I’d eventually fallen asleep with my head dropped forward. I woke up every few minutes, listening for any sound of Cash. As the night went on, it grew hotter and hotter until my skin was sticky with sweat. The dress I was wearing was heavy and my skin itched under it. Sweat dripped down my face but I couldn’t wipe it away. Instead, I just sat there, drowning in my own sweat and nodding off until my neck hurt like someone had taken a baseball bat to it.
With the rising sun, the massive room lit up enough that I could finally look around. It was some kind of storage room, only larger than any unit I’d ever seen before. Most of it was empty, with just a few shelves and containers holding items spread out here or there.
I couldn’t tell where we were from looking around. I struggled to turn my stiff neck all around, searching for an address or anything I could use to determine where I was. There was nothing, though. I had no idea if we were in another state or just off of Antonio’s property.
Anxiety had turned me into a shivering mess at some point of the night, despite the heat that threatened to melt me. I was worried about everything, but helpless to do anything.
After what felt like weeks, the door at the front of the room rattled and then opened. Cash stepped in and looked me over while walking my way.
“Got a little warm in here, huh?” His face looked like he’d eaten a lemon as he swept his eyes over me again. “You look like hell. We’ve got to get you cleaned up before we get on the road.”
My body went completely still. “On the road?”
His smile was cruel. “If you won’t help, I’m just going to drag you around while I follow all the leads I have.”
Exhaustion and fear made me lash out. “Who the hell do you think sent you those leads, asshole? I have been helping. I’m the only reason you know anything, but because you won’t listen, you’re going to fuck everything up. So, please, without my help, follow your leads.”
Cash reacted like I’d slapped him and for a second, his face just went blank. Then, it turned dark. “I’m supposed to believe you sent me those letters?”
I rolled my eyes and tried to work a crick out of my neck. “I don’t know what to tell you, Cash. You can’t trust me and I don’t blame you for that, but if you’d stop drinking and come at this with a clear head, you’d know enough to listen to me.”
“Oh, fuck you. You’re going to lecture me?” He laughed bitterly. “You, the woman who sent her daughter away so she could be with her crime boss boyfriend.”
“Let me out of this chair so I can hit you. I’m over hearing you accuse me of things that I didn’t do. The things I did do are bad enough, but I won’t let you continue this dialogue of me sending Helena away. I didn’t. I fought for her. I’ve been fighting for her. I contacted you as soon as I could to let you know to look for her. Instead of finding her, you found me, though, you idiot. You’re so set on your hatred for me that you missed the point of those letters.”
Cash turned away and shook his head. “Just stop talking. I don’t want to hear your lies. We’ve got things to do.”
I watched him move away and felt like I’d just thrown a rock at a puppy. He was hurting, I could tell. He wasn’t so far removed from the little boy that I’d known that I couldn’t see it in him. He’d loved Helena. He may not have been there a lot, but when he was, he was crazy about her. He was dealing with a lot, the idea of her still being out there, and I wanted to be patient and understanding with this pain. I just couldn’t be. Helena’s life was on the line.
“Cash. Uncuff me. Do whatever you have to do. Just let me go. I’ll find my way back to Antonio and try to save Helena from that end, if it’s not too late. You keep looking. Find Johnathan Cortez. Find Helena.” I bit back tears and stiffened my back. “Take her and keep her safe.”
Ignoring me, he headed towards the door. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”
“Cash, please! I can’t just stay here. I have to use the bathroom.”
He didn’t stop.
I sank back in the chair as much as I could and blew out a rough breath. I didn’t know how to get through to him. I couldn’t. He’d already decided what’d happened and he wasn’t listening to anything else. I just had to face it. Cash wasn’t going to believe anything else.
A few minutes later, he came back in and flashed a key in front of my face. “You try to run and I won’t be so gentle in grabbing you this time.”
As soon as he uncuffed me, I flexed my wrists and groaned. “You’ve made it plenty clear that you’d like nothing more than to kill me. I get it.”
He stared at me for a few seconds longer than was comfortable and then shook his head. He was doing that a lot. “Come on. I’ve got a room where you can get cleaned up.”
I couldn’t argue with that, so I stood up and went along willingly. “Will there be a bathroom I can use, too?”
He grunted and led me to a large, black SUV. “Get in.”
There wasn’t a step and I had a hard time getting my leg high enough while in the tight dress, but when Cash reached for me to help, I backed away, bumping into the vehicle. “I’ve got it.”
He watched as I hiked the dress up and climbed in. I settled in the seat and stared straight ahead, shame and discomfort making eye contact impossible.
“Put your seatbelt on.”
“What does it matter? If I go through the windshield in a wreck, it’s one less thing for you to do, right?”
He grabbed the belt and reached across me to hook it in. “You’re a pain in the ass. I don’t remember you being this awful.”
“You wouldn’t remember much about me, would you?”
Another grunt. Cash got in on his side and then we were off.
I quickly realized that we weren’t anywhere close to Antonio’s house. We were somewhere in the country, where there were more trees and hills than people, it seemed. The land was pretty, all lush green, but each passing mile without civilization made me realize just how much I was at Cash’s mercy.
“Where are we?”
Cash sped up and ignored me. He kept his eyes on the road, but it felt like he was still watching me. It had to be a SEAL thing. After another few minutes, he pulled into a little motel stuck dead in the middle of absolutely nowhere and absolutely nothing.
“You treat all of your ex-wives this nicely?” At my wit’s end was where I found all of my sarcasm, apparently.
Cash didn’t reply. He just got out and came around to my side. I was already unbuckled and waiting, but he still reached out to help me. When I pushed his hand away and climbed down, clumsy in the tight dress, he rolled his eyes.
He led the way to room twelve and opened it with an actual key. I was convinced the place hadn’t been updated since the eighties and when I saw the inside of the room, I was proven correctly. I wasn’t sure the duvet had been changed, or washed, since then, either.
“Get cleaned up. There are clothes on the counter in the bathroom for you. You have ten minutes or I’m coming in to get you.”
I glared at him but hurried to the bathroom. I hadn’t peed in far too long and I was close to embarrassing myself. I shut the door firmly behind me and tried not to see the state of the little room I was standing in. I peed and wiped with toilet paper that was a direct cousin to sandpaper and then turned on the hot water. The wall screamed at me and then water sputtered out of a rusted shower head that had seen better days. The spray was uneven and most of the water was shooting out of a crack in the head and hitting the ceiling, but it got lukewarm, so that was something.
I took a fast shower, washing my body and hair with a bar of soap that was the size of a book of matches and probably recycled. While rinsing my hair, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was about Cash and me that attracted such poor surroundings. It seemed that every time we were together, it was in places that were close to being condemned. Our house when we were married was just a few steps above the motel we were in. It’d been cared for, though. By a girl too stupid to know that sex isn’t love and condoms were important every time, even the first time.
A loud bang rang out, followed by Cash’s voice. “You’ve got two minutes left, Clara.”
I muttered an insult and finished rinsing off. I dried off and picked up the clothes Cash had left for me. They had to be a joke. The pants were cheap leggings, the kind that showed your ass crack if you moved at all and the shirt was a cut off old concert T-shirt. It wasn’t that they weren’t perfectly acceptable clothes, but they were perfectly acceptable for someone thirty pounds lighter and at least fifteen years younger. At thirty-two, I wasn’t old, but I still knew that a crop top probably wasn’t best for me.
Knowing that complaining would be useless, I pulled on the clothes and refused to look at myself in the mirror. I ran my fingers through my hair and brushed my teeth with the still wrapped toothbrush sitting on the counter. A pair of bright pink flip flops waited for me as the only thing left to do before facing Cash.
“Clara!”
I yanked open the door while sliding my feet in. “Jesus, Cash. You don’t have to be such an asshole. I was trying to hurry. I don’t want to be here any longer than you do, I can promise you that.”
Silence rang out and I looked up to find him staring at my outfit. Annoyance bit at me and I shoved at his chest to get past him. He had a button-down shirt resting on the bed and I grabbed it to tie around my waist, making the outfit slightly less provocative.
“Are you going to let me go back to Antonio’s now?”
“No.” Cash walked past me and grabbed the doorknob. “Are you going to be a problem?”
“Fuck, yes! You’re kidnapping me, Cash. I could call the police on you right now.”
He stalked back towards me and hovered over me, his face a mask of annoyance. “You’re telling me that in all the years you’ve been on your back for Carver, you haven’t learned never to call the police?”
I’d slapped him before either of us knew what was happening. My hand stung from the impact and the girl in me who remembered the boy in Cash cried a little at the damage done. “I don’t deserve the way you’re treating me. I know I did things wrong, but I was young and I didn’t know what to do. Someone kidnapped our daughter and told me she was dead. I didn’t know how to tell you that I’d let her get snatched away from me. So I lied. I was ashamed. You’d been gone for so long and I was a kid, Cash. I was terrified and Antonio was there for me, or at least I thought he was.
“I lied to you about what happened to her. I did. I’m so sorry for not handling the situation better, but I didn’t know what to do. Antonio was at my side, telling me not to tell you or the police and I trusted him. It was the wrong choice. I can’t take that back now. I didn’t keep her from you.”
Sadness washed over me and I sagged onto the bed. Sitting on the edge, I looked up at Cash and held up my hands. “I used to ask you to come home more. I worried that she wasn’t seeing you enough. When you called me, I tried to tell you every single thing she’d done since we’d last talked. I wanted you in her life more. Why would I have done all of that to take her away from you, Cash?
“I hate myself for falling for Antonio’s lies. I hate myself for the things that I’ve done and seen. There are so many things that I’ve done wrong. But I didn’t do what you’re accusing me of. I didn’t hide her from you. As soon as I found out that she was alive and I could, I sent letters to you. I tried to give you clues to find her. I couldn’t come out and say everything because I was afraid of this happening. I didn’t want you to come for me. I wanted you to go find her.
“You don’t get to be such an asshole to me. You don’t get to push me around and threaten to kill me. I’m not the bad guy. I’m trying to help.”
He just stared at me, his jaw muscles working at the sides of his face. He turned and strode to the door and kept his back to me. “Let’s go.”
I stood up and sighed, resigned to him hating me and treating me like I was his hostage. “Okay, let’s go.”