I hadn’t hidden in my room since I’d lost my virginity to one of Dad’s ranch hands and got caught by Sheriff Andy; yet, there I was, pretending to clean out my closet. Which really meant that I was standing in my closet with the door shut, trying to even out my breathing.
I didn’t get it. Working in Texas, on a ranch with mostly men, meant I was never lacking in having plenty of good-looking guys around me. I was around Bradley all day long and at one point, I’d considered him hot enough to sleep with. I wasn’t the shy type. I usually took what I wanted and thought it was a good way to live.
However, there was something dangerous about Jagger. Looking at him made me feel stupid. My brain wanted to overheat and shut down. That was a bad idea. Bad. Idea.
So, I’d just be mature and hide in my closet until he left. Except that would never work because I was a business owner and my business needed taken care of. That didn’t mean I couldn’t take thirty minutes to just hide out, though.
“Hey, I’m going to hook your truck up and haul it back here. You want to come along? Since, you know, it’s your fault.”
I jumped and opened the closet door to find Bradley standing right on the other side of it. “You can’t be in here.”
He just laughed. “Come on. You can hook up the chains.”
I slid my feet into a pair of rainboots and grunted at him. “You’re a pain in the ass. Sometimes I wonder if we failed more at our divorce than we did our marriage.”
Jagger stepped out of his room, right next door to me, just as I was stepping out of mine. He grinned at my shoes and winked. “Sexy.”
Bradley threw his arm around my shoulder. “I thought we’d all go together.”
I secretly pinched his arm and then started off down the stairs. “That’s just great!”
“That divorce comment was just mean, by the way. We were great at divorce. We’re still great at divorce.”
“When did y’all get married?”
In unison, Bradley and I both turned to him and shook our heads. “We don’t talk about it.”
That dimple peeked out again. “You don’t talk about it?”
I shook my head. “No. You know, just in case we start new relationships. Wouldn’t want our new partners to feel awkward.”
Jagger threw back his head and laughed. It was a deep belly laugh that turned his cheeks red and formed tears in his eyes. He rubbed his abs like they ached from it and just grinned at me some more. “You two are priceless.”
Bradley shrugged and I just brushed it off. We made our own normal and it worked for us.
“So, what happened to your truck?”
I was smart enough to grab a raincoat from the hallway closet and then ran out through the storm to get in the rickety old ranch truck. Bradley got behind the wheel and Jagger scooted me over until I was in the middle, stuck between the two of them.
He ran his hand through his hair, letting water drip onto his wide shoulders. “Your truck?”
I jerked my gaze to the front of the truck and nodded. “Yeah, truck. Um, it got stolen.”
“Stolen?”
“Yeah. And vandalized, apparently.”
“Vandalized? Is this connected to the rat Dan mentioned?”
Bradley jabbed at the radio until the old country music that was playing shut off. “Dan thinks so. I think so. You’ll think so when you see it. I’m sure Lacey here will find some way to not think like us, though.”
I crossed my arms and let my head fall back. “I just don’t think it’s a big deal. You shouldn’t work him up like that, either, Bradley. You know how he is. How Mom is.”
“How are they?”
I looked up at the unexpected softness in Jagger’s voice, thinking he was being soft for my parents, but instead, his eyes were on the gap at the neck of my shirt. With his height over me, he was probably seeing plenty. He met my glare with another lazy grin and quirked the side of his mouth up in yet another silent dare.
My brain sizzled and my attempt at really thinking about what he was daring me to do failed. Instead, I just raised an eyebrow and didn’t fix my shirt.
“Hello? You guys still over there?”
I turned back to the front and bit my lip. What the hell was I doing? Had I not just had a talk with myself, while in a closet, about how dangerous Jagger was, about how he made my brain turn to no more than a damn Jell-O mold?
Obviously, it’d been too long since I’d had sex with anyone. There was a guy I sometimes visited in town, but I’d been busy. I counted backwards to the last time I’d shown up on his doorstep at midnight and nearly gasped. Hell, I didn’t even know if the man was still alive, it’d been so long since I’d seen him.
“Am I seriously getting the silent treatment?”
I finally heard Bradley and rolled my eyes. “No, idiot. I was thinking about something.”
“You never told me how your parents are.”
Bradley pulled in next to my truck and I looked up. Anger and something smaller that I wouldn’t acknowledge reared their ugly heads. I looked up at Jagger and growled. “Scared. And this is why. Install your stupid system. I’ll help you tomorrow. We’ll do as many cameras as Dad wants.”
I didn’t wait for Jagger to move. I just crawled out after Bradley and stalked towards what was soon to be scrap metal at someone’s junk yard. Bradley had majorly downplayed the damage that’d been done.
There were slurs spray painted all over, some directed at me, but what had me ready to burst was the crude painting on the hood of the truck. Someone had painted a rat with a gunshot wound through its head. Below it was written one word: Jason.
I took a deep breath but it didn’t help. I wanted to break something. Someone. I wanted to break someone. I yanked open the driver’s side door and launched myself over the seat so I could find what I needed in the dirty back seat. Hidden beneath an old, empty box of donuts and a change of pants was a half-empty can of black spray paint that I’d been meaning to use to clean up some metal pieces around the ranch.
I shook it and then stood on the front bumper so I could reach the painting easily. Then, I covered the painting until I could no longer see the rat’s dead eyes staring back at me. I sprayed layer after layer of paint until the can was empty. Then, I threw it back in the truck and slammed the door.
“We can’t take this back home. Mom would break in half. I don’t want this anywhere near them.”
Jagger tapped his knuckles on the side of the truck. “Should we take pictures for evidence?”
I jerked my head back and forth. “It’s someone thinking they’re funny after a reporter did a piece on Jason last week. I don’t need evidence for what I’m going to do if I find them.”
*
I slept like shit that night. Dreams that I hadn’t had in years were back. Dreams that woke me up screaming. Screaming for Jason and getting nothing in return when I woke up. Twenty years, and the dreams could erase them all like magic.
I took a shower and dressed in my usual uniform of cutoff jeans and a tank top. I slathered on sunscreen and pulled a baseball cap on my head.
Dad and Mom were at the table by themselves when I entered the kitchen. I forced a smile and then fixed myself a plate of bacon and eggs.
“Looks good as usual, Mom. Thanks.”
Dad patted her hand and then leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Best breakfast this side of the Mississippi.”
She swatted his hand. “You’re just trying to butter me up, Dan Holt.”
It made my smile real. The last of the dream’s dark fingers let me go and I shook my shoulders loose. Already I felt a hundred times better. “Butter you up for what?”
“He wants roast again for dinner. I keep telling him that he’s going to turn into a roast, if he isn’t careful.”
I shoved the last bite of food into my mouth and took my plate to the sink. “I’m heading out to run down a list of things that need done with Kenneth and Jamie. After that, I’ll have my phone if you need me. I’ve got to run some errands and then repair that broken gate over by the West side. Send Jagger my way when he gets up?”
Dad tilted his head towards the front of the house. “He’s already outside. That boy is just the same as he was when he was a kid.”
“He crawled into someone’s window?”
“No! I meant he’s a beach bum.”
“Dad, there’s no beach.”
“He’s out in the sun, I mean. Why do you make everything so hard for me?”
I laughed and patted his cheek before heading out to find the guy I needed working the hardest and fastest. As soon as he got the hell away from me, the better I’d feel.
Jagger was stretched out in a lawn chair that he had to have brought with him because we definitely didn’t own one. His shirt was on the ground beside him and his arms were stretched up, over his head. There was something about the sensitive skin right above a man’s underarm that got to me. It was always softer and paler than the rest of him and I found myself wanting to stroke my fingers over it.
With his worn khaki cargo shorts hanging low on his hips and his… two, four, six-pack abs on display, it would have been easy to get carried away. He looked like Dad had said. A beach bum. Unfortunately, instead of turning me off with his laziness, I was picturing myself in a bikini, draped over his hard chest like a damn towel.
“You just going to stand there all day?” His deep voice was amused as he opened one eye and looked at me.
I moved into the sun so he wouldn’t be able to see the red in my cheeks unless he blinded himself. “I was thinking of all the work you could be getting done.”
He sat up and stretched. “Point me in the direction of my work.”
“Someone else should really be telling you about all of this. I’ve got a full day.”
With a shrug, he reclined in his seat again. “Okay. Come and get me when you’re ready.”
I crossed my arms. “You’re just going to…lounge all day?”
“Yep. I’m going to relax in the sun and work when you’re free enough to walk around with me, pointing out everything. I’m also going to hope that at some point you work close by me. That little tank top is real pretty.”
I crossed my arms under my chest and frowned at him. What the hell was wrong with him? More so, what the hell was wrong with me? Why did I find myself so attracted to him?
“Is that supposed to deter me? You’re even sexier like that.” His grin was firmly in place as he nodded to my chest. “You look good mad.”
“Are you hitting on me or just being a dick?”
“Just testing the waters for now.” He closed his eyes and folded his hands behind his head again.
I resisted the urge to rub his chest and turned away. I had a job to do. Several, in fact. I couldn’t waste any more time on him. Even if he was hot enough to melt metal.