When I came out of my room the next morning, looking worse for the wear, I was surer than ever, Cash was sitting on the couch with a large sheet of paper set out in front of him. I nodded to him and hurried into the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror was rough. My hair was hanging limply and there were massive bags under my bloodshot eyes.
I took a shower and then dressed in the same clothes before brushing my teeth and heading out to face Cash.
He looked up at me and offered me a soft smile. “Morning.”
I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. “Ready to talk plans?”
His face gave away that he wanted to talk about the night before, but I wasn’t ready. I was holding onto my sanity by a thread and that thread was oiled.
“Yeah. I bribed my way into a blueprint of Carver’s property. That’s how I got to you the first time. It’ll be harder to sneak in this time because he knows I got in the first time. His system was overdone and underdone at the same time.”
I sat down next to him and looked over the blueprint. “It would keep someone with a computer trying to hack into his system out, but not someone with a lock picking kit.”
Cash looked surprised. “Yeah, exactly.”
“This isn’t complete. There are additions not on this.”
“Yeah, I got turned around last time because of it. That’s where you come in. Do you think you can add on the things that are missing so I can get to him?”
I swallowed. “This still seems like a bad idea.”
Cash looked down at me and shrugged. “He has to pay. This is the only way I know.”
“I can add on everything that’s missing. I can also give you an idea of how the security’s schedule works. Up until I left, anyway.”
Cash paced around the cabin while I added everything and made notes. When I was finished, we went over the plans together and talked out everything. Cash was secure in his plan, since he’d done it already, but I was nervous. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn’t budge. It wasn’t good.
No matter how many negative sounds I made, he was determined that he would do it, though. By the time I finally gave in, it was almost dinner time again. We’d already killed the leftover pizza for lunch and my stomach was growling.
“Want some food?” Cash leaned back into the couch and stretched his long legs out.
“Not pizza again.”
He chuckled and nodded. “Fine. Come on. There’s a burger place in town. We’ll get the works, to go. Burgers, fries, milkshakes. Anything you want. Your reward for having the best memory I’ve ever seen.”
I rolled my eyes, but it felt nice to think of something besides Antonio and my inability to attract people. “Since I’m not on anyone’s market, I want an extra-large strawberry milkshake.”
He gave me a look that I couldn’t decipher and pulled me up with him when he stood. “One extra-large strawberry milkshake, coming right up.”
We drove to and from the diner in silence. I was absorbed in myself, thinking of everything I’d learned, because no matter how much I wanted to think of something simpler, I couldn’t. There was no way for me to break down everything Cash had told me and make sense of it all, not without dedicating more time to it.
One thing that kept bouncing around my head, though, besides the fact that Antonio hadn’t wanted me, was that the whole ordeal had been orchestrated to hurt Cash. I’d just been a pawn. While it was insulting that I’d just been played, I was more than equally relieved that I hadn’t caused it all.
“Get out of your head, C.” Cash parked behind the cabin again and grabbed the bags of food. “Grab the shakes, will you?”
It was weird, how easily we’d slipped back into a civil tone with each other. There was still so much tension, but we were both tip-toeing around each other. Or so I thought.
Cash sat next to me on the couch, devouring his burger. He glanced over at me and grinned. “You’ve got some whipped cream on your nose.”
I put my shake down and rubbed at my nose. “Did I get it?”
He reached over and gently ran his finger down my nose. Instead of pulling back, though, he ran it over my cupids bow and across my lips. His eyes turned the same molten I remembered from all those years ago. “He wanted you for you.”
I pulled back. “What?”
“Carver. No matter what his plan was, he wanted you for you. Because you’re not less than. Your dad fucked you up, C. You don’t see it, but you’re fucking hot.”
It brought everything to the front of my mind and I felt like Cash was playing me. I wrapped my burger up and scooted away from him. “That’s not funny.”
Cash frowned. “I’m not trying to be funny.”
“Just…just eat your burger and drop it.”
Cash dropped his burger onto the coffee table and turned to face me. “Don’t tell me what to do. I can compliment you if I want.”
I felt like he was making fun of me. I shot up and crossed to the other side of the room. “Don’t, Cash. I’m serious. I don’t want to hear it.”
He followed me and braced his hands on the wall on either side of my head. “Fuck this, C. Turns out I’m still that idiot who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. But you’re not a kid anymore.”
I stared up at his face and looked for signs of laughter. “What are you doing, Cash?”
He leaned down so we were eye-to-eye. “I think you’re beautiful, C. I always have. Every time I came home and you were wearing that fucking dress, I thought I’d lose it. I still feel that way. Only, I’m a lot older and a lot smarter now.”
My heart was pounding out a rhythm that overpowered my brain. I knew I should move away and put space between us. He was the same guy who’d stopped being there for me before. Nothing would be different. He’d screw me and then be gone in the morning if I let him touch me.
Yet, when he moved close enough that his breath fanned over my lips, I stayed there, a masochist to the end.
“I’m sorry. For how I acted these last few days and for how I acted all those years ago. I was an idiot. I cared about you, but I was afraid. I made it possible for Antonio to steal you away. I should’ve won you over before he could. I’m sorry for letting you down.”
His smoky blue eyes were intense as they looked into mine. “Forgive me, C.”
I wasn’t a good judge of character. I drew in bad guys who hurt me. Everything in the past few days had pointed to Cash being a bad guy for me. He had real problems that I should’ve been scared of, yet looking at him, I didn’t think of all the times he hurt me. I thought of the first time he walked me home from school.
“Do you remember the time you protected me from Charlie James?” I held my breath as I waited for him to answer, the young girl in me desperate to know if the young boy was still in him somewhere. Beyond the tough guy and the whiskey, I needed to know there was someone in there who understood what I was feeling.
His lips quirked into a smile as his hand dropped to my shoulder. His pointer finger rested on bare skin where my shirt gaped open at my shoulder and it sent a shudder through my body. “You were so tiny. He was teasing you, following you out of the school. He was in my grade. He had no business messing with you.”
“You hit him.”
“I was always a fan of hitting assholes.” His hand moved up to cup my neck and his thumb stroked down the front of my throat. “I told you that no one would mess with you while I was around. I forgot that promise.”
I looked down at our feet, both bare, his tan and long. “You were my best friend.”
He ran his thumb up my throat and pressed against my chin until I lifted my head and faced him again. “I’m sorry. Not just for right now. I will be sorry for my choices for the rest of my life.
“I couldn’t see you when Carver was hurting you. I could just see your feet from where I was. When I realized what he was doing, I almost put a bullet through his head. I wasn’t supposed to take you that night. I just couldn’t leave you.”
“What is this, Cash?” I let out a breathy sigh and planted my hands on the wall behind me. “What are you doing right now?”
He moved his lips slowly to my ear, like a stroke over my cheek. “I’m touching you. Not nearly as much as I want to, but it’s a nice start. Your skin is so soft. It makes me wonder if you’ll be just as soft everywhere.”
My lips parted and my head tipped back like it was on a string, under his control. “This is probably a bad idea.”
Cash stroked his thumb down my throat again, dipping into the base and then over my collar bone. He watched as his finger bumped into my shirt and then slid it off of my shoulder. “I’ll stop if you want me to, C.”
My body was already alive and pulsing in tune with my erratic heartbeat. I didn’t want him to stop. I knew there were dangers, but I wanted him to keep touching me.
I looked up to see he’d been watching my face. A dark smile twisted his lips and then he slanted them over mine. Soft and slow, he kissed me. I felt it through my entire body as his lips parted and he caught my lower lip between his.
I gasped as Cash grabbed my waist and lifted me into his body. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my blood raging in my body. “Cash! What are you doing?”
He chuckled as he carried me over to the couch and sat down. When my legs straddled him and our middles rubbed together, he groaned. “I want to take my time showing you a few things. I told you. I’m older and smarter now. No rush job this time, C.”
I tipped my head back and looked at the ceiling for a second, trying to control myself, but when I looked back down, Cash was still under me, looking at me like he wanted to eat me whole. “So dangerous.”
He ran his hands up from my knees to my thighs, squeezing as he went. “Perfect thighs. Even from that night, I remember they felt like heaven wrapped around me. Right now, they’re gripping me, so warm and firm. I want to feel them around my head when I eat you, C.”
I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself. His words were getting to me.
When his hands wrapped around to my ass and I gasped, he took the opportunity to pull me down for a fierce kiss. Harder and hotter, he stroked my lips with his tongue. I opened my mouth for him and he rolled his tongue against mine, driving my desire higher.
“This ass… Fuck. I can’t sleep without thinking about your ass against me. I want to take you from behind and feel it bounce against me. I want to grab it and use it to make you ride me. This ass makes me harder than steel, C.”
My breath came faster. “Cash, you don’t have to”
He kissed me again, locking one of his hands in my hair and deepening it until I felt like I was floating. I held on with my arms around his head, clutching a handful of his thick hair. His beard was rough against my face, but I liked it.
“I don’t have to do anything. I’ve never been trapped by you, Clara. I do what I want. And what I want to do is try to erase some of the ideas running through that pretty head of yours. Ideas that you’re not still the hottest woman I’ve ever touched. Ideas that you don’t make me hard with just one flash of your smile.”
I gasped again when he lifted me by my ass so I was kneeling in front of him with my chest in his face. “Cash…”
He looked up at me and growled. “These are what dreams are made of. Enough to fill my hands. Soft, smooth, and so responsive.”
I felt like ripping the shirt from my body to give myself to him, but I was still thinking. In the back of my head, I was worried about my stomach.
Cash pushed his face into the valley between my breasts, lightly nipping as he turned to the side. “They’re perfect. You haven’t been wearing a bra and it’s been hell on me not to stare at the way they sway when you move. I want to see you.”