Chapter 27
My car awaited me in the long-term parking lot. I retrieved it and went straight to pick up Sadie at my brother’s house. Sheri hollered for me to come in. I found her in the living room with toys strewn from one end of the room to the other and even down the hallway to the bedrooms. She perched in a chair with the baby in one arm and Sadie in the other. She looked relieved to see me.
“Sadie really likes to be held,” Sheri said, smiling as I took Sadie and covered her little face and neck with kisses.
“Oh, I missed my girl!” I grabbed her belly and she laughed. “Sheri, I can’t thank you guys enough. How was she?”
“She was good. She really had fun with the girls, but with them in school today, she just seemed lost and wanted me to hold her, especially when I’m holding Kylie.”
Tom worked the day shift this week. He wouldn’t be home until after three, and I really wanted to tell the couple my news together. I gathered Sadie with all of her things, and we left. I told Sheri I would stop back later to thank Tom, too. I hit my favorite pizza place and bought a big slice of pepperoni for lunch and also a gift certificate for Tom to take the family out for dinner.
After Sadie’s nap, I went back over to my brother’s place. The girls took Sadie with them to play in their room. I gave Tom the gift card, then held up the phone with our selfie for them to see.
“No wonder you were so desperate for us to watch her. Looks like it’s a done deal, Mikey. Congratulations!” He gave me a slap on the back and a wide smile.
“We’re getting married during Memorial Day weekend in Vermont. I was hoping maybe you guys could make it a vacation or something and come out for it. I really want you there.”
“Well, that would be an adventure, especially with the baby. Maybe my parents would be willing to take her for a few days,” Sheri said, sounding like she really wanted to be there.
“That would be great, really!” I said.
When Mom and Dad got home, I had a heart-to-heart with them about the wedding. They already had it marked on the calendar and were checking on lodging and flights. I think they were mostly relieved I wasn’t moving out there and taking Sadie away. Anything else they could handle.
The opportunity arose for me to tell Mom about my tenuous connection with Matt. Surprisingly, she didn’t get all weird on me about how our marriage would never work with an unhappy kid trying to undermine us. Instead, she suggested I find a way to spend some time alone with him. Maybe at the cottage, the way Dad used to take us boys for one-on-one time when there were issues.
An exaggerated frown from me made her laugh. “Aw, Mike, he’s going to love you. How can he not?”
~ ~ ~
The next time I saw Lacey was the middle of March. I went there by myself again. I stayed at her mom’s place and slept on the couch. It was unbelievably frustrating! Rest assured, I finagled in some “private time” with my fiancée. Sometimes you just have to be creative.
We had the discussion about where we would live after they moved to Wisconsin. I offered to sell the house and find a new place to start our lives together, if that was her preference. I also made it abundantly clear that they were more than welcome to move in with me, the decision would be Lacey’s.
“I loved your house,” she told me. “Sadie is comfortable there. You have plenty of room for me and Matt. I think it would be easiest to stay where you are. I sure don’t want to move twice, and there really isn’t time for us to look for something else now.” So it was decided. When they come in April, Matt could pick which room he wanted upstairs, and we would paint it the color of his choosing.
A small breakthrough moment came for me and Matt while I was there. We were watching that funniest videos show on TV. They had a segment on fishing mishaps. It turned out Matt liked fishing since his grandpa had taken him once or twice, so I told him about the cottage on the lake and mentioned the possibility of taking him up there to fish when they came.
He actually looked me in the eye for what I think was the first time, and he said, “Really?” I smiled and nodded, praying that Lacey would agree to let me borrow him for an overnighter up north. I knew she had a million things she wanted to accomplish on that visit, but this had to work.
~ ~ ~
They came in Friday night on a late flight. We’d have nine days together as a family for the first time. Okay, so now I was a little anxious about it. Hell, Lacey and I never spent that much time together—ever, much less with our kids who’d never met. What could possibly go wrong?
Sadie and I met them at the airport. It was Matt’s first time flying, so actually became a little animated about it. Sadie ran to “Acey” and happily rode in her arms out of the terminal. Once at my place, we hauled Matt’s bags up into the spare room. I showed him the other rooms up there, telling him he could decide which one he wanted for his own when they came back to stay.
Then I brought Lacey’s things into my room. We’d talked about the sleeping arrangements ahead of time. I insisted that since we were getting married in six weeks, I wanted her in my bed—none of this tiptoeing around. Matt was going to have to get used to the idea sooner or later, and it might as well be sooner.
She didn’t give me much of an argument.
The first test of the strength to our relationship came already on Saturday morning. Lacey and I were making breakfast, and the kids were in the living room. Matt set his tablet down on the end table. Sadie picked it up and began walking away with it.
“Hey, give that back!” Matt yelled and jerked it out of her hands.
Sadie started screaming and cried “Da-dee!” Lacey and I looked at each other. I went to pick up Sadie while Lacey came in to talk to Matt.
“Matthew, if you leave your things where Sadie can get them, she’s going to take it. That’s what babies do. You have to be gentle. Ask for it back, and don’t just grab it, okay?” At the same time I’m explaining to Sadie that she’s too little to play with the tablet, as if she understood what I was saying. I found her one of her own toys to distract her. Crisis resolved. We grinned at one another and returned to our task. The second time it happened, Matt was told to bring it up to his room and leave it there.
The rest of Saturday consisted of playing games at home and letting the kids get acclimated. While Sadie napped in the afternoon, Lacey and I did some straightening up. We were hosting Sunday’s family gathering, so we started some of the prep early.
For the first cookout of the year, we were having baked beans, potato salad, chips, and brownies made by Lacey and Matt to go with the hot dogs and brats. It would be Matt’s first introduction to the extended family, so I wanted it simple and as stress-free as possible. We went out for tacos for supper on Saturday night.
Thankfully, the weather was atypically warm for April. The snow melted long ago, the ground dried. The kids were herded outside to play. Kellie and Matt hit it off right away. I wasn’t sure who was crushing on who, but they were pretty giggly together. Though Karlie was the third wheel, they let her be part of whatever they were doing.
After we ate, Grandpa Joe found a ball and organized a game of kickball. All of us played, except my mom, who was holding the baby. Even Sadie ran around with us for a little while until it became clear that she was going to get plowed over. It was naptime anyway. Matt smiled the whole time and seemed to take a shine to my dad, who picked him first to be on his team.
That evening, when the kids were in bed, Lacey and I sat in the living room, congratulating ourselves on how well the visit was going. “Tomorrow, we need to get some things done,” Lacey said.
“Damn! I knew the real you would come out one of these days,” I teased. “Remember, I am on vacation.”
“Yes, and we only have six days to finish everything I have on my list. First, Matt needs to decide which room he wants, and then pick out the paint for it. I took a peek in the closet. I see where you put everything when you cleaned for him.” She smiled at me as I hung my head. She came over and sat by me on the couch. “We’ll tackle that in the morning.” Then, taking hold of the front of my shirt, she gently pulled me closer. “And Michael, it’s time to go through Annie’s closet. I’ll help you.”
“Okay,” I answered while my heart gave a little hiccup. I couldn’t believe I managed to put that off this long. Having Lacey to help me was a gift. She’d know what to do with everything and bolster me up if needed.
Matt picked the room he was staying in, and we tackled the closet right away that morning. With Sadie underfoot, it was even more of a challenge than I thought. Matt stayed downstairs watching the Disney channel.
Some of the things belonged to Annie. She’d saved boxes of books and papers from her teaching and college days. Another large shoe box held more personal things. I thought I recognized a card and a letter I had sent her. That stuff I put aside to go through later on my own. There might be something Sadie or I would like to keep. Annie’s wedding dress was in a big box on the floor. I could feel Lacey’s eyes on me as I picked it up and turned away from her. I brushed aside tears. I needed to keep going. If I stopped, I didn’t think I would ever be able to finish. That dress would also be kept for my daughter. I stashed it, along with the matching shoe box, in one of the other rooms up there.
Anything of value we put in totes for donating, and the rest was tossed. Likewise, I’d collected a ton of crap over the years. I could’ve spent the rest of the day looking through everything, but I pitched most of it.
We came across my guitar. I strummed it a little, singing Lacey a made-up song about cleaning out a closet. It lightened the mood, and we chuckled until she made me get back to work. She pulled out my old backpack, fairly worn and decrepit.
“Junk,” I remarked, but she started checking the pockets. From the center, she took a yellow packet and removed several snapshots. “Oh, geez, I didn’t know I still had those.”
As she looked them over, she got tears in her eyes. “You kept them all these years. I bet Annie loved that.” She held the pictures she gave me that summer when we were together years ago. One with Matt on a kiddie ride at the amusement park, one of just her, and the third was the three of us.
“Those pictures got me into a bit of trouble with Annie when she found them.” I ran a hand through my hair, “I don’t know why I didn’t get rid of them then.”
She slid them back into the folder and handed them to me. “The good old days.”
I smiled and gave her a kiss. I put them in the pocket of my hoodie, which I removed as it was suddenly too warm to leave on. A while later, we had finished task number one.
Bringing Sadie with us, we went down to my bedroom. I worked in silence next to Lacey. A couple of times I stopped and stared off at nothing as memories stirred. Then I’d snap back to the present and forge on. We made stacks of clothes on the bed, then filled up garbage bags to bring to Goodwill. Once the closet was done, we did drawers and the bathroom.
Going into the living room, I took our wedding portrait off the wall and brought it into Sadie’s room, where I would eventually put it up with the other pictures of my side of the family. When we were all finished, I stood with my hands crossed on the top of my head. Lacey came up behind me and put her arms around me. Feeling a little empty and lost, I turned around. “This was so damn hard, Lacey,” I rasped.
“You’re so strong, Michael,” she said into my chest.
We embraced, letting the pain soften and break into tiny pieces that were swept away with the passing seconds. “Thank you,” I whispered after a long moment.
Matt chose a bluish-green hue for his walls that in my opinion was too dark, but I didn’t say anything. We also got white paint for the ceiling and a closet organizing system for his room. On Tuesday afternoon, Matt and I worked on putting that system together while Lacey took my car and made the rounds to the four hospitals in the area to search out job opportunities. That evening I asked her if I could take Matt up to the lake for a boys-only sleepover, and she agreed. Truthfully, she seemed delighted to spend time alone with Sadie.
On Wednesday, we did fun things, like visit the zoo and wildlife refuge. Matt and I headed up to the lake on Thursday morning, leaving the girls at home. The drive was pretty quiet. Riding in the back seat, Matt focused on his tablet and I entertained myself by jamming to the music from my iPod. It remained mostly sunny and abnormally warm. We stopped for lunch at the same little restaurant that had become family tradition and made it to the cottage in early afternoon. Matt explored outside while I brought everything in. I was hoping he’d offer to help, but he didn’t. I wasn’t going to start bossing him around, so I let him be, with orders to not go by the water and stay close enough that I could spot him.
When I came outside, he was adding things to a small pile of treasures he’d been collecting: sparkly stones, pine cones, feathers, then I noticed something familiar in his hand. “Hey, what do you have there?”
Holding it out, I saw it was the cross I made for Little One. My stomach clenched as I looked away for a second before saying, “Where did you find that?” He wandered over to an area where the long brown grass was just starting to green up next to the deck.
“Over here—was it for a pet or something?”
“Yeah, and I’d sort of like to keep it.”
He handed it to me. “It’s pretty cool,” he said, then went about scavenging for more things. My heart panged with the remembrances it invoked. This whole week was a maudlin stroll down memory lane, but I needed to focus on the present and future.
After a quick drive to the bait shop for worms, we headed down to the dock. Matt scampered ahead of me. Dad had been up the week before and had gotten everything ready for the coming season. The boat rested on the cradle in the boathouse, but it was too early to venture out with that. I doubted Dad had changed the oil and gas this early, but with the warm weather, there should be some fishing to be had right off the dock. Snugging up the life jacket Matt had donned per my orders, we went into the shed, coming out with a couple of rods and a tackle box. Of course, I never told him I hate fishing.
That time we spent together was the most spirited I had ever seen Matt. He even laughed at me when I gagged a couple of times while cleaning the fish we caught—our supper, good thing we nabbed some.
It had clouded up and the wind blew. Looked like we were going to have a little rain. We battened down the hatches, and I checked the weather on my phone, surprised to see that the area where we were was under a weather advisory. I called home to check in with Lacey. All was well there. Matt walked into the bedroom while he used my phone to talk to his mom.
We ate the fish, and Matt even said it was good, probably since he had caught three of the four. It had grown eerily quiet outside, and the sky had a weird greenish tinge to it. The air hung warm, heavy, and still. Matt again scouted around for more things of interest as I sat on the deck with a beer. Across the lake, I could see the rain coming toward us, and all of a sudden the wind kicked up, so I hollered at Matt to get inside the cottage. Only a few minutes later, the rain pelted against the wall of windows as the wind whipped through the trees that were just starting to bud.
Checking my phone again, I saw the advisory had turned into a warning, the whole area was lit up and flashing on the screen. The next thing we knew, the power went out. Matt paced nervously around. It wasn’t totally dark yet. I located the lanterns and also lit a couple of candles. We’d weathered more than a few storms over the years, so the parents were prepared for this sort of thing. I lit a fire in the wood stove, reassuring Matt that the power would be back on before long. Lightning flashed, and a loud clap of thunder rattled the walls.
I tried to get Matt to sit down by me, but he went off into the bedroom. Not long after that, I heard him whimpering. I found him on the bed rolled into a ball with a quilt over his head. Sitting down next to him, I put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, buddy, are you okay?”
“No! I want my mom! I don’t want to be here with you! I’m scared! I want to go home!”
“Matt, we’re safe here. It’s just a storm, it’ll pass. We can’t leave now anyway, the way it is out there. You’re okay, I’ve got you.”
“I don’t want you, I want my mom! She made me come here with you, and I didn’t even want to. I want to go home!”
Just then, a surge of energy lit up the entire cottage. We heard a cracking sound, then a mighty thud outside. A tree landed in the yard out front. I shined the flashlight out of the window above the sink, but all I could see were branches and limbs where they didn’t belong, across the driveway. I couldn’t see my car. I had no idea if it was under the tree. Matt was really crying now. I thought maybe if he could talk to his mom it would help, but I had no service. Crap! After pulling on my hoodie, I went back into his room. Picking him up along with the quilt, I brought him into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, I put him next to me with an arm tucked around him.
Speaking softly, I said, “We’re stuck here until tomorrow. The tree has the driveway blocked. But we’re safe inside. We have food, we’re warm, and I’ve got you, Matt. I know that you’ve had some bad luck with guys sticking around for you, but I promise you, I am not going anywhere.”
Still he sobbed, quieter now as he leaned against me, and I moved my hand up to ruffle his hair. “Matt, did your mom tell you she knew me a long time ago? You know that, right?”
He nodded.
“You were only two then, but you and I were best buds. I really wanted things to work out back then, but I was young. I hadn’t even gone to college or anything. It was just impossible.”
I wasn’t about to throw his mom under the bus. Remembering I put those pictures in the pocket of my sweatshirt, I jostled him over a bit and reached into the pouch. Coming out with the packet, I pulled him close again. He was no longer crying. “Look, your mom and I found these when we were cleaning out the closet in your room.” Shining the light on the photos, I showed him the picture of him at the amusement park, then the one of his mom, then the three of us. “That’s us back then, Matt.” Slowly, he took the one of just him out of my hand and held it under the light.
“I sort of remember this place. Did we feed some ducks or something?”
“We did. Geese. They kept surrounding you, and you didn’t like it very much. I picked you up to save you from them.”
He let out a little snort.
“I wanted to protect you then. I still do, and I will. I promise.”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes, but at the same time he nuzzled a little closer under my arm. Figuring it was time for me to quit talking, I did.
After a while he timidly asked, “Do I have to sleep in that room tonight?”
“No, we’re going to stay right here.” The rain still pounded on the roof, and in the distance thunder rumbled. I got up, put more wood in the stove, blew out the candles, and dimmed the lanterns. “Do you want to get your PJs on? Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“I’m good.” I got two pillows and a blanket off of my bed and brought them out. I gave one to him and stuffed one behind my back, then stretched my legs out on the footstool after throwing the blanket over me. Matt stayed sitting up for a few minutes, then he put his pillow next to my leg and rested his head down. I made sure he was nestled under the quilt before I put a hand on his shoulder. He fell asleep first.
~ ~ ~
I awoke the next morning to, “Holy crap, Mike! Look at that!” With my heart in my throat, I sprang off the couch.
I didn’t even know Matt was already up. And my influence on his vocabulary did not go unnoticed. Standing with the front door opened, we gazed upon the downed tree. One massive limb lay just inches from the front of my car and another directly behind it. From where we stood, I couldn’t see any real damage to the car itself. My hands automatically massaged the smaller set of shoulders in front of me, until I realized I was touching him and that maybe I shouldn’t, but he didn’t pull away.
After slipping my shoes on, I went outside and Matt followed barefoot until I made him go back and put something on his feet. We walked around the car, picking off pieces of branches that had collected on the hood and roof. There was nothing more than a few brush marks that could probably be buffed out. I exclaimed, “Wow, this is my lucky day!”
“I never saw anything this cool before! Is it okay if I climb on it?” Matt asked. I had to smile, I would have done the same thing at his age.
“Heck, yeah, just be careful!”
I took out my phone to find the service restored, and I clicked a few pictures, sending one to Lacey. She called me right back, sounding almost frantic.
“We’re okay, Lace. I would have called you last night, but I lost service, and the power was out in the cottage. I might have to get my dad to come up and help me with this tree, though. We’re totally blocked in. I’ve got to give him a call, and I’ll let you know when we might be home. How did Sadie do?” My daughter behaved just perfectly. I knew she would.
Lacey asked to talk to Matt, and again he walked away from me when he took my phone. I did hear him say, “Mike took care of me.” That made me feel good—better than good, awesome.
Dad made it up mid-morning and brought a chainsaw to go along with the one he kept at the cottage. The three of us worked together. Matt hauled brush, piling it close to the fire pit, while Dad and I tackled the thicker parts of the tree. By noon, my car was freed, and another hour later, we were on the way back home.
After about thirty miles, Matt muttered, “I’m sorry I spit on you that day.” He spoke so softly that I wasn’t really sure I’d heard it at all. My eyes shot up to the rear view mirror, his eyes were plastered to his electronics. It was all he said the whole way, but the words meant more to me than I could say. My hand reached between the seats, finding his knee and squeezing it. “Thanks, bud.”