Chapter 52
Colby
I shut and lock the door of my mother’s office behind me and the second I turn around, I’m pinned against the door and met with the crush of Lydia’s lips on mine. My dick hardening, I wrap my arms around her and return her kiss with everything I’ve got. Everything I am. After almost two months of kissing nothing but Lydia’s fingers and wrists and palms, this kiss feels like the first time. No, better than the first time, actually. I’ve never felt quite this kind of connection with anyone before, the rush of my soul fusing with its mate. After two months of getting to know each other inside and out, this kiss isn’t a kiss—it’s a communion.
“I can’t say it back yet,” she whispers against my lips. “I’ll say it back when it’s not tainted by me breaking the rules.”
“Fine. Whatever, baby. The way I said it was stupid, anyway. It’s fine.”
“But I want you to know I feel it, Colby,” she says, furiously unbuttoning my jeans. “I want you to know hearing you say those words set me on fire.” She rips open the front of my unbuttoned jeans and pushes down the waistband of my briefs and my hard cock pops out. It occurs to me this is definitely not Jane-Austen-approved behavior, but before I can muster the willpower to say or do a damned thing about that, Lydia drops to her knees before me and licks me from ball to tip.
My knees buckle. Oh, God.
For a split-second, I contemplate telling her we should wait. But that impulse passes when Lydia wraps her lips around my cock and sucks, jolting my entire body with so much arousal, all at once, I damn near explode into her mouth.
“Lydia,” I breathe. I tilt my head back against the door and concentrate hard on not losing it too fast. “Oh, Jesus,” I whisper. “It’s been so fucking long.”
Within seconds, I’m quaking, desperately trying to hang on. It’s been so long since my poor cock has been touched by anything other than my own palm, I feel like a virgin in her mouth. I breathe deeply, focusing all my energy on not coming, but when she massages my taint while continuing to devour me, I lose myself with a loud groan into the back of her throat.
When I’m done climaxing, I pull her up to me and hold her face in my palms and whisper, “Come to Maui with me. Please. I can’t be away from you, Lydia. I’m physically addicted to you.”
She skims her lips against mine and smiles. “I told you: I don’t have enough vacation time to come. That was the truth. And it’s for the best, anyway.”
That last comment pisses me off. “Why is it for the best? I just told you I love you, Lydia. I’m obviously not going anywhere. I’ve walked through fire for you. What’s holding you back now? What?”
Lydia jerks her head back, clearly shocked at my sudden show of anger. But, seriously, what the fuck? I’m not a fucking saint! How many dragons do I have to slay before this woman will finally surrender to me completely?
“What?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything.
“I just meant...” She opens and closes her mouth. “I don’t know.”
“No. Don’t chicken out now. You meant something. Have the balls to say it. No holding back. No sugarcoating. What’s got you skittish now, Lydia? Lay it on me.”
Lydia steps back. “Why are you so angry? I don’t understand.”
“You don’t understand? I don’t understand. I’ve been patient. I’ve been compassionate. I’ve put my heart on the line. Just tell me what’s left for me to do and I’ll do it.”
“There’s nothing for you to do, Colby. I just think...” She sighs. “Our relationship hasn’t been road-tested yet by you walking out the door to go to work and put your life on the line every day. It’s easy for me to be sane and calm and collected when you’re not working—when every day I know you’re safe and coming back to me. We haven’t seen how I’ll react after you go back to work and every day is a crapshoot whether you’ll live or die. I just want you to be ready for the fact that I might turn into someone you can’t love anymore when you’re finally back to doing what you were born to do. I’m scared I’ll push you away but won’t be able to stop myself.”
I gape like a fish on a line for a moment, flabbergasted. Jesus Christ. I had no idea I had this final dragon to slay before Lydia could be mine. That my last hurdle would be convincing her to take a chance on me regarding the very thing that makes me me. The one thing I’m most proud of about myself. I rub my face for a long moment, anger and hurt and panic bubbling up inside me like lava gurgling inside a volcano. Will I ever be good enough to win this woman? Or has Darren fucking Decker fucked this up for me ’til the end of time? Is she telling me in code she still might not be able to love me at the end of all this?
I grab Lydia’s face and grit my teeth, near-desperation flooding me. I have to have this woman. I literally can’t live without her. “Here today, gone tomorrow, Lydia,” I grit out, my face an inch from hers, my eyes on fire. “I love you, Lydia. At some point, you’re going to have to figure out how to take a leap of faith. Because love doesn’t come tied up in a nice little box with a ribbon around it. Love is messy and scary and full of risk. Love is risk. It’s walking on a tightrope between skyscrapers. It’s being shot out of a cannon and jumping out an airplane at thirty thousand feet and you trusting your parachute will open. And, sometimes, love is watching the one you love walk out the door and knowing he might never come home again because it’s who he is—but you’re willing to love him anyway.”
Lydia is trembling in my hands. She nods. And then throws her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry.” She nuzzles into my neck. “Don’t give up on me. I promise when you get back from Maui, I’ll be ready. I promise, Colby. I’ll get there. Please don’t give up on me. Never, ever give up on me.”