Chapter 22
Tonight had convinced me now more than ever that our feelings were real. But my mind kept going back to our relationship six years ago—those were the exact feelings I experienced when it went so awry. I tried not to let it spoil the moment.
We cuddled for a long time, just talking. I implored her to spend the night. “I really can’t stay,” she said apologetically as she slid from beneath the covers.
Even my singing the next line she had set up so perfectly from “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” hadn’t worked.
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head and grinning at me. “Wrong season, Tony Bennett.”
So I slept alone, but sleep I did. She exhausted me.
Early in the morning I awoke, staring at the wall way before the alarm on my phone went off. Conflicting thoughts of Lacey occupied my mind, and a lump had taken up residence in my stomach. I felt dangerously close to falling for her, again. Love didn’t come with guarantees, but I needed to protect myself from being crushed another time. And that meant asking some tough questions.
A quiet knock came from somewhere nearby. Was it the door or someone in another room? I heard it again, followed by my name being spoken, almost in a whisper. As I threw off the covers, I glanced at the clock. Holy crap, it wasn’t even six yet. In my running shorts and nothing else, with my hair sticking out in every direction, I cracked the door to find Lacey standing there. Holding a cardboard carrier with two cups in one hand and a bag in the other, she smiled up at me. “Good morning. I brought breakfast!”
My heart expanded just seeing her. We’d be saying good-bye in a few hours. This would give us some extra time together. Putting her things down on the round table in the corner, she came toward me, and I snugged my arms around her.
“Hope ‘morning me’ isn’t too scary for you,” I said, having tried at least to smooth my hair into place. We kissed. Her body felt wonderfully cozy and warm against mine. I kissed her again.
She kept one arm around me but moved back a bit and ran her other fingers several times over my locks as she gazed into my eyes. “You look really good to me, Michael.”
All I wanted to do was take her back to my bed. Instead, I suggested, “We need to talk.”
Letting out a disappointed sigh, she answered, “Yes, we do.” We separated, each taking one of the coffees. I landed on the edge of the bed and she took one of the cushioned wooden chairs close to me.
I smiled at her, but it immediately turned all watery. “I think I might be falling for you, again. That scares the hell out of me.”
A tear ran down her cheek, despite the smile she tried for. She brushed it away. “I feel the same.”
I held up a hand to stop her from saying more. “When you left me—the way you left me, it broke my heart. It’s not just words, Lacey, I was damaged! Do you get that?” My jaw clenched and my throat threatened to cut off my breathing as I fought to keep it together.
In the ensuing silence, I watched as she took a sip from her coffee, then sucked in her lips as her eyes brimmed. She went into the bathroom, returning with a handful of tissues she shared with me before sitting back in her chair. She dabbed her eyes.
“How can I look at you and not get it, Michael? I’m so sorry. I can see what I did to you. It was probably the worst way to break up, and I know I hurt you. I’m really sorry.”
“I almost lost my family over our relationship, and you never even told yours? I feel like I didn’t even matter to you.” My voice cracked. A hot watery streak chased down my cheek.
“Yes, you mattered to me! I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want to admit another failure. But my mom knows all about you now. I told her after your first visit. She wants to meet you.”
“My family thinks I’m insane. When my parents met you at the hospital, I think it helped them to not hate you as much.” One side of my mouth turned up a little, that wasn’t much of an endorsement for her.
“They were just looking out for you. I didn’t blame them. I know it won’t be easy to win them over—if it comes to that.”
“How can I trust you?” My heart hurt that I even had to ask that question. My chin trembled and then a sob escaped as I fought to not full out bawl.
Lacey stood up and used her tissues to wipe her face, again. Picking up my hand, she sat next to me on the bed. “I’m not the person I was then, Michael. Give me the chance to show you, please. We’re worth a try, promise.” Her lips touched the back of my hand, then she leaned her shoulder against my chest.
I felt better, lighter. Acknowledged. I knew there would probably be more hard conversations, but for now it was enough. My arms came around her and after a bit, our lips met, so welcomed.
We did end up making love, again. Then we reheated the coffee in the microwave and ate the bagels and cream cheese she’d brought while we decided to get together again right after Thanksgiving, when I would meet her family.
“I’m excited to see Matt again. Think he’ll remember me?”
“He was two, Michael. I don’t think so.”
~ ~ ~
The whole gang waited at the airport to greet me: Pete, Julie, Elijah, and of course, Sadie. Digging out the owl hat I’d bought Sadie, I squatted down to show it to her. She took it out of my hands, turned it over, and tossed it down on the floor. Instead, she put her arms around my neck. I chuckled, picking her up and smothering her with kisses.
“How did it go? Hey, little Eli!” I ran my finger along his chubby cheek.
“We can’t wait to be able to sit down for five minutes. That kid is non-stop!” Pete laughed.
“I warned you!”
“We had a good time,” Jules said, giving Pete an elbow. “How did it go with you?”
“It’s going very well,” I said, purposely not looking at Pete. Then I added, “Very, very, very well.”
A hand slapped my back. “Yes! I knew it. All right, man!” Pete held up his knuckles, which I bumped.
Julie’s mouth dropped open. Guess she interpreted our guy talk. “You two are disgusting! And right in front of the kids!”
“What?” We chimed in together with fake, innocent little boy voices before breaking out in laughter as we left the airport.
~ ~ ~
Back to work and back to working out. Now more than ever I had a reason to try to keep in shape. I still usually made it to the gym twice a week, and I would run with Sadie when the weather permitted. Days were growing shorter, and half the time it turned dark out before we got a chance to get outside.
All but a few trees had shed their leaves. It rained earlier then stayed misty for most of the day, but by evening it was no longer doing anything. I bundled up Sadie in her jacket and her new hat, which she actually seemed to like, and wrapped a blanket around her. I took a picture to send to Lacey, and we were on our way.
Even if there was a sidewalk, we usually ran on the side of the road. I preferred blacktop. We went about a half mile when my right foot came down on a squishy pile of leaves. It slid out from under me. As I started to fall, the stroller surged ahead, out of my grasp. I watched helplessly as my daughter careened toward the curb, while my knee connected painfully with the pavement. “Sadie, no! Oh shit!” Luckily, the stroller found a driveway and ran up into the yard. Picking myself up, I hobbled over to my child, my heart still lodged firmly in my throat. As I bent over her, she was all smiles, clapping her hands.
“Again, Da?” she asked, pitching her body forward, rocking, trying to get the stroller to move.
Patting her head, I leaned over her. “You’re okay, Sadie? Thank God!” Gingerly, I limped us back home, where I finally pulled up the pants leg to examine my knee, still hurting like hell. Huh, not even a bruise, so far. It felt like it was skinned to the bone. Sitting with an ice pack on it, I texted Lacey for a little TLC. No more running outside. I couldn’t risk my daughter’s safety, not with ice and snow on the way.
Only two days later, my phone rang on the nightstand. Fumbling for it, I saw the time, 3:22. Mom’s voice was guarded when she said, “Mike, I’m calling from the ER. Your dad passed out—he’s okay, but they’re probably going to keep him for a few tests in the morning.”
“Is he hurt?” Already out of bed, I searched for a pair of jeans to put on.
“His forehead hit the sink. He’s getting stitches right now. He’s going to look pretty bad for a while, because it was right by the bridge of his nose.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Are you at Memorial?”
“Don’t come, honey. He’s fine.”
“Is Tom there?”
“I just got off the phone with him.”
“Ten minutes, Mom. I love you.” Wrestling Sadie from her crib, I threw a few things in the diaper bag. By this point, I knew to keep it fairly well stocked. She lay limp in my arms, hardly budging as I carried her to the car in her sleeper, swaddled in a blanket off her crib.
Rushing through the door of emergency with Sadie in my arms drew a lot of attention. “I’m looking for my dad,” I said. Then glancing around at the worried faces focused on my child, I quickly added, “The baby’s fine, she’s sleeping.”
Dad was in Room 11. The locks clicked open, allowing me to pass into the treatment area. Finding the room, I tapped on the doorway, then slid around a curtain that blocked the view from the hall. Mom jumped up, and I hugged her. When I saw my dad, I became all choked up.
“I’m okay, Mike, I just look like shit.” He smiled at me. My dad was the strong one, the cornerstone of the family. Lying there in that bed, he looked fragile and weak. A small bandage occupied the area where his glasses would’ve rested. His nose was swollen, and both eyes would eventually be totally blackened. Thinking about Lacey, I couldn’t imagine my life without my father.
Suddenly, I felt really warm and lightheaded. “Um—I’ve got to step out a minute.” Out in the hall, I leaned against the wall taking deep breaths just as Mark came around a corner.
Pulling up short, his expression dropped when he saw me. “Hey, what’s happening?”
“He’s okay. It’s just me and hospitals.”
His hand squeezed my shoulder, then he went in to see Dad, and I soon followed. Tom arrived right when they were about to move him up to the medical floor for monitoring.
We sat around visiting at his bedside. Mom cradled Sadie, who thankfully still slept. The nurses had already cautioned us that it was four in the morning and we were making too much noise, so we toned it down.
Then Mark asked, “How are things going with you and the new-old girlfriend?”
Every side conversation stopped. All ears and eyes turned toward me. “It’s going well. I’ve asked her to come here after Christmas to meet everyone. We’re still working out the details. I’m going there again after Thanksgiving—which reminds me, who wants to watch Sadie?” I forced a smile.
“You’re going out there again?” my dad asked. “Mike, that’s got to be costing a lot of money. How can you afford it?”
“This thing called a credit card.”
My parents both looked shocked. Tom shook his head, and my face was starting to feel flushed. “After everything I’ve been through, do you think I give a damn about the money? I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”
“Sorry I brought it up,” Mark apologized, and I nodded my head at him.
“Mike, Paul and Emily are coming for Thanksgiving and staying a couple of days. It would be fun if Sadie and Savannah could spend some time together. We’ll watch her. That is, if everything turns out okay here with Dad.”
“Are you sure? You’ll have your hands full with them here.”
Then Tom spoke up. “If it gets to be too much for them, we’ll take her.” That was a shocker.
Sadie started to squirm in Mom’s arms. Usually restlessness signaled she was waking up. I took her back. “I need to get her home before she realizes she’s not in familiar territory and Papa’s face scares her half to death. Thanks for offering to help, everyone.”
Moving over to my dad, I leaned down and kissed his cheek, giving as much of a hug as I could manage while juggling Sadie. “I love you, Dad. Let me know what they decide to do.”
A text later that morning told me Dad had a pacemaker put in and would need to stay for the day and go home the following morning. According to Mom, he looked terrible but felt really good and was up and about. I breathed a big sigh of relief.
Thanksgiving with the entire family was a lot of fun. Dad was fully recovered, well, maybe with a little hint of blue still under the eyes. Em and Paul were thrilled to be able to spend some extra time with Sadie. I brought all her things with me and left her with them. I flew out early the next morning.
Meeting Lacey’s family loomed over me. On the flight to Vermont, the idea of seeing Matt after six years was freaking me out a little. I’d felt ready to be a dad to him back then—I loved him almost as much as his mom. Now, we’d be complete strangers.
Lacey planned to pick me up in Burlington, and we’d drive back to get Matt. We were taking him to a farm where they had tours, syrup-making demos, a hiking trail, and a gift shop. There should be something for everyone, I hoped.
On the ride to town, Lacey told me she’d discussed our relationship a little more with her mother.
“She called me a baby snatcher—”
I smiled while she blushed. “Then I told her you’re really good in bed—” And she winked at me.
I burst out laughing. “Nice, Lacey!” We drove straight to her mom’s house. Matt was supposed to be ready to go, but she still called when we were ten minutes away.
The house was near the outskirts of town with a wooded lot. The homes were large and well kept, but older. Hers had a white wooden picket fence and several flower gardens in the yard. We both got out, and I pulled my jacket on as we walked up to the entrance.
“We’re just going to say hello now. She’ll get her chance to grill you at dinner tomorrow. My little sister and her husband will be here and Mom’s gentleman friend, too.”
“I think I feel the flu coming on.”
She chuckled. I held the door open, and she led the way into an old-fashioned kitchen. We were greeted by a golden retriever. I leaned over to pet her head.
“Matthew, let’s go!” she called into the house, then added, “and this is Misty.” We could hear clamoring of feet up the steps, then just as speedily back down. Matt appeared, moving quickly. As Lacey tried to introduce me, he never even slowed, just darted for the door with Misty at his heels, until his mom grabbed him by the hood of his jacket. “Hey, bud, I was talking to you!”
He pulled up short, turning as he rolled eyes that matched his mom’s, a sheepish grin on his face. His hair was light-brown, a little wavy, and pushed off to the side. His build was fine, also like his mother. He looked like the pictures she showed me, but nothing like the little toddler I crawled around in the sand with.
“Matt, this is my friend from Wisconsin I told you about, Michael.”
His glance barely reached mine. I smiled and held out my hand to shake his. “Hello, Matt.”
An effortless wave and a quick “hi” was all he gave me before pulling away from his mom and jogging out the door.
“Well, I can see I really impressed him,” I said, chuckling to cover my worry that this might not be as easy as I had hoped. I didn’t have long to dwell on it when Lacey’s mom came into the room.
“Hello!” I chirped. I gave her my most charming grin. Lacey introduced us. Her mom wore jeans and an opened corduroy shirt with a white tee under it. Her hair was chin length, highlighted in layers that fell in gentle curls. Her build was much stouter than her daughter’s, but she was attractive nonetheless.
“So you must be the young man I’ve heard so much about. It’s good to put a face to the name. Do you still ride a motorcycle?”
Looking at Lacey, I answered, “Not for a long time.” My cheeks were starting to feel warm, only because I didn’t know exactly where this was going.
“Well, we’d love to stay and visit, Mom, but we have plans. I’ll bring Matt home after dinner. You’ll be here, right?”
“Yes, and I’ll expect you two to stay long enough for a cup of coffee and some dessert.”
“Mother!” Lacey protested, but I knew we’d be stopping.
In the car on the way to the farm, I asked Matt what grade he was in, and about his favorite subjects in school. He concentrated on an electronic tablet in his lap, and though I was fairly certain he heard me, he didn’t answer. The first time Lacey called him out on it and made him respond, the second time she just looked at me and shrugged. I quit trying.
The farm entertained Lacey and me at least. I felt confident I could go home and tap a few trees if the spirit moved me. Matt spent much of the time wandering ahead of us or behind us, anywhere but with us. When he spoke, he always addressed his mom. I wasn’t even present. The brisk weather didn’t stop us from doing the outdoorsy things, and afterward, we had hot chocolate and maple cookies back inside.
Heading into the pizza joint for dinner, Matt bolted ahead of us toward another man and woman who were just exiting.
“Braden!” he called out, and crushed the guy with a warm, enthusiastic hug.
“Oh, geez,” Lacey moaned under her breath, slowing her pace, but I dragged her along. Sooner or later we were bound to run into the ex. “Sorry, Michael.”
Braden ruffled Matt’s hair and gave him a high five and a genuine smile until he saw us approaching and became a little uncomfortable.
“Is that Sign Girl?” I whispered, leaning closer to Lacey. She narrowed her eyes at me as we came up next to the other pair.
“Hello, Braden,” Lacey said coolly. His eyes ran me up and down. Lacey gave him a smirk. “This is Michael.” We shook hands, then Lacey’s fingers were on Matt’s shoulders, moving him toward the entrance.
“Nice to meet you,” I lied. I hated everything about him even without actually knowing much. The fondness Matt obviously felt toward the guy especially bothered me. I imagined it was a virtue of Lacey’s to refrain from turning her son against him. I don’t know if I could have been that big of a person.
Pizza was great. Trying to engage Matt scored a big zero. Lacey ended up giving him a couple of dollars to go play some games. I moved so my knees were butted against hers, and we faced each other with her hands in mine. I stole a kiss, then another. We hadn’t had much of an opportunity.
“I don’t think Matt likes me,” I pined, looking into her brown eyes.
“He just met you, Michael. He’ll warm up, give him a chance.”
“I will,” I promised, and I kissed her again, just as he came back by us. Pushing right between us, Matt stood facing his mom.
“Are we going back to Grandma’s soon? I’m bored.”
Lacey moved him over next to her, keeping her arm around his shoulder. “You’ve got to mind your manners, Matt. Michael and I were talking.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled, “but can we go now?”
Patting the boy’s arm, I said, “I’m ready—Lacey?”
“Me, too.”
Apple pie awaited us. Gosh, and I thought my mom made great pie. Even though I was already stuffed with pizza, I just had to eat every bite of the dessert, too. Lacey’s mom, Rachael, carried on a light conversation. She asked me about Sadie and my job. I noticed Lacey paid close attention, gleaning what she could from everything I said. When we left, I didn’t feel so intimidated about returning for our family dinner.
Leaving Matt with her mom, Lacey and I headed over to the motel. I hadn’t even checked in yet.