Chapter Eighteen
Annie – Monday
I decided to shut the shop up early on the Monday for two reasons. One, Nancy had plans with her new guy, which I was more than happy to accommodate, and two, because the place was dead. It was cold and rainy, not the ideal weather to be out and about in, which meant nothing was happening.
I wanted to do something else. I felt like I needed a change of scenery.
“Shall we go and see Grandma?” I asked Rae, the idea just popping into my mind. I liked to see my mom as much as possible, which was easier ever since she’d moved to Glenada to be nearer to me, but it just wasn’t always possible. I was always so busy, which was why this was the perfect chance.
Luckily for me, she was very sociable, so she had her own life, so it didn’t matter too much that I wasn’t around too much.
“Yeah, I wanna see Grandma!” Rae exclaimed excitedly. “Do you think she’ll have any candy?”
“She always does,” I smiled happily. “Come on, let’s go into the car. I’ll call Grandma on the way.”
As I locked the door behind me, I felt a heavy weight lift from my shoulders. I wasn’t sure how deeply I would discuss everything with Mom, but it would be nice to get at least some advice from the one person who truly had my best interests at heart. Talking to her was always the answer…
***
“Hey, Mom, the garden looks great,” I called through the front door to her home. It was one of the saddest times of my life last year when my dad passed away, but I was glad to have some family nearer. “You’ve been working hard.”
As she came out into the hallway, and Rae dove into her arms, I was taken back a little bit by how good she looked. Of course, the sadness was still behind her eyes, that wasn’t going anywhere now that Dad was no longer around, but the lifestyle of Oregon clearly suited her.
“Hey, you two, it’s good to see you,” she smiled. “It’s been so long. How have you been?”
Even though she wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty, I did all the same. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just been so crazy at the shop.”
“Oh, I know. I’m just happy to see you.” She put Rae down, who instantly raced into the kitchen to try to find something to eat, and pulled me in for a loving hug. Instantly, she made me feel much better, in the way that only a mother could. “Would you like a drink?”
“We better go into the kitchen anyway, if you want anything left!”
As we sat at the dining table, with Rae happily playing with Mom’s cat, I started to fill her in on everything that had been happening since I last saw her – most importantly, the possible investment.
“So, you know how long I’ve wanted to expand, and I really think that Boffees could do well in other places, too, but I’m really starting to wonder how much I’m willing to sacrifice to make that happen, you know? It’s all a little overwhelming now, to be honest, happening much quicker, and not quite in the way that I imagined it would.”
She held my hands for a moment and looked loving at me. “You know that I’m proud of you, whatever you do, right? Your dad was, too. The fact that you’ve come from nothing, that you opened your store despite what happened…well, that’s something to be very happy about.
“I don’t know what you should do next. I always worked for other people rather than running anything myself, but I do know that you should follow your heart. You are a smart girl, very astute, and you’ll make the right decision.”
“Thank you, Mom,” I smiled at her, my eyes blurry with happy tears. “That means a lot.”
Of course, there was a lot that she wasn’t saying with that statement, but it didn’t need to be vocalized. We both knew what I’d been through, what I’d overcome; what I always wanted to do was keep on moving forwards.
“So, tell me about you, Mom. How is life here?”
“It’s good,” she smiled at me, allowing me to change the subject. “My friends from the knitting club are planning a trip soon, so I might be away for a week or so.”
“That sounds nice,” I replied, pleased for her. “You should have a lot of fun.”
She went on to tell me some of the gossip from the town, about people I barely knew or didn’t know at all, but I listened happily regardless. I was happy to be her rock, in the same way that she’d been for me. I smiled and nodded along, even when I didn’t know what she going on about really.
“So, Rae,” she eventually turned her attention back to my daughter. “How are you? What have you been up to?”
“I helped Mommy in the shop!” she exclaimed happily. “And, Nancy took me to the park the other day, that was really fun. And, Justin came to our house for a date with Mommy, but he got called away so he couldn’t say bye.”
Even though that wasn’t the case, I felt my face heat up regardless. In Rae’s babble of chatter, she’d managed to burst out something that I wasn’t discussing on purpose. I knew that Mom was keen for me to move on and find happiness again, which was the reason I would have kept any dating from her before it got serious. Not that there had been any dating, or that there was any here for that matter…not really. Just one minor mishap.
“It wasn’t a date,” I insisted, maybe a little too quickly. “Justin is the man who might be investing in the company.” Urgh, that sounded seedy to say aloud, like I was being tricked and used.
“Tell me all about him,” Mom asked me, but it wasn’t me who answered.
“He’s tall,” Rae jumped in. “And, he plays lots of games with me. I like him, he’s fun.”
Mom didn’t break eye contact with me the entire time, and I honestly found it a real struggle to keep my emotions from my face. The last thing I wanted was for her to know that I’d had a crazy one-night stand with the man who I wanted to give me money! So I talked quickly about this business side of things, instead.
“We’re actually going up to Portland over the weekend so I can see the investment company, see if it’s for me.”
“What about Rae?” I could tell there was a look in her eye, but I didn’t want to acknowledge that. It could lead to so many awkward questions.
“She’s coming with me. Nancy, too, hopefully!” I still hadn’t asked her about it yet, it had totally slipped my mind. I would get to it tomorrow.
“Well, why doesn’t Rae come here to stay?” Mom asked me, giving me a totally different option. “She’s only stayed here once since I’ve lived here. I would love to have her.”
“Yes, Mom, I want to stay with Grandma!” Rae practically screamed. “I would love that!”
It did mean that I didn’t have to drag Nancy away from her life, but the thought of going to Portland alone filled me with an odd fear. It was almost too date-like, and I was doing everything I could to stay away from that line.
“Okay, if that’s what you want,” I told her with a smile. “I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun.”
I decided to leave it a little longer before making the solid decision to leave her there because it wasn’t that long ago that she was excited about a vacation, so I would see how she felt come Friday.
“Maybe you can find me some pictures of my daddy?” she asked my mom, shaking me from my thoughts. “Mom can’t find any at home.”
“Erm…yeah,” Mom’s face went deadly pale and her eyes met mine. “I’ll see what I can do; now why don’t you go and see if there’s anything good on the television.”
I was freaking out as Rae left the room, panicking about how big this was becoming. I had feared that she wouldn’t let this drop, but I hadn’t realized quite how insistent she would be.
“Oh God, I’m sorry, Mom. She asked me the other day and I told her he’s in Heaven. That’s when she started on about the pictures. If I thought she would bring it up to you, I would have warned you in advance.”
“Hey, don’t worry, it’s okay,” she did her best to reassure me. “I know this must be hard for you, and it had to come up eventually. Maybe I wasn’t quite expecting it now, but there you go. Rae always has been too switched on for her own good.”
“Yeah, I don’t know how long I can keep putting her off for,” I admitted. “It’s quite scary, really.” I tried to imagine her face when she learned everything about the man who’s helped create her, but it didn’t feel right. She was too little to fully get it.
“Maybe it’s time to just be honest. I think she’ll understand more than you’re giving her credit for.”
I shook my head, panic seeping through my veins. “I will,” I insisted. “I don’t intend to keep her in the dark forever, but she’s too young now. It isn’t fair.”
“None of this is your fault, you know that, right?” she said kindly, gripping on to my shoulder. “You can’t keep taking all of this upon yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Tears streamed down my face before I could even think about stopping them. This was the hardest conversation that I’d had to have in a very long time. I understood where she was coming from, but my emotions weren’t rational and they would always behave in the way that they wanted to, regardless of how many times I told myself otherwise.
“Rae will find out what happened anyway; it’s best to have it come from you. You’ll be able to discuss it with her in the kindest way possible…and only you can answer the questions she’s bound to have.”
“Most of them, anyway,” I said through the as the sobs gripped my heart. “It’s just going to be horrible.”
“I know it is.” She rubbed my back and did her best to make me feel better. “But I’m always here for you, whatever you need.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I hugged her closely, allowing some of the burden to be lifted from my shoulders. “I really appreciate your help.”
“And whenever you feel ready to tell me more about this Justin character, I’m all ears.” There was a teasing in her tone now, one that told me she could see right through my façade, which actually had me giggling a little bit.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, trying to sound cool and calm. “Like I said, he’s just the potential investor.”
“Hmm, I’m not too sure about that,” she pulled back to smile at me. “But we’ll see.”
As she went to flick the kettle back on, I flushed at the memory of Justin naked again. That night, however much of a mistake it was, had impacted me deeply and I honestly wasn’t sure where we went from here. I was unsure about the whole investment plan, I didn’t know how we could be around one another in such a business-like way…it was all just a big mess.
Hopefully, the trip to Portland would clarify everything. Hopefully, I would come away from it with a stronger sense of what I wanted in every area of my life.