Chapter Fourteen
Libby
I didn’t cry until I was in my car, which was a big win for me. I wanted Tucker so much, but every time I let him get close he started reminding me of Andrew, and I couldn’t go back to that life again. I didn’t want Sam or anyone like him around my Olivia. I just wanted to make my own choice and have that decision treated with respect. Olivia was out with the ladies of Lago Colina Ranch, homestead for the lot of handsome, honorable, and dominant Hargrave boys. They were well known among the upper echelons of Austin—and probably all over Texas—for their ability to make cattle profitable without cheating, and for the rugged handsomeness and raw sex appeal of all five brothers.
Tucker was as quiet and introspective as he was handsome. He had always been my quiet, thoughtful friend, slow to take offense if someone attacked him, but a pit bull when he felt someone he cared about, or even just someone weaker was being bullied. I had wished so many times that he had stepped in when his best friend bullied me, but he hadn’t seen it when it was his friend. I didn’t feel like I could trust him to know where that line was, and not cross it.
I didn’t know what to do about the hole in me from leaving my heart beating in his chest when I walked out. I drove back out to the ranch, watching for the big gate and the arch over the road bearing the name “Lago Colina” in large wrought iron letters. I pulled up in front of the house, expecting Olivia and Mrs. Hargrave to come out to greet me, but instead I got Daniel, Tucker’s older brother. He waved and sat down on the porch in one of the deep woven chairs to wait for me while I parked, and patted the chair next to him when I reached the porch.
“So, did you let him down easy, or am I going to have to go get him drunk so he can cry without shame?” He chuckled at my grimace and nudged the chair again.
“I thought walking away was the right thing to do. But the moment I hit the parking lot, I wanted to throw up and I started bawling, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Now, it’s too late to do anything but wait and see if he decides I’m worth it.” I sniffed and wiped my nose on the cuff of my sweater.
“So, what’s the problem, then?”
“What if he doesn’t?”
Patty stuck her head out the door, and as soon as she saw us, she stepped out with a tray of sweet tea and sandwiches.
“Thanks, Patty, you going to join us?” She smiled and stroked my hair like I did with Olivia when she was upset.
“No, I think I’ll leave you two to talk. But when you’re done, I could use a little help with dinner, if you’re interested?” I nodded at her and she smiled kindly before disappearing into the house.
“Okay, so, you told him to take a hike, and now you’re going to wait and see if he wants to fight you for your love.” He made it a statement, instead of a question, and my nose started to drip again as new tears formed behind my eyelids.
“No. I told him to accept that I wasn’t a glass ornament to be protected, and I wanted him to respect me as a capable human being.”
“I’ve never known Tucker to think of anyone as being less than him for any reason.” He poured me a glass of sweet tea, just like the pitcher Tucker had made.
“Tucker made me sweet tea, too. Is this a Hargrave thing?” I asked, pretending to sniff my glass for poison. Danny laughed and shook his head.
“I guess it’s one of those ‘comfort’ things we do. When we were little, Patty would make us sweet tea when we got thrown from a horse, or fell off a roof….” His voice trailed off and I laughed at the guilty look on his face.
“We take care of each other. We lift each other up and dust ‘em off, you know?”
“So, you’re saying Tucker was just being a Hargrave?”
He sighed and rubbed his tanned neck.
“I’m saying, he doesn’t think you’re weak, or ‘just a woman.’ He cares about you enough to bring you to the ranch, just on the off-chance some guy got it in his head to hurt you, or Olivia.” He filled his own glass and took a swig, smacking his lips, and motioning to me. “Not poisoned.” I laughed and drank my tea in silence.
“So, if I just realized that I might be in love with him, but I have serious control issues and don’t think I’m ready yet, how do I ask him to stay in a holding pattern?”
“Dang, you ask the hard questions,” he chuckled. “Maybe you don’t. Maybe you tell him exactly that, and let him make up his own mind, just like you want to make up yours.” I nodded, sighed, and kept sipping my tea in silence. Danny stayed right by my side, even though I was sure he had a lot more important things to do, as the man in charge of running the whole ranch.
“I don’t want to be Andrew’s ex-wife anymore. He has a widow, she can have the pity and the compassion, and whatever else. All I want is the pictures Andrew still had of him and Olivia, and to reinstate her college fund. That was in my name too, he had no right to take my name off that trust.”
“Did you mention that to Tucker?” He looked at me and I frowned.
“Well, I mean, it should be in the file, but… I don’t know if I ever looked to find it. All the terminology is a little over my head. I start zoning out on the legal jargon about a paragraph into the first page.”
“Do I ever know what you mean. That, little sis, is why I have a Tucker at my disposal. Jackson handles my computer stuff—even from L.A.—and George, well, he’s my builder. Every Hargrave has a job to do, and we all help each other out.”
“So, I need to call Tucker and tell him I’m an ass, and then add that I might have missed a really important piece of information, because I’m actually completely incapable of taking care of myself.” I bowed my head and held it in my hands, closing my eyes and praying that I could just find peace. I looked at Danny sideways, and he laughed at me.
“You don’t have to do anything. You are already family, Libby, and Olivia too. We will always help you, even if you don’t supplicate us for it.
“No, I have to go back and apologize. I hate apologizing, but it’s one thing Andrew made sure I was good at.” I dropped my head back between my knees, gasping when a hand squeezed my shoulder.
“I bet you don’t have to apologize, Libby. Whoever it is you’re mad at probably deserved it.” I looked up as Kennedy jumped up on my knees and started licking my hand and arm. Tucker stood at my side, tall and lean and all cowboyed out in his Stetson and boots.
“You look different,” I sniffed, picking Kennedy up and hugging her wriggling little body in my lap.
“Can’t come out to the ranch looking like city-folk, I’d never hear the end of it.” Danny vacated his seat and motioned for Tucker to take it.
“I’ll send Patty out with a fresh glass for you, Tuck,” he offered. Tucker nodded and Danny clapped him on the back before leaving us alone on the veranda.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon,” I said, more casually than I felt.
“You should’ve seen me sooner, but I hesitated and couldn’t see your car in the parking lot to stop you.” My nose started to run again as I tried in vain to stop the fresh onset of tears. “Hey, hey—don’t cry. I can leave and come back tomorrow.”
“I have to apologize to you, Tucker. I feel that I might have misplaced your intentions. I’m sorry for being so adamant about you leaving me alone.”
“No, you were right. I saw a look in his eye, and I made a lot of assumptions about him, and a couple about you. You’re always so nice to people, so unassuming, I was afraid you wouldn’t know if someone was dangerous until it was too late. That’s on me.”
“Oh. Um, no, I get it. I have always wanted to see the best in people. I mean, look at me and Andrew. You have a good reason to think I might not get it. But I’m not the same person who married a man who couldn’t say, ‘I love you’ while looking me in the eye, if ever at all.” Tucker made a low sound in his throat, like a growl. I finally worked up the nerve to look at him, and he was clenching and unclenching his hands, and rubbing them on his jeans.
“I am so sorry I didn’t understand how bad it was for you,” he said, his eyes glassy and wet. “I never understood why you were so timid, so eager to please everyone around you. I thought it was just who you were, and I tried not to add to your worry.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I’ve been mad at you for a long time, for not helping me when you knew I was in trouble. Since then, I’ve met your family.”
Tucker scoffed.
“Okay, what does that mean?”
“You say I see the best in people, but you see the people you love the way you see your family. If Danny had married a timid girl who was afraid of her own shadow, you’d assume she came to him that way, and he was protecting her, as she deserved.” I set Kennedy down and stood against the porch rail, so I could see his face.
“Well, yes. Danny would never make his woman feel anything less than cherished,” he readily agreed.
“So, when your friend Andrew, who spent all his time acting like he was a standup guy who loved his family and served his community, had a wife who was scared shitless around people, who never stood up for herself, even though you knew she had in the past, what did you think of them?” He sighed, and rubbed his palms over his knees some more, without answering. “Tucker, it wasn’t rhetorical.”
“I thought something bad had happened to you, something so bad you couldn’t talk about it, and Andrew had saved you. I thought he was keeping you safe from whatever had made you afraid in the first place. Hell, I thought that might have been why you married him.”
“So, so wrong. But just like I’m not afraid and helpless now that I get to be away from the thing that made me feel like such a failure as a human being, you’re not trying to make me afraid again.” I kicked the sole of his boot. “I screwed up. I know better than to judge others based on my own experience.”
“Well that goes double for me. I knew you before I knew Andrew. I saw the changes in you and I should’ve asked. But even when you were dating Andrew, I knew you were special. Worked pretty damn hard to be a good friend and not try to steal you away. Though mostly, I didn’t try because Andrew was an all-star athlete, and I was second-string.”
“That’s a shitty excuse, considering I never used to care what people thought of me.”
“I am very sorry, and would like to make up for my past mistakes.” He held out a hand and I took it, keeping distance between us.
“I am still going back to my house,” I reiterated. He nodded in agreement.
“After the hearing.” I opened my mouth to protest, and tried to take back my hand. “No ‘buts.’ You need the break, and deserve to be taken care of for a few days.” He laced his fingers through mine and a slow, predatory smile slid across his face. “I like the idea of having you hidden away in a love nest, where the world can’t touch you.”
“We aren’t alone, you know.”
His scoff and it turned into a laugh as Patty’s voice floated out the library window behind the chairs, agreeing with me.
“The truth is, I want your arrival to influence the courtroom when you walk in. Mom and Rachel are going to use my research and dress you for the part of the ‘true widow.’” I groaned aloud.
“I don’t want drama, Tucker.” He laughed and shrugged, swinging my hand gently as he held it.
“Unfortunately, these proceedings are exactly that, and much as I hate his methods and his complete lack of anything resembling integrity, our courtroom opponent excels at the theatrical.”
“So… we’re good, and it’s back to business as usual for us?” He shook his head.
“I’ve been alone for a long time, Libby. By choice. I don’t think I’m ready to make the choices that I want to make when I’m with you.” I felt a sharp pinch in my heart as the bottom fell out, leaving me back where I was when I arrived on the ranch. I nodded my assent, unable to trust my voice to speak. “We both need to focus on Olivia. She’s going to get us through this, because we’re doing it for her. She’s such a good little girl, and I still haven’t been able to wrap my mind around the guy who had the privilege of being her dad leaving her.”
I didn’t reply. I had pored over that conundrum for a hundred hours, and had never been able to figure it out myself. I excused myself to help Patty with dinner, leaving Tucker on the porch with the sweet tea and my glass, since Danny had been too shy to brave coming back out to us to bring in his own.
In the kitchen, Patty was already starting to plate side dishes and when I walked in, she pointed to the stack of plates and silverware that needed to go out back onto the giant table the Hargraves and their ranch hands sat around together for every meal. Old Jake took the mountain of plates, and I followed him out, setting forks and knives at every place, and returning to the kitchen for another chore.
Once we were alone, Patty let me munch on a warm, freshly baked roll with home churned butter while she stirred cheddar in to the grits she was cooking, and watched them thicken. Neither of us spoke at first, but she watched me almost as closely as she was watching dinner.
“So, he came for you. Is that a good sign?” she asked, looking at me over her bifocals.
“It definitely could be worse,” I admitted, thinking that it could have been a whole lot better, too.
“I’ll leave wine out for you, if you decide to seduce him tonight. I would suggest it; I’ve seen these Hargrave boys get too much time alone to think, and believe me, that never ends well.” I snickered, but shook my head.
“He needs space.”
“Isn’t that what you just did a couple of hours ago? And look how that turned out.” I laughed and conceded the point to her.
“Okay, leave me the wine, and I’ll figure out how to seduce a stubborn man, or any man, for that matter.” She winked at me and shook her hips while she stirred the pot of grits, humming to herself. I vacated the kitchen and sat on the wicker sofa they had out on by the fireplace on the veranda. The fire wasn’t lit, but it was peaceful, and would be until the dinner bell was rung and the ranch hands came in.
All I wanted was a quiet life, where every day was filled with honest work, a safe place for Olivia, and maybe—just maybe—someone to share the nights with, someone who saw me as more than means to an end, more than an object to be used and discarded. Out here, it seemed like I was coming to the end of a difficult journey, one that would lead me to something better than I had ever imagined possible.