Chapter 16
The phone buzzed in my pocket. I groped for it, then squinted through burning eyes at the name on the screen. Pete. He could wait. Dropping the phone down, I flipped over on my back. I sprawled in my bed, having no idea how I got there, still dressed in what I’d worn the night before. My head felt twice its normal size, dully throbbing to some obscure beat. My gut ached. I couldn’t decide if it needed food or to get rid of what still fermented in there.
Sadie! Springing up, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, then remembered she was staying at Pete and Julie’s. Wait—wasn’t I supposed to take her home after my big night out? Oh, God, everything is so messed up!
Squeezing my lids shut, I tried to put the pieces together—the bar, the beer, playing pool, Pete, Callie. Callie? How the hell did she figure in? Oh geez, I think I kissed her! My stomach flipped. Why? I don’t even like her. Oh, my head hurts! I took some Tylenol, then got in the shower.
With my hair still wet, I went into the kitchen and took out a box of cereal and a bowl. Then I put it back when I realized I couldn’t handle cereal. Nothing else sounded good either. Retrieving my phone, I hit Pete’s number.
“Dude! It’s about time you called me back!”
“How’s Sadie doing?”
“Oh, now you remember you have a daughter? Kind of slipped your mind last night.” His tone was accusing. My hand went to the top of my head, and a lump formed in my throat. I didn’t want him to know his words got to me. It took me a few seconds to be able to respond.
“I’ll be right over to get her.”
“Don’t forget you left your car here.” Now a smugness took over, and he made no offer to come get me.
“Shit,” I slipped out under my breath. “Then I’ll walk over.” With nothing more to say I hung up. Asshole.
Pulling on some socks and my running shoes, I looked outside. It was raining lightly but steadily with the temperature around forty. I put in my earbuds and lowered the volume since my head couldn’t handle anything loud. I found my knit hat and put on a hooded wind breaker over my sweatshirt and some gloves before stepping out the door.
Running didn’t work. I hurled. It took me half an hour of walking to get to Pete’s. Drenched, I pulled out the earbuds. Forgoing the doorbell, I pounded the door with my fist, transferring an anger that had only been building even more on my jaunt over. I wasn’t even sure what I was mad about. Last night? The hangover, the rain and the fact that I had to walk in it? Angry at Pete, for stepping in? Or for stepping up? Myself?
Pete opened the door. We stood glaring at each other, then he grabbed the sleeve of my jacket and pulled me inside.
Shaking free, I demanded, “Keep your hands off of me! Where’s Sadie?”
“She’s with Julie. She’s giving her another bottle since you didn’t leave any other food for her.”
“Geez, quit being so damn self-righteous! Go get her so I can leave.”
Pete huffed, his head cocked with an out of place grin. I knew that look. It wasn’t like he thought something was funny. Pathetic, maybe. He said nothing, just kept looking at me. I had to look away. My ears burned. I was glad I still had the hat on, but my cheeks stung, too, and there was nothing to hide them. A swallow stuck in my throat. I had to try a couple of times to have it go down.
“What do you want me to say?” I finally managed.
Coming from the hallway that led to the bedrooms, Julie joined Pete. “How about ‘thank you?’ Or, ‘I’m sorry?’” she sniped.
“Where’s my daughter?”
“She fell asleep. She doesn’t need to hear this conversation. Pete, hang up his jacket, then you guys come into the kitchen. I have coffee brewing.”
At the table, I folded my arms in front of me and put my aching head down on them. “I feel like crap,” I mumbled. She slid a mug of the rich brown steaming liquid in front of me. The smell alone was tempting enough. But I couldn’t bring myself to pick up my head and encounter the disappointed looks on their faces.
“Pete told me you were ready to hook up with some skank at the bar. Really, Mike? You aren’t eighteen—oh, that’s right. Even at eighteen you had more brains than that! I can’t believe you would be that kind of a role model for your daughter. Pretty sleazy.”
Pete’s turn. “I saved your sorry ass, bro. And what thanks did I get? You frickin’ tried to take my head off!”
Regret made me cringe. “I don’t remember trying to hit you.”
“There’s a lot of things you wouldn’t have remembered, Mikey. I just couldn’t let you go through with it.”
A groan escaped as I struggled with my emotions. “I feel like I’ve cheated on Annie or something, and nothing even happened. And Sadie doesn’t deserve a sleaze for a dad—” I stopped, waiting to hear some words of absolution, but none were offered. Drawing in a full breath, I sat up, letting my eyes finally cross over to where my friends were sitting. “You’re right, Pete. If I’d woken up next to her this morning, I don’t know how I could’ve lived with that.” Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “I’m sorry for being a total douche. Thanks for saving me.”
“You’re welcome. Apology accepted,” Pete said, throwing Julie a smirking smile. “We don’t want Uncle Mikey to be setting a bad example for our kid or Sadie.”
My eyes went from Pete’s dimpled grin to Julie, who pretended to be holding a baby. “What? Are you serious? I thought you guys couldn’t have kids!”
Julie giggled. “So did we! It’s very unexpected, but we’re so thrilled.” Jumping up, I shook hands with Pete, throwing my arm around his shoulder.
Then I went to Julie. I kissed her cheek and wrapped my arms around her. I couldn’t say anything, my throat thick and burning. “I know,” she whispered next to my ear, and she hugged me back. As we separated, she cuffed me gently on the back of the head, as she said, “And that’s on Annie’s behalf!” Even with tears in my eyes, I had to smile. I had that coming, no doubt about it.
Eventually, I drank my coffee. Shortly afterward, I threw up. Graciously, Pete and Julie sent me home without Sadie. Julie volunteered to run to the store for some baby food, and I went back to bed. I retrieved my daughter late in the afternoon, when I functioned at a higher level.
I brought Sadie to church the next morning for the first time since her baptism. God knew I could use some reinforcement in my life.
~ ~ ~
With a good measure of trepidation, I went to work on Monday morning. Dalton and I were at our work station when Callie came sauntering up and casually put her arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. “Good morning, boys,” she offered. I could smell that same perfume she wore the other night.
One of Dalton’s eyebrows shot up as his eyes went from her to me. Undoing her hand from my person, I stepped away from her. “Knock it off, Callie!”
She held a coffee mug in her other hand and took a sip, peering at me over the top with her thick lashes and innocent look. She let out a little simper, then said, “See you at lunch!” before walking away.
“What’s going on with you two?” Dalton asked. I told him the whole sordid episode from Friday night. His response resembled Julie’s—I got a solid fist into my upper arm. “What are you thinking? And of all people, Callie?”
Rubbing the sore spot, I answered, “I know—it was stupid, I know!” I glanced around, then lowered my voice. “It just—it’s been so long since. . .you know. . .I’ve been with anyone. I miss that. I get so lonely.” My voice trailed off. “But I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t think I’m ready for anything like that, anyway. Nope, no way.”
~ ~ ~
Christmas sucked, I’m not going to lie. It was Sadie’s first, and though she didn’t really know what it was all about, I felt I needed to make it special. We went with Tom’s family to cut our trees. A light snow fell and added to the couple of inches already on the ground. Sadie rode in her baby carrier strapped to my front. Kellie and Karlie chased each other around, rolling in the snow. Sadie’s little legs kicked as she squealed, probably imagining she was right down there with them.
I missed Annie. It just wasn’t fair that she wasn’t a part of this. Walking away from the others, I took a minute to compose myself. A snowball thrown by one of my nieces hit me in the middle of my back. I took off after them, the moment of somberness broken.
Christmas lights were Sadie’s favorite thing. She sat in front of the tree to watch them, almost like she was in a trance. The ornaments were ones Annie and I had bought over the last few years. Annie took hours putting everything on just so. I did it as fast as I could. She would’ve gone crazy with gifts for our baby. I was more practical since Sadie wouldn’t know the difference. I got her a couple of toys I liked, of course, age appropriate, and a book about a little duckling looking for its mama. I knew her grandparents would come through. Sadie would have plenty of presents.
Speaking of grandparents, Margo offered to fly Sadie and me to New York for Christmas. Respectfully, I declined. I knew she missed her daughter and really wanted to see Sadie, but Annie and I had spent last Christmas with her. The memories would’ve been more than I could handle. Instead, she made plans to come by us for a few days after the holiday. So Christmas Eve we spent at Mom and Dad’s with the whole family. Then we were back again for Christmas Day because Mom insisted, knowing my fragile state of mind.
When it came to New Year’s Eve, that was a different story. The Petroviches invited Sadie and me as well as the Strebachs to come celebrate. The kids entertained us until we put them down. Then we played card games, ate, and partied until after midnight. It was fun, and I actually laughed a couple of times. I still struggled with the guilt of feeling happy. My wife died, so how could it be okay to find pleasure in anything?
Sadie continued to grow and amaze me. She was pulling herself up and standing next to the furniture or me. Especially me. Any time I sat down, she was right there trying to climb up my leg. She started to make sounds that seemed like words to me, especially “da.” She waved bye-bye and held out her arms for me to pick her up. I started reading to her every night, but I couldn’t make it through that damn duck book. Of course that was the one she always brought me. I didn’t know why I bought it.
~ ~ ~
We survived the winter. I started working out once it got too snowy to run outside anymore. The fitness center offered free child care, so I took advantage of it a few times a week. The stronger my body became, the better I felt about myself in general.
I was excited for spring and new beginnings. No more being stuck inside for days on end, and Sadie progressed to the point where she was going to be a lot more fun. As a bonus, Tom and Sheri announced at Easter that baby number three was on the way. My nieces were bouncing off the walls with the news. Baby news still wasn’t easy for me to hear or be excited about, but I tried.
As I relaxed in the living room after dinner one night, I flipped through the channels on the TV while Sadie banged a toy on the end table. All of a sudden, she let go and started walking toward the center of the room. Two steps, an uncertain third, then down on her butt on the fourth. But she walked! By herself! I was so excited that I threw her jacket on her and drove right over to my parents’ place to show off. Needless to say, she didn’t do it for them. But I saw it with my own eyes. She’d walked—at nine and a half months! Another couple of weeks and she became Miss Independent, either going from one piece of furniture to another or to me, her biggest cheerleader.
~ ~ ~
Late Thursday afternoon, near the end of April, Callie and I met at work. We were heading to Milwaukee for a meeting first thing Friday morning with the medical device people. They wanted an update on the projects we were working on, and my boss thought it would be a really good idea for me and Callie to do the presentation. Scrambling, I asked Mom to pick up Sadie and get her back to daycare the next day. Throwing a couple of things into my duffel, I grabbed the hanger holding my sports jacket and dressier pants and went back to my workplace.
After how accommodating Dave had been when Annie died, I didn’t feel I could protest this assignment, but I dreaded it. Since the infamous kiss at the bar that night, she seemed to think we’d made a connection. Nothing I did or said since then would’ve given her reason to believe that. Quite the opposite—I tried to avoid even being in the same room with her.
I decided to let Callie drive. She was much more familiar with Milwaukee, at least that was the excuse I gave her. That way she would be busy with her hands on the steering wheel and not on me. She was waiting in her car in the parking lot when I arrived. I tossed my things into the back of her car and went inside the building to get the materials for our talk.
Sliding into the passenger seat, I clicked my seat belt and glanced at Callie. She was all smiles. “Well, this is going to be fun!”
“Okay,” I stated matter-of-factly, “we need to set some ground rules.”
Her eyebrows raised expectantly. She started to drive.
“First, I don’t want you touching me. I don’t want you saying suggestive things to me, and I don’t want you giving me your sexy looks.”
She laughed. “So, you do think I’m sexy—”
“Oh my God, Callie!”
“You’re such a downer! I was so looking forward to this.”
“We were just told about it, so I don’t know how you could’ve been looking forward to it. And I don’t want to have to feel stressed out the entire time wondering what you might pull.”
“Look.” She threw me a quick sideways glance. “You’re the one that kissed me, and you were all about jumping into bed with me!”
“Because I was drunk—in an altered state, and you took advantage of that.”
Sign me up for the “Me Too” movement.
“Callie, there’s nothing between us, and there isn’t going to be!”
She gave me a long, hurt look before turning her eyes back to the highway. Feeling like maybe I was a little too hard on her, I said no more. I pulled out my iPod and put in the earbuds, listening to some music. We didn’t speak for an hour and a half, and we were getting close to Milwaukee.
“I know a great steakhouse where we could go for dinner tonight,” Callie said to break the silence.
I took out one earbud. “Did you say something?”
She repeated it, then added, “Unless you’d rather go somewhere alone, for fear I might attack you or something.”
“Steak sounds good.”
The prime rib practically melted in my mouth. Everything was perfection. Callie had a total of three drinks, or was it four? I had one. I drove us back to our hotel. Our rooms were on the same floor but several doors apart. To make sure she made it there okay, I walked her right to her room. Once she had the door open, I turned to leave, but her arms circled my neck, trying to haul me in.
“Callie, no!” Gently, I pushed her off of me. She smiled sadly, and I pulled her door closed on my way out.
The next morning, we ate breakfast at the hotel then drove over to Med Tech Resolutions. Our conversation revolved solely around the purpose of this trip. We mentioned nothing about the previous night. When we arrived, she led the way. We came into a meeting room where several people waited for us to show them what we’d been working on. It went very well, both of us in our best professional modes. Afterward, we mingled with the company associates for a bit, and then it was time to head home. I needed to pick up Sadie from the daycare center.
With our projects packed into their cases, I ran them out to the car then came back in. Callie was nowhere to be found. From down a hallway, I heard laughter and saw her coming out of an office with one of the younger guys who’d been at our meeting. She held his hand and leaned in to give him a kiss before saying good-bye.
“I’ll call you and see you soon!” he said eagerly, ogling her as she walked toward me. All I could think was, wow, dodged a bullet there!