Chapter Thirty-Three
Justin – Monday night
Shit.
I officially felt horrific. I really thought my random popping down to see Annie was going to work. I thought she would instantly see how much she meant to me and everything would be okay.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. That failed in the worst way possible.
The moment she opened her front door, I could tell that her guards were up, and to be honest, I couldn’t blame her. I hadn't spoken to her for ages, but I assumed it’d all be all right once I explained my behavior. Sure, saying it aloud felt a lot like pointless excuses, and I should have guessed that Annie wouldn’t allow that, but I didn’t.
And now I felt stuck.
“I have had enough of you. I didn’t ask you to come here tonight, and now that you are here, I realize that I have nothing at all to say to you. Just go.”
How could she say those things to me? Did she really mean it? There was a wobble in her voice that suggested she might have been trying to be strong, but I might have just been hearing what I wanted to hear. I’d been expecting such a warm and forgiving reception, one that I probably didn’t deserve, so maybe I was just imagining some kindness there.
Oh God, what the hell was I going to do now? I hadn't planned for the door to be slammed in my face. I had been much more ready for a night of sorting everything out, sharing our feelings, and really getting it all out in the open. Now I was lost and really alone.
I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and put in a call to the one person who I knew would see me at such short notice. I couldn’t be left alone with my thoughts – I would end up driving myself insane.
“Roy?” I said the second he answered. “I’m in Florence; do you have any time to meet me?”
“Sure,” he replied gravely without even missing a beat. “Let’s go out to dinner. I’ll meet you by the diner on the corner?”
“Thank you,” I gasped gratefully. “I’ll see you soon.”
Knowing that I would get to hash over all of this with Roy made me feel a little bit better, but the sad, sickly feeling wasn’t going anywhere. Annie didn’t seem like the type who would allow someone to walk in and out of her and Rae’s life, so there was a massive chance that I’d screwed it forever. I might have actually lost her.
As I explained the scenario to Roy in my own words, I could see sympathy crossing his expression. It was likely that he could see it from both mine and Annie’s point of view, which was exactly what I needed. I wanted him to tell me what I needed to do to make things work.
“So, she just kicked you out?” he asked curiously. “Just told you to go?”
“Yeah,” I sighed sadly. “And now I’m left wondering if I’ve fucked things up for good, you know? Annie really is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I acted so selfishly. All it would have taken was a phone call or a text, but I was so wrapped up in what Garrett told me about where my future was headed…I guess I just didn’t think about anything else.”
“I don’t think it’ll be forever,” he smiled reassuringly at me. “I’ve known Annie for a while now, and I’ve never seen her so into anyone. She doesn’t let people in easily, and she did you. I know she seems mad now, but I think that’s just the hurt talking. Give her time and she’ll be back to you, I guarantee it.”
“Are you sure?” I sniffed slightly, feeling a little overwhelmed. “I just…I can’t help but feel like I’ve royally fucked it up.”
“Trust me.”
“Annie’s just such a great girl, absolutely perfect for me, and I don’t want to think about my life without her now.”
***
By the time I left Roy, I felt a little bit better. Sure, things were still really messed up, but he had me so convinced that if I just slept on it, things would look better tomorrow. He’d told me many times that she would come back around if I just gave her some space, that everything would be all right.
I had to believe that, if I didn’t want to completely fall apart.
But as I wandered into my hotel room, I let out a deep breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. It was all well and good feeling positive when I was with my friend giving me encouragement, but by myself, the dark thoughts started to take over. All of a sudden, I wasn’t sure if I could just go to sleep, knowing that Annie was so mad at me. I wanted to fix it, and I wanted to do it immediately.
I paced up and down the room, feeling wired and on edge. I felt like I wanted to do everything at once, but I didn’t know where to start. How can I fix this? What can I do to make it all better? How can I erase the pain that I inadvertently caused without going back in time?
Maybe it would have helped me if I knew more about Annie’s past and what had happened with Rae’s dad, but I didn’t, and I wasn’t in the position to ask about it. I’d been closed off from Annie, I hadn't shared all of me, so there was no way I could go about digging into her history.
Maybe if I just called her…
No, I had to do what Roy suggested. I needed to give her space. I’d already shocked her by turning up randomly once; there was no way I could do that again. She had my number; if she wanted to speak to me, she could get in contact that way. This wasn’t just about me. This was about what Annie wanted. I’d spent enough time thinking only of myself. Now I had to do what was right.
But one tiny phone call couldn’t hurt, could it? If I just phoned her up to apologize for turning up unexpectedly, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?
I toyed with my phone between my fingers, fighting between my heart and my head. Unfortunately, what I really wanted to do was starting to win out. I was slowly becoming convinced that one tiny phone call couldn’t do much damage after all.
I was only stopped from actually making that call by someone tapping on my hotel room door. I was confused, because I knew that I hadn't ordered any room service, and I was pretty sure that I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I walked to open the door anyway, just in case it was Roy who could somehow sense what I was about to do.
“I wasn’t calling her, honest,” I teased as I swung the door open, but I was soon silenced by the person standing in front of me: the brunette beauty who I’d been falling for and thinking about for a very long time now. “Annie? What are you doing here?”
She shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, looking shy and sad, as if she was the one who had something to feel guilty for. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted before,” she gushed quickly, almost as if she was trying to get her words out all in one go. “I was wrong. You just shocked me. I wasn’t expecting you to turn up, then you were there, saying all these things, and I didn’t know what to think.”
“How did you find out where I was staying?” I asked, totally brushing over all of her apologies. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate them. I just felt a little blown away myself to be honest. It was helping me to see that maybe things weren’t quite so simple when surprised after all. Maybe I could finally see why she’d overreacted.
“I spoke to Roy,” she admitted. “He called me to tell me that he’d just been with you. He told me how bad you felt and nudged me in the right direction. He basically told me, without actually saying it aloud, that I should have listened to you.”
“Yeah, he’s quite good at that, isn’t he?” I smiled weakly at her. “Do you…want to come in?”
Please say yes, I begged in my mind. Please come in; give me a chance.
“Okay, thank you.”
We stepped into my room and both perched awkwardly on the end of my bed. I didn’t know how to act, what I should be doing with myself, and from the way that Annie kept moving about, it seemed like she felt the same way.
“So…” I started, needing to say something. “Do you want me to tell you everything?”
“No,” she shook her head rapidly. “I think you’ve said enough. There’s a lot that I need to tell you. I never should have gone at you like that, when I’ve kept stuff back, too.”
She sighed deeply, and hung her head in shame. It made my heart go out to her. I didn’t want her to feel bad, not for anything. And I certainly didn’t want her to tell me anything under a stressful situation. “I’ve kept a lot of my past back, including what happened with Rae’s dad…”
I moved closer to her and tipped her head up to face mine with my finger under her chin. “I don’t need to hear it,” I insisted, actually meaning it.
Of course, I wanted to know everything about Annie, even the bits that weren’t so easy to discuss, but this felt like a nice moment. We were coming back together and I didn’t want that to be tainted by bad news. I wanted us to finally be just happy. “Tell me when you’re ready…or not at all, if you don’t get there.”
I kissed her lightly on her lips, feeling my heart fill up all over again. She was right for me, the only one in the world that ever had been, and I didn’t ever want to lose her again.
“Are you sure?” she gasped uncertainly. “I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I reassured her. “Things just haven’t been smooth sailing yet, but the best things in life never are.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asked, that familiar teasing tone back in her voice. “Or did you just make that up?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I’m just saying words,” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. “But you certainly feel worth the wait.”
“Roy told me that you like me more than anyone ever before,” she asked curiously. “Is that true? It doesn’t seem possible to me. You must have women throwing themselves at you, beautiful ones. I’m just…me.”
“You are the only woman that’s ever meant anything to me,” I told her seriously. “And whatever you think of yourself, you’re the most beautiful woman to me.” I grinned at her with love in my eyes as I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. To me, everything about her was perfect, and I wished that just for a second she could see herself through my eyes.
“Wow,” she gasped happily. “That’s something else.”
For a moment, we were both giggling happily, then something in the air changed and we were kissing like there was no tomorrow. My hands were tangled up in her hair, and hers were moving around my waist. We felt connected, together, and I never wanted that to end.
I was actually starting to believe that it might have been love.