Chapter 18
It was my first vacation since I started this job, and I had a whole week off! When I picked up Sadie from Miles of Smiles, I was practically giddy. Sensing Daddy’s mood, Sadie babbled non-stop, expressing herself very loudly. As I drove toward home, inspiration struck. “Sadie, do you want to go get some fries?”
She repeated, “Fries!” and the decision was made. No cooking for Daddy tonight, gotta love vacation! I pulled into the roast beef sandwich place and brought Sadie inside. After I ordered, I scouted out a high chair and got all the supplies, ketchup, napkins, straws, etc. We got the food and sat down.
Handing her a fry, I unwrapped my double beef, cheese ‘n bacon sandwich and took a bite. Sadie took a bite too, and the next thing I knew, she was howling. She spat out the piece. It landed on her tray along with a big string of drool.
“What happened, baby?” I asked, wiping her mouth and trying to shush her. I picked up a fry, and it almost burnt my fingers. “Oh gosh, Sadie, did it hurt your mouth?” She just continued to scream. I ended up shoving everything back in the bag and taking it home. So much for our big dinner date. And another ‘father-of-the-year’ award to me. She had just gotten the stitches out a couple days ago from her earlier mishap.
We were down to just a bottle at bedtime to be sure she got enough milk for the day, and I always believed it helped her sleep. We both enjoyed our quiet time before I put her down for the night. Looking over her lips and mouth, I couldn’t see any blisters or even a red spot from the fry. Rocking her extra-long, I kissed her a hundred times and told her, “Sorry”. Soon she drifted off, and I moved stealthily to put her in her crib.
A lot was on the agenda for my week off. We planned to go up to the cottage for a couple of days, and the swing set was scheduled to be installed on Wednesday. I planned to work on repairing the deck with Dad. Tom and Mark were coming over to help the following weekend.
Never too far from my mind loomed that friend confirmation on Facebook. Why did I bother if I wasn’t going to act on it? Relaxing in the recliner, I set up the laptop. I looked for any new messages. There were none. Pulling up Lacey’s name, I typed a single line in her message box. Long time—how are you? Why couldn’t I stop shaking? I took a deep breath and blew it out, then sent it. Now it would be up to her to respond.
~ ~ ~
Our time up at the lake with my parents was perfect. Sadie had been there as a baby, but this was our first time with her being mobile. I didn’t realize how fast she could move and how she needed a set of eyes on her every second.
We were down by the edge of the lake as she poked in the water with a stick. She leaned too far over, falling face first into the water. Even though she wore a little life jacket, she floundered, totally helpless. I hate to think what could have happened if I hadn’t been right there to pull her out. Sometimes I wonder how my parents ever survived four of us.
Of course, I had brought my phone with me. It wasn’t like me to spend a lot of time on a device, but I did check Facebook a couple times a day. No response. But then it took me more than a week to reply to her friend confirmation. I didn’t know why I thought she would respond instantly to my message.
Meanwhile, all the self-doubt started creeping in, but I tried not to go there. I also didn’t let anyone know what I was up to, especially my parents. Their relationship with Lacey was frosty at best, though I thought her helpfulness when I was in the hospital in Vermont initiated a little healing. Still, I was sure they wouldn’t be thrilled to know I reached out to her.
Finally, on Tuesday morning I got a message back.
I’m doing great! How about you?
When it was just words on a screen, the interpretation kept you hanging. Was she being sarcastic, genuine, or polite? I wasn’t a fan of messaging.
I wrote back. I’m good, too. Are you still a nurse at Mountain Regional? Send. Back to the waiting game. Man, I hated this stuff. I put the phone away and enjoyed our last day at the lake.
On Wednesday, I kept Sadie out of the way as the guys from the company installed our wooden play system. Margo didn’t do anything small, but she did let me have a say in what we got. I picked out a medium-sized set. It still took up a big chunk of the yard. Maybe if I played on it with her in my lap she could use it. I was already scheming ways to convert at least a piece of it into something more age-appropriate.
Thursday morning, I got another message from Lacey. Yes, still at the same hospital. I work in ER now, not the surgical floor. Are you still traveling the country with Charlie? Did you end up with Annie?
My heart spasmed as I read it. I stuffed the phone back into my pocket as I debated how I should answer her.
Turning it over and over in my mind for a couple of hours, I decided to just be honest. I also concluded this way of communicating drove me insane. So this was what I wrote back to her that afternoon.
Yes, Annie and I ended up together for a while. Would it be okay if I called you? It would be so much easier if we could actually talk. If you agree, please send me your number and when it’s best to reach you. Thanks.
I let it sit there for quite a while as I contemplated if I really wanted to send it. By Friday evening, I finally got up the nerve and hit send. With the deck project on the weekend, I would be too busy to think and fret about it.
Basically, we replaced the entire deck. The weather had been iffy both days, but it only sprinkled toward the evening on Saturday. By Sunday night, it was raining cats and dogs. It was warm in the house, humid. I jacked up the A.C. and brought Sadie into the bathroom with me and let her play with some toys while I took a much-needed shower. Afterward, we went into the living room, where she insisted on sitting on my lap while I tried to relax with a beer.
She jabbered away at me and kept sticking her fingers in my mouth. At first I pretended to chew on them, and she’d giggle, then do it again. Tired and sore from the all manual labor over the weekend, I told her nicely to stop. A one-year-old didn’t necessarily listen, so she kept doing it until I grabbed her arm and repeated louder, “No, Sadie!” Feeling guilty, I looked for something else to distract her, handing her a play cell phone from a basket of her of toys.
For a few minutes, she sat pushing the buttons, which set off a number of rings and sounds that kept her occupied. Then she decided I should talk, and she held it to my ear. We played that game for a few minutes, then I got distracted for a second. All at once she whacked me with that phone just below the eye, a big smile on her face.
“Ow! Damn it, Sadie!” I yelled as I grabbed it out of her hand and slammed it down on the table next to me. Still sitting in my lap, her eyes grew huge and filled with tears as she stared at me. That bottom lip curled out as the corners of her mouth tugged downward, and she tried so hard not to cry, but she lost. I think I broke her little heart. I knew that look broke mine.
Tucking her up next to my head, I soothed her. “It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s sorry. It’s okay.” I patted her and hugged her.
She still sniveled as I stood up, carrying her into the bathroom so I could check out my face. A nice bluish lump was forming right on my cheekbone. Looking at the distraught child in my arms, I couldn’t be angry with her. I was the one with the welt, but she got all the sympathy.
Grabbing a washcloth, I went to the fridge for some ice, then settled into the chair. Sadie let me cuddle her a while. When she finally picked up her head to look at me, I gently spoke to her. “You hurt me.” I pointed to the now frozen spot on my face. “Can you tell Daddy you’re sorry? Say sorry.”
“Sowie,” she mimicked. After squeezing her again, she went back to playing, this time on the floor. I finished my beer as I held the compress to my cheek.
I hadn’t checked for Facebook messages all weekend. Getting my phone out of my pocket, I quickly thumbed through the screens. Lacey had already answered me on Friday. She’d given me her number and said she had the weekend off. It would be great to hear from you. Wonderful, I thought, the weekend was almost over. I decided to wait until I put Sadie in bed, then call.
Sadie entertained herself so well that I let her stay up later than normal. By the time I finally tucked her in, put a load of clothes in the washer, folded some towels that sat in the dryer for three days, and did a bunch of other chores around the house, it was ten-thirty.
With my phone held between both hands, I stared at the contact I added for Lacey. After pressing “call,” I sat back in the recliner and let the anxiety nibble at my stomach while I listened to it ring.
A sleepy voice rasped, “Hello?”
“Lacey?” I asked, “Oh geez, did I wake you?”
“Michael?” she answered, clearing her voice. “Yes, it’s eleven-thirty. I have to work at six tomorrow.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, I didn’t think about the time change. Do you want me to call another time?”
She chuckled. “No, I’m up now. How are you?”
Lonely, sexually deprived, thrilled to be talking to you, and scared to death. “I’m doing good.” I tried to keep any nerves out of my voice, then I gave out a chortle. “Well, if you don’t count the nice shiner I’m working on courtesy of my little girl.”
She laughed, then said, “You have a daughter?”
“Yup, Sadie Ann, she just turned one.”
“Oh, wow! That’s wonderful!” A question filled silence ensued.
“I just saw your message tonight, or I would’ve called sooner. Busy weekend.”
“Partying?”
“I wish. Not much of that when you have a baby. Working on the house.”
“You have a house? Nice. Do you still work with Charlie?”
I smiled. “No, he retired. I actually ended up going to school. I’m a mechanical engineer.”
“Impressive.” She sounded sincere. There was so much I wanted to tell her or ask her. Yet these lengthy silences kept getting in the way. Hesitantly, she asked, “Did you end up—getting married?”
Reaching my free hand up to the top of my head, my breath caught. Nodding, I told her, “Annie and I got married last summer. We got pregnant right away. The day after Sadie was born—” I had to stop, my throat was thick enough to catch the words and hold them there. I willed myself to inhale and just finish the sentence. “—Annie died.”
“Oh, no, Michael!” she whispered, then more of that empty space. I felt like I should say more, but I couldn’t yet. I stood up and started to pace around the living room.
“You still there?” I finally asked, emotions back in hand.
“Yes.” She remained very quiet. “I just don’t know what to say. I’m really sorry to hear that.”
Taking a deep breath, I changed the subject. “What about you? Are you in a relationship?”
She sort of groaned before answering, “Definitely not.” So the first hurdles were crossed. Both of us available, whatever that meant.
“Sounds like there’s a story to go with that answer,” I said, smiling.
She was quiet a moment, then answered, “There is. Maybe someday I’ll tell you about it.”
“Well, I don’t want to keep you up any longer.” I paused, waiting for her to take the lead, but she didn’t say anything.
Then at the same time, we both said, “It’s been really nice talking to you.” Then we laughed together.
“Can I call you, again?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“What’s the best time—obviously not eleven-thirty at night.”
She chuckled. “I’m usually home evenings. Michael? I’m glad you friended me.”
“Me too.” We said our good-byes, and I went to bed feeling pretty good about how it played out. No way was I going to start planning our life together or even imagining anything more than a casual acquaintance with the woman who I once planned a life with.
~ ~ ~
We texted back and forth during the week just to say hello. The next time I called her was the following weekend. This conversation went a little smoother. We talked longer about our jobs and the kids. We shared a lot of laughs and kept it light the entire time. It started to feel like Lacey was back in my life, at least at some level, and that felt right to me.
The following week I was at work when my phone buzzed. No one ever called me at work. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. It was Pete. Normally I wouldn’t have taken it, but I stepped away from the work station and answered.
“Mikey? It’s a boy!”
“Oh, a boy! Hey, Pete, that’s great. Congratulations!” I turned back to Dalton and gave him a thumbs up.
“I don’t know how you feel about coming back to a maternity floor, buddy. I totally get it if you don’t want to come.” They were at different hospital than Annie and I went to. I told him that of course I would be there.
After work, I picked up Sadie, then ran and got a couple big packs of diapers. Sadie picked out a stuffed giraffe. We headed right over to the hospital. The woman at the information desk gave me the room number and directions on how to get there. Getting off the elevator on the sixth floor, I asked at the nurses’ station if it was okay to go to their room. The next minute, I was tapping on the closed door.
“Come in.” It was Pete’s voice. I opened the door and walked in to find Julie nursing the baby.
My hand holding the bag of diapers flew up to my eyes, and I started laughing. “Oh, geez, sorry Jules.” She scrambled to cover herself with a small blanket. She was smiling, but shaking her head at Pete.
“He hasn’t learned proper nursing etiquette yet. Nothing you haven’t seen before, Mike. I think we’re done. He isn’t really doing anything but chomping.” She tucked herself in while I gave the diapers to Pete.
He stood up, and I hugged him. Then I moved so that Sadie, who clung on to that giraffe for dear life, could see the baby. “Oh wow! He’s a big one compared to Sadie!”
“Tell me about it. Elijah Andrew weighs nine pounds, twelve ounces.”
Leaning over, I kissed Julie’s cheek, then held Sadie so she could kiss her, too.
Sadie’s little hand went right for the baby.
“See the new baby, Sadie? Can you say ‘hi baby?’ Give him his present.”
“Bebe,” Sadie said, looking at me, then pointing in the general direction of the baby. I repeated for her to give the stuffed animal to the baby, but Sadie would not relinquish it.
“Oh boy. I could rip it out of her arms, but she’ll scream.” How embarrassing. “Geez, I’m such a good dad.” They just laughed at me, and I thought, just wait, you’re going to find out what it’s like. “How about I go back to the store and pick up another one and bring it to you the next time I see you?”
Pete came over by us and tickled Sadie. “Deal,” he said, giving a little tug on the giraffe and not budging it from her grasp. “There’s no way she’s giving it up.”
They told me the abbreviated version of the birth. Both sets of parents had visited, all first-time grandparents. They left for the cafeteria to get some dinner. I really couldn’t stay either. Sadie needed to eat soon, or she would turn into a monster right before our eyes.
“Well, I’ve got to get her home for some dinner, so I’ll see you when you get home.”
My gaze connected with Julie’s, my eyes getting watery. I gave Pete another hug, then leaned over Julie. “You take care.”
“I will. We’ll see you soon, Mike. Thanks for the diapers and the un-gift.”
I smiled, relieved to be leaving. So many memories to sort through.
That night I texted Lacey about the new baby. She’d been friends with Pete and Julie when we were together in that other life, and I’d told her they were expecting. She texted back her excitement for them. A short while after, she called me.
“I can only imagine the mixed emotions you must be having to go along with the new baby.” She always was good at recognizing things like that.
My brief answer, “Yup.” I just wasn’t ready to really open up about everything with Annie. To change the subject, I told her the story about Sadie and the giraffe she wouldn’t part with. Lacey’s laughter lifted me, a soothing balm for my soul. I wonder if she realized that, too?