I woke up with a gasp, sucking in air, coming out of the memory with panic still too close to the forefront of my being. I sat up and opened my eyes. Thad was beside me on the couch, his hands already reaching for me.
“Fuck, Rain, you scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?”
I melted into him when he dragged me into his arms, letting him take care of me. My heart pounded against my chest, beating too fast and hard. The memory had shaken me. The feeling of nearly drowning all over again was haunting.
“What did you say? Drowning?”
I tightened my arms around his neck and shivered. “When I was little, I almost drowned in a wave pool. My parents weren’t watching me and I went in too far. I couldn’t keep my head above the waves. They wouldn’t stop. They just kept coming and coming and I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was fighting the whole time, but I wasn’t. I was just sinking, as stiff as a board, straight to the bottom.
“Another kid saved me. My parents never even knew it happened. When the kid pulled me out, another parent helped me cough up the water and I stumbled back over like nothing happened. I knew my dad would’ve spanked me for going in deeper than I could manage. I was horrified that I hadn’t fought to save myself. I’d just frozen.” I was shaking as I spoke and Thad held me tighter.
“I fought Sallisaw and it still wasn’t good enough. I’m drowning again and this time I’ve already fought so much that I’m just too tired to do anymore. I’m going to die this time.”
Thad pulled back enough to look me in the eyes. “You’re not dying. I refuse. You’re going to keep fighting.”
“It’s no use. I’m not strong enough. He proved that time and time again.”
“What did he do to you, Rain?”
I closed my eyes and leaned against his chest. “He made me fight him. As much as I could. He told me if I was ever able to win, he’d let me go. I fought him almost every day. He beat me over and over again. The punishment for losing wasn’t even as bad as the hope that I’d be able to beat him and leave. I thought I could do it. I was tough. He enjoyed watching the hope die from my eyes, he said.”
“Is that how you got out? Did you win?”
I laughed, even though nothing was funny. “No. I cheated. I grew up fighting my dad. He refused to let a girl beat him, so he’d fight dirty when I was better. I learned shit from my dad that would make the dirtiest of cops in this country salivate. They kept their cleaning supplies in the room next to mine. They thought I was too beat up to get to them. They were wrong. I mixed bleach and drain cleaner and threw it on them when they came back. I watched it melt off half of Sallisaw’s face before I got out. The smoke from it nearly ate a hole in my lungs, but I won.”
“Your dad taught you how to make homemade acid?”
I shrugged. “Dad taught me a lot of things.”
He shook his head and ran his hand down the back of my hair. “All that aside, you won. You outsmarted him. You can do it again. Maybe we can avoid you making homemade acid this time, but still.”
I looked up at him and bit my lip. “I just feel defeated already. I’m messed up.”
He took my face in his hands and his thumb absently stroked my scar. “You’re not messed up. You’re just trying to survive right now. Once you get past the surviving, you can figure the rest out. Anyone who comes out of a battle goes through this phase, Rain. You just haven’t been given a break yet. You’re not fighting Sallisaw alone this time, though. I’m here. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. “You can’t say things like that. Not when I feel like this.”
“You know, some people like it when people say nice things to them.”
“Not me.”
Heaving a dramatic sigh, he blew my hair out of my face. “You just don’t appreciate me.”
I found a smile forming on my face, despite my mood. “You’re an idiot.”
“Yep.” He stood up and pulled me up with him. “Don’t faint on me again. Ever. That was scary.”
I just shrugged as an answer. I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want to faint again. More and more I was being forced to face my weaknesses and there was nothing I could do but accept them. I wasn’t the best cop. I didn’t have a backbone of steel. I didn’t even have a tough stomach anymore. I was just a normal woman, trying to figure out her life.
It was like I’d removed the old Rain as easily as removing a coat. Leaving Dallas was a saving grace. Without having to be tough on the job, I could just exist at the beach house. I was happier for the first time. I didn’t feel the need to prove how tough I was anymore. I didn’t feel the need to prove anything. Being around Thad even made being softer nice. I liked the way his eyes burned when he looked at me in shorts. I was exploring a whole new version of myself and I didn’t want to give it up.
Maybe there was a different way I could fight Sallisaw. Something using the new me that he wouldn’t know about. I didn’t know, but I could feel the time coming when I’d need to figure something out. Sallisaw was ready for his ending.
“Are you hungry? It’s been a while since we ate lunch.” Thad pulled me towards the kitchen and pushed me onto one of the stools. So naturally, he shifted my knees open and stood between them. “This may be a bad time, but have I told you how fucking amazing you look in shorts?”
I looked down at where his body was wedged against mine and bit my lip. He was hard again. That fast, I was a woman instead of someone’s twisted science experiment. “It’s not a bad time.”
He grinned and lightly ran the tips of his fingers up my thighs. “I’m going to feed you and then take you somewhere nice and then we’re going to come back here and finish what we started in the garden. Okay?”
Heat flushed through my body and centered in my core. I wanted to press myself against him and demand that we skip to the good stuff, but I didn’t want to appear desperate. “Okay.”
“You want to go get cleaned up while I start dinner?”
I forced myself to nod and waited as he moved away to get down. It was hard to walk away from him when I knew what he was offering to me. Feeling like a magnet was pulling me back towards him, I sighed and headed upstairs.
Even with everything else going on, Thad made it easy to be distracted. And as much as I was scared of what was going to happen, I wasn’t a cop anymore. I couldn’t fix it. Having a distraction like Thad was just what I needed. It didn’t hurt that I couldn’t help but like him. Maybe I was avoiding thinking about things that I should’ve been thinking about, but that was okay with me for the moment. That’s what civilians did, I figured. They didn’t try to solve anything.
I took a quick shower and then stood in front of my suitcase, staring at my clothes. I could wear pants and a shirt, but I was drunk on the feeling of Thad’s fingers stroking my bare thighs. I was changing, too. Embracing the very femininity that I’d pushed against for my whole life. I wanted more of what happened in the garden. I wanted to feel that sexy again.
I pulled on a short white sundress, with underwear, and slipped my feet into my flip flops. I pulled my hair into a bun and then pinched my cheeks to give my face color. The sun had bronzed my skin since being on the beach, but I wanted to impress Thad.
It was stupid, but the butterflies in my stomach drew all my attention away from everything else, so I let them flutter away.
Downstairs, Thad had showered and changed into worn jeans and a soft looking t-shirt. He’d also started a dinner that smelled delicious. He looked up when I came into the kitchen and his grin was nearly feral. “You look amazing.”
I smiled and nodded at his own change of clothes. “You look good, too.”
He put the knife he was holding down and walked closer to me. His eyes trailed over my body, leaving goosebumps in their wake. His eyes did the hooded thing again and he growled low in his chest. “We don’t need dinner.”
I was seconds from agreeing when I heard his stomach rumble. Laughing, I held up my hands and backed away. “Someone disagrees.”
He groaned and turned back to the kitchen. “Just don’t come too close to me. I’m not feeling very in control of myself.”
More butterflies erupted. “What are you making?”
He looked down at the counter and sighed. “I was making a vegetable tian and grilled chicken, but I don’t want to wait. I’ll put this stuff away really quick and then we can head down to this little burger place in town. That okay with you?”
“Burgers sound really good. Quick sounds better.”
His eyes snapped to me and the paper towel roll he was holding rumpled under his fingers. “Fuck.”
I felt his impatience. My body was practically vibrating with need for him. I’d successfully forgotten everything else in my life and he was my sole focus.
Thad shoved things in the fridge and then washed his hands before coming around the island and grabbing his truck keys and cell phone. He also slipped a gun in the holster at his ankle, but I didn’t let that drag me back to reality.
We drove a little over the speed limit into the tiny town and stopped at a deserted place called Molly Moo’s. The sign proclaimed it had homemade shakes and the best burgers around. The front of the building was painted bright teal with black and white cows dotting it. The tin roof reflected the setting sun. It was a cute place, but Thad looked so out of place standing next to it.
He opened the door for me and then rested his hand at the small of my back as he led me to a booth in the back corner of the place. “The sign’s right. The burgers here are half the reason I picked this town to settle down in. The ice cream will make you want to cry, it’s so good, too.”
A young girl came to our table and grinned at us. “Hey, Thad. Mom told me to tell you that you eat free tonight after you helped out with Johnny last time you were here.”
Thad shook his head. “No way. Tell your mom I pay just like everyone else. I appreciate it, though. This is Rain. Rain, meet Julie. Her mom’s Molly.”
I smiled and nodded. “Nice to meet you. I’m excited for the best burger around.”
Her smile went even wider and she bounced on her feet. “Everything on it? With fries?”
“That sounds great. Can I get a strawberry milkshake, too?”
“Chocolate for me.” Thad grinned at me and I felt my blood heat up as I thought about tasting more chocolate on his kisses. Thad’s eyes narrowed on me, like he knew exactly what I was thinking.
Julie tapped her pen on her notepad and giggled before floating away. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Thad. I felt completely sucked in. Thad seemed just as lost as I did. He shifted in his seat and shook his head.
“What?”
He looked behind me at the door as the bell rang and laughter carried into the restaurant. When he looked back at me, his tongue flicked out to wet his lips. “We should’ve stayed home.”
I felt my body go up in flames and my panties grow damp. It was such an inappropriate response to have in the middle of a place called Molly Moo’s, but there was so stopping it, like an avalanche of sensations. “Yeah.”
Julie dropped two shakes at our table and giggled again before running off to help the new customers.