“Are you sure I’m not squishing you?”
“I’m a man. You can’t squish me.” Jackson held me tighter against his chest and grunted when I wiggled my body. “You keep wiggling and you’re going to be under me again.”
As much fun as it sounded, I wasn’t too proud to admit that my body needed a break. I went still and turned so my cheek was resting on his chest, his heartbeat acting as a lullaby written just for me. “Sorry, I was just getting comfortable.”
“More like enjoying torturing me.”
I grinned and stroked the skin of his chest under my hand. “Maybe.”
He kissed the top of my head and grunted. “I knew you were evil. Have ever since you went all flying ninja on me.”
I laughed. “I still can’t believe you knew it was me and never said anything. I worried about it for so long. Even after you left and I was on the streets, I thought about it. It was one of the worst things I’d personally done to someone and I knew you were going to be hiding around a corner one day, waiting to get even with me.”
“You would’ve had to jump out of about a hundred more trees at me for use to get close to being even.” His hand stroked down my back and cupped my butt. “Have I mentioned that I love your ass?”
“Maybe a time or two.”
“I’ve never skipped protection before. I have always had a healthy fear of reproducing. I don’t think you have parents like ours without worrying about it a little.”
I lifted my head and nodded. “I’ve been attempting to parent Micah in some way for years and I still panic. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be a good mother when I’ve never even seen one in real life.”
“You’re good with the kid. He’s crazy about you.”
“I’m crazy about him, too. We should go to the pharmacy in town in the morning and buy condoms and the morning after pill. I don’t know if either of us are prepared to deal with potential consequences from tonight.”
He grunted, but remained silent. His face closed off and I felt bad guilty for some reason, which didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t like he wanted a kid with me. He probably didn’t even know if he actually liked me yet.
“Where did you go when you left?”
He blinked a few times and looked down at me. “When?”
“When you ran away from home. I never knew what happened to you.”
“I joined the Navy. I was almost old enough and the recruiter I met agreed to let me live with him until I could join. Served for a while before training to be a SEAL.”
I whistled. “King would sometimes watch shows about them. He hated everything, but even he sounded impressed when he talked about SEALs.”
“That’s where I met Thad and the brothers and we started Crimson Security. It turned us all into very capable men, but it made us all family, too.”
“So, you’ve been with them since you were young?”
He nodded and ran one of his hands through my hair. When it caught in a tangle, he took his time to work through the knot. “Yeah, pretty much. We’re family. Cash, Jagger, Hendrix, and Thad. Cash helped me through some of my anger. He was the only reason most of us kept it together.”
I hated the sadness that tinged his voice and cupped his face. “What happened?”
He shook his head. “He’s fine.”
I shook my head. “You always sound so sad when your friends are sad?”
“He had a kid who died. Somehow, he still managed to stay strong. But, someone’s been messing with him for a while now. Sending him letters saying that the kid isn’t dead. He’s been on a search for his ex-wife since he got the first letter. He won’t let any of us help, though.”
I shoved my arms under his back so I could hug him. “Is he okay?”
Jackson grunted. “Don’t know how he could be. He loved that little girl so much. Loved his wife that much, too. No one knows what happened. It was so long ago.”
“That’s terrible. I can’t imagine. How parents who love their kids lose them when people like our parents willingly walk away from their kids is beyond me. Life isn’t fair.”
He cleared his throat and gently patted my butt. “Anyway. He’s kept us all busy on assignments and shit so we can’t stick our noses in whatever he’s doing. It’s annoying as hell.”
“Your assignment with the Devils? Did you finish it?”
There was a slight stiffening of his body, but I ignored it. “Mostly.”
“Do you know where you go next?”
“Right here until we figure out what to do with Raptor and the Wolves.” He stroked his hand down to join the other on my butt and used his grip to rub my naked body against his. “Have I talked enough to earn a prize?”
I sat up, straddling him, and grinned when his eyes got all heavy and happy. “In a bit. What are we going to do about Raptor?”
“I have something in mind.” He dragged me up his body and didn’t stop until my core was hovering over his mouth and his wicked eyes were on the prize he wanted. “Later.”
It was hard to argue with such a determined man.
*
I woke up alone in the bed the next morning, my body sore in delicious places and my brain warm with happy, fuzzy feelings. Good sex was clearly the best treatment for stress. I looked around the room and saw that he’d left his shirt behind so I pulled it over my head and went to the bathroom.
I finished everything and was about to flush when I heard him outside the bathroom window.
Grinning to myself, I crept over to the window and quietly opened it. I had plans to flash him, but then I heard what he was saying.
“I’ve got her. Yeah. I’ve got a plan to get even more money from Raptor. I told you I could find her. Call Raptor and tell him that we’ve got her. I’ve got to get on the road with her, but I’ll call you later about the plan.” He hesitated and laughed a bitter laugh. “Brother, I’m just happy to be bringing money into the club. Maybe we can talk Raptor out of some of his territory, too. Let’s see how bad he wants the bitch.”
Fear constricted my throat like a snake squeezing its prey. I fell away from the window and stumbled out of the bathroom and across the hall. I listened to hear if he was coming and jerked on a pair of cut-off shorts. I knelt on the floor of my closet and reached behind a stack of books to grab my gun.
My heart stung in my chest, aching to the point of tears. I was an idiot. I’d realized at some point in the night that I really liked him and that it would be hard to say goodbye when everything was over, but I hadn’t realized the ending would be a twist.
Taking the stairs two at a time, as quietly as I could, I hurried out the kitchen door, careful not to let it slam behind me, and nearly collided with the traitor.
Jackson’s arms wrapped around me and he frowned down at me. “What’s wrong?”
I twisted away from him and pointed to the swing. “Sit with me.”
He nodded and moved down the stairs. I needed enough space between us so I could raise the gun and I needed to be between him and Micah. When he turned to see if I was following him, he found me with both arms raised, pointing a gun at his back.
“Whoa, what the fuck are you doing?” He raised his arms and took a few steps back. “Put that thing down, Camila.”
I stepped down the stairs and pointed towards the woods with the gun. “Walk. I don’t want to hear you say anything. Just fucking go.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but decided that he’d do better to just listen to me. He led the way into the woods, out of eyesight from the house. Even deeper, we both went, until the sounds of early morning echoed around us and trees grew up every few feet.
“Are we far enough for whatever fucked-up game you’re playing?”
I kept my distance from him and shook my head. “I heard you. I heard you on the phone. If you think I’m going to let you take us anywhere, you’re wrong. I will shoot you right here and now.”
His eyes narrowed and he dropped his hands. “Fuck, Cammie, I thought you’d lost your fucking mind for a second. You heard me talking to the Devils, I’m assuming.”
I moved my finger over the trigger when he stepped closer. “Stay where you are, Jackson. I’m not kidding. I’m not going back to the Wolves. Neither is Micah. It’ll hurt but I’ll kill you right here and leave your body for the animals.”
“Let me explain, Cam.”
“Go to hell. I trusted you. Even after everything, I trusted you. Was any of it real?”
He scrubbed his hand down his face. “All of it was real. I came up with a way to end this whole thing. I wanted to have it all worked out before I told you.”
Tears blurred my vision but my aim didn’t waiver. “Bullshit. I heard you. I heard you talking about me. You were going to take us to them. Apparently you want more money, though. Right?”
“You heard me talking to the president while still undercover. I wasn’t completely honest about the assignment. It’s not over yet, but I didn’t want to tell you all of it because I didn’t want to freak you out. You didn’t exactly trust me as it was. Imagine I showed up and told you I’d been sent by the Devils to collect you because they wanted the money.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Camila! You know me. You know Thad. I work for Crimson Security. We’re the good guys. Come on. Put the fucking gun down before you shoot me.”
I shook my head, the tears falling harder. “You lied. I’m not going to let you hurt us.”
Jackson suddenly came at me and I didn’t have it in me to pull the trigger. He tossed the gun away from us and pinned me against a tree. When I tried to push him away, he grabbed my hands and held them above my head. “Stop it. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
I still struggled. I didn’t care if I hurt myself if I got to take a chunk of him with me. Pain, old and new, tightened my chest and I gasped for air. He’d always hurt me. It seemed he always would.
He jerked me into his chest and then shoved me into the tree harder. “Stop it! Fuck, Camila! I don’t want to hurt you. Stop fighting.”
I went still, my heart pounding. “I hate you. Why did you do this?”
“Cammie, listen to me.” He buried his face into my neck and spoke against my skin. “It wasn’t a real conversation. I would never hand you over to them. You’re safe here with me. I swear to you. You can call Thad, you can do whatever you need to do. Please, trust me. I’m on your side.”
I sobbed against his chest, emotions scorching me from the inside out. I was tired and I wanted everything to be over. What was happening wasn’t normal. What we were doing wasn’t normal. I wanted normal more than I wanted anything, I decided.
No more stress about motorcycle clubs, no more worrying if the man who wanted to have sex with me actually hated me. I just wanted things to be calm.
“Camila, look at me.” He caught my chin and lifted my face. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
I blinked away more tears and tugged at my wrists. “I thought you were bad.”
He let my wrists go and leaned over to pick up the gun. Putting the safety on and shoving it into the waistband of his pants, he turned back to me and scooped me into his arms. “I’m sorry you heard that and got scared. I’m a little worried that you were willing to kill me, but I’m just going to tell myself that I get it.”
I started crying again, feeling confused and terrible. I couldn’t get the image of a dead Jackson out of my head and it made me nauseous. “I’m sorry.”
He held me tighter and hurried back to the house. Up the stairs and into my bed we went. He sat against the wall and held me in his arms as he stroked my hair.
“This is a mess, huh?”
I looked up at him and felt a wave of sadness, bigger than before, roll through me. It was a mess. One night of sex and somehow, it seemed, we’d both forgotten that we weren’t in a relationship or even good for each other. For lack of a better word, it sucked.