Part 2
Chapter Eleven
Justin – Sunday
“Holy fuck,” I muttered angrily as I walked through my house. “What the hell is this?”
It didn’t seem to matter that I’d sent my brother away to a hotel the previous night; the damage to my home was done. I hadn't noticed it when I walked in after my long drive because I was absolutely exhausted. I could barely see, I was so tired, so I’d simply staggered into bed and crashed the moment my head hit the pillow.
Maybe it was a good thing. I wouldn’t have been blessed with any sleep if I’d been faced with this. It was a fucking shambles. “Does that asshole have no respect?” I shook my head, feeling my temper start to creep through the roof.
How can Garrett live in my home and treat it like such a fucking dump? I wondered. Just because he had no respect for money and my belongings, didn’t mean he had to have no respect for me, too. After that talk we had as well, I’d been so filled with false hope. I knew that I shouldn’t have been. I already assumed that he would let me down, but to have it rubbed so violently in my face…it wasn’t cool.
As I trampled over take-out cartons, empty booze bottles, broken glass, a shattered picture from my wall, I imagined all the wild parties that must have happened here once I was gone. He was like a fucking teenager who had gone wild because his parents were out of town.
Then the door swung open, and I saw him there, looking like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, and for a split second, everything went violently red. I almost freaked out and hit him, but then just at the last second, my dad’s face filled my mind and I stopped myself.
“Sorry, dude,” he grumbled through the obvious hangover. “I was gunna tidy up last night, but I couldn’t get in.”
“Why the fuck is it like this in the first place?” I snapped, unable to keep everything inside. “Why are you treating my home like a fucking shit hole?”
“Oh, it’s your home now, is it?” he replied, sarcasm dripping from his tongue. “Last time I checked, I lived here, too.”
“You don’t contribute,” I growled. “You were supposed to be starting work this week. I know that didn’t quite happen, but you could have at least cleaned your act up a bit.”
He actually dared to roll his eyes at me, which was the wrong thing to do at that moment. Not when I was so fucking mad. “You are a lay about, lazy asshole. You don’t deserve to live here. I don’t know why I keep you. Maybe it’s just because Dad begged me to.”
With that, I spotted an instant shift in him, a whole change in his demeanor, which took me aback for a second. It was almost as if he’d crawled back into his shell, become a child all over again, and I didn’t know how to respond to that. Anger I could take, because I could lash back, but this…this was something else.
“I’m sorry,” he practically whispered, his eye shifting to the ground. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I keep screwing up.”
“I…I…” I really wanted to say something comforting, but he’d stripped the wind from my sails.
“I can’t seem to stop myself. I want to make a better life for myself, I want to do everything that you want for me…but I can’t seem to do it.”
I was stunned. I’d never seen this side of Garrett before. I hadn't ever seen him show any kind of emotions, so it really felt real. This actually felt genuine.
“I’ll help you,” I gasped at him, grappling with the chance to do something positive. “If this is something that you’re really struggling to control, then I will do whatever I can to help you.”
He nodded, but still didn’t meet my eyes. However, I did spot a tear dripping down his cheek, which tugged at my heart strings. I grabbed hold of him and pulled him in for a hug, this whole morning taking an unexpected turn. I thought I would be furious, I assumed there would be a whole lot of yelling, yet here I was holding him in my arms.
“I’ll come to work, tomorrow, I promise,” he stuttered through the emotion. “I’ll work hard. I’ll do whatever job you need me to.”
“Will you also get help?” I decided to really push the boundaries here, to find out how willing he was to change.
“It isn’t that bad,” he tried his best to tell me, pulling back to finally meet my gaze. “But if that’s what you need, then I will.”
“Okay, great, now go and get some sleep. You look like shit,” I joked, wanting to end this on a positive note. “I’ll call in a maid service and see you later on.”
He might have fucked up, on more than one occasion, but now it seemed like he really wanted to change. Of course, I would try not to get my hopes too high because I couldn’t keep having them dashed over and over again, but this finally felt more positive.
As soon as I had contacted some cleaners to come and sort the mess out, I headed back into the bedroom. I had a lot to do today, but there was something in there, calling out to me, begging me to read more. I needed to know more about Annie’s book; I was desperate to read more of the words, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do anything else until I’d consumed a bit more.
I flopped onto my bed and grabbed the book, smiling to myself with excitement. Even though I wasn’t exactly the target audience of the plot, I loved every part of it. This was a talent going to waste; this is what I wished Annie was doing with her life.
I stare at him, my heart running away in my chest as I wait for his answer. Will this be the first person in the world to believe me, or will he simply be someone else that I need to cut from my life? Everyone else has been sliced away with ease, I’ve moved on quickly without even giving them a second glance, but Logan…he’s different.
I desperately need him to trust me; if he doesn’t, I might just fall the hell apart. I love him. I might not have said that aloud, but I absolutely adore him.
To him, I might seem guarded, I might seem shut off and quiet, but inside, my emotions run so fiercely that they could easily eat me alive. Not only is he absolutely beautiful, with his long, dark, messy hair and his piercing, green eyes, but he’s good. He’s a wonderful, kind man whom I know for a fact would do anything for me. He’s unlike anyone that I’m used to, and that makes it even harder that I might be about to lose him as we speak.
I want him in my life forever more, but of course, I’m not in control of that. That’s up to him – not me.
“I can see the pain in your eyes,” he tells me, sliding his body closer to mine. His finger lightly brushes down my cheek, which has my heart rate kicking up even more.
What does this mean? What is his answer? Is this his heart-wrenching way of saying goodbye? Where will I go if it is? What can I do from here? Attempting to settle down after all that I’ve been through has been the hardest thing ever for me, and I honestly don’t know if I have the strength to do it again. “I can tell that there’s a massive, gaping hole in your heart. I don’t know what’s done that to you, but I know it’s real.”
As he speaks about that moment, I can feel myself opening up wide. I hate being vulnerable, I always have, which is why my guards are so high.
But with just a few short words, I feel like Logan can see everything. He can see why I’m afraid, he can feel the deep cuts that dig into my every organ, he can sense the way that my bones shatter with every step, the memory of my previous life pouring from every orifice. Even the parts that I don’t want anyone to ever see.
“You’re broken,” he whispers, leaning in so close that I can feel his breath tickling my cheek. “I want to fix you.”
With that one statement, I can feel myself pulling out from the muddy waters that have been threatening to drown me for a very long time. The sickness that has been swirling around inside of me for as long as I can remember eases off, just a little bit. The anxiety fades, just a tad.
“I know you didn’t kill him.”
As those final words leave his mouth, I let out a breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding. I might have dreamt about killing him, over and over again. I might have wished all kinds of things to happen to him, but I didn’t do it. I would never actually take that step. And to finally have someone see that…it’s like a dream come true.
“I love you,” I tell him, allowing everything to spill out once and for all. “I know that might be crazy, I know that we haven’t known each other very long, but I do.”
“I love you, too,” he confirms before scooping me up in his arms, changing my entire perspective of the world. Maybe with this man’s love, I can put the past behind me, I can start afresh. It won’t be easy, the scars that I have are very ingrained, but maybe, just maybe…
I stopped reading for a second, my heart pounding in my chest. There was something so real about the words written across this page, it made me wonder if maybe this related to Annie much closer than she would have me believe. I already knew that she had a daughter and there didn’t seem to be a father in the picture…maybe this was a little bit about him. Not that I was assuming she was accused of killing him, but maybe she used the emotion of whatever happened between them to make this the incredible story that it was.
I didn’t like to even think about Annie going through a hard time, but that might have been the reason that she was so cold with me when I invited her back to my hotel room. Maybe she saw me as yet another man who wanted to use and destroy her. I never wanted to be that – I just got carried away in the heat of the moment.
With that thought circling through my mind, I became even more determined that I would do what I could to invest in Annie. I’d already half decided that I really wanted to, more because of her than the business, and now I knew that I’d do everything I could to make that happen. Sure, Boffees might not be the place to make me big bucks, but I was doing that elsewhere, and if Garrett really was going to change, it wouldn’t be such a pressing issue anyway.
I would just have to find a way to convince Harry that it was the best thing for us, however much of a challenge that was going to be.
If this book was about Annie, then she’d already been through so much pain and she really deserved some happiness. Plus, that kid of hers was adorable and deserved the world. I would do it, I would find a way. I needed to.