Destroying Antonio’s business wasn’t hard. I used his phone to access his business partners, and with Cash’s help, I leaked information to each of them about the others. Antonio had let me in too close along the years. I knew enough to crash his empire. There were hits out on him before the night was over, before his people even knew he was dead. Then, to try to stop even more of the men like Antonio, we left the phone, unlocked, for the FBI to find. Cash knew a few guys on the inside there and they made sure to start the process of taking down the big players that Antonio kept detailed logs on.
It took no time, but it brought me so much pleasure to know that Antonio’s power had died with him.
His men tried to scatter with him, but they were so confused and lost without their leader that they all fell, too. Snake had died on top of the concession stand that night, while waiting for his order to kill me. Cash had made sure of that. Rattle managed to disappear for a while, but eventually he was found and locked up, too.
I was still in a weird state of shock. Everything I’d known for so long had completely changed. My life would never be the same and it scared me. I was glad to be away from Antonio and out from under his thumb, but I felt lost. I didn’t have a home, a plan, my daughter. I didn’t have anything. No money, no clothes, no phone. I was at a loss for what to do. I didn’t want my old life back, the one with my father and Cash, or the one with Antonio. I wanted a new life, but I didn’t know how to make it happen.
Cash was busy doing his job. He’d dropped me off in a hotel room after we’d worked on Antonio’s phone and he’d promised to be back in a few hours to check in with me. He hadn’t returned, though. At least not for the twelve hours following that I was awake. I slept fitfully for a few hours and woke up alone.
I was confused. I didn’t know what Cash wanted, or if he was still around. He’d acted so caring after we’d slept together, but maybe he realized his mistake and wanted to stay away from me. I didn’t know for sure. I didn’t know anything.
I didn’t even know how long I was supposed to stay in the hotel room before I got the hint and left. Where would I go?
It took me a lot of time and tears to finally get past the fear and anxiety. Doing nothing but worrying wasn’t working. I made a plan instead. I couldn’t just sit around and feel sorry for myself.
I ended up walking to Antonio’s house, to my house. It was a hot and hard hike, but I didn’t have money for a cab. The front gates were open and there were police cars slowly leaving. I waited for the last one to go before making my way up the driveway and letting myself in through a side door that was never locked.
The house felt eerily silent. It had never been that quiet when I was there before. There were always guards or other people moving around, but there was no one there when I walked through the house. Every footstep in my flip flops sounded out like fireworks.
There was stuff scattered everywhere and I couldn’t be sure if it was from the police or from Antonio’s men trying to hide evidence and leave. I moved up the stairs and into my room. It was mostly untouched. I found my suitcases and started packing my clothes and personal items into them. I even allowed for a quick shower and changed into my own clothing. I felt almost human again after.
When I’d finished packing, I moved into Antonio’s office. I didn’t know if the police had found his hiding spot, but I prayed they hadn’t. Sure enough, the room was trashed, but the thick carpeting was intact. I hurried to the corner behind his desk and grasped at the strands of carpet. Like pulling someone’s hair, I lifted and almost laughed when the safe appeared, still locked. I opened it and did laugh out loud when I saw what was insidemoney, lots of money. It was hard to trust banks when you were an international criminal.
I hurried and packed all of it into an overnight bag and then rushed to gather my things and get out of the house. I knew that I was taking money that probably had been exchanged for some very bad things, but Antonio owed me. He’d ruined my life and I was taking the money as payment.
Feeling a hundred times better than I had, I waited at the end of the driveway for a cab I’d called from inside, but found myself watching Cash drive up instead. My almost good mood crashed to the ground, into a million scared little pieces.
He parked the truck next to me and got out. His face was blank as he moved to stand in front of me. He looked at my bags and slowly shook his head. “Where are you going?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Be honest, C.”
“I am being honest. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where I’m wanted. I just wanted to have my things.”
He looked back at the house and frowned at it. “Looks like a prison.”
“It was.” I sighed. “Cash… What do you want? I’m lost. If you wanted me to leave the hotel, all you had to do was tell me. I’m a big girl. I could handle it. You didn’t have to run off and avoid me. We’ve already been there.”
His face shifted into anger. “I have been working with the police for so many hours straight that I’m almost dead on my feet. I wasn’t avoiding you. I was trying to make sure that none of this comes back to hurt you. I was taking care of us. Imagine my surprise when I came back to crash and you were gone. You’re always leaving, Clara.”
“I thought you didn’t want me.” I stuttered. “Th-that you didn’t want me there.”
“I want you” His phone rang, interrupting him.
I turned away, afraid he’d see the hope on my face. It was crazy, and probably stupid, but I wanted him to want me. I wanted to know if the man who’d worshipped my body was the real man, or if he’d leave me again.
He cursed when he looked at the screen. “I’ve got to take it. It’s my guy in charge of watching Helena.”
I watched as he answered the phone and then barked orders into it. When he hung up, I got the feeling our conversation was going to be postponed. “Is she okay?”
He nodded. “She’s fine. The Cortez couple confronted my men. They know they’re being watched and they’re demanding answers. We’ve got to go.”
I started lifting my bags to load them immediately. “What do we say?”
“The truth. No more confusion. It’s time we all came clean about everything.”
*
We landed in Jacksonville a few hours later and rushed into a truck to head to Dixie. I was so nervous that I hadn’t been able to say anything on the plane ride. We were going to come face-to-face with the people who’d raised our daughter, and possibly our daughter. I was terrified.
I was terrified she wouldn’t know me. I was terrified she would. I didn’t know what to say. How could I begin to tell the story of what had happened to our family? How could I begin to tell my story, which began her story? Would she even want to know?
Cash seemed just as lost in his thoughts as me. He was silent and focused on the road, but his grip on the steering wheel was white knuckled.
I felt like crying, all the satisfaction from taking Antonio’s money long-forgotten. What did it matter if I got my own revenge if his lasting act on me was that I lost my daughter forever?
I’d changed so much in the few days of being with Cash. I still felt heavy with guilt, but I no longer felt like I didn’t deserve Helena. I wanted to see her. I knew I wouldn’t come off as some shiny, happy mom, but I wanted to see her anyway.
When Cash pulled into their driveway, my stomach rolled. I looked over at him and shivered. “What…what do we do?”
He held my gaze. “I’m not entirely sure.”
I blew out a shaky breath. “That’s not helpful.”
That got an actual smile. “Come on. Let’s go face this.”
Hours later, we’d detailed our story to Johnathan and Jennifer Cortez so many times that they could probably write it down in a book without missing anything. We’d been brutally open and honest. From the beginning, we explained what happened. And to the ending, when I explained that Antonio was dead.
Both of them seemed to sink into their seats a little more when they heard that. Jennifer pressed the simple rosary she wore to her lips and whispered something that I didn’t hear, but then she looked at me with tears in her eyes.
“We have lived in fear of this moment for the last twelve years. Antonio gave us a beautiful gift when he brought us your daughter, but we didn’t believe what he said when he told us you were dead. We were scared that you’d come and steal her away. Even though she is yours, she is ours, too. We love her. We have raised her like she is ours and she is. She is ours too.”
When she started crying, her husband wrapped his arms around her and looked at us. “We love her. We did everything for her that we could to make her happy. We were terrified that Antonio would come back for her. He is a very bad man. He liked when we sent updates to him on how she was doing and if we didn’t, he would threaten us. He would say to us that we were ungrateful. That he’d given us a gift and we were too greedy to share the happiness with him. We thought your men were his men, coming for her.”
I shook my head. “He was a very bad man. No one can hurt us now.”
“She…she is your daughter and you lost her. You deserve her. I don’t think I can watch her leave, though. She is my daughter too.” Jennifer choked out the words and clutched at her husband. “What do we do? Even in death, Antonio’s evil ways touch us.”
Cash took my shaking hand in his and held it on his thigh. “We don’t know what to do either. We don’t want to hurt her. We don’t want to hurt you. We miss our daughter, though.”
I felt my heart breaking. I could see the raw pain on their faces. They were good people. They hadn’t been involved in kidnapping my daughter, they’d just been the recipient of a little girl that they’d then loved and cared for like they’d given birth to her themselves.
“Does she remember anything?”
Johnathan nodded. “She doesn’t talk about it anymore, but she was very broken at first. She’d been told that her family was dead and that she was going to a new family and her name would be Amelia. She struggled. She cried for you every night for months.”
“She lights a candle for you at the church. Every week.” Jennifer bowed her head and when she looked back up, I could see her heart breaking in them. “We won’t hide this from her. We’ll explain it to her together.”
I squeezed Cash’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“You were victims. You have nothing to be sorry for. It would be worse if she found out you weren’t dead and you knew about her, yet you never came for her.” Johnathan shook his head. “This is best for her. No matter how it feels for us, we want what’s best for her.”
I cried then and Cash held me, crying tears of his own. The four of us sat in their living room in silence, crying. Each of us, with our own grief, crying tears of uncertainty and, on some level, fear.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when a door opened somewhere in the house and loud footsteps traveled towards us. We all stood at once, each of us looking every bit as scared as we felt.
When Helena turned the corner and saw us all, she froze and looked to her parents. “What’s going on?”
Jennifer stepped forward and hugged her, squeezing her tight. “We need to talk to you, baby.”
Helena looked at Cash and a look of apprehension crossed over her face, but when she looked at me, her eyes went wide. She dropped her backpack and stepped forward. “M-mom?”
I missed the pain on Jennifer’s face because I couldn’t take my eyes off my daughter. She was taller than me up close. She was stunning, so beautiful that I couldn’t help crying. “Helena.”
She moved towards me slowly, her eyes taking in my face like she couldn’t believe it. “How? What…what happened?”
“It’s going to be a long talk.” I stepped towards her and gently touched her hair. It was just as soft as it’d been when she was tiny. “You’re beautiful.”
She was in my arms suddenly and I wasn’t sure if I’d grabbed her or she’d grabbed me. I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but it was hard to let go of her when we talked. She was shocked and horrified, but she was tough.
By the time we were winding down, it was dark out. I knew we had to leave, but it was hard. Jennifer and Johnathan looked worn down and I couldn’t imagine what they were feeling. Helena asked if we would come back over in the morning so we could all talk again and we agreed. She also asked if we were going to be in town for a little while. She looked hopeful, but also wary of hurting her other parents’ feelings. She was in a tough spot and seemed to be aware of it. It made me respect Jennifer and Johnathan even more because they’d raised her with so much kindness.
She’d warmed up to Cash and had hugged him tightly when we were leaving. It wasn’t easy walking away, even knowing we would be back in the morning. I wanted to camp out in her room and watch her sleep like I’d done when she was a baby.
Once we were in the truck, Cash broke down. He cried and let me hold him while he talked through feeling confused and torn about what to do. We were both in agreement by the end that we would play it by what Helena wanted. It wasn’t easy, but we didn’t know what else we could do. Ripping her from the family she’d been a part of for twelve years, most of her life, wasn’t an option, no matter how much we wanted her.
We grabbed dinner at a fast food place and ate in the truck while staring at the night sky. Our moods were both coming down and we’d both tired ourselves out with emotions for the day. We ate in silence and then drove to a hotel.
I walked in with Cash and, with some thought, asked for two rooms. We hadn’t talked yet, and I didn’t know if he wanted me. I didn’t want to assume.
Cash put his arm around my waist and motioned to the clerk for one room. “We’re still due that talk.”
I looked up at him and touched his hand on my side. “You think either of us feels like talking?”
He smiled then, a soft smile that brought a blush to my face for the sheer fact that it was special and just for me. “Good point. I’ll give you the CliffsNotes on the way to the room and when we get there, we can do your idea.”
“My idea?”
“You said you didn’t want to talk. That only leaves me with one other option.”
“Cash. I just ate two cheeseburgers and a large order of fries. I don’t think”
“I want you.” He kissed me. “I want to try this with you. That’s the CliffsNotes. Come on. It’s time for your idea.”
With my heart in my throat, I let him pull me after him to our room so we could do my idea. Even with everything up in the air, it felt a little safer with him holding my hand.