Chapter 25
Arthur and Rachael headed out of town for the entire week I planned to be there. I could stay with Lacey and Matt at the house, but we wouldn’t be sleeping together with Matt there, or so she warned. I suggested she send him for a sleepover at a friend’s house, and she just laughed—I was serious, damn it!
I’d never traveled with a child before. I couldn’t believe the stress one precious little human added to the entire process. What could I bring on the plane? What did I definitely need to take along, and what could Margo arrange on her end? I was renting a car, so I needed the car seat. Anything beyond that, Margo was going to have to manage. She assured me she had grandma friends who would supply her with almost everything.
With a carry-on stuffed to the brim for her, another for me, the car seat, and Sadie in my arms, I was only too happy to be one of the first to board. Sadie was all charming until we started the take-off process, when her eyes got big and round and she burst out crying. Everyone around me was staring, some with sympathy, others with loathing.
“Shut that kid up!”
I rocked her, and cuddled her, and dug out her bear, her blanket, and a sippy cup with snacks. Maybe a half hour into the flight, she fell asleep and thankfully stayed that way most of the trip.
If the flight with a toddler wasn’t harrowing enough, the drive into New York almost did me in. Even with all the driving experience I had in that van beside Charlie, nothing prepared me for the organized chaos I encountered in the city.
Margo gave me fairly concise directions. I eventually ended up in a parking garage not too far from her building. Once again hauling the child and all our belongings, I trudged a couple of blocks until we were standing outside the door to her apartment. I’d called her from the airport, so she had the doorman let us into the building. Margo was waiting for us.
The door flew open, and I stepped inside, immediately dropping the bags and the car seat. Sadie grinned shyly at her grandma, who was using every ounce of restraint to keep from ripping her out of my arms.
“Sadie, can you say hi to Grandma Margo?” She looked at me, then pointed at Margo. I put her down and took off her jacket and her owl hat.
“Oh, Mike!” She was all teary, lightly touching Sadie’s hair. “She’s the spitting image of her mom at this age. I got some pictures out to show you later.” She knelt down by Sadie and held out her arms, and Sadie just sort of dove into them. Whew, it couldn’t have gone better.
I enjoyed watching Sadie bond with Margo. It would also make leaving her in the morning much easier. She’d borrowed a pack ‘n play from her friend, and we set it up in Annie’s room, where I also would be staying. We visited well into the night, even shared a couple of tears when we looked at the albums of Annie growing up. Margo asked me about Lacey and questioned if she had already met my little angel. I showed her a few pictures from my phone.
“Annie would be so happy for you, Mike. You both deserve to have someone wonderful in your lives. You have my full support.”
“It really means a lot to me that you approve, Margo. Thanks.”
Since I’d be leaving by six the next day, I told Margo she didn’t need to feel obligated to see me off. But she was already scurrying around in the kitchen when I got out of the shower, being ever so quiet as to not wake Sadie. I didn’t think she’d fuss about me leaving her, but why risk it? We had scrambled eggs and bacon. She made them the same way Annie used to, with a little onion, cheese, and green pepper, and I didn’t pick the peppers out like I used to at home.
Margo showed me a map on the computer to tell me how to get out of town. She also printed directions, as if I would dare take my eyes off the road long enough to read them. She had my cell number and instructions to call anytime, day or night, with any questions or concerns she had about Sadie. Tiptoeing into the bedroom where Sadie was still asleep, I whispered good-bye. I feared if I touched her, she’d wake up, but I touched her back anyway. Margo and I hugged, and I kissed her cheek, then it was off to retrieve the car.
The New York drivers were in rare form, even at six in the morning. I got honked at and he gave me the finger. I didn’t even know what I did to piss him off. The traffic was heavy but moving well, and by six-thirty, I was on the interstate heading north. It was a five-hour drive, so I figured I would be by Lacey around noon. Once the traffic became manageable, I called Lacey to tell her I was on the road.
Lunch was waiting when I arrived. Our lips had just started to get reacquainted before Matt came in and put an end to that. I was staying in Lacey’s mom’s room, while Lacey was upstairs across from Matt. Putting my bag on the bed, I joined them at the table. Over soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, I learned we were going sledding. Sounded fun. I was up for the challenge.
The hill was great, obstruction free but with a few bumps to keep it interesting. The ride was long, the climb back up tiring. Lacey and Matt had an inner tube and a couple of plastic sleds. All three of us could pile on the tube, but a lot of the time it was just Matt and me.
More than once, he jumped on my back. His knees knocked like a battering ram into whatever part of my body he connected with. I didn’t say anything, but I was pretty sure I’d have a few nice bruises later. After more than an hour, we headed back to the house.
Matt threw a snowball at me, and I threw one back. Forgoing this battle, Lacey ran into the house, saying she was going to make us some hot chocolate. The two of us stayed outside pitching snowballs at each other. Finally, I tackled Matt and tickled him. We were both laughing when he yelled, “Stop!” So I did. I stood up and reached a hand out to him. He had another snowball, and he whipped it at me full force from only a couple feet away. It hit me in the jaw, next to my ear, and stung like hell.
“Dang! Matt! You did that on purpose!” I shouted, jerking him up by his arm so he was just inches from my face.
Next thing I knew, he sent a gob of spit my way. It landed next to my mouth. I swiped my hand across my face, then swung the kid around and gave him a swat on the butt. I released him, and he ran toward the house, crying and screaming, “I hate you!”
My heart sank. I felt sick. I thought at times that day I had actually chiseled out a little crack in the wall with Matt. More than once I had him laughing out loud. Now I made everything ten times worse, plus I would have to face his mother.
Slinking into the house, I kicked off my hiker boots by the door and came into the kitchen. Lacey stood at the stove with her back to me. “You hit my kid, Michael. You can never do that again!”
Taking off my jacket, I draped it on the back of a chair. “I’m sorry I lost my temper, but did he tell you what he did?”
“You need to apologize.”
I was pissed. “No, he needs to apologize!”
She finally turned around to face me, “What? Are you ten? You were wrong to hit him, and you need to go tell him that!” Her eyes blazed, and her mouth formed a tight straight line.
“Lacey.” I started toward her, and she held up her palm.
“I’m not talking to you until you talk to him!”
My face felt on fire and not just from the packed icy clump that hit it. The kid treated me with total disrespect, and I should have to grovel to him? “Where is he?”
“Up in his room.” Walking down the hall to the steps, I started up. At the top, I saw a bathroom, then a door on either side of the narrow corridor. The room to the right was Matt’s. He lay on his stomach on his bed. I knocked on the doorjamb. Of course, he didn’t answer. I moved inside and stood next to his bed.
“Bud? I used some really bad judgement when I decided to hit you. It will never happen again, I promise.” My anger was dissipating as I realized the words I spoke really did ring true. It would never happen again. “Your mom and me and you are going to talk about it later. I’m sorry, Matt. I really hope that someday you and I will be friends.” He never flinched. I reached down and squeezed his shoulder. “Is there anything you’d like to say to me?”
I hoped for a ‘sorry’ back, but got nothing. “Okay.” I sighed and left.
Lacey was at the table with her mug of hot chocolate between her hands, and mine was waiting for me. Sitting down across from her, I leaned over my elbows on the table. “I screwed up, and I’m sorry. I told him.”
“Thank you.”
“Lacey, he can’t keep disrespecting me and getting away with it. If he doesn’t like me, that’s one thing, but he at least has to respect me.”
“He said it was an accident.”
“It wasn’t. While we were sledding, he kept jumping on me, ramming his knees into my back. At the bottom one time, he kicked me, trying to make it look like it just happened. Then the snowball—he was only a couple feet away, and he slung it right at my head. Then he spit in my face.”
She seemed to really look at me for the first time since I’d come in. “He spit at you?”
I nodded.
Standing up, she leaned across the table and ran her thumb over the raised area on the side of my face. “He’s going to have to tell me what’s going on. That isn’t like him. Matthew!”
Misty came down first, wandering right over to me and pushing her head under my hand so I would pet her. When Matt came in, Lacey set a cup of hot chocolate in front of him, telling him to sit down.
“What happened outside?” she asked. He fondled the mug, taking a sip, not looking at either of us.
“I told you, he hit me.”
“Did you throw a snowball at his face, and then spit at him? And you better tell me the truth, young man!”
His jaw worked back and forth, it took him a long time, but he finally answered with a slight incline of his head.
“Why would you do that?”
The boy shrugged.
“That is not an answer, Matthew Scott! Why?”
It was then that his eyes got shiny. I could tell he was embarrassed for crying in front of me as he swiped at the moisture. Looking at his mom, he squeaked out, “I liked Braden—”
It was my turn. My eyes watered as Lacey looked at me with an undeniable pain etched in her face. Not only did I feel bad for me, but him, too. He’d been through so many losses already: his dad wasn’t an active participant, I was cut out of his life when he was two, his grandpa died, and then the wonderful role model Braden started influencing him—no wonder he was messed up.
“Matt, Braden isn’t a nice person. It’s over with him and me. I’m with Michael now, and you will not treat him that way. You need to apologize to him.”
“Sorry,” he responded, not looking at me.
One side of my mouth tipped a little, and I nodded, not that he saw it.
“Can I go back up to my room now?”
He remained holed up for the rest of the night, his tablet taken away for a week. The mood between Lacey and me was somber. She put a movie in for us to watch, when neither of us felt like eating anything for dinner. I gave Margo a call to see how things were going with Sadie. She sounded tired but very happy. She was reading stories to her.
Lacey sat on the end of the couch, and I lay down with my head on her thigh. She pulled a comforter from behind us and flung it over me, then played with my hair. It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep. It had been a long, tough day.
The movie finally ended. It must have been three hours long. I kept waking up and trying to follow along, but the blanket’s warmth and her gentle touch kept lulling me back asleep. She kissed my forehead, then stretched her legs beneath me. I sat up, smiling. “Sorry, I’m not being very good company.”
“Neither am I. I think we should call it a day and hope tomorrow is better.” Drawing her into my lap, I put the blanket around us both and hugged her close, kissing the side of her head.
“I feel terrible about what happened today, Lacey. I handled it so badly. I let you both down, and I never wanted to do that.”
She moved her head so she was looking right into my eyes. “I’m so afraid that you’re going to give up trying. That you’ll think we aren’t worth the hassle, Michael.” Her head tipped to one side, her lips drawn downward, fluid gathering along her lashes.
“I love you, Lacey. Matt is part of you, so I love him, too. As long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.” That promise was sealed with a kiss, then several more before we finally went our separate ways for the night. As I lay in her mother’s bed, I could vaguely hear her talking with Matt upstairs before I drifted off.
The latch clicked. My eyes opened, but my back was to the door. I sensed movement in the room, then the covers were pulled back, and a warm arm circled my waist. Bringing her hand to my mouth, I kissed it, then rolled over where my hands found my scantily clad girlfriend awaiting my attention. Being able to share some intimacy was such a lovely contrast to the debacle earlier. Before dawn, she slipped away again.
By morning, I was starving. Lacey made waffles and sausage, calling Matt down to join us. He seemed in a better mood as he sat at the table and snuck pieces of waffle to an eager Misty at his feet.
Out of the blue, he said to his mother, “I heard you go downstairs last night. I kept waiting for you to come back up.”
She threw me a glance. I struggled to keep a straight face while she turned pink, then even rosier as she stammered for a response. I had no idea whether Matt knew what we’d been up to, or if he was clueless and just making an observation.
“I went down to say good night to Michael again, honey. Did you need something?”
“No.”
Behind my hand, I smiled as my eyes twinkled at her, there in her flannel nightgown covered with an almost floor-length robe and big fluffy slippers. I knew full well what she had on under that guise.
Snowshoeing filled the agenda for that afternoon. A place nearby had trails and rentals. It would get us outside again, since the day before had gone so well. If I had known we were going to spend so much time outdoors, I would have brought different clothes—actually, no, I wouldn’t have. I couldn’t have carried another thing.
Now this was going to be fun. We tromped all over Vermont, well, that was what it felt like: up and down hills, over fallen trees, even next to an icy brook. We let Matthew lead the way. Lacey and I both had maps, and the trails were well marked. We’d brought water and a couple of granola bars for each of us. Matthew decided he needed to pee. Lord knew we were miles from anything that resembled a restroom.
“Just go in the woods,” his mom told him.
“No, I can’t. Mom! I have to go!”
“Matt, I can’t help you out. Just go over behind a tree and pee!”
“Mom!”
“Matt,” I said, “I have to go too. Come with me—Lacey, turn around.”
She obliged while I led Matt behind a stand of brush. “You watch and make sure your mom doesn’t peek.” I did my thing, and after zipping up, I turned to Matt. “Your turn, I’ll watch your mom.” It seemed to take him forever. From behind him, I could tell he kept starting and stopping—writing his name in the snow? I didn’t know—at least he went.
Lacey gave me a big grin and mouthed, thank you!
After dinner, we played games with Matt. Once he went to bed, we played with each other under the comforter on the couch. Smiling into Lacey’s alluring eyes, I sensed that she wasn’t about to give in to our passionate yearnings after Matt’s comment that morning.
To introduce a safer topic, I asked, “What’ve you found out about your mom’s and Arthur’s plans?”
I put my arms about her mid-section and she settled against me. She responded, “The plan is to put the house up for sale in the spring. They’re looking at condos. They want to travel and intend to go somewhere warm for the winters. If they do that, I lose my home and my babysitter.”
“Hmm . . .” I kissed her head as I thought about the plan; no big surprise there. “Has the idea of moving back to Wisconsin crossed your mind at all?”
“It did cross my mind—briefly. Has the thought of moving to Vermont crossed your mind?”
Letting out a deep breath, I answered, “It has. I did a quick job search for mechanical engineers in this area—it’s fairly non-existent.”
Her turn to exhale a sigh. “Oh.” I squeezed her, touching my lips to her head, then I tipped her chin with my fingers so she was looking up at me.
“We could choose someplace in the middle and all be miserable together,” I teased.
She shook her head. “No. . . Give me some time to think things through, we’ll find the answer. And Michael?” The seriousness on her face gave me pause. Her eyes searched mine, and my heart picked up a faster pace.
“Yes?”
Straightening up next to me and setting her gaze right into my eyes, she said, “Since we seem to be talking pretty seriously about a future together, I think you need to know that more than almost anything, I want another baby.” Her hand came up and tried to coax the shock off my face. “Is that a deal breaker for you?”
Oh my God! Oh my God! Words escaped me. My eyes glossed over. Then she took my face between both of those warm hands. Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m being selfish, I know. But it’s something I thought I wanted all along. Being with you, and Sadie, and your brothers, and all their babies just reaffirmed it. I want that in my life again! Please talk to me!”
“I don’t know if my heart could handle another pregnancy—”
That was all I could get out. I’d always assumed Sadie was going to be an only child until recently, when I let myself think maybe she would have a big brother in Matthew.
“But you didn’t say no.” With a glimmer of hope in her eyes, she cupped my face so tenderly in her hands. She kissed me, then got up on her knees and kissed me again, before collapsing into me where I just held on for dear life. Oh my God!