Chapter Four
Annie – Wednesday
“Can I help you cook this morning?” Rae asked, standing under my feet as per usual. She was such a nightmare for doing that, and I found myself constantly tripping over her in the mornings, particularly whenever I was in a rush. “I want to make Nancy some bacon.”
Poor Nancy!
“Oh, lucky Nancy!” I exclaimed, pretending to be excited for my friend, whilst shooting my daughter a loving smile. “Of course, let me get you a chair.” I might have been busy, and it might not have been what I needed, but I would do anything for my little girl…anything to keep her happy.
I stood her up on the seat and allowed her to do the bits of cooking that weren’t too dangerous. I would never let her deal with hot food on her own, but under my watchful gaze, she would be just fine. Rae was a very switched-on kid, acutely aware of the world around her.
“Ooh, that must be Nancy here already.” I grinned brightly at a knock on the door before switching everything off and stepping away from Rae. “I’ll go and let her in; why don’t you dish up some food for her?” None of it looked particularly appetizing, but I didn’t think Nancy would mind. At least, I hoped not…
I let her inside and raced up the stairs to get dressed as Nancy and Rae chatted downstairs. By the time I got back down, I could tell from the pale expression on my friend’s face that something had taken a turn for the worst. My heart raced as I surveyed the scene in front of me, trying to work out exactly what had happened, but I couldn’t see anything obvious to cause the atmosphere that was clinging in the air.
“I’m sorry,” Nancy mouthed at me. “I didn’t think.”
I shot her a curious look, but she didn’t get the chance to explain anything because Rae jumped in with the question that she’d clearly just asked Nancy, the one that had caused so much tension. “Mom, where is my dad?” Oh my God, I froze deep inside, trying to work out how the hell I was supposed to answer that one. “Nancy has a dad; why don’t I have one?”
Oh no…this was too much. This was a subject that I was never going to want to cover, and Rae had never asked.
I glanced up desperately at Nancy, but she simply made her excuses and left the room, leaving me alone to deal with the awkwardness of this. It was the right thing to do, of course. This was my story to share with my daughter, and Nancy didn’t really know the full details of what had happened, anyway, but still it left me feeling afraid and alone.
I took Rae’s hands in mine and stared lovingly into her eyes, tears affecting my gaze. This really wasn’t what I’d been expecting to talk about today. “You do have a dad, sweetie,” I told her kindly. “He just…well, he isn’t here anymore.” I should have planned for this; I should have known that the question would come eventually. It was naïve of me to think that I would have more time.
“Well, where is he? Can we go and visit him?” she asked with such a childish innocence that it broke my heart. Now I was going to have to shatter a piece of her youth, and I hated to have to do that.
“We can’t, I’m afraid.” I did my best to gulp down the massive ball of emotion that lodged itself firmly in my throat, but unfortunately, it wasn’t going anywhere. “He’s…in Heaven.”
“Does that mean dead?” Okay, so she knew more about the world than I had given her credit for. Underestimating her had been my first mistake! “If he’s dead, why don’t we have any photos of him in the house? I want to know what he looks like. Do I look like him?”
Oh God, so much…too much…
This was all becoming too intense, too overwhelming for me, so I slid my chair back quickly before the tears consumed me totally. I didn’t want my daughter to ever see me crying, especially not over this subject. Once I started, I might never be able to stop. “I’ll have a look for some pictures later on, darling, but I need to go to work now. I’m almost late to open up the shop.”
“Okay…” I could tell from the spaced out look on Rae’s face that she was already distracted, her brain already thinking about something else, but I wouldn’t be able to move on from this conversation so easily. It was very likely that I would feel haunted for a very long time. “See you later, Mommy.”
***
The day whizzed past much quicker than I’d expected it to, considering how unsettling my morning was. I did my best to forget about Rae’s little face as she asked me why she didn’t seem to have a daddy, but I couldn’t shake it. I just had the strong sense that now she’d started along that line of thought, she wouldn’t let it go. It wouldn’t pop up all the time, but every now and again she would mention it, and it would break my heart every damn time.
The only problem was I didn’t think that she was anywhere near old enough to hear the full truth just yet. I hadn't expected it to come up so soon.
“Bye, Mr. Smith,” I smiled at one of my newer customers. He was an older gentleman who had lived in Florence for a long time, but had just come back from a worldwide trip to find solace in Boffees and the other people that hung out here. “I hope to see you tomorrow.”
I let out a deep sigh as I closed the door behind him, locking the world out. Much as I loved the people of Florence, for tonight, I just needed some time alone. I just wanted a moment to myself, but of course, I wasn’t about to get that lucky.
“Damn it,” I muttered before grabbing my phone from my pocket as it rang. When I noticed a number on the screen that I didn’t recognize, I rolled my eyes, but answered anyway, just in case it was something important. I couldn’t ever seem to ignore calls, even at my lowest ebb. “Hello, Annie Driscoll, how may I help you?”
“Hi there,” came the chocolaty-smooth reply, instantly grabbing my attention. “My name is Justin Gains. I don’t know if you’re expecting a call from me, but I got your number from Roy Larkin.”
Justin Gains?
Roy Larkin?
It had to be the investor – that was the only option. My heart raced in my chest, and I could feel a perspiration starting to form on my face. I stood up straighter and smoothed my clothes down, despite the fact that he couldn’t see me. This was potentially the biggest moment of my career…and again, I wasn’t really prepared for it. I knew Roy had suggested it, but I didn’t think that it would come around so quickly.
“Oh, erm, thank you for calling me, it’s…it’s great to hear from you.” Stop stammering! Don’t screw this up!
“Yes, well, Roy speaks very highly of you and your coffee shop, so what I want to do is come and see you, if that’s okay?”
Oh my God, this is too much, this is too soon, but it’s all I’ve been wanting for so long.
“That would be wonderful. I mean, I don’t know what Roy told you about me, but I have a solid business plan behind me. Expanding Boffees isn’t something that I’ve just decided to try; it isn’t an idea that I’ve come up with on a whim. I’ve sat down and thought about it, studied the numbers, and I know that with the right investment, I can succeed.”
I got the impression that the concept of Boffees didn’t impress him and that I needed to show him some of my business acumen to help get him on board. I wouldn’t be able to do that properly over the phone, but I could start. “I want to expand way past Oregon, and I know I have what it takes to make a success of that.”
“Okay,” he jumped in quickly before I could get into a full-blown rant. “Obviously, I can’t get too much of an impression of the business over the phone, so what I need to do is come and see you at some point. I’m not totally sure when I’ll be in Florence, but I’ll come and see you when I am.”
I glanced around the shop, noticing a mess everywhere. It wasn’t dirty, but it was a little disorganized, which it couldn’t be if I had someone who actually might want to put some money into the company coming around. It was fine for everyday use, for the customers who came in here all the time, but not good enough for Mr. Gains. I would have to make it better for him! I didn’t know when he was coming, but I wanted to be prepared.
“Of course, that sounds wonderful,” I replied distractedly. “I look forward to meeting with you.”
Shit. This is real. This is actually happening. With everyone turning me down for investment, I had been starting to feel like it might just be a pipe dream, the sort of idea that could never come true, but now I actually had a shot and I needed to make it work.
With that one thought in mind, I hung up the phone to Justin and put in a call to Nancy, my entire body trembling with anticipation the whole time. I needed her now more than ever, and I knew that she would be there for me no matter what.
“Nancy, I need your help,” I started happily, not even giving her the chance to greet me. “I’ve just had a call from a potential investor, and he might be coming to visit the store tomorrow—”
“Are you serious?” she squealed, happy for me and understanding just how much this meant. “That’s incredible news.”
“I know, I know.” I was actually shaking now. “I just need to clean the place up. Will you be all right with Rae for a little while longer? I hate to put you out.”
“Of course! Don’t you worry about a thing,” she exclaimed, just as I knew she would. “You just worry about your shop. I’ll do dinner, bath time, bed time…”
“How has she been?” I asked curiously. “After this morning, I mean? That was heavy. I really wasn’t prepared for it.”
“If it helps, she hasn’t mentioned it again,” she told me, the apology obvious in her tone. “I’m so sorry about that, I just started telling her about something my dad used to do with me, and she took off with it.”
“Oh don’t worry, it had to come eventually. It just took me by surprise, that’s all. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I’ll find something better, though. I’ll talk to her again.”
I wasn’t sure how I would face it again, but I hoped to do better the next time Rae asked. I hoped that with a little more preparation, I would be able to find the right way to tell her the truth about her father and what happened to him. I would have to take a timeout to work out exactly what I intended to tell her and how I would word it. I had no intention of getting caught off guard like that again.
I’d spent far too long just putting my head down and getting on with it. I had tried so hard not to think about things, and now I would have to stop that. For Rae’s sake, she needed to know the truth.