Chapter Thirty-Five
Justin – Tuesday
I was in love. It was flowing powerfully through my veins, making me feel lighter than air. Annie was absolutely the one, and now that we had some kind of understanding, I felt like it would all be up from here.
I glanced down at her sleeping body, a massive smile on my face, and all I wanted to do was wake her up. So I leant down to kiss her lightly on the lips.
“Ooh,” she moaned happily as her eyes flickered opened. “I don’t mind waking up like that!”
“Good morning, beautiful,” I grinned happily at her. “What’s the plan for today?”
I wanted her to tell me that she was taking the day off to spend it with me, but I also was aware that wasn’t possible. Self-employed people like myself and Annie only got paid when actually working, and it was possible that she’d already taken enough time off because of me.
“I do have to open up Boffees later,” she told me a little sadly. “But you’re more than welcome to come in and see me.”
Now was the time; it finally felt like the moment was perfect to tell her my big news. She might have assumed that me coming down to surprise her was my grand gesture, but she was wrong. I’d also done something else, and I couldn’t wait to tell her what.
I propped myself up onto my arms and looked down at her. “I want to apologize again, I still feel bad for how the investment all worked out…or didn’t.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I don’t mind. If anything, it made me realize that I really need to think everything through before moving forwards. I’m going to have to think smarter, to work out what I’m willing to sacrifice. I’m seeing it as more of a learning curve than anything else.”
She was so sweet, so considerate. It made what I had to say next that much more satisfying. “Well, I might not be able to help you in the way we originally planned,” I told her with a smirk playing on my lips.
“But I have done something different, instead. I’ve sent your book to a publishing company that I have good connections with. I invested in them when we were both in the early days of becoming what we are today. They absolutely loved it. They want to publish it, and they’re interested in speaking to you about writing more for them.”
“Wha…what?” she gasped, totally blown away. “What do you mean? Are you serious?”
“I am,” I insisted quickly. “What you’ve created in the pages of that book is something incredible, and I think it deserves a chance. Of course, you have to sign all of the paperwork, so if it’s something you aren’t comfortable with, you can refuse, but if not—”
She stopped me in my tracks by flinging her arms around me and holding me tight. “I can’t believe that you’ve done that for me,” she sobbed into my neck. “That’s just amazing. It’s a dream that I’d totally forgotten about, and now I get to have it happen for real.”
This had worked out even better than I’d hoped. I’d sent Annie’s book to the publishers because it was amazing, not because I loved her, but the fact that she was so grateful made it all the more exciting. She deserved this opportunity, and if that helped her and Rae to have an amazing future, then so be it. That was probably even better because she didn’t have to sell her soul to make it happen.
I wanted to tell her that I loved her in that moment, but I didn’t want to bombard her with information. I didn’t want to overshadow the fact that she was about to become a published author.
“Rae is going to be so proud of you,” I told her sincerely. “Especially when she gets older and she realizes how hard it must have been to look after her, run your own business, and be a writer, too. She’ll appreciate everything you’ve done for her.”
That was it, she was sobbing, and she didn’t really stop until she left me to go home to get ready for work. Once I was alone, lying in that oversized hotel room bed, I threw my hands behind my head and smiled to myself.
I wasn’t sure why I’d allowed myself to get so worked up by what Garrett had said, that was silly. I would never be like the image that he had of Dad, even if that version of him was the truth. I wouldn’t be a cheating, heartless man, not with Annie. I loved her, I wanted her forever, and I would never do anything to screw that up.
Maybe Dad was a lying, cheating asshole. Maybe he did drive Mom to suicide, and maybe Garrett was depressed, too, but I was starting to realize that I couldn’t control what everyone else felt and did. I could help them, be there for them when they needed me, but that was about it.
What I needed to finally do was start focusing on myself and what I wanted. I’d worked hard my whole life, and now it was time for me to be happy.
And Annie made me happy. I just had to figure out how to fit her into the image of my life.
***
“Hey there, gorgeous,” I smiled at Annie as I walked into Boffees. I knew that she was about to close up, and luckily, the place was empty so we could have some time alone to chat. “I know that you have Rae tonight, so I just wanted to stop by before I head back to Portland. I needed to see you before I go.”
“Urgh, I hate that you’re leaving tonight,” she said sincerely, stepping close enough to me to hold my hands in hers. “But I’ll see you again soon, right?”
“Of course, there won’t be any more non-communication, I can promise you that.” I felt terrible for doing that to her, and I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Annie wouldn’t let me back in again, I was lucky enough to have been allowed to this time.
“We’ll talk every day, and I’ll be back to see you at the weekend, if you’ll have me.” I didn’t want to make her come to Portland again, not when she had to disrupt so many people to do so.
This wasn’t going to be easy, but we would find a way to make it work…somehow.
“Okay, then I suppose I can let you leave,” she pouted playfully before placing a kiss on my lips. “But let’s have a coffee first.”
As we sat opposite one another at the small table, I could tell that she had something on her mind, something important to tell me. I knew that I hadn't done anything wrong this time because she’d just been so sweet to me, so it had to be related to another aspect of her life. Maybe her past. I’d told her not to tell me about it if she didn’t want to, but I had to admit that I did want to know, just to help me understand her better.
“Justin, I think it might be time for me to be honest with you about everything,” she sighed sadly. “I think that now things are becoming more serious between us, it’s time that you knew everything.”
“Only if you want to,” I did my best to insist, but she wasn’t about to be stopped now.
“I met Rae’s father when I was very young, so I didn’t catch on to his faults until it was far too late. He was cruel, abusive at times, and he drank far too much.”
I gulped, all of a sudden wanting to stop her. After wanting to know for far too long, now I wasn’t sure that I did. I didn’t think I could sit there and listen to how someone was awful to the woman I adored so powerfully. But I had to – this wasn’t for me; it was for her.
“I was about to leave him when I discovered that I was pregnant, but as I told him that he was about to become a father, he changed. He became a much better version of himself, and I started to believe that things were going to get better.”
This story was all too familiar for me, but with Garrett rather than a partner. I’d allowed myself to fall for his trap over and over again, truly believing that he was going to be better. The only problem was even when he seemed to have really become better, he’d gone on to do the worst thing of all.
I had the horrible sense that Annie’s story was going to go the same way. I held my breath, trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst.
“Then, one night when Rae was only a baby, the police officers turned up in the middle of the night. Of course, I instantly knew that it was about him. He’d stormed off in a temper, so I didn’t doubt that he’d gotten himself into trouble. The worst instantly came to mind – I assumed that he was dead.”
Oh God, poor Annie, poor Rae. I wanted to say something comforting, something to take the pain away, but nothing came to mind.
“He wasn’t, though,” she stunned me by saying. “He’d gotten wasted and decided to drive home.” This was becoming more and more like my life by the second. “And on the way he…he had a head on collision with a family. Killing them instantly. Mom, dad, child, baby…all gone.”
Sickness flooded me, and I had to clamp my lips together to stop any of it from spilling out. I’d been whining on, making a massive deal about Garrett and his issues, without even considering that I might have been dragging up horrible memories for anyone else. Why she’d decided to forgive me was absolutely beyond me.
“I’m so sorry,” I eventually managed to gasp out. “I’m sorry for bringing you into my family issues when you’ve been through it all before. I feel so awful.”
“No, don’t,” she insisted quickly. “You weren’t to know. I didn’t tell you. I know how bad it was, so I understand completely.”
“And Rae…does she know?” Urgh, what an awful thing for a child to discover.
“No, she doesn’t,” Annie shook her head sadly at me. “Once the court case was done, I couldn’t face it anymore, so I moved away. I came here. I left everything and everyone behind; it was all too much at the time. I needed a fresh start, which was why I came here. Mom came a little while later, but for a while, it was just me.” She looked down at her hands, making my heart bleed for her.
“Rae started asking me about her dad the other day, and I panicked so I told her that he’d died. She wants to see pictures of him, but I don’t want her to ever associate with him. I don’t want her to know that she’s come from someone so bad. I know a day might come when I’ll have to tell her everything, but for now, she’s just too young…”
“You’re doing the right thing,” I insisted, moving my chair around to hers so I could pull her in for a hug. “I don’t imagine that he’ll be getting out of jail any time soon, so you don’t need to worry about him looking her up or anything. And you can always cross that bridge when you come to it.”
“From what I’ve heard, his behavior in there is so bad that he won’t ever be getting out,” she told me seriously. “I just don’t want him to affect my daughter.”
I knew all too much about that, and it made me want to do whatever I could to make everything better. I just wasn’t quite sure what.