I sat in the captain’s office, waiting for him to return from the crime scene, with more calmness than I felt anywhere else. If I looked through the glass windows behind me, I’d see a wide-open room, full of desks manned by police officers and detectives. There was nowhere safer for me to be.
Even though I knew whatever Ramsey had to say wasn’t going to be good, I could breathe easier for a moment.
I heard a commotion out in the bullpen and turned to look. Kruznov was across the room, pointing at me and screaming. Ramsey was standing in front of him, screaming right back. I was tempted to open the door to hear what was being said, but I could get the gist of it. Kruznov wanted me fired for what I’d done to him. There were other things too, I was sure, but that was the main point.
It felt like the entire room swung their eyes around to me at something Kruznov said with extra venom clear on his face. I just blinked at them and turned back to face Ramsey’s desk.
It didn’t take long for the screaming to die down and Ramsey’s office door to slam open and closed.
“Goddammit, Willows. You’re pissing me the fuck off.” Captain James Ramsey sat down heavily in his chair and glared at me. “You knocked Kruz out. Really. Of all the things you could’ve done, you knocked him unconscious and left him there for everyone to see that way?”
I shrugged. “He was being an asshole.”
Ramsey shoved his hands through his solid white hair and shook his head. “We can’t keep doing this. You’re not right since Sallisaw. You’ve managed to soar by the department psychologist and all the tests we’ve given you, but something isn’t right. You’ve always been cocky and headstrong, but never outright combative to another cop.”
I didn’t bother to argue. Ramsey had known me since I was a baby. The man probably knew me better than I knew myself. I was suddenly depleted of energy. I wanted to go home, turn all the locks I’d had installed on my door, and go to sleep for a week. If I could sleep.
“I’m putting you on leave.”
I jerked my head up and furrowed my eyebrows together. “What? Captain, that’s not”
He held up his hand. “You’re fighting but I can see the relief in your eyes, Rain.”
Shit. We’d crossed into family territory. He never called me “Rain” when he was being Captain Ramsey.
“Relief? You’re putting me on leave. There is no relief to that. I need to work.” Even as I denied it, my body sank into the chair heavily.
“I shouldn’t have let you come back. There’s something going on with you and you won’t let anyone in to figure it out or help. I can’t have you on the force like this. You’re a danger to yourself and to the other men and women out there. Fuck, you’re a danger to civilians, too.”
I glared at him, but kept my mouth shut.
“Five of the last ten cases you’ve worked have had a witness murdered. There hasn’t been any proof or I would’ve snatched your ass off the force months ago, but I can feel Sallisaw on it. He’s chasing you, isn’t he?”
Chasing? Probably not. I couldn’t imagine Sallisaw chasing anyone. Toying with? Definitely. “I found something at the scene. It could be nothing, or it could be something big.”
Ramsey leaned forward and motioned for me to go on.
“There was a piece of broken glass half wedged under the couch.” My voice shook and I cleared my throat before continuing. “I looked around and didn’t see anything that it could’ve been from. It…doesn’t mean anything, necessarily, but…”
“Say it, Rain.”
I looked up and met his eyes. “Sallisaw used a broken piece of glass on me the first time. He favored it.”
Ramsey sat back in his chair and swore violently. His face had gone pale and then his eyes moved to the scar at the side of my face. “You never said what he used.”
“Didn’t think it mattered.”
He nodded. “You were right. Until now.”
I watched as he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a group of files. I recognized the names across the top as the five cases that were stalled because our only witnesses had been found murdered.
Ramsey tossed three of them to me and tapped the top of the two he kept. “Look at the crime scene logs.”
A cold dread swept through me but I nodded. Opening the first file, I ignored the photo of the victim, a young white woman, and scanned the evidence log. Not seeing anything, I flipped the first page over and then sucked in a sharp breath. There, in black and white, were the words that I’d been hoping I wouldn’t find. A seven-inch shard of broken glass.
“Fuck.” Ramsey tossed the first file aside and grabbed the next one while I did the same. “Shit. Fuck! A seven- or eight-inch shard of glass at each of mine.”
I hurried through mine and nodded. Looking up with wide eyes, I swallowed loudly and pressed my fingertips into my throat, silently begging my pulse to slow. I felt faint and it was the last thing I needed.
“I have to turn this over to the Feds who are working the Sallisaw case. They’re going to want to talk to you again.” He slammed his desk drawer closed and swore. “I don’t know how the fuck I missed it.”
I grimaced. “I didn’t work every scene, but I read over the files. I didn’t catch it, either. Not until I saw that glass today.”
“I’m going to assign a protective detail on you.”
I stood up and slammed my hands on his desk. “Fuck no. You’re not going to have one of those assholes watch my back like I can’t do it myself.”
He stood up and leaned over his desk at me. “Sit down. Now!”
I hesitated for a second before dropping back into the chair. Fuming, I shook my head. “No. I can protect myself. If Sallisaw comes for me, I’ll be ready.”
His knowing brown eyes moved to my hands and nodded towards the way they shook like it was ten degrees in the office. Letting the look he sent me speak for him, he just waited and watched me.
I shoved my hands under my thighs and shrugged. “Put me on leave. I get it. With this connection, I can’t touch any cases without them potentially being dirtied by Sallisaw. I’ll take a vacation, head down to Faint Island, get a tan or some shit. I don’t want a protective detail, though. I don’t want it or need it. You know I can protect myself. Not to mention Sallisaw hasn’t so much as shown himself above ground in months.”
He frowned. “I don’t know. After what happened the first time…I’m hesitant to let you go off on your own.”
“If I was Kruz, would you pull this same shit? No, you’d let him go off and do whatever the fuck he wanted. I’m not weak, Captain. I can take care of myself.” I was desperate. Desperate, just in case getting away from the job didn’t calm my nerves. How was I supposed to live if I had Dallas PD watching me? I couldn’t always keep the signs of my unravelling concealed. I needed time to be frayed without worrying about being judged.
“I’ll turn everything over to the Feds and let them decide. Rain, I’m not happy about any of this. Fuck, this is not good. You stepped in it. If you’d just told me you were helping Crimson…” He shook his head. “I know it doesn’t make a difference now, but I would’ve done things differently. I can’t tell you how scared I felt when we couldn’t find you. Your dad and grandfather would’ve killed me. They trusted me with you and I fucked up.”
The weight of his guilt settled around me like cinderblocks thrown into the ocean. I sucked in a harsh breath, trying to breathe, and stood up. “I’ll be at my desk, typing up the report.”
Before he could argue or say anything else, I fled from his office. Halfway across the bullpen, I heard Kruznov talking shit about me.
“Fucking bitch. She’s fucking crazy and Ramsey still lets her stroll around here with a gun. She should be locked up. Or maybe off somewhere getting her face fixed. Because, really, without any sort of skill at the job, she should at least be pretty for us to look at.”
I abruptly turned towards him and strolled up to him like I was going to hit him. He flinched hard and took a step backwards, letting me know that while I felt as timid as a deer most days, I still had an intimidation factor. I kept my hands to myself and smiled sweetly at him. “Kruz, sorry for knocking you out earlier. Normally, on a man in better shape, it would’ve only stunned them for a little bit. Seemed you were out for quite some time.”
He snarled at me. “You’re lucky you’re a girl, bitch.”
I raised my hands and shrugged. “Because if I wasn’t?”
“We’d handle this like men do.”
I laughed a bitter laugh and rolled my eyes. “When you grow into something more than a fungus, you let me know. Sitting here, gossiping and shit-talking, I don’t know how you’d know anything about what men do.”
His face burned bright and a vein ticked at the side of his head. “Sallisaw’s on your tail, Willows. It won’t be long before you’re back in his hands, getting the other side of your face fucked up. Then we’ll see who you’re begging to save your sorry ass.”
A flashback of Sallisaw’s hand holding a shard of glass flashed through my mind and I didn’t like it, so I lashed out. Whipping my hand out, I connected hard with Kruznov’s nose, breaking it.
He doubled over, holding his nose as blood ran down his hands. “Bitch! You’re fucking crazy!”
One of the officers around us attempted to grab my arm and I turned on him. “Touch me and I’ll break your fingers.”
A door crashed open across the room and Ramsey’s voice boomed out. “Fucking Willows! Get back in here right now! You too, Kruz!”
Well, he was good and pissed.
Shaking, I walked back towards his office, not caring about what he was going to do as punishment. I hated to disappoint him, as a family friend, but I was going on leave.
I dropped into the chair I’d just vacated and dropped my head between my knees, trying to appear bored when, in reality, I was fighting another panic attack. Confrontation, no matter how small or large, left my body in a state of turmoil after Sallisaw. Listening to the shit that Kruznov had been spewing made it extra intense. I wanted to run to the little beach house I was already picturing on Faint Island.
I wasn’t okay. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t breathe.
Even with my head trapped between my knees and a supposedly calming mantra in my thoughts, I couldn’t get a good breath.
“Rain?” Ramsey’s voice was closer. “Rain, you okay?”
I gasped uselessly, my body shaking harder as my lungs squeezed painfully. I couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck. Call a bus!” Ramsey grabbed me and his face appeared in front of mine, white dots blinking around his head.
I clutched at my throat, silently begging for air, but none came. The white dots turned black and as the pain in my lungs reached what I hoped was a maximum, the edges of my vision grew hazy and then I felt my body stiffly fall into Ramsey’s arms as I lost consciousness.