By the time I rolled into bed that night, I wanted to sleep for a week. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Thad had heard from his contact that the guy he strung up on the ferry wasn’t talking. He was more afraid of Sallisaw than the FBI. Which I understood. Thad had been clearly frustrated and that energy, mixed with my own angry energy had fueled the tension in the house.
Mack had fled for his own house, even volunteering to take Biscuit home with him after Kevin had screamed about Biscuit eating another one of his shoes. I’d refused. At that point, I would have rather had Biscuit in my room than Kevin.
I stretched out under the thin cotton sheet and sighed. My body ached after a long night in the kitchen. I still had stiffness that seemed to never leave from what Sallisaw put my body through, and being flat in bed felt amazing.
Kevin sat down on his side of the bed and leaned over to stroke his hand over my thigh. “You looked pretty in that dress today.”
If only I’d fix my face, I was sure he was thinking. “Thanks.”
His hand moved higher and his fingers stroked over my panties. “I missed you.”
My body recoiled from his touch. I pushed his hand away, as gently as I could, and rolled over. “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel like it, Kevin.”
He snuggled up to my back and pressed his body against mine. His arm snaked around me and fondled one of my breasts. “Baby, I haven’t seen you in forever, it feels like. I miss you.”
I had to stop the gut reaction to slam my elbow into his ribs. My hands shook as I caught his hand and moved it. “I know. Maybe next time.”
“Come on, Rain.”
“Stop it, Kevin.” With my voice raised, I pushed away from him and sat up, pressing my back against the headboard. “I said I didn’t feel like it.”
His face went red and he stood up. “You’re kidding me, right?”
I watched him with wary eyes, his posture taking me back to a place I didn’t want to go. “I’m not.”
“This is getting ridiculous, Rain. First, you don’t tell me anything about what’s going on here, and then you act like my touch repulses you? You’re not being a very good girlfriend.”
And there it was. The elephant in the room. I wasn’t a good girlfriend. I wasn’t a good cop. I wasn’t good. The reminder was a slap in the face and I coiled into myself even more.
“I mean, shit! Rain, when you do let me touch you, you’re an ice queen. You just lay there and stare up at the ceiling like you’re comatose. Our sex used to be better. Now it’s boring and sad. When it happens.”
Comatose? Ouch. I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.”
“This is too much. You’re different. I’ve tried to be patient with you, Rain, but I’m finished. I’m sorry, but I deserve someone who isn’t hiding from her life. I deserve someone who isn’t quitting her job in her thirties. Do you even know what you’re doing with your life?”
Dear God, he was really letting all of his feelings out.
“I’m ready to settle down with a woman and start having kids. Do you think that you’re ready for that?”
Shit, he was really laying it on thick. My feelings were being trampled. I got it. He did deserve someone else. I wasn’t whole anymore. I was barely surviving, possibly not for much longer if Sallisaw had his way. “I don’t want children.”
He threw his hands up and started yanking his pants on. “I don’t know why I tried to make it work for so long. This is over, Rain. I like you a lot, but this isn’t working for me. I’m doing everything here and you’re doing nothing.”
“You’re right. This is the best choice for both of us.”
His face grew even redder as he yanked his shirt on. “I wanted to end it after you were taken but I felt sorry for you. You looked so pitiful and sad. I couldn’t add heartbreak to it.”
The bedroom door flew open and then Thad had Kevin dangling in the air by the back of his pants. “That’s enough.”
Kevin flailed. “Let me down! Let me down right now or I will sue you!”
Thad carried him towards the front of the house and dropped him in the living room. “Get your shit and get out. If you leave right now, you’ll still be able to make it off the island before the tide washes you away. Either way, I don’t care. You’re not staying here tonight.”
Kevin looked like he wanted to hit Thad, but thought better of it. He started grabbing his stuff and glared at me, realizing anything towards Thad would be a mistake. “Let me guess. You’re fucking the help?”
My face must’ve gone red because he seemed to expand as his anger grew.
“What the fuck, Rain? I’ve been faithful to you and your dead fish routine and you fuck around on me!”
I shook my head and climbed out of the bed. “I didn’t do anything, Kevin. Calm down.”
Thad held his hand out to me. “Stay in the bedroom.”
Biscuit started barking and growling at Kevin. I scooped him into my arms and stroked his head while shooting a glare at Thad. I didn’t have to stay anywhere.
“No, come out here and cuddle up with your boyfriend, you bit”
Thad grabbed Kevin and shoved him into the still closed front door. “Finish that word and I’ll put you through this door. You’ve said enough.”
Still holding Kevin, Thad jerked him back and thrust the door open before shoving Kevin through it. He growled low in his throat and filled up the doorway with his body, braced for a fight.
“I need my stuff!”
I hurried into the living room and grabbed his computer and phone before shoving it out of the door, past Thad.
“You have a thing for fucking dead people?” Kevin delivered his parting shot and then snatched the computer out of my hands.
Thad moved like he was going after Kevin, but I wrapped my free arm around his waist and tried to hold him back. It should’ve been a joke, he was so big, but as soon as Thad felt my arm go around him, he went completely still.
I looked up into his eyes and watched as they darkened in fury and his lip curled. My heart pulsed painfully fast, my body enticed by the power that radiated from him.
“Leave. If the road’s flooded, don’t come back here. You won’t be welcome.”
Kevin kicked the bumper of Thad’s truck and flipped us off. I’d never seen him act so childish. Or be so mean.
Thad stood there, watching as Kevin burned rubber pulling away from the curb. Even when his taillights were just tiny dots in the night, we stood there, staring.
Biscuit whined and wiggled until I broke from my trance and realized I still had an arm around Thad, with Biscuit wedged against his back. I dropped my arm and moved across the house like my non-existent pants were on fire. That’s right, I didn’t have pants on. Just a large T-shirt.
Groaning, I opened the back door and let the puppy out before standing up straight and turning back to find Thad leaning against the closed front door, a dark frown still on his face.
“That guy’s a real son of a bitch.”
I shrugged and pulled at the hem of my shirt. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
I gestured to the bedroom. “For having to listen to that. For having to get involved. That’s not your job.”
He moved towards me slowly, his body tense. “Don’t apologize for that asshole. I’m glad he’s gone. I’m pissed that he said those things to you, but I’d much rather him try to act tough with me than have to listen to whatever sex sounds that little pipsqueak would make.”
I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. “I’m just going to go to bed. Will you let Biscuit in when he’s done?”
“Rain”
I slipped past him and hurried into my room, shutting the door firmly between us. I was mortified. He could hear every single word being said. I dropped into my bed and yanked the sheet over my head. Letting out a rough breath, I fought the urge to cry. I wasn’t a crier.
Barely a minute had passed before the door opened and then the little scuffle of feet raced towards the bed. I leaned over and scooped Biscuit into bed with me, under the sheet, and sighed.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
I fell asleep like that, hiding from Thad under the sheet with Biscuit cuddled into my chest. I woke up, tangled in the sheet, screaming at the top of my lungs because the feeling of being held down went with the nightmare I’d been having.
The door smashed inward and a half-dressed Thad raced in, gun drawn. When he saw that I was alone, he hurried over and sat down on the bed next to me. He dragged me into his chest and buried my face against his hot skin.
I tried to push away. “I’m sweaty.”
Thad just tightened his grip and dragged me more fully into his lap. “Don’t care.”
I stopped struggling instantly. Letting myself be held in his arms felt safe and easy. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pressed my face even harder against his chest, feeling the light dusting of hair there gently scratching my skin.
My earlier proclamation of not being a crier went out the window as I let loose an embarrassing display of tears and emotion. I was tired. I hadn’t even cried after I’d escaped Sallisaw, but suddenly I was crying like I hadn’t since my mom died when I was young. There was no stopping it.
Hurt and anger from everything that had been happening in my life bubbled up and spewed over like a nasty, emotion-filled volcano. Whimpers and then sobs sounded from my body, even as I pressed my mouth against Thad’s chest in an attempt to make them be silent.
Thad stroked my back with his large hands, even as he whispered softly to me. The words were inaudible over my crying, but the vibrations from his chest were the equivalent of being rocked back and forth in a basinet.
After what felt like forever, I gave a last pitiful sob and dried up. I could feel his chest was wet beneath my face and shame riddled me. “I’m sorry.”
My voice was thick from my nose being stopped up with snot and even as I spoke, I had to sniffle to keep some from leaking out on him. I was a wreck. I pulled the neck of my T-shirt up and wiped my nose into it, praying that he wasn’t watching me.
“Don’t apologize.” His hands kept up their hypnotizing trail on my back. “Nightmare?”
Normally, I would never confide in anyone. Besides my therapist, but that was just because I had to. If I’d tried to tell her that I didn’t have nightmares after what I’d been through, she would’ve known I was a liar. Normally I didn’t feel the urge to open up to anyone, but then, in the middle of the night, I did. I could hear the waves crashing along the beach just past the yard and I could practically feel the warm night air on my skin, as if I was sitting on that beach.
“Yeah. A bad one.” I looked up at his face and found him staring right back at me. From that close, everything felt intimate. From that close, I could see every part of Thad’s face like he wasn’t a stranger. “I have them sometimes. Not as much now, but still…”
“Does anything ever make you feel better after one?”
I couldn’t tell him that what he was doing was the first thing that had made me feel even remotely better after one of the nightmares. I couldn’t admit that when Kevin had tried to hold me before, I’d pushed him away, but when he’d done the same thing, it worked like a charm. “I usually get some water and just walk around the house for a bit.”
He stood up and put me on my feet. “How about a snack and a walk on the beach?”
I stood too close to him, staring up into his eyes, the colors blending with the darkness of my room to look even. “Okay.”