I quickly realized how well Cash’s business was doing when we got on a sleek private jet that he said belonged to the company, his company. When I was sitting on a butter-soft leather chair and a stewardess offered me a glass of champagne, I realized that he hadn’t suffered without us. At least, it didn’t feel that way. I was being judgmental, though, because if anyone had looked at me, they would’ve said the same thing.
Especially before I knew about Helena. I was in love. I thought Carver was a successful businessman and I felt the benefits of his money. I traveled the world with him. I wore the best clothes, swam in an indoor pool, played tennis once a week with some friends.
My stomach turned thinking about it and I pressed my knuckles to my mouth, trying to fight the urge to vomit. It made me sick to know what it said about me that I’d been in love with a man who was a monster, what it said about me that I’d been heartbroken for months after finding out the truth. Heartbroken over a monster.
“So, were you sleeping with Antonio before our divorce?” Cash’s voice came from the seat across from me, low and surly. He held a glass of whiskey in his fist that he’d been taking turns staring at since the stewardess handed it to him.
I had terrible taste in men. A monster and a bitter man who was running on fury and had never cared for me.
I closed my eyes and wondered if I could pretend I was asleep. I was tired. If he didn’t say anything else, it was possible that I’d be asleep in a few more seconds.
“I’ll take that as a yes. So you’re a cheater, too?”
“Um. Excuse me, sir?” The soft voice of Michelle, the stewardess, interrupted. “Your brother is on the line for you. Hendrix.”
“I’ll call him back.”
“Yes, sir.”
I unbuckled my seatbelt and stood up. “Was our marriage suddenly real when I slept with someone else? Because it seemed to not matter when you fucked your way through our town.”
His face actually looked shocked for a moment, before hardening. “What was I supposed to do? You forced me into a marriage. Was I supposed to come home and be celibate while eating puffy Cheetos on the couch with you?”
What felt like an underlying fat joke made me want to gouge his eyes out. The outright claim that I’d forced him into marriage made me want to cry. I counted to ten and blew out a breath. “I’m going to use the bathroom. I’d like it if you didn’t speak to me again. Maybe ever.”
I closed myself into the tiny bathroom for the majority of the trip. Feeling raw and confused about how quickly everything was changing, I hid away from him. He seemed set on hurting me and I just wanted to be free of him.
The stewardess suggested I go back to my seat when the plane was landing, but I declined the offer of sitting next to Cash again. Finally, when my legs threatened to buckle from a slight turbulence, I went back out to my seat and buckled myself in.
I could feel Cash’s eyes on me, but I just kept my eyes on my lap, choosing to ignore him.
“You can stay on the plane while I run an errand. I won’t take too long.” Cash stood up and pulled his shirt down in the back to cover the gun he’d tucked into the back of his pants. “Do you need anything?”
Of course there were things I needed. Like, to not look like a stripper when we got to where we were going. To Helena. I wasn’t willing to ask him for anything, though. Instead, I released my seatbelt and went back to the bathroom to get away from him again.
Too quickly, I heard him come back in. I was sitting on the closed toilet seat, picking at my nails because I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I was out of plans and options. Since finding out about Helena, I’d stopped thinking about my future, beyond helping her. I’d assumed I’d still be trapped with Antonio, but I’d never thought about it. I found myself in a situation, though, where I wasn’t trapped with Antonio. Cash was about to save Helena. And me… I was lost. The future seemed too large, too overwhelming to work out. What was I supposed to do?
A knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Clara? I brought different clothes. We’re going to take off in a few minutes if you want to change and come back out.”
I opened the door a crack and held my hand out. As soon as I had fabric in my hand, I pulled it in and shut the door tight. Looking down, I saw a large T-shirt and another pair of leggings, this pair actually my size. Still, no underwear.
I changed and looked at my reflection. I’d managed to transform back into the shy, awkward girl who didn’t know how to speak to her husband in a matter of hours, it seemed. My hair was curling messily, sticking out at random angles, my cheeks were too rosy, my lips were chapped. Any refinement I’d gained in the years I’d been away from Cash had faded fast enough to let me know it hadn’t been real. The painful girl in the mirror? That was me. Still too messed up to get what she wanted. Still dragging people into her mess. Still letting a man determine her moves. Like I’d ever had a choice.
I sank back into my seat and buckled myself in, feeling like I’d settled into another round of being tied up and questioned by Cash. All I wanted to do was run away.
He cleared his throat and started to speak, but I just held up my hand. “Cash, just don’t. Whatever you want to say, just…don’t. I’m aware of your feelings about me. I know that you hate me and think all the worst things about me. I’m beat up and tired enough. I get it. Just let me sit here in silence, please.”
When I looked up at him, he looked like he wanted to argue, but he just nodded his head and pulled out his phone.
The rest of the flight was spent in more awkward silence, but it was better than the alternative, at least for me. I spent the time trying to imagine my life after Cash set me free.
In the earlier years of my relationship with Antonio, he’d talked to me about the importance of my education. He’d been playing the doting, caring boyfriend at the time. He’d pushed me to get my GED and then helped me enroll into online business courses. I had a degree, but I’d never used it. As soon as I’d graduated, he’d said that his business had grown so much and had so many threats, that he didn’t want me going out, working. And just like that, I allowed another man to dictate my life.
It was hard to plan your future if you didn’t know for sure you were going to have one. I quickly gave up and settled on thinking about something else. My mind wandered from Antonio and what he was doing, to Cash and what he was thinking. I was sure both men probably wanted me dead at that point, but only one of them would be saddened by it.
Michelle, the stewardess, brought Cash another whiskey. It stayed on the table in between us, untouched. There were plenty of times that I considered grabbing it and tossing it back. Some self-medicating might be what I needed.
By the time we landed at a small airport outside of Jacksonville, I was ready to sprint off the plane. I wanted to go anywhere but where we were headed. Something about facing the innocence of my daughter made the harsh realness of my dirtiness stand out even more so.
Cash wasted no time, though. He pushed me into a black truck and didn’t wait for me to buckle in before speeding away from the airport. “It’s about forty minutes from here.”
I tried to slow my heart. “What is your plan here, Cash? Are we just going to burst in?”
“If I have to.”
“What if they hurt her? Shouldn’t you use some stealth?”
“They won’t hurt her.” He looked over at me, his face a hard mask. “They’d be dead before they ever had a chance to touch her.”
I believed him. With a nod, I ended our conversation and watched as the land around us went by. If I was expecting beautiful beaches and clear skies, I was sadly mistaken. The highway was surrounded by trees and small clusters of tiny houses that reminded me of the house Cash and I had shared when we were young. The skies were overcast and even as I had the thought that it looked like rain, a steady drizzle started to fall.
I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to fight off the shiver that seemed to constantly be at the nape of my neck. I was terrified. Every part of me wanted to know that Helena was okay and I was about to get what I’d been praying for for so long. It was just coming with parts that I had planned on not happening. Like her seeing me.
Too soon, Cash pulled into the small parking lot of an equally tiny park. It was settled in the middle of a neighborhood, but close enough to the main strip through town that it didn’t look weird for a random truck to be sitting there.
He turned off the truck and stared at a modest-sized house across the street. The lawn had recently been mowed and the lines from the mower were symmetrical and almost decorative. There was a small porch with a few patio chairs set around a table and a flowerbed in front that boasted beautiful elephant ears. The house itself was pale yellow stucco with white trim. It looked…happy.
“That’s the place?”
“Yeah. My guy says she’s inside.” He said it while looking up from his phone. His eyes took in everything at once, even flicking over to me for a moment before moving back to the house. “We’re just going to”
His voice shut off and his hand gripped the steering wheel so tight I worried it would snap. I looked up and followed his gaze and watched as a beautiful young woman walked out of the yellow house. She grinned over her shoulder at an older woman and her mouth moved as she spoke.
Helena. My heart expanded in my chest until it hurt and tears instantly pooled in my eyes.
Even twelve years couldn’t change her enough that I wouldn’t recognize her. She looked like the perfect combination of me and Cash. She had my blonde hair and rounded body, but the curl in her hair was from Cash. Her eyes looked darker than mine, too.
The woman she was with laughed and then rushed out to give Helena a hug. They embraced and the woman held her in her arms, saying something. Like magic, the sound carried across to the lowered window on Cash’s side.
“I love you, babygirl. Have fun at Stella’s. Call me if you need me to come pick you up early.”
Helena grinned and pressed a kiss to the woman’s face before moving away. “See you later, Mom! Love you!”
Like a hot knife through butter, my heart melted into a little puddle of pain in my rib cage. She looked happy. She looked loved and well taken care of.
Everything I thought I’d known had been ripped out from under me again. Dropping my head between my knees, I sucked in a rough breath and blew it out, shaking all the while. We’d come to be heroes, but it didn’t look as if our daughter needed a hero. She seemed perfectly fine.