Chapter Twenty-Nine
Justin – Saturday
I couldn’t stand it anymore. I didn’t want to hit the bottle, it felt like the wrong thing to do, but if everyone else could drink away their problems, then why the fuck couldn’t I?
The more that time went on, the more my brain got all tangled up in knots and I got really worked up about everything.
Things with Garrett weren’t looking good, at all. I kept communicating with his lawyer and learned Garrett’s obstinate attitude was making things worse for him. If he didn’t start to show some remorse sometime soon, he was going to get himself locked up for a very long time. But there wasn’t anything I could do about that; everything I said just made him worse. I wanted to get through to him, I wanted to make him understand, but I couldn’t see that happening ever.
Then there was this whole mess that I’d gotten myself into with Annie. I wanted to call her, I needed to hear her voice, but I couldn’t quite make myself do it. Every time I picked up my phone, I thought about my mom in the hospital, depressed and suicidal. I considered Dad cheating on her over and over again without a second thought. I’d gotten way past the stage where I didn’t want to believe that anymore, and now I’d simply accepted it as fact.
Finding the suicide note must have been the reason that Garrett went off the rails; it explained why he didn’t care about his life and why he was always such a dick to Dad.
I didn’t want to become that, but Garrett probably didn’t want to become like Mom, either.
“The Gains gene is a bad one.”
Urgh, but I still wanted to talk to Annie, even if I didn’t deserve her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I hated letting her go.
I adored her slightly wavy, light-brown hair, her warm, loving eyes, that bright smile that I couldn’t get enough of. I missed the feel of her in my arms, the way that she made me feel right, happy, complete. If only things were normal, if only I could just be with her, if only I hadn't come from such a shit-storm of a family.
I couldn’t call her now anyway. I’d left it far too long. If I returned her call now, I would have lots of explaining to do, and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for that. I didn’t think that I’d be able to explain myself coherently enough to make her understand and forgive me.
No, I would have to let her go, instead.
I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the cabinet, having reached the mental end of my tether, and I poured myself a drink. An angry, black cloud had settled over me, and there was only one thing that could shake it.
As the warm liquid slid down my throat, I felt an instant sense of relief. This was what I’d been needing the entire time; resisting had been futile. Now that I’d taken that one step over the line, I didn’t think I’d stop until I could shut my thoughts off completely. I didn’t want to think anymore, about any of it, and this was the best way to achieve that.
It took less than a second for the first drink to go, after which I instantly poured another. My behavior was bad, this could only end terribly, but I no longer cared…
***
The music thumped loudly, vibrating through my whole body. This club wasn’t the sort of place I would normally frequent as the target audience was far too young for my liking – some of the people inside the place were just kids – but I wasn’t thinking straight. All I wanted to do was drink some more, so when the bar I vaguely remembered being in closed, I headed to the nearest place I could get my hands on some more booze.
“Fucking hell,” I called out angrily as I saw the line to the bar. “For fuck’s sake.”
“The lines in these places are always far too long, aren’t they?” a female voice called into my ear. “It always makes me wonder why they haven’t come up with a solution to that problem yet.”
I turned to face her, instantly pegging her as a chick out on the prowl. I could tell by the fact that she was alone, having probably ditched her group of friends the moment they got into the club, but also by her outfit.
Her dress was slightly too tight, showing off impressive cleavage, one I assumed was probably created by a doctor somewhere. Then there was her brassy-blonde hair, and her very heavy makeup, making it very difficult to tell her age. She was kind of hot, in a weird way, and maybe she would be good-looking under all of that façade, but I just wasn’t really interested. I’d met a natural beauty who had completely changed my perception on everything.
Still, there wasn’t any reason to be rude. “I know what you mean, it’s a fucking mess,” I growled back. “Pisses me off when I can’t just get into a place and get a drink.”
As the line moved slowly, we moaned about everything negative about clubs, and surprisingly, she actually had me laughing. Through my drunken state, she was actually good company, and I was glad to have her by my side. So when someone bumped into her accidently, spilling a drink down her dress, I felt my red hot, irrational temper boiling up.
“What the fuck, man!” I yelled as he did his best to apologize. “Why don’t you watch where you’re fucking going?”
“It’s okay,” she tried to tell me, but she was soaking now and I was furious. We hadn't been waiting in this shitty line for nearly an hour just for that to happen.
“No,” I grabbed the guy by the scruff of his neck. “You’re an asshole. You don’t ever tip drinks down people. I think you did it on purpose.” I was acting like a fucking idiot, but I could hardly see it through the fog of booze.
“I…I…I’m sorry…” he stammered, fear written all over his face. This guy was a kid compared to me, but that still didn’t stop me. I couldn’t fight the person I wanted to, so I would have to take it out on this dick.
But just as I pulled my fist back, ready to hit him square in the face, a couple of burly bouncers dragged me off of him and tossed me to one side. I tried to struggle against them, but they were too strong and I was too drunk, so in the end, I gave up and allowed them to throw me outside.
As my body hit the ground, I found myself at a new low. Wasted and lying in the gutter. I was almost tempted to stay there, until I head a familiar voice speaking to me.
“Come on,” the woman from the bar must have followed me outside. “Let’s get you home.”
“No, I’ll get a cab,” I shot back a little nastily. I just didn’t want any sympathy right now. “Don’t worry about it, you go back in there and enjoy yourself.”
“I’m soaking wet, fed up, and I haven’t even had a drink yet. Let me drive you home, just to say thank you. Your actions might have been questionable, but your intentions were honorable. Let me pay you back for that.”
I wasn’t totally sure that my intentions were honorable, but it was either leave with this woman or continue to lie in the gutter, and I really wanted to go home.
“I’m Helen, by the way,” she told me as she led me to her car. “I just realized that we never exchanged names.”
“Justin,” I replied, before sleepily relaying my address, too. Then I slumped into the passenger’s seat of her car and allowed my eyes to slip shut. I needed to sleep now, to forget, and that was exactly what I intended to do…
***
“Justin? Justin?” I woke up to the sound of a stranger’s voice waking me up. I stirred and forced my blurry eyes open to find myself looking at a face I vaguely recognized. I knew where she was from, I was aware that I’d met her at the club before I made a total ass out of myself, but she looked different somehow.
“Oh, thank you…” Nope, I couldn’t remember her name; there was no point in even trying. “I appreciate it.”
I staggered out of the car, proving that I was still a mess, which caused her to tuck herself under my arm to lead me inside. I had the sense that she was coming in for a reason, and that could have been because of my money, but I was too drunk to refuse her.
“Now, do you want water or anything?” she asked kindly. I nodded, too worn out to tell her that all I wanted was to be alone. “Can I get anything else for you? Do you need food?”
“No, thank you,” I finally managed to rasp out. “I’m okay now.”
Oh God, did I really just almost have a fight in the club? I hadn't ever had a physical fight in my life, except for with Garrett when we were kids, so I probably would have ended up with my ass kicked, anyway. What a fucking idiot.
“Well, thank you again for saving me,” she smiled, sitting far too close to me. She was making herself comfortable and at home, which meant she didn’t intend to go anywhere any time soon. “That was really kind of you.”
Lust floated behind her eyes, she wanted to screw me, and in all honesty, I was just about drunk enough to let it happen. If I was like my father, then maybe it was time to start acting like it. Maybe I should be more like Garrett, bringing home different girls every night. Maybe it would be hollow, but it’d be satisfying, too.
“You’re welcome,” I replied, forcing a smile on my face. I allowed my hand to move forward to touch her thigh, but the second my skin connected with hers, I remembered the last time I was in bed with someone – when there were feelings involved and it really mattered. I jumped backwards, as if I’d been electrocuted.
“Are you okay?” bar lady asked through gritted teeth. It was clear that she felt annoyed that I wasn’t all over her, but I couldn’t fake it. I wasn’t a magician. “What’s the problem?”
I couldn’t go through with this now, not if the first over-clothes touch reminded me of Annie. Now that I’d met her, there wasn’t a chance that I could ever act like my father or brother, not if I couldn’t get her off my mind.
“I’m sorry, I think you might have to go,” I told her honestly, standing up to highlight my point. “Thank you for the ride home, but I think it’s time to leave.”
“Do you have a girlfriend, or are you married or something?” As anger twisted up in her expression, any beauty she’d once had totally vanished. She didn’t want me, not really; it was obvious that she’d been after something from me, and now she was mad that it wasn’t going to happen.
“Or something,” I confirmed. “Now, please leave.”
I half expected her to put up a fight, but she didn’t. She simply grabbed her car keys and flounced out, slamming the door shut loudly behind her. The sound made me flinch, but it filled me with relief, too. She was gone and I was alone: just what I’d wanted all along.
I moved slowly over to the bookshelf, as if under a trance, and I grabbed the first book that I was drawn to, reading the first line over and over again.
My name is Mary Ann, and I’m wanted for murder.
Annie was smart and sexy, a combination I needed in my life, and nothing else would do. I just had no idea what to do about that dilemma.