Chapter Thirty-Two
Eliza – Thursday
“I don’t want to leave you agaaainnn…”
“Oh, my God, are you singing?” Laynee exclaimed in shock as she joined me at work. “Something amazing must have happened last night. I don’t think I’ve ever come into work to hear you singing!”
I blushed furiously, partly at being caught wailing with my terrible, out-of-tune voice, but mostly because the memory of Milo was still imprinted into my body. I could still feel his hands everywhere, even more powerfully than before, and it made me feel sexy all over. No one had ever had such a lasting impact on me, and it was incredible.
“Well, yeah, maybe you were right about the whole Valentine’s Day thing,” I felt compelled to admit.
“All of it?” she gasped happily. “The dinner, the underwear?”
“Yes, yes, everything. It was amazing.” I drifted off into dream world, remembering his words to me as well as the feel of him all over me. “Better than I expected.”
“So, what happened?” She nudged me playfully, a massive smile spread across her lips. “Did you sleep together again? Was it amazing?”
“Even better than last time.” I sat down in one of the chairs where I could see myself in the mirror, and Laynee imitated me. “But it wasn’t just that. He actually opened up to me. He told me about himself.”
“He did? That’s something else. What did he tell you?” She leaned on her hands and stared intently at me. I didn’t want to share Milo’s secrets, but I knew I could trust Laynee. Plus, she’d been on this whole journey with me – she deserved to know it all.
“He told me that he’d had this whole thing with this woman that went horribly wrong. She was married, and I think that broke his heart. And then after all that, he found out that he had a life-threatening illness, too. He’s been through all kinds of horrible treatment.”
“Whoa, I just thought that he was gruff. I didn’t realize that he’d been through so much.”
I smiled secretly to myself, thinking about him. Milo had been through a lot, but he wasn’t fragile or damaged about it. He just seemed to get through things in his own steely way. It was impressive really, something to be admired. Especially for someone like me who just blustered through everything in the only way I knew how.
“Yeah, he’s great.” I turned to see Laynee looking at me weirdly. “What? What’s going on?”
“Well, I don’t like to ask you this,” she started cautiously. “But I feel like I need to know. Are you…?” My heart pounded as I waited to see where she was going with this. “Are you falling in love with him? I know it’s complicated and everything, but are you? I’ve just never seen you like this about anyone.”
“I…” I had no way of answering that. Deep down, I knew exactly what I was feeling, however dangerous that was. But it couldn’t be made real. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think too much about it because he’s leaving.”
“I am sorry for interrupting…” A voice behind us both made us jump out of our skins. “I don’t think the bell is working on your door anymore, and I’m here for my appointment.”
We both jumped up, remembering exactly where we were. “Oh, I am sorry, Mrs. Edwards! Please take a seat.” I glanced at Laynee, and it was obvious from her stunned expression that she’d forgotten Mrs. Edwards was coming in, too.
“I will just…” I raced behind the counter and grabbed the appointment book to see that she was booked in for a trim and a blow dry. Okay, that was easy enough. I could do that with my eyes closed.
“You know, I couldn’t help overhearing you before…” Mrs. Edwards started as I grabbed hold of the scissors. A cold shame stripped through my body as I realized now there was another person who knew all my business. I just hoped that she hadn’t been around for long enough to hear about Milo’s secrets. “And I have to say that you shouldn’t let distance get in the way of real love.”
“Well, I’m not quite… I don’t think it can be counted as, you know, true love,” I stammered, embarrassment working my mouth before my brain could get involved. “I haven’t known him long,”
“Oh, of course, but it doesn’t take long to know when it’s true love, does it? I knew with Richard within a couple of hours.” Her eyes began to shine with happiness at just the mere mention of her husband.
It made me take a step back mentally. That was what I wanted in my life – that was what I needed. Is Milo the one? If I took away all the obstacles standing in our path, would I have considered him as someone I loved? “I met him when I was here on holiday and it only took me a moment to know,” she continued. “It was his deep, dark, crinkly eyes.”
“Wow, that sounds like an incredible story,” Laynee interjected, looking a little misty eyed herself. “Please, tell us all about it.”
“Well, I was young at the time, and I was here with my parents, but it was an instantaneous thing.” From the way that she started talking, it seemed like it had been a long time since she got to share her story of love, which made me sad. This made her happy; she should have been able to discuss it whenever she wanted!
“He was a little older than me, so we got disapproval from everyone, but we didn’t care. We were in love – that was all we cared about. So when I went home to New York, we wrote all the time, never giving up on one another, and as soon as I could afford to, I moved here to be with him.”
“Weren’t you scared?” I gasped in shock. “Didn’t you fear that it wouldn’t work out? Weren’t you afraid of giving up everything for a man you didn’t totally know?”
“Not at all.” She waved her hand dismissively at me. “I just knew. Yes, I gave up the chance to be an actress, and I left my family and friends behind, but I never regretted it for a second. Not even when times were hard and we’d spend more time screaming at one another than anything else.
“My life could have been totally different, I could have lived a whole other lifestyle, but what would the point have been without him? He was the only one who made me feel special, loved, home, actually.”
I resonated with that sentiment, far more than I wanted to admit aloud.
“My life wouldn’t have been so colorful and filled with laughter without him. Now he’s been gone for a few years, and I miss him every single day, but I’m still glad that he was in my life. I couldn’t have done any of this without him.”
I turned back to see Laynee giving me a look, one loaded with meaning. I ignored it with my nose in the air and got back to work without giving anyone the satisfaction of knowing they’d gotten to me. I didn’t want anyone to know I was mulling this over and over, churning it all up in my mind. Would I be as willing to throw everything away for a man? Would I regret it forever, or would I regret it if I didn’t?
I wasn’t sure, but I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else for the rest of the day…
***
I whizzed my car along the road, back to the cabin, filled with excitement to see Milo once more. I hadn’t made any real progress with my thoughts about the future, but I hoped getting to spend more time with him would make me see more. Sure, he had his reservations, as did I, but maybe we could end up like Mrs. Edwards and her husband.
It was nice to think about, anyway.
But as I pushed through the front door, the image before me wasn’t Milo cooking me a meal as promised. Instead, he was yelling frantically into his phone and throwing things into his suitcase. My heart stopped dead in my chest. What the hell is happening? Is he… leaving?
Veil raced over to my side, and I patted him like I always did, but with much less enthusiasm. I was far too distracted, trying to work out why my dream was falling apart in front of my eyes. It didn’t make any sense.
“Fuck!” Milo eventually yelled, throwing his phone onto the couch. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He was pulling at his hair, stamping his feet as he paced, his whole body trembling with anger. I didn’t even want to speak to him; I felt too weirded out by his temper. I’d never seen this side of him before. It didn’t make any sense.
I glanced behind me, wondering if I could just slip back out without him knowing, but then he turned to face me, and his eyes widened in shock.
“Wha… What’s going on?” I stammered, folding my arms across my chest. “Is everything all right?”
“I have to go,” he snapped evasively, grabbing his bag. “Now.”
“But why?” I persisted. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He obviously had something going on, but it felt rude that he was about to just vanish without even letting me know. It sullied everything we’d been through.
“Because.” He tossed his arms up in the air, exasperated. “Because my life isn’t here. Because I’ve been wasting time hiding away in the middle of nowhere while everything else falls apart.”
Is that how he sees our time together? As a waste of time? I’d been idiotically pining after him and the whole time he was already moving back to Nevada. Nausea swirled around in my stomach, causing me to actually clutch at my tummy in disgust.
“I… Well, I…” I didn’t know what to say to that. How do I defend what we have without making myself sound like a total crazy person? I’d been doing my best not to come across as insane, and it had happened anyway. “What happened?” I ended up finishing with lamely.
“You wouldn’t understand.” He shook his head, dismissing me completely. “I have to go.”
With that, he stormed past me, and I felt myself fall backward. He didn’t even touch me, it was just shock that caused me to tumble, but as my back hit the wall, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. This wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. It was supposed to be romantic. I was supposed to be working out whether we could have a future together.
Well, I supposed that question had been answered with a big fat no.
It was the opposite of what I wanted, and it made my heart shatter painfully in my chest, but then again, maybe it was the best thing. It was better for me to find out now, before I got in too deep, before I fell apart. It hurt like hell and made me feel sick, but it could have been a whole lot worse. He was gone now, taking any chance with him. Now it was time for me to start moving on.
I pulled the door open to see his car actually pulling away, confirming what I already knew.
I glanced back into the cabin, wondering if I should start cleaning it to get rid of any evidence of him ever being there, but my eyes were already wet. If I stayed another second longer, the tears would start to fall. For now, I just needed to go home, fix myself a big drink, and try and get rid of this empty sensation in my chest.