Chapter 53
Colby
It’s been an incredible six days in paradise.
Tomorrow is finally the big day. The wedding of the century. And then it’s back to Seattle the day after that, followed by my last physical therapy session with Lydia on Monday, followed by fucking her brains out at my condo. And then... the rest of my life.
Of course, I’m dying for the sex part of that itinerary. Oh, dear God, I’m aching for it. But it’s so much more than the idea of fucking Lydia again that’s been turning me inside out this past week away from her. It’s the idea that she promised to be ready to give herself to me completely when I get back from this trip. Not just her body. All of her. And I’m scared to death, after everything we’ve been through, she’ll realize she can’t deliver on that promise, after all.
Being here this week with my entire extended family has made me realize just how much Lydia and the kids belong here, too. Indeed, as much fun as I’ve had, I never want to attend another family wedding or trip without Lydia by my side, ever again. She’s the air I breathe. My port in the storm. She’s the beat of my heart. And those amazing kids only serve to amplify the love I feel for Lydia threefold. What if Lydia ultimately decides she can’t stomach being with me because I’m a first responder? God help me, I won’t survive it.
“You’re walking really well, Bee,” Zander says, drawing me out of my thoughts.
Ryan, Zander, and I are walking along a winding pathway from the private beach to the hotel after having spent the last couple hours kayaking together. The sun is setting behind us over the spectacular aquamarine ocean. The smell of plumeria fills the air.
“Yeah, I’m almost as good as new,” I reply to Zander. But what I’m thinking is, I’ve got to get back to my room for some FaceTime-sex with Lydia.
“Lambo!” Ryan calls out next to me, and my eyes lock onto our brother-in-law-to-be about thirty yards ahead of us on a perpendicular pathway, walking with his closest crew—his twin brother, Jonas, that hacker guy, Henn, a couple of Josh’s fraternity brothers I haven’t interacted with too much this week, and, Mr. Big-Dick himself, Reed Rivers.
There are greetings. Shit-talk ensues about the corn hole tournament we all played earlier today, during which Ryan and I eked out a win over the mighty Faraday twins. And then Josh invites Ryan, Zander, and me to his bungalow for an impromptu bachelor party. “We’re just gonna smoke cigars and play a little poker,” Josh says. “Come with us. I need as much help as I can get to kick Reed’s ass. The last time we played cards, Mr. Rivers wiped the floor with me.”
Ryan and Zander accept the invitation, but I decline. It’s nothing against Josh. I’ve come to love the guy like a brother, especially after this awesome week. And the few times I’ve interacted with his core group of friends, I’ve liked all of them, too. Well, other than Reed Rivers. He seems like a douche, though, of course, I’m thrilled the guy signed my brother’s band to a record deal earlier this week. It’s just that no bachelor party poker game could ever compete with Lydia’s tits on FaceTime.
And so, I offer my regrets, wish everyone good fortune, and head toward my room on the far side of the resort.
On my way to my room, I notice my cousin Julie lounging poolside with her husband while her stepdaughter, Coco, splashes happily in the water. Perfect. I’ve been meaning to pull my cousin aside all week to ask her a few questions.
I head into the pool area and sprawl myself out on a lounger next to Julie and her sleeping husband. After ordering myself a mai tai from the roving cocktail waitress and making small talk with my cousin about today’s fun, I finally ask my cousin some questions about what it’s like to be a stepparent.
“My biggest worry,” I admit, “is that I’ll do or say something to make them think I’m trying to take their father’s place or somehow dishonor his memory.”
“They would never think that because you’d never be disrespectful.”
“But what the hell would they even call me?”
Julie laughs. “They’d call you Colby.”
I run my hand through my hair. “I’m overthinking this, aren’t I?”
“A little bit.”
“I just don’t want to screw up. Those poor kids have been through enough.”
“Colby!” Coco yells from the pool. “Will you come play dolphins with me again?”
“You bet, Flipper!” I shout back. “Just give me another couple minutes, okay?” I return to Julie. “So do you have any final advice for me, Jules?”
My cousin shrugs. “Not really. Just lead with love and you’ll be fine.”
“Colby!” Coco calls from the swimming pool. “Flipper needs her trainer!” She lets out a hilarious dolphin mating call and Julie and I laugh.
“Sounds like someone has fallen deeply and totally in love with you,” Julie says. “The same way those three kids surely have, as well. The same way everyone does when they spend any kind of time with you.” She touches my arm. “Because to know you is to love you, Colby.”
I’m genuinely surprised by my cousin’s kind words. It’s not that I have an inferiority complex or anything. I know I’m a great guy. It’s just that I’ve always been fairly quiet around Jules and our boisterous side of the family. For her to say something like that about me, she would have had to notice my quiet charms in the midst of abundant chaos, not to mention she would have had to notice me in the midst of my four gregarious siblings. “Thanks a lot,” I say. “I think the same of you, Jules.”
“Thank you.”
I take a deep breath. “Man, I’m excited to get home and start my life.”
The song blaring overhead changes from a Coldplay song to the one that’s been following me around more than any other these past few months: “Unsteady” by X Ambassadors. As I listen to the familiar song for a moment, I suddenly realize that, for the first time since the fire, it’s not telling my story anymore. And it’s not telling Lydia’s, either. I don’t care what fears Lydia admits she has about me being in a high-risk profession, the two of us are rock solid and steady as she goes now. I know it in my bones. Individually. Together. We’ve made it through the fire, literally and figuratively, and now we’re in it for the long haul.
“Colby! Pleeeeease!” Coco calls from the pool. She’s flopping around like a dolphin.
I laugh. “Coming, Flipper!” I get up from my lounger. “Thanks, Jules. You have no idea how excited you’ve made me to get back home and start my new life with my little family.”
With that, as that X Ambassadors song continues blaring, I take four bounding steps, launch myself into the air, and cannonball into the pool.