Chapter Ten
Eliza – Wednesday
Tuesday was a total nightmare. I had to leave work early to go and speak to the plumber, who wanted to explain the very involved water works issues with me, so I hadn’t gotten to see much of Milo at all. I got back to the cabin so late that he was already in bed.
Despite myself, that felt like a big hole was in my life. I knew that I would have to get used to it soon enough because he definitely wouldn’t be sticking around forever, but for now, while I could, I wanted to enjoy my time with him.
I took longer getting dressed this time, wanting to make a good impression. I carefully picked a well-fitting navy-blue swing dress, which I always got compliments on, wooly tights to keep my legs warm, and a jacket. I took my time over my hair and makeup, as well. As a hairdresser, it was my duty to always look groomed, not that I always managed it, but today I felt like I needed to show myself off.
Everything felt a little weird to me after Monday night. We ate dinner, there was a little bit more blatant flirting this time, which was probably due to the wine, but still, nothing happened. It was as if we were both too scared to make the first move, so we just... didn’t. At this rate, nothing was going to happen.
Which was fine, because it wasn’t a good idea, anyway. Just because I wanted something to happen between us, didn’t mean that he did.
Except he seems to...
Well, we could be adult about it, anyway. We didn’t have to act on any urges because it was painfully obvious that it could only end in heartbreak. Thinking about it seriously, I wasn’t sure that I could ever be the one-night stand or short fling type; that just wasn’t me. I preferred things to happen with an emotional connection... which Milo and I could never have because he was going home before too long.
No, today we would just have a nice, civilized day out as friends and that would be the end of it. I didn’t need to give any feelings a second thought.
I swung my bedroom door open to see Milo already sitting out on the balcony with a pot of coffee at his side and Veil at his feet. I took a second to admire the scene, thinking how close it was to the perfect family life that I’d always craved.
Growing up without a mom and dad had left me needy for a stable situation for when I had children of my own... when I eventually got around to having kids. Sure, my parents didn’t mean to leave me, but their absence left me with emotional scars nonetheless.
When I’d made my love-related New Year’s resolution, deep down, this was the sort of image that I had fixed in the back of my mind, in the bottom bit where I kept all the hopes and wishes that I didn’t want to confess to anyone ever.
If only...
“You figured out the coffee pot then,” I said wryly, making my way to join him. “It’s a joy, isn’t it?”
He sent me a smile that made my heart stop dead in my chest. His face was so much lighter when he looked happy, but I felt glad that it didn’t happen all the time. It made me feel special that it was happening more regularly for me.
“It isn’t actually too bad, once you get used to it. I brought you out a mug; there is plenty left for you.”
I poured myself a drink and took the seat next to him. “So, how was your day yesterday?”
“Good, thanks, how about you?”
“Ugh.” I rolled my eyes and allowed the rant to spill past my lips. “Well, after work, I went to speak with the plumber at my apartment. That’s why I wasn’t back until late, and he told me that the issues are in the walls. The pipes are super old and faulty, so it’s going to be a huge job. Damn nightmare.”
“They are all the same, these workmen,” he replied, as if he understood. I couldn’t imagine him being walked all over by some asshole landlord or plumber. He might have been quiet and stoic most of the time, but I didn’t think he was the sort of man you crossed. “Pain in the backside.”
“Tell me about it.” All of a sudden, I felt a bit awkward. “I’m just glad that you’re kind enough to let me stay here.”
“I imagine this is where you would be if I wasn’t here, right?” he asked curiously, to which I nodded. “So, why not?”
“This place holds happy memories,” I told him evasively, wanting him to understand me just a little bit. “But, unfortunately, it needs a lot of work. It’s fine for renting out, but I don’t think that I could live here all the time.”
I thought that he might ask me then why I didn’t sell it to get myself somewhere less crappy to live or to help me with the salon, but he didn’t. It was almost as if he could sense me bracing, as if he could feel the fact that I didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t seem like he would necessarily be the perceptive type, but there had to be some explanation.
“Anyway, are you ready to go?”
***
“Wow.” Luckily Milo seemed impressed with all the non-touristy bits of Florence that I was showing him. “I didn’t see this side of the town before; this is nice.”
“Yeah, I like the art gallery and the coffee place there. Plus, that seafood restaurant is my favorite.” A wave of sadness washed over me as I thought of the place I’d eaten at a lot as a kid. It hurt to remember my grandma; it felt like my life hadn’t been the same since she had gone. Even thinking about her still made my heart ache, and I felt like it always would.
“Shall we go inside? I’m starving!” Milo exclaimed, moving through the doors without giving me a choice. My heart raced rapidly, and a big part of me wanted to protest, but I forced my feet forward. Grandma would have wanted me to move on, to keep on living. I had to at least try. I hadn’t done so yet; I’d just been trying to get through every day in the best way that I could. Now, though, it seemed that I was going to have to.
As I walked through the room, I felt my whole body trembling. It was as if I was suffering from an out-of-body experience, that I wasn’t even there... not really.
I glanced from side to side, but all I could see was us sitting there, eating, laughing, having fun. She wasn’t just my grandma and the person who raised me – she had been my best friend, too, the person I spoke to about everything first. The fact that she was no longer here felt like a thump in the stomach all over again.
Breathe in... one, two, three, four... breathe out...
“Are you okay?” Milo asked me curiously, giving me a weird look. “You look strange.”
“I’m fine,” I gasped, but I wasn’t about to pull that one off easily. “Okay, this is just... It’s the first time that I’ve been in here since my grandma died.”
I expected him then to ask me what had happened, but he didn’t. He just nodded slowly. “Do you want to leave? Is this too much for you?”
Yes! Everything inside of me screamed. “No,” I told him aloud. “It’ll be fine, and anyway, they do some amazing crab cakes here.”
Focus on the crab cakes; they are good. Don’t think about anything else.
He took over then, ordering the food for us to give me some much-needed time to get myself together. I appreciated him for that, but I couldn’t help noticing that the odd look on his face wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t quite fathom what the look meant. It seemed like so much more than just sympathy, but I wanted to decipher it. I wanted to know what was going on in that mind of his. I wished that I knew him well enough to just ask him, but I couldn’t.
It was all a little too weird – we were in a limbo where we knew each other some, but not quite enough. I wasn’t sure when that was going to change.
***
See, that wasn’t so bad, was it? I kept trying to convince myself as we drove back home. It was okay, really, and I didn’t freak out too much.
But the looks that Milo kept shooting my way suggested otherwise. Oh, well, it was over and done with now. I wouldn’t need to go back in there for a very long time. I’d faced my fears, gone in somewhere that reminded me of my grandma, and I’d survived it. I had to be proud of myself for that at least.
I was so wrapped up in my own worries that it took me a while to notice how quiet Milo was being, too. He wasn’t the biggest talker in the world, so it was an easy mistake to make, but this was different – this felt meaningful.
“Are... you okay?” I tried. “Did you enjoy our time out today?” Maybe it was me; maybe I’d bored him or freaked him out. Maybe my incident in the seafood place was too much for him to handle.
“Oh, it was great.” As he became more animated, I felt satisfied that maybe it wasn’t me, after all. Maybe I was finding issues that weren’t there. “I loved it. I’m going to have to go back to that photography shop before I go home. There are some prints there that I would love to have up on my walls.”
His home... The thought filled me with dread. He probably lived in an amazing mansion in Vegas somewhere, fancier than anywhere I’d ever seen before in my whole life. Soon enough, he would be back there, and I would still be here. Living exactly the same life.
Except I had the strong feeling that nothing would be the same for me anymore...
I gulped down the thick ball of emotion that had lodged itself in my throat and forced myself to speak, to say anything just to stop the ridiculous tears that threatened to come.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I even considering crying? This is insane! I’d only known Milo for five minutes; he couldn’t possibly have had that much of an effect on me.
“If you want, I can ask some of my friends out for some drinks this weekend. Introduce you to some of the locals. There is Laynee, my friend who works with me, and I’m pretty sure that she has a new guy at the moment, it could... Well, it might be fun.”
“Sounds great,” he agreed, shutting my babbling down. “Thank you.”
He sounded sincere enough, with everything that he said, but I got the sense that there was something else going on with him, something that I didn’t yet know, and I couldn’t help wondering what it was. If he had a secret, then what could it be? Maybe whatever it was had forced him to Florence to recover.
A heartbreak – it had to be. That explained it all: the need for a cabin in the middle of nowhere, the bogus investment opportunity story that was obviously a cover up because no one needed two months to sort out a business deal, the fact that he didn’t seem to want to act on anything... He was heartbroken.
I felt a little chastened by that. I had been worried about why nothing had happened, and he was nursing losing the love of his life. I needed to back off, to be smarter about this. It was probably the best thing for both of us, anyway...