted to just end you right here. Tell me where our daughter is. Why haven’t I seen her moving around here?”
“She’s not here, Cash! She’s”
The sound of the doorknob turning scared me more than I’d ever been scared in my life. Antonio was going to come in and find Cash and discover I’d been trying to betray him. I shoved Cash away from me as hard as I could.
“Tell the guests we’ll be down in just a few minutes. I’ve got to talk to Clara first.” Antonio’s voice carried into the room.
It gave me just enough time to get away from Cash and get closer to the door, hoping Cash would hide or vanish into thin air for the moment.
When Antonio stepped into the room, his eyes roamed my body and he came closer, a dark look on his face. “There’s my little angel.”
I took a deep breath and tried not to show my fear. He was angry. He was looking more and more like Carver than Antonio and I was terrified. “Hi.”
In a flash, Antonio was on me, shoving me back into the wall beside me. He pressed his forearm across my throat and leaned into it, cutting off my breath. “My men tell me you’ve been up to some stunts. I thought I told you to be good.”
I gulped for air, panic sending my hands grasping at his suit jacket. My mind screamed for Cash to help me. He’d been so close. He could stop Antonio from killing me. It was stupid. He wanted to kill me himself. Two men, two wasted loves, two bodies that wanted to destroy me.
“You’re getting out of hand. I can handle the fits, the keeping your own room, the refusing to touch me most times. I can forgive the little outbursts when we’re together.” Antonio pressed harder on my throat and glared down at me. “What I cannot handle, Clara, is public disrespect. The men can see when you’re going against what I want. When you’re sneaking back up to my office and breaking in, searching through my things for shit, being a bitch, my men think you’re out of control. That means they think I can’t control you.”
I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. The pressure was painful, my lungs squeezing in my chest. I pulled harder at his suit, desperate for air.
“We both know that I can control you, though, don’t we? I have a secret weapon.” He leaned down and pressed his mouth to my cheek. “I know you’re up to something. I know you’re planning.”
He released his arm and stepped back. When I dropped to the floor, he stepped back and looked down at me.
“I love you, but I won’t let you make me look bad. I won’t let you hurt my business. Whatever you’re planning, stop it. Who do you think will take care of your precious Helena if you’re dead?”
It was the first time he’d threatened to kill me and I believed him. Everything but Helena left my mind as I gasped for air. My throat felt bruised and I had to blink away tears. He was right. If he killed me, he could do whatever he wanted to her.
“Did I make myself clear?”
I cried out as he grabbed my throat and dragged me to my feet. Finding myself pinned against the wall again, I lashed out instinctively. I slapped him across the face, the wild move sending my fingernails lightly digging into his skin as I did.
“Fuck!” Antonio yanked me into his chest and crushed me against his chest. “Fuck, Clara!”
I was breathing heavily, my chest rising and falling even against the press of his body. “I hate you.”
The whispered words worked. Antonio released me and stepped back. He looked me over, his eyes pausing at my throat. “Fuck!”
The roared word shook me and I stepped back, into the wall, trying to get as far away from him as I could. The move brought pain to his bleeding face, hurt flashing in his eyes.
“Fuck, Clara. I’m sorry. None of this is going the way I thought it would.”
I couldn’t have agreed with him more.