Chapter 24
Colby
“Lydia is such a mystery to me sometimes,” I say, exhaling with frustration. I’m sitting in my sister’s car as she drives me home from my physical therapy appointment, feeling like my head is going to explode. “She’s so warm and open and fun ninety percent of the time, but then there’s this other ten percent when she turns guarded and skittish on me. I can visibly see her walls going up, right before my eyes, and I have no idea why. It’s those times that I feel like there’s something big she’s dying to say, but she’s literally biting her tongue to stop herself.”
“She’s probably just worried about that employment policy you were telling me about. Maybe she’s constantly on the cusp of hurling herself at you and ripping your clothes off, and she has to fight hard to keep herself in line so she doesn’t get fired.”
“I don’t think that’s it. I think that stupid employment policy is a red herring—something for her to hide behind so she doesn’t have to face the real thing she’s worried about, whatever it is.”
“Maybe she’s been hurt by some dickhead in the past, so she subconsciously pulls away every time she feels herself going weak in the knees for you.”
I purse my lips, considering that idea. “Maybe. Whatever it is, she becomes a scared little kitten stuck in a tree.” I indicate my arm in a sling. “And, unfortunately, getting kittens down from trees isn’t something this firefighter is capable of doing at the moment.”
“How much longer before your arm is out of that sling?”
“Two more weeks. I thought that’d be my cue to make my move with her, but now I’m not so sure. I’m just getting too many mixed signals from her lately.”
“What kind of move are you thinking of making?”
I look at her like she’s a moron. “How many kinds of moves are there to make, Kat?”
“I mean, like, are you thinking of starting something purely physical with her—like a fling? Or are you wanting to start a serious relationship with her?”
Now I look at Kat like she’s got three heads. “Why on earth would I want a fling with someone as amazing as Lydia? That woman is solid-gold wife material.”
“I know, I just... I’m impressed you’re not the teeniest bit daunted by the kid-thing, that’s all. I didn’t mean to imply—”
“Wait, what?”
Kat looks perplexed. “Huh?”
“What ‘kid-thing’?” Blood whooshes into my ears as my brain processes the meaning of Kat’s words. “Lydia has a kid?”
“Well... yeah.” Now Kat’s looking at me like I’ve got three heads. “Lydia has three kids.”
“What?” I blurt loudly.
“This is news to you?”
I’m speechless. I nod.
Kat says, “But haven’t you and Lydia been talking each other’s ears off for the past month?”
I close my gaping jaw. “Are you sure about this?”
“She said so herself.”
“Lydia said she has three kids?”
“Yes.”
I stare at my sister for a long beat, trying to understand what I’m hearing and finally say, “When did Lydia tell you about this?”
Kat tells a story in which, in her version of events, for no apparent reason other than making small talk, Lydia blurted to my sister, a complete stranger at the time, that she has three kids while the two of them washed their hands in a bathroom in the hospital. And, instantly, I know it’s the same conversation Lydia told me about—the one in which Kat blurted to Lydia, a complete stranger at the time, that she’s pregnant. But, of course, since my sister still hasn’t shared her baby news with me, it makes perfect sense she edited her version of the story. Holy fuck! Is every woman in my life keeping the news of secret babies from me?
I look out the window of the car, my mind racing through all the conversations I’ve had with Lydia over the past month in which I would have expected the topic of Lydia having three freaking children to come up. “I don’t know which is mind-fucking me more,” I finally say softly. “That Lydia has three kids or that she hasn’t told me about them. It’s a tie at the moment.”
Kat says, “Aw, Colby. Don’t feel too bad about it. Lots of single moms don’t want their kids to meet a guy they’re dating until they know for sure things are getting serious with him.”
“Do lots of single moms fail to even mention they have three kids to a guy they’re dating, serious or not?”
“Probably not,” Kat admits. “But you and Lydia aren’t even dating yet, right? You’re still her patient. It could be that.”
I feel like the air just left my lungs. “True,” I say, barely above a whisper, though saying the word physically pains me. “Lydia and I aren’t dating. That fact is now abundantly clear to me.” I look out the passenger window of Kat’s car, feeling utterly deflated. I thought Lydia and I had an unspoken understanding. I thought we both knew the feelings are there, we just can’t act on them yet. I thought we were both feeling the same way... and now I’m not so sure. I run my hand through my hair, trying to get ahold of my emotions. “This sucks, Kat. This is making me think I’ve been feeling a whole bunch of intense feelings on my own. Maybe she honestly views herself as my friendly physical therapist and nothing more. Maybe she never talks about her kids with her patients and I’m just like everyone else to her.”
“No way, Colby. Lydia’s got strong feelings for you. We could all see it in the hospital, plain as day.”
“I would have sworn that to be the case back then, but now I just don’t know. Things have been weird between us since I got out of the hospital, to be honest. Way less intimate. Maybe she felt something for me in the hospital but it’s gone now. Maybe her feelings have morphed into genuine friendship and nothing more. Maybe she doesn’t know how to let me down easy.”
Kat looks sympathetic. “I can’t imagine Lydia’s put you in the friend zone, honey. What sane woman would ever do that with you? You’re literally the perfect man.”
I stare out the window, my stomach churning. “I don’t know, Kat. If I had three kids and I was interested in a woman romantically, I’d tell her about my three kids. I’d want her to know what she was potentially getting herself into if she got involved with me.”
Kat sighs. “Just ask her about it, honey. You’re both adults. Talk.”
I sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll ask her about it at my appointment on Monday. I want to do it face to face. It’s too important not to be able to see her face when she explains it to me.”
We drive in silence for a long moment, during which I’m feeling physically ill.
“You’re hurt?” Kat finally asks.
“Yeah, I’m hurt,” I say. “I’m hurt and a thousand other things, too. Confused. Rejected. Kind of angry, to be honest. I mean, I can’t help wondering: Does Lydia makes every patient feel like...?” I stop, too embarrassed to continue.
Raindrops begin peppering Kat’s windshield and she turns on the wipers. “Like what, sweetie?”
My mind is reeling. Have I been imagining my soul connection with Lydia? Do I want her to feel the way I do so badly, I’ve been seeing signals and green lights that simply haven’t been there?
“Does Lydia make every patient feel like what, honey?” Kat prompts again.
I don’t reply.
“Colby Morgan. Does Lydia make every motherfucking patient feel like what?”
I sigh and look at my sister. “Like she’s falling in love with him.” I swallow hard, stuffing down my emotion. “Every bit as much as he’s falling in love with her.”